Another OT topic. Anyone "redshirt" their child for kdg?

[mom2aredhead]

I copied/pasted most of this (mine) from a previous thread where this came up...which can be found here.

http://www.disboards.com/showthread.php?t=1821341&page=4

My birthday is 10/28 and I grew up in a town where the cutoff was 10/31. I was always the youngest in my class. I always did well in school, had lots of friends, and did not suffer any long lasting damage from starting kindergarten at age 4, or high school at age 13. Honestly, the ONLY time it bothered me was when my friends started getting their driver's licenses and I had to wait a few months, and that was just plain teenage jealousy. I was fine. I went to college (at age 17) graduated and have had a pretty good life.

My son's birthday is in November, and we have a 12/31 cutoff here. That's telling me that the schools expect some of the children coming in to kindergarten to be 4 years old. Kindergarten is full day.

We also have a free Universal Pre-K, for all children age 4 - that's 2-1/2 hours/day. My son did really well in pre-k - knows everything he's "supposed to" and then some - he's starting to read, has no social issues, lots of friends, invited to lots of playdates, works well with the other kids, and has no behavior issues at all. I asked his pre-k teachers several times if I should be concerned about him being on the younger side, and the answer was a resounding no. So I sent him to kindergarten, before his fifth birthday. And he just got his first report card, where he was at or above grade level in everything...reading, writing, socially, behaviorally no issues at all.

Yet according to a lot of advice I read here, I should have held him back simply because of his age, because somewhere down the road he may have maturity issues. Well, somewhere down the road, the kids that started school late and are bored 18 year old high school juniors may have behavior issues too.

I personally don't agree with holding them back, unless you know you are going to be moving during the course of the year to a district that has a different cutoff. Obviously, there are cases where kids are delayed in one area or another, and if they're evaluated by the proper people and it's determined that they'd benefit from a another year of pre-k...well that's an entirely different story.

We all want what's best for our children, and the schools do their best to do that as well...and it's easier for them to do that if the kids in the class fall within a specified age range. If the school is expecting kids that are 4-5, and the curriculum is geared toward them, I would not want my 4 turning 5 year old in a class with a child that just turned 6 who is there because their parents decided to hold them back for "maturity" reasons. I mean, honestly - show me a "mature" 5 year old...there are none! Now this older child will potentially be taking resources (ie teacher's time) away from my child because the older child maybe isn't being challenged by the curriculum, or because the teacher has to discipline the older child who is bored because they really belong in the higher grade.

I know people love to say "studies show" this, and "it's been shown" that - but frankly, (my opinion only) I think the kids that are being kept back may be "thriving" because THEY'RE DOING SCHOOL WORK A YEAR BELOW THE GRADE LEVEL THEY SHOULD BE IN! In other words, don't hold your kid back, then say he/she is gifted because they really should be a grade higher with their peers. I would have done really really well on the SAT's if I took them my freshman year in college, but that wouldn't be fair to everyone else, and it wouldn't be a true measurement. I probably would have done really good on the U8 soccer team at age 9 too.

 

[ilandrazdsw]

OUr DS is 5 (July baby) and in the 1st gr. We live in the Bahamas where they do not have K, but have to be registered for schooling at 5. We are dealing now with issues of handwriting. He is smart, but seems to lack maturity to really focus on some aspects of his work. Fortunately we will be moving back to the US this spring/summer! DS will be repeating gr 1 next year to be with his age group & to have this extra time to mature.

I suggest taking a day or 2 to visit the new class (maybe a day with and a day without DS). Schedule some time with one of his possible teachers to talk about curriculum and her experiences with students. Possibly by you & DS meeting a "big school" teacher and seeing where he will attend school may settle any fears.

But do what you think is best for you DS. You know him best so if you don't think he is ready and keeping him back is best that is OK! Another option could be to have him repeat K if he needs more time before 1st.

Good Luck!

 

[dznygurl]

We held our DS5 back this school year, and we are extremely confident that we have done the right thing. His b'day is in July. He has speech issues (doesn't actually qualify for speech help, but was diagnosed from his ENT with speech delay). He was so immature compared to the other kids in his class. He's a tall child, but spoke and acted so much younger. My DD is a July baby as well. We never had any concerns about her, so we didn't hold her back.
We just told DS5 at the end of PK4 last year that because his b'day is in July he had to do PK4 with the other teacher before he could go to Kindergarten. He bought it with no complaining at all. He sees his old friends at lunchtime and doesn't get upset at all. He's very excited to talk about going to Kindergarten next school year.
I am a first grade teacher, and I see it too many times....Kids that do not belong in first grade yet. Some of them start in August at the age of 5. Our cutoff is Sept. 30. They can't write/spell their name....some can't even recognize their name. Their parents give the excuse of "we were hoping that you'd catch them up". Once kids are behind, it's SOOOOO hard to catch them up. First grade is very fast paced.
If you decide to hold your child back a grade, do it early. Kids don't usually notice at a very young age. If you wait too long (like 2nd or 3rd grade), that could really bother them.

 

[HugsForEeyore]

This might sound awful, but from the OP's description, I would hold back based on size alone. I was the shortest kid every year in school (my adult height I think is barely five feet), and I was picked on mercilessly for years because of it. Yeah, I am 40 now and I still remember the teasing well! My short size made me a target over something I couldn't change (this was the 70's though, maybe kids are nicer about size today?). Unfortunately sometimes other kids need to put someone down to raise their own social status, and an easy target like a small kid can be it.

Also where I live, it is encouraged to hold back boys born in June, July and August and September (cut-off is October 1st). All parents want their kids to be the best - lots of friends and well-accepted by peers, excelling in sports, and tops of the class academically. Waiting to start school usually gives an advantage to these desired things. Most parents here see far more pro's than con's when deciding to wait a year.

 

[summermac]

The size thing isn't (that) important to me b/c honestly he'll probably still be one of the smallest even if we hold him back. I just think that + the possibility of him not being mature enough could make for a bad mix. Heck, when I was in FOURTH GRADE, there were kdgers bigger than me. My youngest sister just went over 110 lbs and she's 20. So yeah, we're small.

 

[wooster5]

I am shocked and constantly suprised by people. Who on earth gives anyone the right to project their opinion of other's parenting on them? If you want to hold your child back, by all means do so. It is your child!!
You are the one raising, nurturing, loving that little body, noone else!!
My son had an August birthday and did not make cut off, so is in kindergarten as a 6 year old, by the districts choosing, not mine. Boy am I grateful too, he wasn't ready last year. I am his mom, I know this, not anyone on this board. You go with your gut and do what you feel is right.
I have another coupld of children coming up with May birthdays, and I may hold them back a year, because I want to. Because I have personal reasons to do that, and that is ok!!
Always trust your "mama" instincts. People project their opinions quite harshly around here, take them with a grain of salt.

 

[carj]

My daughter turned 5 at the end of July with a Sept 1 cut-off date.

She is my youngest and so she will always be my baby but it seemed to me that she was less mature than her peers. I talked with her preschool teacher and she couldn't believe that I felt that way. She told me to come and observe her in class when I wasn't around. I went and I couldn't believe how different she was without mom there to "baby" her. She was right in the thick of everything!

I ended up sending her this year but I was still a little nervous. Our public school is awesome and the expectations are extremely high. Not only has she done amazingly well but after Christmas we had her tested for the gifted and talented program and she qualified.

I know that everyone has different experiences and I think that it is important to do the best to make an informed decision for your child.

 

[Aristomommy]

I would ask your child's preschool teacher, because they interact with this age group and assess readiness all day long. I know many parents that are happy for red-shirting, but is there really anything else to compare to with that child? Of course not. In some cases it is necessary, but kindergarten teachers are used to children with all levels of maturity and readiness. DD started kindergarten at 4 and we had no issues. She is now in 5th grade and has been subject accelerated to higher grade levels in math and LA. She would have suffered if we had sent her "on time" but that wouldn't work for every child either. The decision was based on our gut feeling and pre-k teachers recommendation. DS will be 5 when he starts kindergarten and that will be good for his maturity and readiness level. In his pre-k class this year are children who are beginning to read and those who are learning colors and shapes. All are encouraged to learn at their level of readiness and I expect kindergarten to be the same.

 

[Mickeyherewecome123]

I would say go with your gut. You know best.
Our twin boys turned 5 at the very end of August and we opted to NOT put them into Kindergarten this year. They are in their third year of preschool (1st year was 2 days a week and the 2nd and 3rd years are three days) We had them screened last year and their prek teacher said they were totally ready for kindergarten, but as a mom I knew the right decision was to wait another year. I knew from day one when they were born that I would probably not send them to Kindergarten at the begining of 2008, because they were born 10 weeks premature, which means their birthday wasn't suppose to be until November, so they wouldn't have gone to Kindergarten until the begining of 2009. I feel like I did the right thing. My boys have matured soooo much in the past 9 months or so.

Good luck in making your decision.
Fran

 

[Leajess99]

Hahahaha, okay I hate that term but that seems to be what they're calling it these days.

My son will be 5 in June. He's a small kid and probably will be smaller his entire life. Both DH & I are small people. My DH doesn't even weigh 130 lbs.

Honestly though it's not about the size as much as it his I worry about his maturity level. He's very independent & very loving as well as pretty smart, at least I think so. But he still cries at preschool dropoff and we're in our 2nd year. During their two programs they've had so far this year, he's hidden and cried and thing is, he's not a shy kid. It's weird.

I'm trying to figure out what to do and I'd like any & all opinions! Thanks.

I have a dd with a May birthday and she started school on time. There was no way holding her back would have been beneficial even though she was immature. She is now in 5th grade and 6th grade Math and the youngest in her class. My youngest has a little friend that just started Kindergarten this year with her and he only turned 5 in September. His mom chose to place him in Kindergarten now and if she feels he is struggling in the end she will hold him back. In my opinion it would be better for him to be held back in Kindergarten if he needs it than spend another year in preschool. You said he is "pretty smart" so holding him back may not be beneficial to him at all. As for crying when he gets dropped off at preschool, have you discussed this with his teacher?? The reason I ask is because if something has happened it could be why he gets upset going to preschool. It may also just be that he gets bored in preschool and does not like being there.

 

[jenjersnap]

Yes, I held my middle DS, whose bday is in July, back this year. He is in a kindy transition program.

I didn't hold back my oldest whose birthday is in June and it remains our most gut-wrenching parenting mistake. I didn't know better because he was my oldest but, in our town, most summer boys are held back. He is extraordinarily bright - reading by 3.5 and consistently tests well above grade level in all subjects - so everyone told us he should go. But his emotional maturity lags behind the other boys, several of whom are more than a year older, and he has so much trouble relating to them. It's made him so distressed and unhappy, he's been in therapy for nearly two years. He doesn't have any friends though he is a kind, sweet soul (girls love him). It's just he still enjoys creative, imaginative play while the boys in his class have moved into organized play like sports which he is indifferent about.

I imagine the jr high years are going to torture for him. The idea makes me sick, to be honest. I wish I'd done a better job protecting him and thinking long-term (way more important than kindy readiness, IMO) when he was five.

My second is a total opposite from his big brother - he's a social smoothie but academics are going to be a struggle and he has a speech articulation disorder. He's near graduation from therapy though so this year was a gift to him as he'll have no IEP in elementary school nor will he have difficulty being understood by his teacher or peers.

Your own instincts are most important, Make sure you understand your school district's "culture" on this subject. Good luck!

 

[mommyof3rookies]

My oldest ds was born in June, he went to kindy when he was 5, after 2 years of preschool, he excels in everything he does. My second ds was born in March, again went to kindy when he was 5, actually he was 5 1/2, again after 2 years of preschool, he's now in 2nd grade and just really maturing to other 7 and 8 year olds. I WOULDN'T change anything. Because while he has taken more time to mature he has also learned VERY valuable lessons, not only acedemically but also life lessons. He knows he has to work harder at almost everything, but he now taking pride in how far he's come. You should enroll you child in kindy, if at the end of the year he has to be held back, so be it, but give him a chance. Children do alot of maturing in kindy! I think alot of kids that are held out of kindy are truly ready but their parents aren't.

 

[mom2att]

My boys both have August birthdays in a state with a Sept. 1 cutoff. One was ready for K at just turned five, the other was not. "Readiness" is totally dependent on the individual child, and you as the parent know your child best. Just make the decision you think is best and stick with it. Honestly, as an adult it's really not going to make a bit of difference--I don't have any idea whether my friends started K at 4, 5 or 6, but we all turned in to happy, productive adults regardless.

 

[nessz79]

We've been struggling with this issue, too. My son's birthday is in late August and the cut-off here is Sept. 1st. I keep going back and forth. He's had a few problems this year with hitting peers in his class. However, this has never happened before in a school setting (he was in preschool all last year and no problems) or in his church class. So anyway, he seems to be making some progress and that's the only reason I would hold him back is for emotional/social maturity reasons.

Academically he is doing very well. He already knows all his letters even though he hasn't been taught all of them yet. He knows all his numbers, etc. He catches on to things very quickly.

He's very social, and aside from this recent hitting thing (which I am hoping is a strange phase), he gets along very well with the other children.

We will likely start him in the fall. I have talked to my older son's Kindergarten teacher and she thinks he would be fine. I'm not sure if I would talk to my current preschool teachers as I think they are part of his recent hitting issues (not enough supervision, it seems). Anyway, long story, but I know what you are going through!

I would worry about the still-crying thing, too. See if you can nip that this year during preschool. What have you tried?

 

[mom2princessj]

I would do what your gut is telling you to do. I honestly wish my ds has a summer b-day so he'd be 6 or very close to it (dd's bday is in Oct so she'll be 6 right after school starts this year). when I see him interact with other boys his age I can tell his maturity is behind where I think it should be. His b-day is later this month so he's well beyond the cut off. I will still make a determination though by 2010 whether I feel he's really emotionally/socially ready for kindergarten. He's in preschool now and I've yet to be in his classroom so I'm unsure how he's behaving (they tell me he's good but who knows ). He'll spend one more year in preschool then it will be a decision we have to make. It won't be about his intelligence level but about his level of maturity. Right now he still cries about everything and can't for the life of him figure out how to share or take turns. Hopefully I'll see a big improvement on that next year.

To each their own. Having a girl and a boy I do see quite a bit of difference in maturity. This past Oct my dd would have been ready for K. She's very mature and well behaved along with being advanced academically. She'll probably be fairly bored in K next year. My ds though is very very immature and is well behind where my dd was at this same age (common though for boys to be a year behind girls maturity wise according to my ped). All you can do is make the best decision for your child based on what you know. I'm sure whatever you decide will be the right decision!

 

[1hero2princesses]

It also depends on what your kindergarten entails. Ours is all day everyday. In kindergarten you go the same amount of time as you do in 5th grade. My DS is Sept and our cutoff is Sept 1st here so he will be almost 6 when he starts kindergarten and I am very glad for that. My girls are April and May so they will be a lot younger than he was and I think it will be a hard transition for them. FYI I started kindergarten at 4. I made the cutoff where I lived by a week and half. I was always the youngest. I was not as mature as the other kids. Honestly socially I don't know that I completely caught up till college. It depends on your kids but I don't think there is anything wrong with being a little on the older side.

 

[mommyof2princesses]

The decision to hold a child back is a very hard decision. I am glad, at this point, I haven't had to make that decision. It seems to be the thing to do around here. Although, growing up, we went to school when we were at the age the school required and no one seemed to quesiton it. Maybe schools require too much of children now...I don't know.

I do know that I would be up in arms too if I had to make the same decision. dd #2 just turned 5 in sept and would have went to kindy. However, we homeschool and she is actually doing 1st grade already. She is very smart and loves to learn. She can read just about anything you put in front of her and loves to do many activities. however, I believe she is very immature. I don't see her sitting in a classroom doing school work all day. She would be bored, and she just isn't that kid! If I had to send her to public school I wouldn't even know what to do.

That being said. This decision is such a personal decision. I would definitely talk to his preschool teacher. Does he go to Sunday School? Another great place for advice! Also, take him on a tour of the school. Talk to the principal and a kindy teacher and even a guidance counselor at the school. Be informed to make an educated decision about your own child. Good luck.

 

[brymolmom]

It really is encouraged around here - to hold back those kids (especially boys) who have summer birthdays. It has everything to do with emotional development, and most boys need that extra year. There are boys in my DD's kindergarten class that really should have been held back. Those that turned 6 the summer before K are so much better adjusted! I have heard people on these boards who get angry at other parents that do it, but I would not even hesitate! Again - encouraged around here. The teachers know how that year can make a difference!
On a side note...there is one boy in her class that has a March birthday, and they held him back just so he could be good in sports. He is twice the size of most of the class, and is just plain bored. He is constantly in trouble...the class bully, essentially. It was just wrong, and hopefully his parents recognize that now. His mom works at the school...asked his teacher if she thought he had ADHD. The teacher just said "no". He has behavior problems because he is bored and really should be with kids his own age!! Very frustrating! The teacher has to stop her lessons almost daily because he is so disruptive...and my DD gets angry because then they can't do some of the other fun stuff.

Now you are joining us as 'one of the people on the boards who get mad about it' and you illustrated our point perfectly with your example. There are too many 'should be in first grade really' kids who are mucking up the Kindergarten classroom for those who truly belong there. They are too old to be there and obviously know way more than 4 and young 5 year olds (not because they are brilliant, simply from living longer). And it doesn't matter whether what reason the parents are doing it - if there is an actual reason or just the vague 'not ready'.

To the OP - if your child is an average 4 year old in terms of maturity - that is what your Kindergarten is geared toward. If he is way below 'normal' - then maybe consider it (and work with a doctor on it). But really, when the cutoff is Dec. 1st as it is here - kids who are 4 and young 5 are SUPPOSED to be in that classroom and they are SUPPOSED to act like normal 4 and 5 year olds - which does not include extreme emotional maturity yet.

 

[Fiveisaparty]

My son will be 3 June 28th, but I have already decided to hold him back. I'll send him to a private transitional kindergarten (no public option here) when he is 5. I don't really see any disadvantages to it. My other son has a Jan birthday so he will go at 5.

Autumn

 

[brymolmom]

My son will be 3 June 28th, but I have already decided to hold him back. I'll send him to a private transitional kindergarten (no public option here) when he is 5. I don't really see any disadvantages to it. My other son has a Jan birthday so he will go at 5.

Autumn

What about if he is so advanced and ahead on the material presented in K that he is bored? You can't intentionally hold him back and then follow it up by asking the teacher to present him more challenging material...after all, there would be more challenging material in 1st grade where he should be, but you opted out of providing that to him. At least in our Kindergarten, the vast majority of 6 year olds that I know already would know the whole curriculum already prior to entering.