Adult Only Wedding Receptions

[mrsklamc]

Nope, not pulling anyone's chain. kids are important in our family and included

Kids are important in the vast majority of families. That doesn't mean they have to go everywhere.

I can't speak for every kid, but personally as a child I found the few weddings I went to boring beyond comprehension.

 

[mjkacmom]

Kids are important in the vast majority of families. That doesn't mean they have to go everywhere.

I can't speak for every kid, but personally as a child I found the few weddings I went to boring beyond comprehension.

I still remember my first wedding - I was 22, and it was one of my sorority sisters.

 

[cheer25mom]

You make an excellent point, just because children aren't invited to the reception doesn't mean they can't be in the church for the ceremony. If its about them being there for important family event, isn't that the actual marriage ceremony, not the party that follows (with open bar of course!) I even had strangers in the church during my wedding, if someone brought their kids it wouldn't be an issue at all.

I have seen this done too and it is a great compromise. Include the family at the church and have a big party after

 

["Cinder" Ella's Mom]

Paying for a child's wedding, their education, or their first car is NOT a gift. I am not going to hand her tuition money and tell her to spend it however she wants, or allow her to drive a car without providing insurance for it. I wouldn't pay for a graduation party at a bar or club, and I won't pay for a wedding that excludes those closest to us. I WILL put stipulations on money I hand out, to teach her responsibilty and good stewardship of resources. Just like I will teach her manners and compassion. That is different than choosing to give a gift with no strings atached. I agree that it is not fair to put stipulations on those, but we give our kids things with conditions all the time. Rewards for good grades, payment for extra chores ect.

The problem is, she will not be a kid. She will be a adult with her own views.

 

[ashley0139]

Nope, not pulling anyone's chain. kids are important in our family and included

I like how you say that as though they must not be important in other families, in which some members may have an adults only wedding.

 

[MaryAnnDVC]

My nieces were the only children under the age of 17 at my reception. The WEDDING at the church - the most important part of the day - was open to all. Several people brought their kids there. They were happy to celebrate the really important part of the day with us. Then they went home and the adults had a great time at the reception.

I don't give a flip how anybody else chooses to celebrate as long as they don't require me to pay for my own drinks. Then it's game on

Oooooooo...that's a whole other multi-page thread! That's when you find out exactly what is "a regional thing."

Nope, not pulling anyone's chain. kids are important in our family and included

Oh yes. Surely people who want an adult only wedding don't find children the least bit important in life.

 

[Hrhpd]

If I pay for DD's wedding, all close family members will be welcome, regardless of age. We wouldn't exclude gramdma just becuase she is 80, so we won't exclude a child becuase of age either. If the guest list won't stretch to include children of aquaintances we will cross that bridge then, but it will be based on relationships not just on age. If she pays, she chooses. It is about doing the right thing as far as I'm concerned and I hope I always teach my child to do the right thing. If there is no compromise to be had, I have done something seriously wrong as a parent.

Ah, the veritable purse with strings attached.

What if she pays for an elopement and Mom is not invited?

 

[Hrhpd]

No, I am saying that I have most likely failed completely as a parent if my child is so selfish that she wants to exclude close family members, and if she will not listen to reason and fiind and acceptable place to draw the line with regards to who gets invited. I fully aknowledge that we canot invite everyone we know nad some lines will have to be drawn, but I hope I have taught her better at that point than to do is based on age for selfish reasons.

So, it is an ultimatum. You do it my way, according to my beliefs. It doesn't matter what her beliefs are. If her beliefs don't match yours, she is selfish and you will guilt her by saying you have failed as a parent.

Got it.

 

[penn19]

I never had a FAH-ncy wedding. It was in a hall. Very low budget. Still married almost 25 years though but, I digress. Anyway, not a great wedding but I still wanted it to be as nice as it could be under the circumstances. My SIL thought it was just fine to invite her 2 kids. They were like 2 and 5 at the time. Ugh. Every time I think about it or look at my wedding video I have to relive the screaming, running around and general chaos that they caused. All kids aren't like that so I do put the blame on my SIL. I'm just saying that yea sometimes kids aren't wanted at a wedding or adults only type function.


Could have done without kids at my wedding.

 

[Hrhpd]

I have the rudest, born in a barn, friend in the world.

They did not hold the view that their reception was a great family event. The reception really had no significance to them, it was just a big party.

But, they did see the value of a big party to entertain clients and fellow co-workers. The couple was up and coming in their firms.

So, they had a very fancy, adult only party that included relatives, but the main purpose of the reception was to have an opportunity to network.

Adult relatives had a blast, friends had a blast and groom made partner not too long after.

They both make big $$$ and generously spend on family, which is important to them. They have taken cousins to Disney, relatives on cruises, etc.

But since they didn't scale down their reception so they could include all of the young cousins and friends' kids, I guess they are rude, selfish and have no sense of family.

I think I will tell them that the next time they pay for a not-so-well off niece's college education.

 

[Hrhpd]

I feel like this is a joke. Right? Tell me that adult only events are a common thing. Some of my best childhood memories are gathering with a bunch of other cousins to be babysat while the adults went to christmas parties, weddings, business trips, etc.

I, as the child, was never "hurt" and my parents were never "hurt" and as far as I know (I'm sure I'd hear after 6 years) no one was hurt from my decision not to have children at my wedding.

I think she must be pulling our chain.

I was a kid in the early 60's back when adults had adult parties all the time.

My parents were big into cocktail parties. Some of my fondest memories is sneaking away from the babysitter (in our own house) and peeking around the corner at all the beautiful adults. Women with pearls and holding martini glasses. Men looked so suave and sophisticated. It was a glimpse into the magical world of the adult, at least in a child's eyes.

Back then, nobody would have thought that their snowies were appropriate for adult only functions.

My parents were wonderful, caring parents who encouraged and loved us. BUT...there was always the expectation that adults have certain rights and privileges that children do not. And one of those was being invited to adult only parties. Kids never had their feelings hurt if they were not invited. Even to adult only weddings.

 

[Laura66]

I was a kid in the early 60's back when adults had adult parties all the time.

My parents were big into cocktail parties. Some of my fondest memories is sneaking away from the babysitter (in our own house) and peeking around the corner at all the beautiful adults. Women with pearls and holding martini glasses. Men looked so suave and sophisticated. It was a glimpse into the magical world of the adult, at least in a child's eyes.

Back then, nobody would have thought that their snowies were appropriate for adult only functions.

My parents were wonderful, caring parents who encouraged and loved us. BUT...there was always the expectation that adults have certain rights and privileges that children do not. And one of those was being invited to adult only parties. Kids never had their feelings hurt if they were not invited. Even to adult only weddings.

I'm 46 - but I have memories like this too!

 

[Hrhpd]

Paying for a child's wedding, their education, or their first car is NOT a gift. I am not going to hand her tuition money and tell her to spend it however she wants, or allow her to drive a car without providing insurance for it. I wouldn't pay for a graduation party at a bar or club, and I won't pay for a wedding that excludes those closest to us. I WILL put stipulations on money I hand out, to teach her responsibilty and good stewardship of resources. Just like I will teach her manners and compassion. That is different than choosing to give a gift with no strings atached. I agree that it is not fair to put stipulations on those, but we give our kids things with conditions all the time. Rewards for good grades, payment for extra chores ect.

Better tell my parents that. Paying for my wedding was their wedding gift to us.

And since they were so good to not have strings attached, I was more apt to go and ask my mother for advice. I asked her advice on just about everything because it was my choice to include her input.

If she had put stipulations on the gift, I probably would have rebelled a bit and tried to keep my mother out of the planning as much as possible.

 

[cheer25mom]

Ah, the veritable purse with strings attached. What if she pays for an elopement and Mom is not invited?

Then she paid. Her money, her decision

 

[Laura66]

I can't even imagine puting stipulations on how an ADULT can plan their OWN wedding!!!!!

My parents tried this so I said no thank you and my husband and I paid for almost everything ourselves! We did have children - and I think having no children is absolutely not an issue either way. They wanted to pick my bridesmaids, the food, the booze - you name it! And every time I suggested I'd like something different they said - well we won't pay for this . . . Backfired on them big time!
When the time comes for our children to get married my husband and I will see what we can afford to give them - as a gift. They can then use that gift however they want!

 

[Tozzie]

I just did a bit of research since someone keeps saying it is "bad manners" not to invite children to a wedding. Guess what I found out, according to the etiquette experts, it is neither rude nor "bad manners" not to invite children, however it is extremely rude and bad manners to ignore who the invitation is addressed to and assume children or a guest is invited.

 

[eliza61]

Personally I think its ridiculous for a child to be hurt because they weren't invited to an adult's only function. I would never teach my children that their wants are so important that everyone must cater to them to make sure they aren't "hurt". I think parents who hold grudges because their precious snowflakes weren't invited to something are far more selfish than any bride and groom that chooses to have an adult only affair. I think they are immature as well. If there is fallout over the bride and groom's choice then the people holding the grudges weren't really worth an invitation anyway.

LOL. AMEN!! AMEN!! my kids would have been way happier to hang out in the hotel room with a good movie and pizzaa or video game.


This is all on parents.
Now I did have an adults only reception. and yes I probably was a bit selfish. I think if there is one time a couple should get their wants, it's on their wedding day. Just me.

I will help my kids if they ask for it to pay for the wedding and they can invite, not invite whomever they want. If they want a destination wedding with just the two of them, that is what I hope they have.

 

[Imzadi]

I was a kid in the early 60's back when adults had adult parties all the time.

My parents were big into cocktail parties. Some of my fondest memories is sneaking away from the babysitter (in our own house) and peeking around the corner at all the beautiful adults. Women with pearls and holding martini glasses. Men looked so suave and sophisticated. It was a glimpse into the magical world of the adult, at least in a child's eyes.

Back then, nobody would have thought that their snowies were appropriate for adult only functions.

My parents were wonderful, caring parents who encouraged and loved us. BUT...there was always the expectation that adults have certain rights and privileges that children do not. And one of those was being invited to adult only parties. Kids never had their feelings hurt if they were not invited. Even to adult only weddings.

Yes, I grew up then too, and raised with the same beliefs. I don't understand this sense of entitlement on these threads about this, of people who expect the bride & groom to to turn their wedding reception into a child care facility for their guests.

It goes like this:
Bride & Groom are the HOSTS (and can decide whatever type of celebration they want.)

Bride & Groom are paying for the event. (Or their parents are.)It is not the Bride & Groom's responsibility to take care of your children during their event, whether it is a wedding reception or a Christmas party. Their event, their rules.

YOU are a GUEST. You get to decide whether you want to go or not, according to the type of reception the B&G decide on. While I understand traveling several miles/hours away is inconvenient and you do not want a stranger taking care of your children in a strange hotel room. You can always decline to attend the event the B&G have planned. Period.

I just did a bit of research since someone keeps saying it is "bad manners" not to invite children to a wedding. Guess what I found out, according to the etiquette experts, it is neither rude nor "bad manners" not to invite children, however it is extremely rude and bad manners to ignore who the invitation is addressed to and assume children or a guest is invited.

Those were the days when people were brought up to care about etiquette, manners and other people. Most people usually had a book in their home about etiquette, or could consult a friend who knew the etiquette.

 

[okeydokey]

Nope, not pulling anyone's chain. kids are important in our family and included

Children are important in my family too, and as important people I am sure to teach them that the world does not revolve around their wants, that they don't always get what they want, they they don't get to do everything they wish to do. It is important in our family to raise children that do not feel entitled, but that is our family.

 

[Disney Doll]

LOL - It was so odd to me that a boy would hold onto such a grudge. It's usually a girl thing to be so *****y!

Honestly, what hurts is that he and my aunt have carried around this bitterness and anger for so long without telling me how they felt. I hate that they felt that they couldn't pick up the phone and explain how hurt cousin was that we were having an adult only wedding. Had I been aware at all of his feelings or my aunt's feelings, I would have sincerely apologized. Heck, had they said something to me before my wedding, I would have told him he was more than welcome to attend. The fact they kept this to themselves and waited for the opportunity of his wedding to get revenge it what I found so weird.

You're right...that is weird.

I'm sure there were weddings that I did not get invited to as a child. I didn't need therapy to get over it.

I got married at almost 30. I had been to enough weddings where the children were running amuck on the dance floor while the parents smiled at how cute they were. I watched a wedding cake crash to the ground and I watched the bride's grandma crash to the ground...both because a group of 4-8 year olds were running full speed around the dance floor. DH had 2 nephews and 1 niece at the time. they were 6, 8 & 10. They weren't invited to the reception. They came to the church, they stayed for all the family pictures, they got picked up by a friend of my sister-in-law's who had kids the same age and had a wonderful sleepover.

Amazingly enough, two of the three are married and I was asked at both their weddings to read one of the readings.