An adult threatened my 6 year old

[Marrila]

The store owner went out of her way to lie to me. She didn't know that the cashier made the, "what did she do now?" comment, which tells me that whatever addressing of the situation occurs, will not be effective.

She never asked me to hear the details, she just went off of the report.

It's an isolated incident FOR ME because we won't be going back. This repeat behavior tells me it won't be an isolated incident long term.

I don't want anything. I just want to be sure that proper action is taken. That store sits in an area where it is highly utilized and a cheaper option than most.

It's very unlikely you will be told about any action taken.
You can shop elsewhere. That may be your best long term option.

 

[anniemae]

I don't think there is much you can do at this point. You reported it to the store as well as corporate. They responded and gave you a gift card. You can decide if you want to continue shopping there or not.

If you truly felt threatened or felt the employee was going to take some sort of violent action against you or your son, then you should report it to the police so it is on record. Otherwise, just move on.

 

[gmi3804]

Sounds like you think you have more power than you have. Just move on. No one got hurt.

 

[NotUrsula]

Is there a possibility the employee is on the Spectrum?

As the parent of a adult high-functioning autistic individual, I think that had the employee stopped with just the first comment, then it would make some sense,, but the threat part was very uncharacteristic of someone on the spectrum in such a situation.

It's very typical for an autistic individual to feel hurt when something they worked hard on is dismissed, and they might defend that out loud, but it's not characteristic for them to lash out with threats unless they are threatened first. So, unless the parent immediately said something threatening to the store clerk that we don't know about, I'd be extremely surprised. Someone on the spectrum might throw out an annoyed facial expression, or show a small sign of anger like a clenched fist or a foot stamp, but issuing a verbal threat of violence right off the bat would be very unusual, as autistic adults generally don't escalate tense interactions with strangers if it can be avoided.

My first thought would be someone who has anger management problems. They also tend to have problems keeping jobs, and are sometimes also included in vocational assistance programs, particularly if they never managed to finish high school. If the person is a temporary employee in such a program, they will talk through the incident with them, and if they think it's causing high enough liability may tell the program that they can't have the person back, but that would be about it.

The gift card is your apology, and they probably know you don't want to come back. Me, I'd take it and go alone to get something for the value, then never darken the place's door again.

 

[Southernmiss]

Yes, it ticked you off and rightfully so, your protective instincts came out.

But other than avoiding the store for a while and using it as a teachable moment with your child, it is truly not a big deal on the long arm of parenting. And will be one of the family stories you have to tell.

Just one of the many ways that parenting is not for sissies.

There's always a new curve ball you don't see coming, even when they are adults.

Go out for a special treat and a new fun memory and shake it off.

 

[VandVsmama]

On Saturday, we went to a local grocery store. While we were there, we came across an employee stocking shelves with noise cancelling headphones on. We proceeded to walk around her.

While we were walking past a seaweed display, DS6 said, "Seaweed? Who eats that?" And I told him a lot of people do. He asked if it was healthy and I said it's healthier than some things.

It was then that the employee interjected herself "You'd better not be talking about my seaweed display, I just finished it!"

DS6 got shy and walked from beside the cart to right beside me and DH and I kind of chuckled it off and we kept walking. She then said:

"I'll shove some seaweed down your throat, boy."

A male employee immediately said, "Woah, hey!" And we walked to the next aisle and stopped. I think I was in shock.

I looked down at the cart and told DH we weren't buying a damned thing there and to take the kids out to the car. I walked to the register and told them what had happened. Though when I walked up, the one cashier said, what did she do now?, clearly talking about that employee.

I left my name and told them I expected a call from management as I was tempted to file a police report. She just randomly threatened a 6 year old.

When we got I the car - DS6 asked me, "Can we never go in there again?"

Saturday evening, I also emailed corporate.

I received an email from the owner today telling me that the employee was just attempting to joke with my son and hasn't had an issue the entire time she's worked there but she agreed it was inappropriate and offered me a $20 gift card.

What do I do here? That is clearly an insufficient response.

I'd take the $20 gift card and if it happened again, I'd throw caution to the wind and tell the mouthy employee, "What he HECK did you just say? Say that again. You're going to shove some of that down my kid's throat? Who talks like that to a 6 year old? What is wrong with you?"

 

[HopperFan]

You let the store know what happened. There really is nothing more to be done. They will not tell you anything they do to address it. I don't think a police report is reasonable in this situation, and doubt the police would do much of anything.

I would tell them I will not accept the Gift Card and will not shop there again. And assure your son that because their employee behaved badly you all will not be shopping there anymore. It is a good example of teaching children that not everyone is nice nor can be trusted, an important lesson that sometimes we have no real life examples, you do.

 

[GAN]

Is there a possibility the employee is on the Spectrum?

I thought the exact same thing, but you’d think the manager would have explained that. I had a guy who worked for me that was a tick socially awkward …possibly had a mild Asperger’s. He would occasionally make insensitive comments and would have to talk to him about it. Otherwise, he was extremely smart and a nice guy -but quirky. So maybe there was some of that going on …likely a manager can’t mention something like that to a customer.

 

[MamaBelle4]

Just wanted to post the email from the owner for reference:

"Good afternoon,

Sorry I missed your call. I had to run a quick errand for the store. Our sincere apologies for your experience in our store on Saturday. EMPLOYEE has been with us for some time and has been a great employee. This is the first time we have had an issue with her. I do believe her intention was to joke with your child, also believe she was insensitive of going to far especially being in a working environment. Our manager on duty addressed this with her immediately Saturday evening, and I will reinforce this myself to make sure we teach, train and coach her.
We appreciate your business, as we are a family owned business, and love being in this community. If there is anything else we can do, please let us know.
Stop in anytime Tuesday or after for a $20 gift card.

Sincerely,
OWNER & OWNER"

I changed the names to the position they hold.

I, obviously, have issues with this reply, but it's mostly the lying for me. There was no manager on the premises when I was there because when I walked up to the other two employees, the one was already talking about needing to talk to the manager when they got back and when I spoke to the manager today, he had no idea what had transpired. She probably means the young man handled it, which he did to the best of his ability by saying, "Woah, hey!" And, of course, the lie about it being an isolated incident when the cashier asked, "what did she do now?"

This reply is just garbage to me.

 

[Neapolitan Ice Cream]

I'd be furious.

 

[Pooh2]

Is there a possibility the employee is on the Spectrum?

That was my thought.

 

[hrhdhd]

Just wanted to post the email from the owner for reference:

"Good afternoon,

Sorry I missed your call. I had to run a quick errand for the store. Our sincere apologies for your experience in our store on Saturday. EMPLOYEE has been with us for some time and has been a great employee. This is the first time we have had an issue with her. I do believe her intention was to joke with your child, also believe she was insensitive of going to far especially being in a working environment. Our manager on duty addressed this with her immediately Saturday evening, and I will reinforce this myself to make sure we teach, train and coach her.
We appreciate your business, as we are a family owned business, and love being in this community. If there is anything else we can do, please let us know.
Stop in anytime Tuesday or after for a $20 gift card.

Sincerely,
OWNER & OWNER"

I changed the names to the position they hold.

I, obviously, have issues with this reply, but it's mostly the lying for me. There was no manager on the premises when I was there because when I walked up to the other two employees, the one was already talking about needing to talk to the manager when they got back and when I spoke to the manager today, he had no idea what had transpired. She probably means the young man handled it, which he did to the best of his ability by saying, "Woah, hey!" And, of course, the lie about it being an isolated incident when the cashier asked, "what did she do now?"

This reply is just garbage to me.

You've heard from the owner. There's no one else to complain to. Move on and shop elsewhere.

 

[monsterkitty]

I had a bagger go off on me because she didn't like my choices of cleaning products and I lacked certain foods she felt should have been in my cart. She was so loud that people stopped what they were doing and just stared.

I let the manager know that I understand that they have employees who are neurodivergent and I applauded them for hiring people who have special needs. I also let them know that while I, as a teacher who had worked with special needs students for years, understood that the employee probably didn't understand or recognize how their behavior affected those around us. This particular employee was moved from bagger to stocker, then to the back because of her behavior.

OP, I would follow up with the owners and explain exactly what you have told us - there was no manager on site, what the other employee said when the incident happened, as well as what they said when you reported the incident at the front of the store. Explain how a 6-year-old isn't capable of understanding such "jokes" and that you didn't feel it was a joke either. Let them know that your child never wants to shop there again because he is terrified of the employee.

Explain that the incident was menacing at that you are considering filing a police report. Maybe then they will understand that this wasn't a joke.

 

[Southernmiss]

Just wanted to post the email from the owner for reference:

"Good afternoon,

Sorry I missed your call. I had to run a quick errand for the store. Our sincere apologies for your experience in our store on Saturday. EMPLOYEE has been with us for some time and has been a great employee. This is the first time we have had an issue with her. I do believe her intention was to joke with your child, also believe she was insensitive of going to far especially being in a working environment. Our manager on duty addressed this with her immediately Saturday evening, and I will reinforce this myself to make sure we teach, train and coach her.
We appreciate your business, as we are a family owned business, and love being in this community. If there is anything else we can do, please let us know.
Stop in anytime Tuesday or after for a $20 gift card.

Sincerely,
OWNER & OWNER"

I changed the names to the position they hold.

I, obviously, have issues with this reply, but it's mostly the lying for me. There was no manager on the premises when I was there because when I walked up to the other two employees, the one was already talking about needing to talk to the manager when they got back and when I spoke to the manager today, he had no idea what had transpired. She probably means the young man handled it, which he did to the best of his ability by saying, "Woah, hey!" And, of course, the lie about it being an isolated incident when the cashier asked, "what did she do now?"

This reply is just garbage to me.

Sorry.

You're still mad from the incident.

Nothing the store says is going to placate you.

Read my earlier post and the other replies again.

Time to let it go

 

[GreatLakes]

I have a 7 year old. I would find it really odd but would have moved on with my day and not said anything. No letter or call, just explained to my kid they did nothing wrong, that person was having a bad day, and neither of us would have thought a out it again.

 

[MamaBelle4]

Oh Lord. Any sympathy you might get from here is likely fading FAST.

Go watch the documentary 20 Days in Marioupol if you want to see what real problems are.

Your reply honestly was not helpful. I understand that this may have not been an issue for you and others have made that perfectly clear in a helpful manner.

I work with various non profits in my job whose sole purpose is to raise money for war zones, sick children, those suffering through human rights violations and animal shelters. I do not need you to flippantly remind me that I do not have to face these struggles. I know and appreciate that. But that doesn't mean that I should be nonchalant when I perceive harm to myself or my family.

I appreciate everyone's replies. I have never been accused of getting over things easily or quickly - it is a personality flaw for sure. But I believe I am going to follow @monsterkitty 's advice above. Thank you again for allowing me the space to vent and for taking the time to respond.

 

[PollyannaMom]

On Saturday, we went to a local grocery store. While we were there, we came across an employee stocking shelves with noise cancelling headphones on. We proceeded to walk around her.

While we were walking past a seaweed display, DS6 said, "Seaweed? Who eats that?" And I told him a lot of people do. He asked if it was healthy and I said it's healthier than some things.

It was then that the employee interjected herself "You'd better not be talking about my seaweed display, I just finished it!"

DS6 got shy and walked from beside the cart to right beside me and DH and I kind of chuckled it off and we kept walking. She then said:

"I'll shove some seaweed down your throat, boy."

A male employee immediately said, "Woah, hey!" And we walked to the next aisle and stopped. I think I was in shock.

I looked down at the cart and told DH we weren't buying a damned thing there and to take the kids out to the car. I walked to the register and told them what had happened. Though when I walked up, the one cashier said, what did she do now?, clearly talking about that employee.

I left my name and told them I expected a call from management as I was tempted to file a police report. She just randomly threatened a 6 year old.

When we got I the car - DS6 asked me, "Can we never go in there again?"

Saturday evening, I also emailed corporate.

I received an email from the owner today telling me that the employee was just attempting to joke with my son and hasn't had an issue the entire time she's worked there but she agreed it was inappropriate and offered me a $20 gift card.

What do I do here? That is clearly an insufficient response.

The first comment, I would have brushed off as quirky or trying to joke, but not the second. I do agree the second was over-the-top.

As a few others said, my initial thought on the headphones was that they might be an accommodation for autism. The headphones would both protect the employee from loud noises and discourage customers from approaching them. - But if part of their accommodation is that they are just hired to stock, not help customers, then they need to be instructed not to initiate interaction with customers themselves, and to reply to inquiries with "Let me get someone who can help you."

It could be they are new, and still training, and they'll soon be able to do the job properly, or it could be that the rude comments continue, and they are eventually let go.

Are you looking for the employee to be fired immediately? (I don't think that will happen.) For them to personally apologize to your kid? (Also rather unlikely.) For mote details on the employee? (Not only unlikely, but probably illegal.)

You've complained (rightly so - they need to be able to document the issue) and they've answered. I would pick up the gift card (without any children along) and shop elsewhere for a couple of weeks. Then I'd go back by myself, use the gift card, and notice whether the employee was even still there.

Your kid may very well forget all about it. (A very wise older relative once told me "Never make a bigger deal out of an injury than they do.") But if they do seem to be ruminating on it, remind them that sometimes people have a bad day and say something rude, but that most of the time, employees at the store are nice. Then make a game of counting positive interactions on future outings until they feel better.

 

[tinkerbellandpeterpan]

Your reply honestly was not helpful. I understand that this may have not been an issue for you and others have made that perfectly clear in a helpful manner.

I work with various non profits in my job whose sole purpose is to raise money for war zones, sick children, those suffering through human rights violations and animal shelters. I do not need you to flippantly remind me that I do not have to face these struggles. I know and appreciate that. But that doesn't mean that I should be nonchalant when I perceive harm to myself or my family.

I appreciate everyone's replies. I have never been accused of getting over things easily or quickly - it is a personality flaw for sure. But I believe I am going to follow @monsterkitty 's advice above. Thank you again for allowing me the space to vent and for taking the time to respond.

I am just going to try and gently say that if you want to be taken seriously (and I think @monsterkitty had a lot of great advice since you are so bothered by this experience), that I would not mention considering filing a police report. That seems way over the top.

 

[AustinTink]

Coming in late to this party with my two cents. Anyone threatens to shove anything anywhere on my kid, they will get an earful right back and wish they never came to work that day. Period.

I’d post about it on their google reviews, yelp and social media, too.

 

[disykat]

I was on your side until I read the response you received. I think they handled that reasonably. They acknowledged, apologized, stated how they plan to keep it from happening again, offered an incentive to return, and invited you to contact them further if needed. It was a pretty good response IMO.

If an acknowledgement of wrongdoing and an apology isn't enough, what is it you're looking for?

A stranger yelled at my then two year old for being a kid (it was Halloween and he roared at someone who looked like his grandpa because he was pretending to be a monster and the guy went ballistic) and I was livid about it for days. I understand how a mom feels when her child is threatened. I had to force myself to breathe and realize that I need to teach my child to let some things roll off their back. "Wow, that person was being mean today, weren't they? We'll hope they can turn their day around and be nicer because that's not an okay way to treat someone. I'm sorry that happened to you." would be a good response. I think reporting so the employer could address it was also a good response. You could reassure your child if more closure is needed that you heard back from the boss and he/she said they were going to teach the employee how to act better. Expecting more of a response than you got is unrealistic IMO.