Am I being a helicopter parent? final update, p. 12 post 174

[RadioFanatic]

I know this is a hot topic here, so I will get good responses from you guys. Say whatever you want, I can take it and I'm really in a quandry.

So question. How would you feel if your child’s school wanted him to ride in a car of a parent of another student we don’t know to go to a fieldtrip? My just turned 3 year old DS has his first fieldtrip Thursday. Dh and I can’t take off work because of all the time we missed from school being closed bc of weather. When I first talked to the administrator about it, DS was either going to be in her car or at least in a car a teacher is in (teacher can’t drive because of insurance reasons). Last night though, DS’s teacher said she was driving with another teacher so he can’t be in that car, the administrator is not going, so they want him in a car of another parent (they don’t have buses). I don’t like it at all because this person would be a stranger to him and to us and (a) it scares me because I don’t know them to trust them with the most important thing in the world to me; and (b) we are trying to teach him not to talk to strangers and here we are putting him in a situation where the only adult would be a stranger. As DS just started this school in january, we really know NONE of the parents.

Am I being overcautious? A helicopter parent? My DH was molested as a preteen by an authority figure so we don't know if this is coloring our judgment. And no, I'm not saying that will happen, it just doesn't make us trust very easily when it comes to our child. Also, if the worse happens, I (probably crazily) worry that the parent (understandably) would be more concerned with their child than mine.

It's already adding to my guilty conscious of being a working mom, and I don't want to be the one to not allow my kid to do things bc my parents were always not allowing me to do things bc it inconvenienced them. I promised I would never do that to my child.

So what say you DIS court? Helicoptering or cause for concern?

 

[ICF]

I know this is a hot topic here, so I will get good responses from you guys. Say whatever you want, I can take it and I'm really in a quandry.

So question. How would you feel if your child’s school wanted him to ride in a car of a parent of another student we don’t know to go to a fieldtrip? My just turned 3 year old DS has his first fieldtrip Thursday. Dh and I can’t take off work because of all the time we missed from school being closed bc of weather. When I first talked to the administrator about it, DS was either going to be in her car or at least in a car a teacher is in (teacher can’t drive because of insurance reasons). Last night though, DS’s teacher said she was driving with another teacher so he can’t be in that car, the administrator is not going, so they want him in a car of another parent (they don’t have buses). I don’t like it at all because this person would be a stranger to him and to us and (a) it scares me because I don’t know them to trust them with the most important thing in the world to me; and (b) we are trying to teach him not to talk to strangers and here we are putting him in a situation where the only adult would be a stranger. As DS just started this school in january, we really know NONE of the parents.

Am I being overcautious? A helicopter parent? My DH was molested as a preteen by an authority figure so we don't know if this is coloring our judgment. And no, I'm not saying that will happen, it just doesn't make us trust very easily when it comes to our child. Also, if the worse happens, I (probably crazily) worry that the parent (understandably) would be more concerned with their child than mine.

It's already adding to my guilty conscious of being a working mom, and I don't want to be the one to not allow my kid to do things bc my parents were always not allowing me to do things bc it inconvenienced them. I promised I would never do that to my child.

So what say you DIS court? Helicoptering or cause for concern?

In general I'd say helicopter....BUT.....it makes no sense to me to have both teachers in the same car. If two cars are going, a teacher should be in each.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I know this is a hot topic here, so I will get good responses from you guys. Say whatever you want, I can take it and I'm really in a quandry.

So question. How would you feel if your child’s school wanted him to ride in a car of a parent of another student we don’t know to go to a fieldtrip? My just turned 3 year old DS has his first fieldtrip Thursday. Dh and I can’t take off work because of all the time we missed from school being closed bc of weather. When I first talked to the administrator about it, DS was either going to be in her car or at least in a car a teacher is in (teacher can’t drive because of insurance reasons). Last night though, DS’s teacher said she was driving with another teacher so he can’t be in that car, the administrator is not going, so they want him in a car of another parent (they don’t have buses). I don’t like it at all because this person would be a stranger to him and to us and (a) it scares me because I don’t know them to trust them with the most important thing in the world to me; and (b) we are trying to teach him not to talk to strangers and here we are putting him in a situation where the only adult would be a stranger. As DS just started this school in january, we really know NONE of the parents.

Am I being overcautious? A helicopter parent? My DH was molested as a preteen by an authority figure so we don't know if this is coloring our judgment. And no, I'm not saying that will happen, it just doesn't make us trust very easily when it comes to our child. Also, if the worse happens, I (probably crazily) worry that the parent (understandably) would be more concerned with their child than mine.

It's already adding to my guilty conscious of being a working mom, and I don't want to be the one to not allow my kid to do things bc my parents were always not allowing me to do things bc it inconvenienced them. I promised I would never do that to my child.

So what say you DIS court? Helicoptering or cause for concern?

Where are they going? How long is the car ride?

Why are they using parents for transportation for school in the first place? I find that odd.

 

[Megan_J]

We did this on some fieldtrips when I was a kid and there was no problem.

 

[MoonFaerie]

I would NOT be okay with that at all. How would that even work? Would I drop the carseats/high back boosters off at school? And would the person driving know how to install them correctly?

 

[Tink888]

When my kids were in pre-school, they used parent drivers for short trips in the area, for example the fire station. Everything was fine. The parent driving is probably just as conciencious (sp) as you would be if it were you.

I do think you're being a little helicoptery but it's understandable being that your son is 3 and just started school.

Really, it comes down to choice, you have to be willing to take a leap of faith and let your child experience things or you have to be willing to take the time off work and take him.

If you don't let him go, who will watch him while he misses school? Is there another family member who would be willing to drive him on the field trip?

 

[mamamary]

I would NOT be okay with that at all. How would that even work? Would I drop the carseats/high back boosters off at school? And would the person driving know how to install them correctly?

Car seats were also the first thing that popped into my head.

 

[cindy58]

I wouldn't like to send my child off in that situation. He's way too young to have a clue about looking after himself.

 

[java]

A bit helicoptery. So the difference between a teacher driving and a parent driving is just the background check. The parent might even be a better driver. Personally I drove my then first graders friend home from a field trip without parental permission from Philly to nj!

I would be concerned about supervision vs the car ride. (once they get where they ar going) what kind of place are they going to and how far away is it.

Time to make a parent friend at day care. Someone you know and can trust. This won't be th first problem you have.

 

[Pixiedust34]

I wouldn't do it because I look at this situation as a safety issue. I remember back when dd went to preschool and I observed that some parents did not use car seats or seat belts for their kids.

If the parent is a stranger, you have no idea of how diligent he/she is of strapping in the kids. An older kid is capable of using a seatbelt on his own, but your 3 yo isn't able to make sure the carseat is correctly installed and that he is properly restrained in the car.

 

[Bob NC]

helicoptery

I don't have an opinion, but, that's a GREAT word!!!!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

So basically this school is forcing you to take off work in order to transport your kid to a field trip.

If you don't take off work, then your child has to ride with an unknown parent because child has no option to stay behind, correct?

 

[agnes!]

My alarm-bells are going off and it's not even my kid. OP, how many kids are going, how many cars? Where is the field trip and how far from school? And why in the world are the two teachers going in the same car...

I think taking 3 year olds on a field trip is kind of odd but I'd be ok with it if they're going someplace fairly close-by... say, going to a local firehouse. I can't imagine taking a class (6? 15? whatever) of three year olds on a field-trip though.

agnes!

 

[Erin1700]

I think we need more details. Car seats? how far? how many kids total are they transporting?

 

[The Mystery Machine]

My alarm-bells are going off and it's not even my kid. OP, how many kids are going, how many cars? Where is the field trip and how far from school? And why in the world are the two teachers going in the same car...

I think taking 3 year olds on a field trip is kind of odd but I'd be ok with it if they're going someplace fairly close-by... say, going to a local firehouse. I can't imagine taking a class (6? 15? whatever) of three year olds on a field-trip though.

agnes!

Yes, that would piss me off and I find it to be using poor judgement on the school's part.

 

[mickeyplanner08]

I lean towards helicoptery, too. My kids field trips in 3 & 4's preschool were all done by parent transport. Most often there were 2 moms/teachers and 3-4 kids in each minivan. All kids had to have their booster seats left with them, and some moms made sure the seats were installed in the vans their kids were riding in before they left. There really should not ever be just one adult with the kids-that was a rule. That way the adult is not put at risk, either.

Ask a few more questions, but if you are not comfortable with it, then you maybe need to find a different preschool that is large enough to have a bus. Of course, if you have a bus, there may not be seatbelts at all....what can you do?!

Good luck-being a parent is hard, and the challenges get bigger right along with the kids!

 

[RadioFanatic]

Where are they going? How long is the car ride?

Why are they using parents for transportation for school in the first place? I find that odd.

It's about a 40 minute ride each way.

The school does not have buses so several parents are driving.

and I also thought it was weird that the teachers were in the same car.

 

[pyrxtc]

at 3 yrs old, no I would not want my child in a strangers car. Is there a way he can stay at school ? Sad to miss the first fiend trip but this obviously wasn't planned out very well.

 

[RadioFanatic]

I would NOT be okay with that at all. How would that even work? Would I drop the carseats/high back boosters off at school? And would the person driving know how to install them correctly?

this is something else I've been concerned about. We are supposed to drop our carseats off too. And I had my car seats installed by a police carseat tech, so I bought a new one for this trip so I didn't have to remove them. We don't know how to install, so I agree it's another issue for me. But this just seems to muddy things.

 

[RadioFanatic]

When my kids were in pre-school, they used parent drivers for short trips in the area, for example the fire station. Everything was fine. The parent driving is probably just as conciencious (sp) as you would be if it were you.

I do think you're being a little helicoptery but it's understandable being that your son is 3 and just started school.

Really, it comes down to choice, you have to be willing to take a leap of faith and let your child experience things or you have to be willing to take the time off work and take him.

If you don't let him go, who will watch him while he misses school? Is there another family member who would be willing to drive him on the field trip?[/QUOTE]

No, we have no local family. And missing school is an issue as there is no school if he doesn't go.