Anticipating a Bad Trip - Won't Go

[LBIJim]

Sounds like the trip is all about making the OP happy, not necessarily the grandkids.

The title of the thread, "Anticipating a Bad Trip--Wont' Go", also speaks volumes. OP appears to realize the trip won't be a good one if he has to finangle a way to get the grandkids to come.

 

[Malibustyle23]

Forgive me but I always read deeper into situations that I probably should. Because of this I must ask some questions. Have you ever asked her or her kids to return to WDW again since the trip back in the 90's? I ask because you say you have been back 50 times and have taken other kids and grandkids but no mention of asking her or hers. I assume you did but if you did not and this is the first time you are asking her then she could be offended she was never included before, holding a grudge and has sworn off Disney atleast as your partner in travel.

I told you I over think things! Be glad you aren't my DH

 

[Malibustyle23]

Sounds like the trip is all about making the OP happy, not necessarily the grandkids.

The title of the thread, "Anticipating a Bad Trip--Wont' Go", also speaks volumes. OP appears to realize the trip won't be a good one if he has to finangle a way to get the grandkids to come.

I don't agree. I think the title is referring to his DD who is anticipating a bad trip and will not go.

 

[jm106]

I'm sure I'll get flamed for this, but I would totally ask the grandchildren if they want to go-as long as you are footing the entire bill for them. If they want to go, you'll have already overcome her objections. BUT, be prepared for a backlash from your daughter..

See I dislike this simply because then kids are put on the spot and have to pick between parents and grandparents. My MIL has spoken to my kids about us vacationing with her/to see her and now, my ds(6) feels terribly guilty that we did our own trip. I now have to remind her that she has no business going around us to the kids when they do not make the decisions. Plus, we have our reasons, legitimate and likely OPS daughter does also and they should be respected.

 

[Allison]

Time to let it go. You asked, the answer was no.

She is not selfish as someone suggested. She is not wrong. Her feelings about it are different than yours. That is okay. Enjoy Disney for yourself.

And for a poster to suggest to ask the grandkids-that is very selfish and not on mom's part. Nobody should pull that trick.

 

[disneyfantotheend]

I don't agree. I think the title is referring to his DD who is anticipating a bad trip and will not go.

That is what I got from it as well. The daughter is anticipating a bad trip, so she doesn't want to go. Sadly there are people who just don't like Disney. I would do as others have suggested and try to figure a way to take the boys. Let them decide for themselves. Maybe they will feel the same way as their mom, but no way to tell until they have gone.

 

[mickeyluv'r]

It's called "holding out hope", not going against her wishes. Obviously Disney is something the OP loves and wants to share. I haven't seen anyone suggest NOT consulting her about taking the children.
I'm sure I'll get flamed for this, but I would totally ask the grandchildren if they want to go-as long as you are footing the entire bill for them. If they want to go, you'll have already overcome her objections. BUT, be prepared for a backlash from your daughter..
If you want to go more subtle, I would totally play the "I don't know how many trips I'll be able to take" card. Use your age to your advantage, otherwise, what's the point of being old?

So, ignore the daughter, then try to rally the kids against her, and make the trifecta with a guilt trip?

Booking anything against her wishes is going against her wishes. OP said in the original post, she objected and they booked it anyhow, with the expectation that her opinion would change.

The problem is not the destination, it is the OP's approach. the more I think on this, the more I think that's the real problem.

Would you see it differently, if the OP was a teacher, and the destination was dangerous in some way?

I'm not flaming you, but I really think your approach would just add fuel to the fire.

I think a far better approach would be to find a compromise the daughter likes. I mean how bad would it be to rework the trip in a way the daughter/kids would like? You catch more flies with honey...

Maybe they could find a wonderful compromise. Disney is close to beaches (TWO coasts!), tons of parks (national and state!), tons of amazing historical sites (St.Augustine) , educational sites (NASA, Tampa Aquarium), Daytona (the 500 is right about that very week!)

Maybe if the OP simply asked, the family would agree that a trip to Daytona/Kennedy Space/beach/aquarium would be amazing, with maybe a compromise short visit/day trip to Epcot.

 

[LBIJim]

That's what I think.

And she would let us take the boys, but that's really hard to work out because of school and travel logistics. That's my next plan though............ gotta work on that.

Work on what? Trying to make daughter let you take the grandkids in February?

Since you've been 50 times in less than 20 years, I'm guessing you're planning to go again after February. Why not see if another time is agreeable to Mom? She's willing to let you take them, but this February doesn't work for her for whatever reason.

 

[tndisneyfan]

That's what I was thinking too. Maybe since Disney doesn't interest her she's transferred her feelings to her boys and they're thinking any sort of amusement park is going to equate to a miserable experience. I just can't imagine a 6-year-old not enjoying rides.

As hard as it is for all of us who love Disney to believe, some people, even kids, just don't care that much for rides. Both my mom and sister do not care for rides, I guess my sister passed it on to her kids because they don't really like rides either

 

[vinotinto]

I can relate a little with your daughter. If she has limited time off from work, she probably wants to spend *her* limited vacation time doing something that she really enjoys. Even a "free" trip has costs - "time off" costs.

I think you should pursue the idea of offering to take the grandkids to WDW without her. Time it right, let her know that she could probably use the time off from the kids to do something else and let her know how happy it would make you to be able to take your grandkids to WDW before you're too old to be able to enjoy. Buy the Memory Maker, show off how much fun the kids had and maybe next time she'll be excited about joining you.

P.S. - Forgot to add, that if you are taking the grandkids, you should ask her when is a good time to do so. With school schedules and activities, it's likely that you will not be able to go during an "off" period. You'll probably have to do a winter beak, spring break, summer or Thanksgiving date. I mention this because our school district only has President's Day off - no other days off that week or the week before - so that would be a terrible time for us to go to WDW as the kids would need to miss school.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

Let me throw out a couple other possible factors:

I assume you're flying from NY while DD has to drive from NC (IIRC). Does she maybe dread the drive? (traffic, older car, only driver, etc?). While I agree 8 hours seems like a piece of cake TO ME, my couple years on the Dis have shown me that for many people that's a big deal.

Is missing school going to come into play?

Does DD have limited vacation time & already have plans on other ways to use it?

 

[OasterP]

It's called "holding out hope", not going against her wishes. Obviously Disney is something the OP loves and wants to share. I haven't seen anyone suggest NOT consulting her about taking the children.
I'm sure I'll get flamed for this, but I would totally ask the grandchildren if they want to go-as long as you are footing the entire bill for them. If they want to go, you'll have already overcome her objections. BUT, be prepared for a backlash from your daughter..
If you want to go more subtle, I would totally play the "I don't know how many trips I'll be able to take" card. Use your age to your advantage, otherwise, what's the point of being old?

I could be misreading this entirely (I haven't finished the entire thread yet), but do you mean ask the grandchildren if they want to go, BEFORE asking the mom if they are even allowed? I can tell you if one of my sons grandparents did that it would be a 100% guaranteed way to get me to NOT allow them to go. But that's just me.

 

[Angel Ariel]

Our oldest daughter is 40. The last time she went to WDW was in 1996 when she was 21. We took the whole family that year. She had a good time, I think.

Since 1996 my wife and I have been to Disney over 50 times and have taken our other two children and grandchildren a couple of times. The 1996 trip hooked us, although it wasn't out first trip. The oldest daughter has never been back and apparently doesn't want to go.

We are going back in February and I just offered to take them over President's Day, pay for rooms at Shades of Green and get their tickets. Military deals make this a little less expensive. They live south of Charlotte and the drive would be less than 8 hours.

She declined, saying that her boys don't like amusement parks. I really wanted to take my grandsons, ages 6 - 14 to Disney. At 70, who knows how many more trips we will take. I'm in good shape, but........

It's not about money, since their cost would be minimal and they make a very good living. There is just something about Disney she doesn't like and I'm not sure what it is.

She says 1. it's too expensive 2. too crowded 3. boys don't like to wait in line 4. boys don't like rides 5. takes too much planning............ normal objections and I have solutions to all of those.....

Does anyone have any comments or suggestions? I am keeping reservations in case she changes her mind, but I doubt she will.

If she hasn't been since 1996, she may be thinking of the parks as they were in 1996. She may hear you say that it's different now, but she may not really understand how it's different.

I would sit down with her and address her concerns with the solutions you have, and maybe have the Vacation Planning DVD so she can watch it herself and get an idea of what Disney is like now?

In the end, though, if she doesn't want to go there's not really anything you can do to force it without it negatively affecting the trip. If she's really against it, but the boys are willing, then I would see if she'll let you take them on your own, but beyond that they are her kids and she can make that decision for them. If she doesn't come around to at least giving Disney a chance, maybe you can do another vacation together somewhere else?

 

[snorkelyn]

One of your daughters concerns may be missing school. It's very difficult for a 14 year old to catch up after missing school.

What if you try to incorporate other parts of Disney, such as the waterparks? Or stay at a deluxe with a nice pool. Maybe a Disney Cruise. The teen lounge may appeal to the 14 year old.

I am your daughters age, and have 3 young kids. My parents take them on vacation every year. My parents love it! And the bonding time is priceless! My children feel very close to my parents and really look forward to traveling with them (although they don't go to expensive places like Disney).

Our family is the opposite of yours! We invite my parents to join US on our Disney trips! I realize time is precious.

I hope you reach a compromise with your daughter.

 

[Carrie in AZ]

I've been thinking about this some more and didn't mention it in my first reply.....

Perhaps your daughter just doesn't wish to vacation with her parents, especially if she works and has only two weeks vacation each year. That is very little time off and she may prefer to spend it other ways with other people. My in-laws once invited DH and I to go on a trip and they were SO EXCITED when they asked us. Sadly, spending a precious week of my vacation with my in-laws was not my idea of a good time. DH felt the same. We preferred to do something on our own. So we declined. They were very hurt. I wanted to ask my MIL if she would have wanted to vacation with HER MIL back in the day, and I know what the answer to that would have been.

And, my own Mom has hinted how much much she'd like to go on vacation with our family. Although I love her, her presence changes the dynamics of our family, so I prefer to vacation with just the four of us. We might do a weekend trip with her sometime, but not a full blown family vacation. Would her feelings be very, very hurt if she knew I felt that way? Absolutely.

So, as sad is it may be, your DD may be telling you they don't like Disney when the real reason is she would prefer to not vacation with you or anyone else. Maybe I am way off, but just wanted to share what has transpired in our own family.

One day DH and I will be grandparents and we would love to take our kids and grandkids to Disney with us. I hope it works out but the fact may be that our adult children and their spouses may not choose to vacation with their parents and in-laws. I won't like it but I'll understand it because I have been in their shoes.

Again, good luck with it all!

 

[Grmnshplvr]

Good luck OP!! I really hope it works out. I would not take the advice where someone suggested you try and get the kids on your side. I would be furious if anyone talked to my kids about taking them anywhere before discussing it with me. The main reason being is my answer may be no and I shouldn't be made out to be the bad guy.

 

[labfan]

You could talk to your daughter once more and tell her how things have changed since the last time she was there. And if she still is not interested ask her if you could take the grandkids. If it's not possible for the time you had originally planned, see if there's another time that is acceptable.

Or if they really are not interested in Disney see if there is another place they would like to go.

But I would definitely not ask the kids their thoughts without consulting her first. That would be putting the kids in a difficult position and would be offensive to the mother. She does need to give her approval if they go without her. And you definitely do not want bad feelings.

 

[snorkelyn]

Another thought...If your daughters vacation time is limited, and that is weighing in on her decision....perhaps she may like it if you take the kids on a trip, and allow her and her husband to take a trip alone as a couple to a different destination. I know I would love that arrangement!!

 

[kirstenb1]

That's what I think.

And she would let us take the boys, but that's really hard to work out because of school and travel logistics. That's my next plan though............ gotta work on that.

Okay, so here is your plan, right here. I understand not everyone likes WDW. Take your grandchildren.

 

[BeerMe]

Good luck OP!! I really hope it works out. I would not take the advice where someone suggested you try and get the kids on your side. I would be furious if anyone talked to my kids about taking them anywhere before discussing it with me. The main reason being is my answer may be no and I shouldn't be made out to be the bad guy.

I would never, ever even remotely consider that.