Adult Only Wedding Receptions

[LilyWDW]

Oh my goodness. It's not like she singled him out. She had a child-free wedding. That's completely different than not inviting someone for spite. And it's his cousin, not aunt. He sounds really immature.

I agree. NO kids were invited, not just the cousin. It is childish to hold on to that. He needs to grow up and get over it.

 

[Pigeon]

Actually, that person excluded her to be mean. He must have been quite a spoiled, entitled young teen to have felt that strongly that he should not have been excluded from that wedding. If DH and get get invited to a wedding, and my kids don't, they know it's because it's an adult wedding. A teenager should be able to grasp that concept.

When I wasn't invited to my cousin's wedding, that colored our relationship going forward. I stopped feeling close to her. I didn't invite her to my wedding a decade later, not to be mean, but because I no longer felt one way or another about her. It's not revenge, it's reciprocation really, which is common social behavior. If you don't invite your cousin to your wedding, I'm baffled as to why you would expect her to invite you.

Or as Grandma used to say, "What goes around comes around."

 

[mjkacmom]

When I wasn't invited to my cousin's wedding, that colored our relationship going forward. I stopped feeling close to her. I didn't invite her to my wedding a decade later, not to be mean, but because I no longer felt one way or another about her. It's not revenge, it's reciprocation really, which is common social behavior. If you don't invite your cousin to your wedding, I'm baffled as to why you would expect her to invite you.

Or as Grandma used to say, "What goes around comes around."

Why weren't you invited? Were you a child, and she had a child free wedding? If so, I can't imagine harboring any bad feelings about not being invited.

We were not invited to my niece's wedding. It was at the courthouse, and only her parents were there. When my kids get married, should I not invite her, because we weren't invited to her wedding? Should she have had a bigger wedding, so that we could be there? No, it's not about us, it's about the bride and groom.

 

[cheer25mom]

When I wasn't invited to my cousin's wedding, that colored our relationship going forward. I stopped feeling close to her. I didn't invite her to my wedding a decade later, not to be mean, but because I no longer felt one way or another about her. It's not revenge, it's reciprocation really, which is common social behavior. If you don't invite your cousin to your wedding, I'm baffled as to why you would expect her to invite you.

Or as Grandma used to say, "What goes around comes around."

Exactly. You said it better than I could.

 

[Laura66]

I'm sorry - but you have some issues if you're holding a grudge or resentment - or it ruined your relationship if you weren't invited as a child to a child free wedding! I just can't wrap my head around that - and I gotta think they are feeding off of their parents feelings regarding this.
I hate to bring up the snowflake term - but it definitely applies here,
Children are welcome at some events and not at others! And there are places where it is not appropriate for children to attend. To read anything more into that is on you. (General you)
Listen I love and adore the children of my friends and family - but they are not welcome or wanted at our BUNCO parties, book club meetings or certain dinner parties! I'll spend time with them another time when I can pay attention and visit with them!

 

[cheer25mom]

Why weren't you invited? Were you a child, and she had a child free wedding? If so, I can't imagine harboring any bad feelings about not being invited.

We were not invited to my niece's wedding. It was at the courthouse, and only her parents were there. When my kids get married, should I not invite her, because we weren't invited to her wedding? Should she have had a bigger wedding, so that we could be there? No, it's not about us, it's about the bride and groom.

It doesn't really matter WHY they chose not to invite her. It still hurts if you thought your relationship was close enough to the person that they would want you to be there. Child or adult, it still says "you are not important enough to be included in our day, sorry". I can see how that owuld damage a relationship. My husband's cousin destroyed her relationship with her sister over not inviting her neices and nephew to her wedding. I personally think a party is a silly thing to destroy relatinoships over, but she wanted the perfect, adults only blowout reception. She is paying for that attitude now.

 

[Laura66]

When I wasn't invited to my cousin's wedding, that colored our relationship going forward. I stopped feeling close to her. I didn't invite her to my wedding a decade later, not to be mean, but because I no longer felt one way or another about her. It's not revenge, it's reciprocation really, which is common social behavior. If you don't invite your cousin to your wedding, I'm baffled as to why you would expect her to invite you.

Or as Grandma used to say, "What goes around comes around."

This is your issue that you put on yourself. You are most likely reading into and seeing a slight that never was there.

 

[Spoot]

It doesn't really matter WHY they chose not to invite her. It still hurts if you thought your relationship was close enough to the person that they would want you to be there. Child or adult, it still says "you are not important enough to be included in our day, sorry". I can see how that owuld damage a relationship. My husband's cousin destroyed her relationship with her sister over not inviting her neices and nephew to her wedding. I personally think a party is a silly thing to destroy relatinoships over, but she wanted the perfect, adults only blowout reception. She is paying for that attitude now.

That works both ways. I personally think not being invited to a party is a silly thing to destroy a relationship over or to hold a grudge for 10 years about.

 

[Laura66]

That works both ways. I personally think not being invited to a party is a silly thing to destroy a relationship over or to hold a grudge for 10 years about.

Bingo!

 

[Skywalker]

I know what Pigeon means, I can see how it could make you feel not as close to someone.

I remember my older cousin getting married when I was younger and we were all invited as a family, so I have no idea how I would have felt if excluded.

Now my two sons who are teenagers really look up to their cool older cousin. They have joked for years about when he gets married who will ride in the limo with him, etc. If he didn't invite them, I am sure it will feel like a slap in the face. I wouldn't imagine a life-long rift over it, but the message would be there for them to read. Humans are social, thinking creatures not robots. Sometimes you are hurting people more than you know.

Also, even if it is a "child-free" wedding, I would think most teenagers wouldn't think they'd be grouped in that category. An 18-month-old cousin that might throw a tantrum and won't remember it anyway, is different than a teenage cousin who might feel close to someone.

Being excluded from anything is never fun. Being excluded from a family wedding (where there is lots of chatter, excitement, planning, discussion etc for months and months before hand) might be especially hurtful.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

Who cares, it's not your wedding.

 

[DebbieB]

I had kids at my wedding, and they behaved better than some of the adults. If someone wants to have certain rules at their wedding, and all that... more power to them. It is your day, so do what you want! But I also think you should be a good host, and try not to exclude friends and family who want to share your wedding day with you. But that's just me, I guess.

It usually isn't "rules" as much as there is limited room at the reception site. For example, if the room only holds 200, then that's what they are limited to. Perhaps they can't afford a larger room. So the choice often comes down to inviting kids of guests who they may not even have contact with or inviting adult friends who they are actually close to.

 

[fortwildernessishome]

It doesn't really matter WHY they chose not to invite her. It still hurts if you thought your relationship was close enough to the person that they would want you to be there. Child or adult, it still says "you are not important enough to be included in our day, sorry". I can see how that owuld damage a relationship. My husband's cousin destroyed her relationship with her sister over not inviting her neices and nephew to her wedding. I personally think a party is a silly thing to destroy relatinoships over, but she wanted the perfect, adults only blowout reception. She is paying for that attitude now.

Very silly!!! The poor cousin. Her sister sounds so childish to ruin a relationship for the simple reason the bride wanted an adults only reception!!

 

[msjprincess]

It usually isn't "rules" as much as there is limited room at the reception site. For example, if the room only holds 200, then that's what they are limited to. Perhaps they can't afford a larger room. So the choice often comes down to inviting kids of guests who they may not even have contact with or inviting adult friends who they are actually close to.

Exactly, it could be space and or money. When my sister got married the kids meals were $50 pp. If she invited the children of all of her guests it would have cost a fortune.

 

[cheer25mom]

That works both ways. I personally think not being invited to a party is a silly thing to destroy a relationship over or to hold a grudge for 10 years about.

Maybe to you, but in our family weddings are some of the most important events of spiritual import that we share as a family. How would you feel to be the only family member excluded from something like that? Why exclude somone from something that is central to the life of their family just becuase you want the perfect party?

I know what Pigeon means, I can see how it could make you feel not as close to someone.

I remember my older cousin getting married when I was younger and we were all invited as a family, so I have no idea how I would have felt if excluded.

Now my two sons who are teenagers really look up to their cool older cousin. They have joked for years about when he gets married who will ride in the limo with him, etc. If he didn't invite them, I am sure it will feel like a slap in the face. I wouldn't imagine a life-long rift over it, but the message would be there for them to read. Humans are social, thinking creatures not robots. Sometimes you are hurting people more than you know.

Also, even if it is a "child-free" wedding, I would think most teenagers wouldn't think they'd be grouped in that category. An 18-month-old cousin that might throw a tantrum and won't remember it anyway, is different than a teenage cousin who might feel close to someone.

Being excluded from anything is never fun. Being excluded from a family wedding (where there is lots of chatter, excitement, planning, discussion etc for months and months before hand) might be especially hurtful.

This exactly. Wedding are a BIG deal. A huge event in the life of a family. It stinks to be excluded form something like that, especially when you ar privy to all the excitment and plannig for a year or more beforehand.

Very silly!!! The poor cousin. Her sister sounds so childish to ruin a relationship for the simple reason the bride wanted an adults only reception!!

See above. The sister's children were the only immediate family members excluded from a huge family event, just becuase the bride didn't want them to ruin her party. No one in the family has done such a thing before or since. Of course it was hurtful. I wasn't phased by it becuase I realized she was young and shelfish and would learn over time, after she became a mom. Her sister didn't see it that way. At the time, the only children in the close family group were her sister's kids and my DD, so yes it felt very much like a personal slight.

 

[fortwildernessishome]

We were married 27 years ago and didn't invite children. We had a flower girl and ring bearer, they each had one sibling, so those four kids were invited. Although we had a large number of people attend our wedding it was very low key. Our reception was very inexpensive, held at a Legion Hall. For me, not having kids had nothing to do with expense. I just didn't want to hear crying/talking during our vows. I actually would not have cared if the kids came to the reception afterwards.

Together we had 36 cousins, most of which had children. I just didn't want tons of kids there. We had a local wedding and every single cousin came. I never heard then or in all the years since that anyone was offended. We remain close to all of our cousins.

These threads never cease to amaze me. I just don't understand all of the hurt feelings.

 

[Tozzie]

Maybe to you, but in our family weddings are some of the most important events of spiritual import that we share as a family. How would you feel to be the only family member excluded from something like that? Why exclude somone from something that is central to the life of their family just becuase you want the perfect party?

This exactly. Wedding are a BIG deal. A huge event in the life of a family. It stinks to be excluded form something like that, especially when you ar privy to all the excitment and plannig for a year or more beforehand.

See above. The sister's children were the only immediate family members excluded from a huge family event, just becuase the bride didn't want them to ruin her party. No one in the family has done such a thing before or since. Of course it was hurtful. I wasn't phased by it becuase I realized she was young and shelfish and would learn over time, after she became a mom. Her sister didn't see it that way. At the time, the only children in the close family group were her sister's kids and my DD, so yes it felt very much like a personal slight.

She wasn't at all selfish, it was her party and the bride didn't ruin the relationship her sister did by trying to dictate her sisters wedding. The sister is the immature selfish one. I remember when I was a kid about five or six and my uncle got married, my sister and I didn't go to the wedding, and he was my godfather. I don't know if it was my mothers decison to not take us or we weren't invited but it never bothered anyone and my mother had a great relationship with her brother.

It seems the people who feel kids should be invited to a wedding are the one's who hold grudges the one's who feel it is at the discretion of the Bride and Groom don't seem to mind.

 

[luvmy3]

I wasn't phased by it becuase I realized she was young and shelfish and would learn over time, after she became a mom. Her sister didn't see it that way. At the time, the only children in the close family group were her sister's kids and my DD, so yes it felt very much like a personal slight.

I would imagine when she became a mother she would learn that her special little snowflakes aren't going to always be invited to things. Or maybe she'll learn not to raise "snowflakes" who behave so badly that they aren't invited to a family wedding

Sounds like the bride had her reasons, and its her wedding, she is allowed to selfishly not want bad behaved kids there.

 

[Robbi]

My cousin, Miriam, was getting married when I was 13. I went shopping with her for her dress, invitations, etc. but I was not invited to the wedding. When my mom told me it was adults only, I was upset- really furious and my thinking was, "When I get married, I'm not inviting she and her husband to my wedding." Then, I grew up and matured.

 

[fortwildernessishome]

It seems the people who feel kids should be invited to a wedding are the one's who hold grudges the one's who feel it is at the discretion of the Bride and Groom don't seem to mind.

Very true!!! This is the feeling I walk away with when I read one of these threads every couple of months.