Another Wedding Gift question :)

[funhouse8]

I have a question in regard to a couple of weddings I am attending this month. My dd got married last summer and we invited some of our friends. Now their children are getting married. I figured I would give the same gift as them. They are pretty much in the same tax bracket if not higher. Well when I looked at the gifts they gave I feel it wasn't enough. Do I give the same or should I give more. What do u think? Thanks.

 

[jrmasm]

I have a question in regard to a couple of weddings I am attending this month. My dd got married last summer and we invited some of our friends. Now their children are getting married. I figured I would give the same gift as them. They are pretty much in the same tax bracket if not higher. Well when I looked at the gifts they gave I feel it wasn't enough. Do I give the same or should I give more. What do u think? Thanks.

You kept a list ? Why?

Give what you would have given if you hadn't checked your list.

 

[disykat]

You kept a list ? Why?

.

I'm guessing she checked the list her dd had for thank you notes. Doesn't everyone keep a list?

 

[funhouse8]

You kept a list ? Why?

Give what you would have given if you hadn't checked your list.

I kept a list because Inew I had these weddings coming up and I wanted to give enough. I didn't look at it till now. I guess u r right I will give what I first thought and not worry about the list.

 

[jrmasm]

I'm guessing she checked the list her dd had for thank you notes. Doesn't everyone keep a list?

If the wedding was last summer, the thank you notes should have written already.

 

[Swan4Me]

I STLL have my Wedding Book from 30+ years ago-every gift is in there!

 

[goofinoff]

Give what you can. If you are able to give more than what they gave your daughter, do that. If you aren't able to then don't. My mother's cousin gave us a pretty big check when we got married. They can afford it. Their son got married about a year and a half after we did. My parents couldn't even begin to match what they gave us. Not a big deal. My parents didn't feel bad or uncomfortable about it a bit. They gave what they could afford.

 

[trip]

I have a question in regard to a couple of weddings I am attending this month. My dd got married last summer and we invited some of our friends. Now their children are getting married. I figured I would give the same gift as them. They are pretty much in the same tax bracket if not higher. Well when I looked at the gifts they gave I feel it wasn't enough. Do I give the same or should I give more. What do u think? Thanks.

Are you saying they didn't spend enough money on your DD for her wedding? Is that how you will decide what gift to get their DD?

I have learned so much since joining the DIS about different expectations for wedding gifts depending on where you live.

 

[kirstenb1]

Give whatever you feel like. If they gave your dd a place setting, give them something similar.

 

[BillSears]

I think you're doing the right thing. Start with what they gave your DD and add more if you want to give more. Giving less might offend them and giving more is always a nice thing to do.

 

[Nancyg56]

I very seldom asked my kids what they received for a wedding gift and when I did I admit, I just really wanted to know. For me.

My DH and I give about the same for every wedding we attend. I don't care what the couple feeds us, if there is an open bar or not, or even where the reception takes place. We give our gift and call it a day.

The last wedding we attended was a splendid affair. It was way more than we could have afforded to cover with our gift and the bride's parents did not expect their guests to do so. The one prior to that, not so much. It was nice but clearly a wedding on a budget. We gave generous gifts to both couples, we loved both the women who married and that is why we attended. One gift covered way more than the cost incurred by inviting us and the other probably just covered it.

I would never had tried to figure out if we were even steven on the gift giving though, if I did that the one on the budget would really have gotten a lousy little gift. Her parents could have helped her financially bit chose not to do so and they are cheap gift givers as is she.

 

[luvmy3]

I don't decide what to give someone based on what they gave me, or my kids. I give what I want them to have because its what I want to give them. I wouldn't have even looked at the list.

 

[design_mom]

OP, I think you're making a good choice to give the gift you usually give even if your friends gave your daughter less (or more).

FWIW, I also kept the gift list that I wrote my thank-you notes from and was asked to consult it several times. I consulted it most often when my sister got married. My mother would call and say "Aunt So-and-So wants to know what she got you for your wedding, so she can get your sister something comparable." It would seems sort of ungrateful not to be able to remember, but really... except for a few special items, who could remember 4 years later!

 

[funhouse8]

Are you saying they didn't spend enough money on your DD for her wedding? Is that how you will decide what gift to get their DD?

I have learned so much since joining the DIS about different expectations for wedding gifts depending on where you live.

I am not saying that at all. I didn't even know what they gave till I looked at the list because I didn't want to come give too little. ( the grooms Mother was telling me how much they spent on the wedding today) I know what the weddings cost now and I feel I should give more. I just didn't know what to do. I didn't want them to feel bad. I should have known I was going to be misunderstood. I will give what I was going to give and not worry about it.

 

[goofyintoronto]

You kept a list ? Why?

Give what you would have given if you hadn't checked your list.

A LOT of people keep a list. No idea why. Thats just how it is. Perhaps some ppl keep a list to keep track of what everyone gave, so they know how much to give at their kids weddings etc. Or maybe some ppl keep a list for the thank you cards.

I'm guessing she checked the list her dd had for thank you notes. Doesn't everyone keep a list?

Most do, yes!

I think you're doing the right thing. Start with what they gave your DD and add more if you want to give more. Giving less might offend them and giving more is always a nice thing to do.

I agree. Start with what they gave you, and add more if you can. If you cant, then dont worry.

I am not saying that at all. I didn't even know what they gave till I looked at the list because I didn't want to come give too little. ( the grooms Mother was telling me how much they spent on the wedding today) I know what the weddings cost now and I feel I should give more. I just didn't know what to do. I didn't want them to feel bad. I should have known I was going to be misunderstood. I will give what I was going to give and not worry about it.

Oh come on, you know that on Dis everyone picks apart and analyzes everything you say.

 

[Disney Doll]

For some reason, when it comes to weddings on the DIS, people think that THEIR way is the ONLY way to do things.

OP, I understand what you mean about using their gift to your DD as a "guideline".

If I was in your situation, if what they gave to my DD was affordable for me I would at least match it, and if I felt like I wanted to do more, and could comfortably afford to do more, then I'd do more.

If what they gave was not affordable for me, then I would give what I could afford to comfortably give and call it a day.

IN MY AREA, the minimum I give as a wedding gift for DH & I is $200. If I am particularly close to the bridal couple (ie-niece, nepheew, close friend or child of a very close friend) I will give more.

 

[mdsoccermom]

I have a question in regard to a couple of weddings I am attending this month. My dd got married last summer and we invited some of our friends. Now their children are getting married. I figured I would give the same gift as them. They are pretty much in the same tax bracket if not higher. Well when I looked at the gifts they gave I feel it wasn't enough. Do I give the same or should I give more. What do u think? Thanks.

People should give what they can afford. Tax bracket has nothing to do with it, nor does the cost of the wedding. To say these people did not give enough is crass.

You give what you can afford or want to give. If you can and want to give more, wonderful. If you can't, that's fine as well.

 

[goofyintoronto]

For some reason, when it comes to weddings on the DIS, people think that THEIR way is the ONLY way to do things.

OP, I understand what you mean about using their gift to your DD as a "guideline".

If I was in your situation, if what they gave to my DD was affordable for me I would at least match it, and if I felt like I wanted to do more, and could comfortably afford to do more, then I'd do more.

If what they gave was not affordable for me, then I would give what I could afford to comfortably give and call it a day.

IN MY AREA, the minimum I give as a wedding gift for DH & I is $200. If I am particularly close to the bridal couple (ie-niece, nepheew, close friend or child of a very close friend) I will give more.

I totally agree with everything here 100%. Especially the first sentence!

Give what you can. If you can match it, great! If you can give more, even better. If you cant, dont worry!

In my area the minimum gift that ppl give is usually $200. keep in mind that the weddings here are usually in fancy schmancy banquet hall with open bar etc.

 

[mhsjax]

I am not saying that at all. I didn't even know what they gave till I looked at the list because I didn't want to come give too little. ( the grooms Mother was telling me how much they spent on the wedding today) I know what the weddings cost now and I feel I should give more. I just didn't know what to do. I didn't want them to feel bad. I should have known I was going to be misunderstood. I will give what I was going to give and not worry about it.

Ok. First of all, if you feel like you would like to give more to this couple then do so. But here is where I just totally get my mind blown, and it seems to happen up north, why in the world does it matter what the wedding costs. I give a gift out of love and friendship. What the wedding costs mean NOTHING to me. I didn't plan this wedding, they didn't consult me on it and there is no way I would ever base my gift on covering anything at a wedding that I had been invited to. I mean why not just send everyone a bill to cover their portion, it is the same thing and to me is just rude to expect someone's gift to reflect the amount that they decided to spend on THEIR wedding.

 

[mjkacmom]

Give the OP a break - this is how we roll here. When I got married, my mom wrote down what family gave me, so that she could be in the same ballpark when my cousins got married (and I'm sure her mom did the same). Actually, my parents opened up all of our cards, and deposited the checks (I left a deposit slip) when we were on our honeymoom!

OP, if you want to give more, go ahead, but not too much more. And in the future, you might want to ask your IRL friends, instead of the punch and mint crowd that hang here.