Another single mom question

[Wolfelaw]

O.K., I'm a single mom and my son (now 9) and I have stayed at a WDW resort every year for the past for five years. As he gets older, I find that it makes me a little sad to see all the "normal" families -- i.e., mom, dad, and kids -- at the resorts. I know, I know, families come in all shapes and sizes and my son and I have a great time but when I am surrounded by moms married to dads who are right there to help them entertain the kids, it just kinds of slams home the whole divorce thing (and again, it's been five years since the divorce so I've had plenty of time to get used to it).

The first few years we came, the whole WDW things was new to us and the resorts were (and still are, of course) so fabulous that it didn't bug me. But as my son gets older and mommy is no longer GOD, it's a little harder. I see my son watching the dads playing with their kids in the pool -- thowing them, swinging them, splashing them, etc. -- and I KNOW he is wishing his dad was there too (which isn't going to happen, because his dad does not understand why anyone would pay all that hard earned money to go to an amusement park). At restaurants in the resorts, again, it's usually families -- and then there we are at our little table for two.

So . . . wah wah wah, I know that I am super lucky that I can take my son to WDW every year (although I'm not sure how much longer he'll be willing) -- i just wonder if other single moms (or single dads) have run into this feeling at the resorts? Not that I begrudge the families their togetherness for a second-- I guess it's just that I am really reminded at WDW that I am, in fact, a SINGLE MOM, where as most other times and places I just feel like a mom. But I still love WDW and keep coming back, so obviously the occasional sadness is more than made up by the magic.

 

[drp4video]

I am a single mom, widowed 5 years ago when my daughter was 11. She had never been to WDW so she and I started an every year trend. Sometimes I go with another mom and her child, or sometimes only my daughter brings a friend. I know she misses her dad, but by bringing a friend, she has a great time. I am the one who gets lonely tho, when they go off and splash in the pool. For the first time, we are going for NY's just the two of us. I love that we have the Disney bond, and it has continued long past when I thought it would.

 

[Nette1]

Well Ms. Single Mom:
Just wanted to shed some lite on your situation. I too am a single mom and I love every bit of it!!! My son is now 14 years old and his father and I have not been together for over 8 years....
We have a great relationship and we travel when we can. I think my son and I have done more enjoyable things then when his father was a part of the family anyway....
We eat out at least once a week and we see families with fathers but it doesn't bother us. I strongly recommend that you build a solid relationship with your son and forget about what other families look like. Enjoy the one-on-one time that you spend together and create family fun for the two of you.... By the way disney rides and most amusement park attractions have rides for two people only anyway !!!
My son and I are leaving for a disney cruise on 11/30/03 and we can't wait.... My least concern is seeing families with fathers, we enjoy traveling and vacationing with each other. I know what he likes and he knows what I like.... We've included family members and friends occasionally but its always more fun when the two of us get together and spend quality time together.... I guess what I'm trying to say is just make the best of your situation, because there are families with fathers that never get an opportunity to do anything. And besides that my might just find a decent guy on one of your travels

Good luck and keep having fun!!!!!

 

[safetymom]

Another single widowed mom here. My kids and I enjoyed WDW because we felt like we didn't have to have a Dad to enjoy ourselves. It was one place that we blended in.

When it first happened 8 years ago the best thing I did was take the kids to WDW. The look on their faces when we went to the park was priceless.

Don't worry about what you don't have and it will be great. My kids have turned out great. We are still enjoying WDW.

 

[pogo123]

I too have been divorced 6 years now. I've been to wdw many times since then w/ my now dd/11. To the op, I understand completely what you mean. I see all the families and can't help to think what "was". Then I think, overall we are 100% happier apart than staying married. My dd doesn't seem to mind, as wdw is "our thing". She does other things w/ her dad.

The only thing that happened was when I first went solo, she was about 5, I way overdid it. We were out all day, coming back late, I had a packpack, a bunch of bags (hellooo? room delivery??? I use it now!), no stroller and I just couldn't carry her. She broke down and said she wished dad was here b/c he could carry her. Which of course made me break down, I just sat on the steps and wahhahahed! Of course this was very new in our divorce, the papers weren't even signed yet. Anyway, an older couple must have been watching the meltdown evolve, and they came up to me on the stairs and offered to help, I said no, they insisted, they carried my bags & I carried dd. He told me to stay strong and quoted a little "Always look on the bright side of life" and even did a little "do do, do do dit doot dit doot" (anyone who hasn't seen monty python's Life of Brian" won't get this). I got it and it made me laugh. I always think of that guy whenever I get down. He also told me to not try to take on everything, if I need help, ask for help! Which I do now also. We have had the most wonderful trips since then.

Another thing was for a couple of years it seemed the cm would always say "just the 2 of you?". I fianlly snapped one day and said, "Is there something wrong w/ being just the 2 of us?!?!" Of course he said, sorry I was just getting a count, and of course I felt bad. I did write a letter to tell them they should have the cm ask how many instead of saying what he said. I don't know if anything came of it, or if I'm just not as sensitive now, but I don't hear it near as much.

Well that was rather long winded, but I wanted to let you know to just remember that you aren't alone, there are other single mom's out there, and to keep focusing on the positives! Enjoy this time you have w/ ds, I'm sure he remembers them as special. And have a great trip!

 

[NMAmy]

I can really sympathize. I have since remarried, but I was a single mom for several years. We did Disneyland every year before the divorce. I decided to go ahead and continue the tradition after the divorce--just the two of us.

It was actually very healing. I had unlimited time to concentrate solely on my child and it was the first time we had had fun and laughed since it all began.

Now we've moved across the country and my new husband and I have started a WDW tradition with my daughter. It was actually kind of difficult for my daughter to adjust to having to share me--she preferred having all of mom's time and attention. He is a wonderful man who adores his stepdaughter and they now have certain things they like to do at WDW -- just the two of them.

Not to get all preachy--but just enjoy the closeness and fun the two of you can share with each other. He'll always remember the great times he had with his mom and not the little inconveniences that can arise from vacationing without another adult around.

 

[NTDIANE]

I AM ALSO A SINGLE MOM OF A 13 YR OLD DD, WHO HAS NOT SEEN HER FATHER FOR 11 YRS, WHEN SHE WAS YOUNGER HE DID NOT WANT TO BE PART OF HER LIFE AND NOW SHE WANTS NOTHING TO DO WITH HIM. WE HAVE BEEN GOING TO WDW AND OTHER PLACES SINCE SHE WAS 2 YRS OLD MOST OF THE TIME ALONE. I DON'T THINK IT BOTHER MY DD SOME TIMES I THINK IT BOTHERS ME MORE, I LOOK AROUND TO SEE IF THERE ARE OTHER MOTHERS ALONE THERE DD OR SON, I DON'T REALLY SEE MANY. ONCE A FEW YEARS AGO MY DD AND I MEET THIS FAMILY MOTHER FATHER AND 2 CHILDREN, MY DD PLAYED WITH THEM THE FATHER WAS TEACHING THEM TO SWIM AND ALSO INCLUDED MY
DAUGHTER WITH SHE LOVED, THEN WE WENT TO MK LATER WITH THEM, THE LONGER I HUNG OUT WITH THIS FAMILY I NOTICED HOW THE CHILDREN WERE SCARED OF THE FATHER TO THE POINT WHERE THEY WOULD LOOK AT HIM EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE TO SEE IF THEY WERE DOING ANYTHING WRONG, AT THAT POINT I SAID THAT GOD MY DAUTHER DOES NOT HAVE TO LIVE FEARING OF HER FATHER, AND MAYBE IT IS BETTER SOMETIMES TO BE ALONE AND HAPPY WITH WHAT YOU HAVE.
DIANE

 

[CanesFan30]

I'm neither widowed, nor divorced. Unfortunately for him, my son's father has abstained from any involvement in my son's life- which does make for some anxiety inducing moments on my end (i.e. can I love him enough to make up for his father's absence?, will he somehow place blame on me when he's older and rebel more than your average teen boy does?) but it also eliminates other tense moments. One of the joys of being a truly single parent is that you don't have to worry over fighting with another on the "proper" way to raise a child-- in the case of making the WDW trip, I don't have to worry over his dad questioning my judgment in spending over $100 at a gift shop or allowing Spence to ride the Buzz Lightyear over and over.

As with anything, you have to focus on the bright spots. I'm sure that although your DS will notice other dads playing with their boys, he'll do so knowing in his heart that all the love, kindness, hard work and energy you've bestowed in bringing him there all the more makes up for any short tosses in the air by male arms.

Parenting solo is hard work, it's a selfless task- but just remember as you're giving more and more love, so too do you receive. All the smiles, hugs and joy he expresses during his trip will be yours and yours alone to enjoy and savor.

 

[clutter]

Single mom here, and I'm the total opposite. I see so many families that make me so GLAD that it's just the two of us . Sure, there are wonderful happy families, but there are a lot of miserable ones, too. It's the luck of the draw what we start with, but it's what we do with it that counts.

Perhaps it's your ds' growing up that you're responding to. You seem to have assumed he's wishing his dad was there, when he might just be wishing for any playmate, his dad or others. Maybe he's just wishing his dad WAS like that when he's with him.

As my 6 1/2 yo dd gets bigger, I'm thinking that we will be asking friends to join us on 'some' vacations. I think it'll be good for both of us.

 

[Robmom]

I can relate. I went with my DD, in 2001. She was then 9. I hated looking around and seeing the "families" when it was just the two of us. I hated the fact that I was divorced and that we were alone. But we had a great time and I would do it again. Incidentally, I am back with DH, so we can all go together next time. But, things will get easier for you. My neighbor is divorced and goes with her son every year and they do fine.

 

[MamaKate]

JUST GO AND HAVE A GREAT TIME!!

If you worry about it too much it might ruin your trip subconciously.

I'm a single mom of DD 6 1/2 & DS8 and if there dad came with us, I know we wouldn't have 1/3 as much fun. There dad doesn't understand the whole MAGIC concept and always ruins it for me and the kids.

Even though their father and I are divorced we still go on trips together as a family (especially to Disneyland, we all have AP's) and after a weekend, we've had enough of his attitude. He even offered to go with us to WDW on our next trip and I told him even if he paid for everything, there is no way we could spend over a week together.

I enjoy the freedom of planning everything with my kids and not having another adult influence our choices.

GO AND HAVE FUN !

Katie

 

[musicmom3]

I am the single mom of three kids and I have often felt that the rest of the world travels by Noah's Ark...two by two. Many times at WDW, however, I've seen so many unhappy looking spouses that I was glad I was in my one-person kyack! My kids and I travel to WDW as often as we can and it has become a family tradition with us. As many of the posters here have expressed, enjoy what you have and the opportunity to spend it in the Magic! If the mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!!!!!

 

[Lewski709]

I am not a single parent but as a single child going to Disney with my parents as a teenager, became a drag. Don't get me wrong, I loved Disney then too. The problem was my parents couldn't keep up with me AND didn't want to do the stuff I did.

My sophomore yr in H.S. they let me bring a friend. It was the best Disney trip ever for everyone and I can't tell you how much I appreciated my parents allowing it to happen. I still distinctly remember the laughs we had as a group and the great times my friend and I had. We did our thing and met up with them at Dinner. Sometimes, we went to the parks alone and they went to do thier thing.

Her parents did not have the $$ to pay for her trip so my mom hired her for cleaning so she could earn her way to Disney.

Anyhow.....maybe you could let DS bring a friend. He won't notice so much that dad isn't there and MOM, you RULE! in his eyes.

 

[Noni]

My DD and I went alone when she was 4. We had a wonderful time. Her dad likes to sleep late. Doesn't appreciate the magic of Disney. (He thinks its an amusement park!) And doesn't like to spend money. And he certainly didn't understand why I had to get up at the crack of dawn 90 days from the trip to call and get a reservation for Cindy's. (Got one.) The joy of going to Disney is going with someone who truly appreciates it...a child or a child at heart. Someone who thinks they are going to a hot crowded amusement park, doesn't need to go with me. That said, I do envy the families where both parents are really into the spirit of a Disney vacation.

We are going again this June but this time with a girlfriend of mine who loves Disney.

 

[summerrluvv]

I'm a newly single mom and recently took my four year old to WDW alone and loved every minute of it. We could eat where we wanted to eat, do what we wanted to do, get up early etc. In the past my husband went with us and boy was that a drag!! I said if we can't get along at the happiest place on earth...then it will never work out!! 4 months later we were separated LOL.

It did feel a little weird at times at sit down places (like character meals) with just him and I. I look like I'm about 16 (I'm 27) so I just felt like people were probably thinking..."awww that poor teenage mom all alone with her kid and no wedding ring" LOL.

It also made me feel very independent and grown up as well. I planned the whole trip alone and travelled alone with him and didn't have any problems. I'm pretty proud of that!!

 

[Wolfelaw]

Thanks, everyone, for sharing your thoughts. I knew I wasn't the only single parent to take my kid to WDW, and it's nice reading about others' experiences. I do have a great time with my son, most of the time, and I know that like some of the posters said, I sure wouldn't be having that good of a time if his dad was with us, because we would constantly be trading unpleasant comments -- it's definitely more relaxing emotionally this way.

It's easy to romanticize the past, or think how much better things would be if only . . . I will try to remind myself to just enjoy what I have, which I know is a lot more than a lot of people have and I am (usually) grateful. We're actually going again in four weeks -- just for a few days and staying off site (DTD Hilton), and then doing Universal for a few days-- and now I'm ready to face those parks full of families with a great (or at least better) attitude.

 

[CalGal]

Hi Wolfelaw and all Single WDW moms,

My 13-year-old son's father died when my DS was four. The two of us have gone to DLR or WDW some 16 times since DS was two. Of course it saddens me that I am unable to give my DS the perfect family and the perfect life. We all want that for our chidren. But when I am at Disney with my son, I am reminded of how much I am able to give him. The days we are at Disney, I forget the homework and the other stresses of raising a child alone and I think my DS forgets how annoying I can be to him. I truly believe that he does and will continue to cherish the memories we make together on these vacations almost as much as I do. I know your son will cherish the memories you are making together too.

By the way, the least enjoyable of our many trips to DL/WDW was one I shared with a man I was dating and his two children. My DS and I didn't have the same flexibility we are used to, and the children were fighting amongst themself a bit.

One more thought. Do you ever realize how many of the heroes of the Disney stories come from single family homes? Our children are survivors. They rule!

 

[Alison Wonderland]

This is an inspiring thread--I have experienced everything that has been mentioned here--from the cast member's "Where's the rest of the family--I just keep seeing you two", to wondering if my son wishes he had a dad to play with him in the pool, to watching a jerk be mean to his wife and kids and being glad I don't have to live like that. I swear I thought I was the only single mama who brought her boy to DW but I can see there are lots more out there!

 

[Teri Zolman]

I can empathize with the single parent situation. I am married but by husband is in the Army. I feel single alot. I took my kids to WDW Christmas 2001. The trip was planned as a family trip. Do to 9/11 he could not go with us. We were sad and concerned that we would go home and he would be off around the world somewhere dangerous. I grew up with a single mom. She never made us feel like anything was missing. I would say make things in your family seem like that is normal. I agree with the bringing a friend idea. I have two kids a year a part so they amuze each other. The trips when it is just me and the kids, I usually ending up stricking a confersation with other moms there alone with there kids, a few times the kids ended up riding a ride together eand we adults sat on a bench and chatted. Just don't feel like you are depriving your son from anything because of this situation. You are doing the best you can and try to be happy with that.

 

[twinmomplus2]

I am with you on this one!!!! My sister has this thing she looks for at Disney that she calls the 2pm. Mom and Dad fight. At first I thought she was just being ultra cynical. Trust me take a look around at about 2pm. I guarantee you will see it. It usually starts like this The kids are tired getting bratty. Parents are annoyed and they start to argue, Dad is mad at Mom for not controlling the kids. Dad storms off. We see this every single day. Of course it's a joke with us but its there. I am so glad I do not have to deal with that!!!!! I have been married 17 years, And have done Disney twice a year since then, My Husband has gone exactly once! when I am in Disney I am there for my children. I couldn't give a rats fanny if Dad wants us all to wait an hour with him while he waits for space mountain..... Never again! I make a concerted choice to take them alone. Because the trip is about them!
As others have suggested. It makes a big differance to have another adult to talk to. I always travel with an extended group. Nana, aunts, Uncles, While I am 90% on my own they are there to pinch hit in an Emergency for me. And having an extra adult ear is great. The best rip we ever took was when my older DD was 5, My best friend and I took both our 5 year olds, we shared a room and had the best time together, Its remains one of my fave trip memories. Theres lots of things to consider. Please don't feel his experience is diminished take a good look around perhaps its enhanced! His glass is half full not half empty. he has a mother that loves him, He is a step ahead. not behind.