am I being fair ?

[mrsbornkuntry]

I guess I have a different opinion, but I would never deny my kids a chance to visit Disneyland just because I couldn't go with them. To me, that is incredibly selfish. If I couldn't go with them, I would tell them to go and have a fantastic time with their dad and grandparents and take lots of pictures to show me when they got home.

FYI, my husband took by 3 year old DS to ski in Deer Valley with his whole family while I was pregnant with younger DS. There is no way in the world that I would have denied my DS that special time with his dad and extended family. Honestly, when I was pregnant, I relished the alone time to rest with no one to take care of but me.

I agree, my daughter has the opportunity to go to Europe next summer, I would LOVE to go on the trip, but I can't afford to be a chaperone so I'm not going, but she still is. I won't deny her the chance to do something that I would love to do when I know she would love to do it.

 

[ghtx]

Let them go, but make a demand that you commit to planning a trip in the future, say when your new baby turns one, that everyone can go on, to DL or WDW. And try to finagle something else from your husband... maybe some jewelry?

 

[LilyWDW]

I don't blame you one bit for not wanting to make the trip yourself in your last trimester. But, I think you are being unreasonable to say your husband and kids should miss out on Disneyland because of it. Let them go and have a good time.

This is how I feel. Especially if the trip will include members of the extended family that will also be there. Let them go and have a good time.

 

[Ephany]

I know how you feel. DD's first trip to WDW happened when she was about 3 and everyone was there but me. I still think MIL purposely planned it that way, especially as it was planned months in advance and she picked the one week in a 6 month window when I couldn't go. There were a lot of other weeks around that time frame that were good for everyone, but she was insistent. I was seriously peeved about it, but figured I'd be the bigger person (even though I didn't want to).

Well, DD not only doesn't remember any of that trip, she was pretty overstimulated and her behavior was less than stellar. DH was really, really appreciative of me when I was finally able to join them. I completely understand where you're coming from, but honestly I'd let them go.

 

[Claire&TheBoys]

My OB didn't want me to travel after 30 weeks of pregnancy, I believe. Might have been 32, but I think it was 30.

I would also feel left out and not want my family to go, however, I wouldn't deprive my kids of the chance to go with their grandparents, either. That's something my kids will never get to experience (neither my parents or my in-laws have the desire to go, and in some cases are not physically or financially able). I would bite my tongue, tell them to have a wonderful time and bring me something special back, and something for the new baby brother/sister. AND, then I would tell my husband he owes me BIG TIME and that while he's gone, I'll be on the DIS planning our next trip to WDW for baby's first birthday!

 

[PHXscuba]

If you send them on the trip but DH agrees not to go to DL, would DH crumble under his family's pressure while there and take them anyway? If they are already leaning on you, it could happen.

Hard call ... decisions you have made separately/together/under parental pressure previously are probably informative in how this will end up. Will you feel obligated to go? Will he feel obligated NOT to go to DL if you stay home? Will he feel more obligated to his family?

PHXscuba

 

[Bob NC]

i understand you not going on the trip but to stomp your foot and not let your kids do something fun because you can't is unreasonable and immature to me.

+1

 

[drinkme]

I guess I have a different opinion, but I would never deny my kids a chance to visit Disneyland just because I couldn't go with them. To me, that is incredibly selfish. If I couldn't go with them, I would tell them to go and have a fantastic time with their dad and grandparents and take lots of pictures to show me when they got home.

FYI, my husband took by 3 year old DS to ski in Deer Valley with his whole family while I was pregnant with younger DS. There is no way in the world that I would have denied my DS that special time with his dad and extended family. Honestly, when I was pregnant, I relished the alone time to rest with no one to take care of but me.

I agree with this poster!!

Years ago, when my kids were little, we had something similiar planned for a relative. It was in Vegas. I wasn't pg, but my youngest kids were 9 months old, and a 2 year old (and I have an older child too). There was no way I was going to spend that kind of money to sit in a hotel room all day with the kids. It was in the summer so way too hot to hang out outside. I ended up sending dh alone. Did I want to go? YES, but I figured Vegas wasn't going anywhere and I'd get there sometime.

Your dh and the kids will have such a great time.

 

[ScrampShopper]

If your kids are definitely going with your husband, then how can you expect them to miss a part of the festivities? How will they feel knowing the rest of the family is going somewhere, but for some reason they can't go?

 

[usd2bmd]

I think that you should let your husband take the kids to spend this time with his family. This could be a wonderful trip for them.

IMO it does seem somewhat selfish on your part. Don't they deserves to spend quality time with your husband and his family as well?

 

[Betty Rohrer]

i know you are disappointed not to be going and it is your family but how many more trips is grandpa going to get to go on with his grandkids? so only your kids do not get that memory even if it is only by pics?think about it from this point of view. yes there are others beside you in this trip. not the time for a temper tantrum.

 

[summerw]

Yikes! I hope you don't take some of the responses to heart.

I think there are a lot of different ways to look at this. First, this isn't a sightseeing or other type of trip, it's Disney! At least to me, Disney is for having family moments. I totally understand why you feel that way. If it were a historical site or a great beach, unfair, but Disney is different.

At the same time, this is coming from someone who lives next to DLR and I take my son all the time, and never with my husband because he works too much to make a pass worthwhile. We do have a MNSSHP coming up with him, and since my son just hit the 40" marker, I haven't let him ride Big Thunder or Splash or anything yet, so he can go first with Daddy.

And maybe that's an idea for you... letting them go, but telling DH they need to wait on something special that you care about to do with you.

I don't think you're being unfair at all wanting to have your family do a family thing together, but I do think you need to consider all the different angles of "once in a lifetime" of this trip... the age of your DH's grandpa, the chance your kids will have to experience it with other members of your family etc.

Maybe consulting with your physician would be a good next move. Maybe he would feel so comfortable with your flying that you would too. Or maybe he will say there's no way for you to go and that might change how your DH feels about the situation some too. I think talking to your doc is a good idea in any case.

Good luck with your decision. If you do decide to let them go, I agree you are soooooo due for a spa day as a reward. And I would require some serious agreements from DH about regular picture updates... definitely helps my DH get through when we go without him.

 

[lablady]

That's a tough choice! Having to make it while pregnant can't be helping! I would be very jealous that I couldn't be there for their first time! I think it's too harsh to say you are unreasonable or selfish though. It must seem really unfair that not only do you miss out on a DL trip, but you miss out on being there with them. I know that I would be really sad to miss out on this experience with my kids!

Like another poster said, sometimes being a mom sucks. Your kids will sometimes have opportunities to do stuff that, for one reason or another, you can't. You have to decide whether the pain you'll feel outweighs the very real possibility that they will be sad and feeling left out if they can't go. At least you are a grown-up and know why you can't go. They won't understand. Only you can decide how you should feel about it. Good luck!

 

[Boog's Mommy]

I think you are being unfair. I think your husband should be able to take the kids to Disneyland with the rest of his family. It is unfortunate that you won't be able to go too, but that's just how things went this time. After your son/daughter is born, you guys can plan to take another vacation to Disney World. You, your husband and all your children. There is so much more to do at Disney World than Disneyland anyway. It's your husband's grandfather and he is 80. Who knows how many more opportunities he will have to make these memories with him.

 

[ilovemk76]

sort of. I mean, its disney related, but I want to know if i'm being fair or not.

My husbands family is planning a suprise 80th birthday for his grandfather in california mid feburary. I am pregnant and due March 30. I dont feel like it would be wise for me to fly all the way out there (four hour flight from IL) at 33 weeks pregnant.

We have a will be almost 4 year old then, and will be 2.5 year old. If i'm not going he still wants to take them with. Which i said is fine.

EXCEPT they are all going to disneyland. And i don't want my kids to go without me it will be their FIRST time and especially for my older one I dont want to miss his first time there. Husband and MIL are both being not nice to me about not wanting to go THAT preggo. So anyway, I said if he goes with the kids I don't want them to go to disney.

Am i being unreasonable? I get its his whole family and he wants to join in the fun, but they are my kids too and I LOVE disney way more then he does.
keep in mind they are fairly young so its not like they will really know they are missing something?

My mom is usally my reasonable tell me if I'm crazy person but she thinks kids shouldnt go to disney period until they are like six or seven so she's no help here !

Thoughts?

Yes, you are. DH is their father and DH's family is their family. They will enjoy their time with their father, grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins.

 

[Boog's Mommy]

Also wanted to add that I'm not trying to sound mean. Just giving my opinion. I hope you and family come to some sort of resolution that works for everyone. : )

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I think the reason people are mentioning not flying late in pregnancy is because I believe the rules used to be more stringent than they are now, and that's probably what they remember. I seem to recall that at one time, you weren't supposed to fly after your 7th month. I looked it up and it looks like different airlines have different policies, but most now allow travel up to the 36th week. http://suite101.com/article/airline-pregnancy-policy--travel-restrictions-for-pregnant-women-a247432

OP, if it's true that you can fly pretty late in your pregnancy (looks like you'll be around 34 weeks?), then maybe you should consider going if it's safe to do so? If not, as hard as it might be not being there for the "firsts", I'd probably just tell them to enjoy the trip.

 

[MSSANDRA]

If your kids are definitely going with your husband, then how can you expect them to miss a part of the festivities? How will they feel knowing the rest of the family is going somewhere, but for some reason they can't go?

this.

 

[DonaldnDaisy5]

I think your husband is being unfair putting you on the spot with his family and mother. You made the decision as a family to have baby number 3, you are carrying baby 3, but you should not be forced to miss out on firsts with your other two because of a decision you and your husband made together.

I will never forget my DS/DD first trip, but we took extended family with us and DH had to "keep the peace" and take DN and the grandpa on big kid rides, as a result he missed A LOT with our kids, like ds4 kissing Minnie and announcing to anyone around that "Minnie was my girl now!" After missing those moments he is much better about understanding my craziness about firsts.

 

[disneyfam2000]

If it were me, I would let the children go to DL. First of all, like you stated, they probably won't remember much at their age. Therefore, when they are older, take them to WDW - four parks - for your first Disney trip together as a family.

As far as this being a "once in a lifetime" trip, think of the 80-year-old who may possibly never get another chance to spend time at Disney with your children.

I truly appreciate your feelings, but think of your first trip with the children to WDW - what fun that will be!

I agree, it will be the grandfather's 80th birthday. And your in a sensitive state right now,but look at it this way your children's first Disneyland experience with the grandparents will be completely different from their experience with you and your husband. Each trip will have have different memories and experiences, and true they may not even remember much because they are still young. Look at it as an opportunity to create memories with grandpa and mom & dad!!