Advice for a newly Widowed Dad??

[HeidiGW]

wow. my deepest condolences. I think this trip will be a very good thing. Take it easy each day. Be sure to buy the memory maker, and take lots of pictures.
Best of luck.

 

[disneycountrygirl]

I am so sorry for your family's tremendous loss. Only one thought came to me reading your post, and we've never actually done it, but I've heard it so many times here that it may be worth repeating: don't be afraid to take a mid-day break to bring the kids back to the hotel for naps and/or pool time if they (or you!) need a break from all the action.

 

[ashnicole]

I am so sorry for your loss. I hope you have a much needed, magical trip.
I know many enjoy the experiences at the end of attractions. If your kids like fish and aquariums, the fish tanks at the end of nemo are a great way to spend time! There’s also a neat area at the end of Figment.
I’ll second rafikis planet watch! That’s a great area with short character wait times! I also think meeting Mickey at the town square theater is a must-do! It’s amazing to have a conversation with Mickey or hear him sing a song!

 

[KyleAfterAWhile]

I am so sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine. I pray you all have a wonderful time.

 

[disneyworldsk]

Go slow, no need to jump around park hopping, small children easily get overwhelmed with sounds, different schedules, time zone changes, different beds. The first time we went with three small children we stayed at the poly and only went to MK for three days. It was enough. Small children love the things we adults wouldn't normally think of as priorities like swimming, coloring at restaurants or in the world showcase, playing on the playground or in the sand. To them that's the vacation! I recommend comfortable strollers, blankeys, buying them each a special stuffed animal to cuddle with, an organized diaper bag and lots of hugs and kisses. Parades like the MK one daily at 2 p.m. are great for small children as they can sit in their stroller and watch it go by. All the best and be proud of yourself you are doing a great job already.

 

[CinderDuffy]

Go slow, no need to jump around park hopping, small children easily get overwhelmed with sounds, different schedules, time zone changes, different beds. The first time we went with three small children we stayed at the poly and only went to MK for three days. It was enough. Small children love the things we adults wouldn't normally think of as priorities like swimming, coloring at restaurants or in the world showcase, playing on the playground or in the sand. To them that's the vacation! I recommend comfortable strollers, blankeys, buying them each a special stuffed animal to cuddle with, an organized diaper bag and lots of hugs and kisses. Parades like the MK one daily at 2 p.m. are great for small children as they can sit in their stroller and watch it go by. All the best and be proud of yourself you are doing a great job already.

That's what they'll remember the most, too.

Skip the balloon release, though. All those balloons that "gently ascend out of sight" come right back down to Earth to pollute the environment & kill wildlife. Not really the way you want your loved one to be remembered.

 

[foodiddiedoo]

So sorry for your loss! You're an amazing dad to take your children on an exciting trip after all you've gone through. I don't have any helpful suggestions for Disney World with that many young children, but agree with everyone's sentiments to take it slow and take breaks for yourself. My grandmother passed away right before I graduated high school and my grandfather had a trip to Africa planned with her in December of that year. He couldn't cancel the trip and she wanted him to go, so I offered to go with him. We both had a fantastic time together, and I still remember it as perhaps the best vacation of my life (despite my love of Disney). I was glad he didn't need to be alone, and we really got to spend some great quality time together. I'm sure your children will appreciate the time with dad.

 

[juliekzp]

I would love to help you plan out your trip, if you're interested. My kids are young and we go often, so I'm pretty in tune with what works and what doesn't. PM with some details about your trip, if you'd like, and I can make some suggestions!

 

[Rowlf the Dog]

I'm so sorry for your loss. From my own experiences I think it's the best decision to follow the wish of your wife and not cancel the trip: After the death of my best friend I decided to do my first trip to WDW over Christmas and it was the best decision of my life, and I did the same after the loss of my beloved grandmother - it was the escape from the cruel reality that I needed after this.

To your planning: the most important things were already written. I just want to add an suggestion for a character meal. Your ADRs so far only have Mickey and Co. But perhaps snap an ADR for Crystal Palace for meeting Pooh and the whole gang. I love to watch their interactions with small children, it's just so lovely

 

[dreiwhit]

Cody,

I don't have the words to tell you how deeply sorry I am for your loss.

The best thing on the trip is to let the kids be the driver of what you will be doing. Its also good that your sister and her dad are going to help you out with those bathroom breaks, going to get food, keeping up with the kids, etc. When your kids get tired, take breaks and rest.

 

[BigredNole]

So sorry for the loss. I agree that you cannot give up the trip. Go and use it as part of the healing process. With two 2yo's and a 3yo? I would plan lots of down time. This does not mean go back and take naps all the time, but you do want to utilize that as well. What I mean is take time out to not rush around and do attractions. They are kids and still need play time. Locate the play areas in the parks where they can just go play. I use to know many of them, but not sure any more since my DD outgrew it. Below are a few that I know of.

1. MK: Back towards the Barnstormer there is a sprayground. Kids can just play there for a while, cool off, and just let loose being little kids.
2. MK: Tom Sawyer's island.
3. MK: Small play area by Splash Mountain
4. Epcot: Back in Nemo area where Turtle Talk is, there are plenty of things in the AC to run and do
5. Epcot: In Mission to Mars, there is a climbing play area at the exit.
6. Epcot: Exit are of the M&G. Although not a play ground, it is an open area, AC, and room to run around a little with not much traffic.
7. AK: The Boneyard is a great place. Giant playground to let them go crazy.
8. AK: Rafiki's Planet Watch. AC indoors with a few things, plus the petting zoo.
9. DHS: They use to have the I Shrunk playground. I don't know if they have anything else there.

Maybe a must do because it helped with my DD when my dad passed. She wrote a note (drew it because she couldn't write then), we tied it to a balloon on Main Street, and she let it go so it could get to him. The CM balloon person looked bewildered because they have the weights. I explained what we had done and she started crying. We did that a few times for her to cope. She was too young to understand.

 

[Cody Beight]

Wow you guys are amazing! I appreciate all the support and advice. I am so glad we have ADRs and some FPs already but I will look into some great ideas that you have given. I am hoping at least for a week of magic and some brightness to my incredible darkness. She would want me to be happy and celebrate with the kids. It is who she was, selfless, loving, and passionate. I was planning on taking the kids back every day for nap and keeping them close to their normal routine as possible. I am backing off some aggressive planning for lots of rides and trying just to plan a few main ones and let the park and kids lead us to fun. We are split staying at Animal Kingdom Lodge for 3 nights with the last night at Bay Lake. We already had booked another trip in March at the Poly, and I get anxiety thinking about doing all this again in a few months. My wife loved the Poly and wanted to kids to experience the magic there. My adopted daughter is from that culture and my wife was excited to see her at the Poly. This is so overwhelming just getting there as its a long drive from Arkansas but I will have my sister and maybe another family member if I can talk them into going. My wife and I have annual passes and we love the photo pass. The pictures were some of our favorite family pics. Thanks again for everyone's help!

 

[Cody Beight]

I would love to help you plan out your trip, if you're interested. My kids are young and we go often, so I'm pretty in tune with what works and what doesn't. PM with some details about your trip, if you'd like, and I can make some suggestions!

For the life of me I cannot figure out how to private message. I am usually tech savvy but I guess I am missing it!
I would love any help you can give!

 

[anomamatt]

For the life of me I cannot figure out how to private message. I am usually tech savvy but I guess I am missing it!
I would love any help you can give!

You might not have enough posts yet. You can either add some replies to this thread or there are some threads in the "tech support" forum where people post random things to increase their count so they can PM. I think you need 10 posts to PM, but I could be wrong.

 

[Travelstovegas]

Hello there. My sympathies on the loss of your wife & your children's mother. You are grieving the wonderful person you all loved as well as grieving for the future you thought you would share together, so I hope you will be gentle with yourself & the rest of your family during this trip. I expect you will have lovely moments as well as very sad ones.

My advice to you - please purchase Memory Maker if you can. It will let you off the hook a little with photos, and you can be IN the photos more often this way also. Although this trip will be tinged with sadness, it will be something that you will want to remember as the first time your kids went to Disney, and it WILL feel like an accomplishment that you were able to do it together. In the future, you will be able to look back on these photos with more of a smile, and you will be glad you have them.

Second - please buy a small notebook with a pen and carry it along with you if you can, or at least leave it in your room. Each time something sweet happens - one of your children just lights up at a character interaction, or something makes you laugh, or one of the children say something cute - try to write it down in the moment or remember it to write down each evening at your hotel. The time will go by quickly, and as parents, as much as we want to remember things, sometimes we forget them. A short little diary of your Disney trip will also help you focus on the positives of the trip.

Also, give yourself some alone time during the trip if you can. If your family will take the children, 20 minutes here or there where it's quiet will help you center yourself and be in the moment. If you need to gather yourself together or take some deep breaths, you can. Or if you want to go down to the hotel bar & have a little drink with your thoughts, do that. Yes, you will be focused on your children a lot, but don't forget that this trip can also be a healing one for you too.

Lots of warm thoughts to you & your family.

 

[QueenHeather]

Just want to add my condolences to others’. My dad actually just unexpectedly passed away two weeks ago today, just three days before my parents were supposed to join us for our fall break trip. We got back yesterday from that trip, and while it was very difficult at times, it was very nice to be in a place that brings so much magic and joy. Just a warning, my mom had a difficult time with some things in particular, like the Happily Ever After fireworks show (which has a segment about love and shows many Disney couples) and Friday night at Epcot which she described as “date night.” Just expect to have some break downs, but do plan to share memories and your wife’s favorite activities with your children. Tell them about how she loved the Poly and other things like that.

Our first trip was with a 2 and 4 year old, and now we have grown to four children under 7 years old. We’ve been quite a few times since that first trip. So if you have any specific questions about what works or doesn’t, just ask.

 

[Cody Beight]

I know the shows may be emotional but my kids watch constant youtube videos of the parades and fireworks and castle shows! They love them so much and my wife and I loved the beautiful message they send to the kids.
I am trying to see if my mother would like to go to be extra help in case my sister or I need a few moments.
My wife and her were best friends and this has been very difficult on her as well.

 

[WendyMS]

Blessings to you! As a single momma who has raised a (now college age) young man with as frequent trips to Disney as I could manage, you've got me tearing up during a phone conference at work (we'll just let those folks think I'm an emotional human services attorney working on the opioid crisis, lol...). You've got a LOT of good tips here. At that age I was only wrangling one toddler, but having an extra adult is always a good idea. For some trips it was grandparents, for others, my brother, and a few just me.

One thing I've seen a lot of notes about on the boards recently -- is the usefulness of one of those RFID trackers to reclaim your stroller if it gets misplaced/moved by CMs between rides. OR tying colorful ribbon/bandanna etc. This stuck with me as many years ago we had our stroller stolen in Downtown Disney... while my son was playing in the fountain...and the diaper bag was in it. I can look back now and laugh, but I know the diaper bag/backpack is LIFESAVING at that age!

A few years ago, as a teenager my son had a mental health crisis at the airport and did not join us at Disney---Just know it's ok to cry there, I have. He has done a 180 and after about 4 years away from the magic, the two of us did a short Spring Break this year. ----AAAAAnd now we have Annual Passes, returning in Dec, and maybe March if I can get things booked!

At the age of your little ones, just take it slow and enjoy everything through their eyes. Please know we are glad to help with any questions. (I can also help with planning if you need--you can PM me if you like. I'm definitely a Disney nerd who knows too much!). You're gonna make some wonderful memories, and most likely have some bittersweet joy. Just go with the flow and don't over-plan this first trip!

 

[DisneyFive]

I don't know if this "advice" makes sense, but just trying to offer up some input.

Don't be afraid to have fun. It probably doesn't sound possible right now (and I can't imagine), but WDW is not the place for a solemn time. Your kids still have their whole lives in front of them and if nothing else, show them the joy that still exists out there. I can't think of a better place than WDW to show that to the little ones.

I'm sure there will be many moments of sudden sadness, and that's to be expected. I hope you can navigate your way through those emotions.

Truly sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family. God bless. Hang in there.

Dan

 

[Lynne M]

Oh, my, I'm so sorry for your loss.

I love the comment from the PP about not being afraid to have fun. I'm sure your whole family feels like you're drowning in grief right now, 24//7 - it's really OK to laugh, to have fun, and to feel joy. This trip to WDW is probably the most healing thing you can do for your kids right now. I lost my dad a couple of years ago, and I speak from experience when I say that those moments of losing yourself in laughter and fun feel like a cool drink of water for someone lost in the desert.

There'll be sadness, too, of course, it's not like you're going to forget what happened. But treasure the moments of joy when they come.

Don't worry about scheduling a lot of planned activities, and don't try to fill the day. It sounds like you've got some great ADRs and FPs planned, and outside of those, just do whatever you all feel like doing. Wanna skip the parks one morning and swim? Go for it. Ice cream and french fries for breakfast? You bet! Stay up way past bedtime and watch fireworks? Oh, yeah. Throw the rules out the window, and do what feels good.