Amanda Todd - cyber stalking/bullying leads to suicide

[violetrose]

I was the victim of chronic and vicious bullying myself. And I can attest that the daily degradation, name calling and rejection wreaks havoc with your ability to make good decisions. I am naturally a rational person...in fact I've had people jokingly refer to me as Vulcan before. But when I was 13 years old, I suffered terrible neglect.

I don't have to guess what this poor girl felt like. I KNOW what she felt like. I didn't just feel unloved, I WAS unloved. My parents ignored me, the kids in my Christian (LOL) school tortured me and my teachers smiled indulgently because the gang of boys who preyed on me were the star basketball/soccer/baseball players.

The number one priority in my life was acceptance. I'd have done ANYTHING to feel loved. ANYTHING. I am not naturally a bad decision maker, but if somebody pretended to like me and asked me to do that, I might have done. Because I just wanted somebody to care about me.

Finger pointing at the victim is as useless as it is heartless. Parents can learn from this, students can learn from this, but apportioning blame to anyone but the miserable excuse for a human being who deliberately ruined her life is completely misguided.

My heart breaks for Amanda Todd. My heart breaks for the dozen other kids in every school district in this country who live through this kind of abuse on a daily basis.

As a teacher, your post is incredibly heartbreaking for me to read if for no other reason than to say I know there are many out there who have the same experience. I am so sorry for the abuse you endured and the neglect on the part of your parents and teachers.

Also, I wanted to point out the article said her mother was technologically savvy. Maybe the daughter was too. Our kids are grown but we really had to stay on top of what they were doing on the Internet. My husband and I both use computers but we didn't grow up on them like our kids did. Our kids have always been more savvy than we were and found ways to outsmart us by going to different sites even though we had blocks on those sites. We ended up taking the computers out of the house all together until we felt they were old enough to make good decisions because we knew we weren't going to always be able to catch what they were doing and the potential for danger just too great. When we did introduce computers back into the house it was with the understanding that any surfing activing we deemed inappropriate would be met with the consequences of once again losing the computer.

My heart breaks for Amanda and her family. What a sad terrible story.

 

[beaucoup]

Oh my! Amanda's mom was a technology teacher. As someone well versed in technology, she thought it would be a good idea to allow her 12y/o daughter to have a webcam, a Facebook page with total strangers as friends, and use her real name on the internet???

Snipped:
As a teacher in the Coquitlam school district and a specialist in assistive technologies, Carol is comfortable around computers and knows well the dangers the online world can hold. Still, she wasn’t able to protect her child.

Carol is much more tech savvy than the average parent.

Read more: http://www.vancouversun.com/news/Am...h+with+video/7384521/story.html#ixzz29C9jPDkS


As someone said in the comments section, the mom may have been tech savvy, but she didn't know jack about parenting.

And for those who think this is a testament to what a wonderfully perfect parent I am, you couldn't be further from the truth. I make mistakes and so do my kids. But common sense needs to factor in here. My kids were always monitored on the internet when they were 12 and I am the least tech savvy person around.

I read her mother's interview last night. This girl was failed miserably by those that should have been raising her & teaching her. She made wrong decision after wrong decision, and was continued to keep making them. Online & offline.

After reading that article last night, I don't really even consider this a bully issue anymore as much as I do as case of a girl with mental issues seeking attention in any way possible over & over. 12 yr old in a chat room of strangers with a webcam continued on to 15 year old with Facebook & YouTube in real name. She wanted to be found online & used her real name.

I don't feel the bullies led her to kill herself. Sorry. I'm sad she died, but I am sadder she didn't get the real help she needed.

 

[handinpocket]

I read her mother's interview last night. This girl was failed miserably by those that should have been raising her & teaching her. She made wrong decision after wrong decision, and was continued to keep making them. Online & offline.

After reading that article last night, I don't really even consider this a bully issue anymore as much as I do as case of a girl with mental issues seeking attention in any way possible over & over.

I don't feel the bullies led her to kill herself. Sorry. I'm sad she died, but I am sadder she didn't get the real help she needed.

Nail on the head.

 

[Buckalew11]

We've heard from the mom. What about the dad? If he was not in the picture, therein lies so much of her troubles. So sad, so tragic. Bullying is a game to people. They really do not think about about someone being so mentally broken that they'll be pushed to suicide.

The fighting GF should have beaten up her BF. He was the one who broke the trust. My guess is he had Amanda come over knowing he was going to have sex with her. He knew she was needy and vulnerable and most liking willing--wanting to feel loved and liked.

People cut when they are in pain. They think that by physically cutting themselves it will help the pain inside. I'm sure the drugs and alcohol were self medicating for the pain and the anxiety caused by the stalking and no friends.

People (kids esp) chose to not friend the bullied because they want to stay off the radar themselves. So, they ignore, and turn away leaving the victim feeling even more alone. The bullies are having their *fun* and playing a game. It sickens me to my core.

 

[jba2]

After reading that article last night, I don't really even consider this a bully issue anymore as much as I do as case of a girl with mental issues seeking attention in any way possible over & over.

I don't feel the bullies led her to kill herself. Sorry. I'm sad she died, but I am sadder she didn't get the real help she needed.

The bullies certainly exacerbated the situation and do bear responsibility (IMO).

 

[okeydokey]

I was the victim of chronic and vicious bullying myself. And I can attest that the daily degradation, name calling and rejection wreaks havoc with your ability to make good decisions. I am naturally a rational person...in fact I've had people jokingly refer to me as Vulcan before. But when I was 13 years old, I suffered terrible neglect.

I don't have to guess what this poor girl felt like. I KNOW what she felt like. I didn't just feel unloved, I WAS unloved. My parents ignored me, the kids in my Christian (LOL) school tortured me and my teachers smiled indulgently because the gang of boys who preyed on me were the star basketball/soccer/baseball players.

The number one priority in my life was acceptance. I'd have done ANYTHING to feel loved. ANYTHING. I am not naturally a bad decision maker, but if somebody pretended to like me and asked me to do that, I might have done. Because I just wanted somebody to care about me.

Finger pointing at the victim is as useless as it is heartless. Parents can learn from this, students can learn from this, but apportioning blame to anyone but the miserable excuse for a human being who deliberately ruined her life is completely misguided.

My heart breaks for Amanda Todd. My heart breaks for the dozen other kids in every school district in this country who live through this kind of abuse on a daily basis.

I am so sorry you had to go through that. I keep hoping that people telling their stories, like you are doing here, will lead to society putting a stop to this kind of cruelty.

 

[cmurray234]

I am so sorry you had to go through that. I keep hoping that people telling their stories, like you are doing here, will lead to society putting a stop to this kind of cruelty.

Thank you for the encouragement. For many years, I did not talk about it...because if I'm being honest, it's humiliating. Who wants to be the kid nobody liked? Who wants to admit that they played class doormat and whipping girl for whoever wanted to take a shot?

But if nobody is forthcoming, the problem will never get fixed. Somebody has to say, "hey, this happened to me. I survived and so can you."

 

[sookie]

After reading that article last night, I don't really even consider this a bully issue anymore as much as I do as case of a girl with mental issues seeking attention in any way possible over & over.

I don't feel the bullies led her to kill herself. Sorry. I'm sad she died, but I am sadder she didn't get the real help she needed.

The bullies certainly exacerbated the situation and do bear responsibility (IMO).

I think they bear at least partial responsibility as well. At least, by what Amanda said in her cards. Even after she left their school and town, they continued to tag her in pictures of bleach (which she drank apparently in a previous attempt) and indicated that she needed to "try harder" at the next attempt. That is like telling someone on a ledge to jump. They knew that she was having issues and egged it on. Very, very wrong.

 

[cmurray234]

I think they bear at least partial responsibility as well. At least, by what Amanda said in her cards. Even after she left their school and town, they continued to tag her in pictures of bleach (which she drank apparently in a previous attempt) and indicated that she needed to "try harder" at the next attempt. That is like telling someone on a ledge to jump. They knew that she was having issues and egged it on. Very, very wrong.

I agree completely. No, they didn't pull a trigger and put a bullet in her, but anyone who encourages a suicidal person to try again is not only disgusting, but they bear at least some responsibility in the tragedy.

 

[declansdad]

The bullies certainly exacerbated the situation and do bear responsibility (IMO).

Bingo!

 

[HelenePA]

they are STILL bullying this poor girl on facebook there is a page that was made 5 hours ago with her nude pic as the profile pic...

 

[Tiger926]

they are STILL bullying this poor girl on facebook there is a page that was made 5 hours ago with her nude pic as the profile pic...

Huh? Why haven't the police taken over and these pages been shut down?

Those bullies have some serious psychological issues to be bullying a dead girl...

Tiger

 

[Wall-E1]

After reading that article last night, I don't really even consider this a bully issue anymore as much as I do as case of a girl with mental issues seeking attention in any way possible over & over. 12 yr old in a chat room of strangers with a webcam continued on to 15 year old with Facebook & YouTube in real name. She wanted to be found online & used her real name.

I don't feel the bullies led her to kill herself. Sorry. I'm sad she died, but I am sadder she didn't get the real help she needed.

Are you serious? This girl endured 3 years of constant harassment, bullying, and stalking, both online and offline. She was completely broken down mentally by all the trauma she was put through by the original cyber stalker/pedophile, and all of the cruel classmates that joined in the bullying.

And "seeking attention in any way possible"!!?!?! Amanda switched schools several times, tried to keep the past a secret from her new classmates, refused to be blackmailed by the pedophile stalker; stopped going to class because of how awfully other classmates were treating her; etc. These are not the actions of someone "seeking attention in any way possible". Amanda was trying to get a fresh start in any possible way. Unfortunately, that wasn't possible because the cyber stalker/pedophile, not Amanda, kept bringing attention to her by posing as a classmate of her friends, setting up a fake facebook profile meant to humiliate her, etc.

I'm just amazed that anyone could think this isn't a bullying issue. Wow!

 

[HelenePA]

Huh? Why haven't the police taken over and these pages been shut down?

Those bullies have some serious psychological issues to be bullying a dead girl...

Tiger

The one tonight was shut down in 6 hours but already had 11,000+ likes.. it was called Amanda Todd Exposed... as soon as it was shut down another was made. I only knew about it because a friend posted a link to it so everyone could report it... it was awful. She is dead and is still being made fun of.. I could only imagine what it was like for her when she was alive

 

[LauraEadon]

heartbreaking

 

[cornflake]

The part that bothers me here is her parents.

She attempted suicide - not ideation, not a show attempt, she drank bleach.

What parents don't have a kid who makes a real attempt in lockdown mode with intensive psychological care asap?

 

[LauraEadon]

The part that bothers me here is her parents.

She attempted suicide - not ideation, not a show attempt, she drank bleach.

What parents don't have a kid who makes a real attempt in lockdown mode with intensive psychological care asap?

AND get them off the internet!!!

 

[cornflake]

AND get them off the internet!!!

That, I won't judge on, as even if people 'ban' fb or tell their kids to kill a page or say no Internet in the house, any kid can get on regardless. They'll open another page under another name (if they don't already have a secret-from-parents one), or just go online from the library, friends' houses, phones, etc.

I mean yes. I'd say get off freaking fb too but whether that has an effect is up for grabs.

Being in the psychologists' office or in an institutional setting or whatever, there's no getting around that one and the lack of that is what I don't understand.

A random comment or ideation is one thing. Drinking bleach should earn you a trip to serious, psych-overseen lockdown of one kind or another until some of these issues are worked out, not wandering school and home and society like nothing had gone on.

 

[NewmanFamily6]

This absolutely breaks my heart I really hope something can be done about bullying. So many useless deaths.

 

[declansdad]

The one tonight was shut down in 6 hours but already had 11,000+ likes.. it was called Amanda Todd Exposed... as soon as it was shut down another was made. I only knew about it because a friend posted a link to it so everyone could report it... it was awful. She is dead and is still being made fun of.. I could only imagine what it was like for her when she was alive

A quick search will give you more Facebook crap and young kids posting hateful comments about a dead girl and others. It is truly sad.