Adult Only Wedding Receptions

[Pigeon]

Yeah, I've never gotten a save the date that wasn't a very informal postcard.

I think that's one of the reasons I hate save the date notifications so much. I'm supposed to plan around your wedding, but I don't even know if my family is invited.

 

[kate_wdw]

We had adult only wedding and reception over 10 years ago. One of the people not invited was my male cousin who was a young teenager at the time. I didnt see him very often and he was always such a brat when i did see him. We were paying $100+ per person and I don't know of any teenage boys that want to attend a wedding.

So now, over 10 years later, he got married (just yesterday). I was the only person in my family NOT invited. According to my aunt, cousin was "so upset he wasn't invited to" my wedding, he chose not to invite me to his wedding. She then elaborated that she was very upset at the time that her son was not invited to my wedding. It now makes sense why she and my uncle didn't even stay for cake at my reception although she has always professed that I am her favorite niece. I have seen cousin and aunt numerous times over the past 10 years (even did Disneyland with aunt) and she never said anything or acted like anything was wrong. I guess they were just waiting to get their revenge on me. It's so asinine that I can't help but laugh.

Taking the risk of damaging relationships is a natural consequence of excluding others. You had the right to invite or not invite whoever you wanted, but your aunt and cousin have the right to their feelings about it.

 

[Ginger Renae]

I'm not complaining about not going. I saved myself a couple hundred dollars in travel and gift expenses AND I got a very rare date night with my husband I just think holding onto such resentment for over 10 years is ridiculous. If they were that pissed off, why did they wait over a decade to "say something"? I didn't invite my SIL's teenage daughter (my step niece) because she was a younger teenager and, while I know she wanted to come, they both understood the reasons and yet she isn't planning on excluding me from her wedding whenever that may be.

 

[cheer25mom]

Yes, it should. That is the only way I have ever received them.

The customs for this (e.g., that the people named on the envelope are the only people invited) are spelled out clearly in many etiquette books. It's too bad more brides don't give them a look before mailing invitations.

I guess so, if it is in the books. I always thought that save the date cards didn't fall under the same rules as formal invitations, hence the purpose of sending them well in advance and formal invitations later.

 

[Skywalker]

We had adult only wedding and reception over 10 years ago. One of the people not invited was my male cousin who was a young teenager at the time. I didnt see him very often and he was always such a brat when i did see him. We were paying $100+ per person and I don't know of any teenage boys that want to attend a wedding.

So now, over 10 years later, he got married (just yesterday). I was the only person in my family NOT invited. According to my aunt, cousin was "so upset he wasn't invited to" my wedding, he chose not to invite me to his wedding. She then elaborated that she was very upset at the time that her son was not invited to my wedding. It now makes sense why she and my uncle didn't even stay for cake at my reception although she has always professed that I am her favorite niece. I have seen cousin and aunt numerous times over the past 10 years (even did Disneyland with aunt) and she never said anything or acted like anything was wrong. I guess they were just waiting to get their revenge on me. It's so asinine that I can't help but laugh.

It doesn't feel so good when the shoe is on the other foot and you are the one excluded does it? It was okay when you excluded someone, but "asinine" when they excluded you?

 

[bittybabygrower]

All I can say is wow! If a person decides to have an adult reception only I would hope the parents would explain to the teens that it may be a matter of money. Not everyone gets to play in the sandbox at some point in their life! I had an. Adult only reception, we had 150 people and we both have large families each having at least 3 kids each.... My reception would have been close to 400 with all those kids!

 

[cheer25mom]

All I can say is wow! If a person decides to have an adult reception only I would hope the parents would explain to the teens that it may be a matter of money. Not everyone gets to play in the sandbox at some point in their life! I had an. Adult only reception, we had 150 people and we both have large families each having at least 3 kids each.... My reception would have been close to 400 with all those kids!

Honestly, I think it boils down to priorities and what is important to the bride and groom. You know form the outset how much money yo have to work with, and you have to make decisions about how to spend it.

Do you have the reception in an expensive venue with limited seating and severly limit the guset lis, or do you go with a less expenasive venue and include everyone, or is the answer somewhwere inbetween? The answer is different for every bride and goom, but to put off excluding people on "we don't have enough money" is really not completely true in most cases. In some cases there may be no good option to include everyone, but in many cases choices are made about what is more important.

 

[Ginger Renae]

It doesn't feel so good when the shoe is on the other foot and you are the one excluded does it? It was okay when you excluded someone, but "asinine" when they excluded you?

My reasoning wasn't vindictively done with malice. He didn't invite me just out of some weird revenge. I didn't invite him for financial reasons. If I invited him, I woul shave had to invite all of my teenaged relatives which would have been another $1000 that we really couldn't afford. It sucks and had i known he felt that strongly about it, i would have extended the invitation. God forbid if I were I to have another wedding, I would invite him absolutely 100%.

 

[Nancyg56]

Unless I'm misunderstanding your OP it sounds like the only kids will be the nieces and nephews of the couple. Almost every wedding I've attended has been that way. The only kids were kids in the wedding party and very close relatives like nieces and nephews. So I don't find it odd at all.

Like others have said, it's their wedding.

I don't either. I figure that the bridal couple can invite their own children to their wedding and have guests understand. I don't see why there would e animosity because nieces and nephews are included in the invitation, but cousins children are not. I have never understood the mentality that guests get to determine who should go to another person's wedding.

A little off topic, but my husbands' second wife had two kids. Now DH family had a "thing" about "blood" and it did not help that this wife was a witch who wrote the book. Anyway, DH sister was getting married. DFIL was very ill and the finances were stretched so DH and DBIL paid for the wedding. SIL was vehemently opposed to inviting the step kids and cited money, so Dh and DBIL told her to invite who she wanted, but do not use money as an excuse. They would gladly pay for her entire guest list, no questions asked. Well the two were invited, as they were to every other family function.

FF to the the step wedding. Big difference in who was "family". DH cousin was remarried, and her step son, a teenager, lived with them, so she responded for the entire family. Dad called her and told her that the wedding was for "family, and her step son was not so he needed to be removed from the guest list.

I think my point is that the bridal couple has every right to set their rules for who they include in their wedding plans, but they do need to realize that there may come a day when they are on the other side.

I was responding to a poster who said adults always take priority over children that not everyone sees it that way. I don't, and clearly others that choose to invite children don't either.

I think that adults are important, but there are often times when kids play an important part in the lives of the bridal couple. My DH is always offended when my DGD or other children are not invited to weddings, and cannot understand the DD would not have taken her DD anyway. I don't get it but he was raised with big family weddings. He was not happy when DD limited her guest list to under 14 not invited, but has since met the kids she needed to exclude. DSIL mother is still furious the little darlings were excluded, but Holy Smokes! They are fresh!

 

[luvmy3]

The only kids invited to my wedding were the nieces and nephews in the wedding party. My kids have been to some weddings, others they were not invited too. I can't imagine taking it as a personal slight that my kids weren't invited to someone's wedding, I think that is such a bizarre response

 

[Annadesu]

I had kids at my wedding, and they behaved better than some of the adults. If someone wants to have certain rules at their wedding, and all that... more power to them. It is your day, so do what you want! But I also think you should be a good host, and try not to exclude friends and family who want to share your wedding day with you. But that's just me, I guess.

 

[cheer25mom]

My reasoning wasn't vindictively done with malice. He didn't invite me just out of some weird revenge. I didn't invite him for financial reasons. If I invited him, I woul shave had to invite all of my teenaged relatives which would have been another $1000 that we really couldn't afford. It sucks and had i known he felt that strongly about it, i would have extended the invitation. God forbid if I were I to have another wedding, I would invite him absolutely 100%.

This is just it with excluding people. No one does it just to be mean, but those excluded realize that something (having a certian venue, the menu being just so, flowers, decorations, the band) meant that there was not enough money to include them, or that you simply didn't want them there. Bottom line is that something was more important than having them there. If you do this you have to expect that feelings are going to be hurt, particuarly when they are tweens or teens that you are close enough to that you expect that they will invite you to THEIR celebrations when the time comes.

 

[Ginger Renae]

No one does it just to be mean.QUOTE]


Uhhhh....yes they do. Maybe you don't call "revenge" mean, but that was the ONLY reason I was not invited. It was tit for tat. As I stated before, I was actually fine with NOT going (I would much rather have a date night with my husband!), but I just thought their reasons were laughable. Anyway, I hope my aunt, cousin, et al are now satisfied and can move on with their lives. I sure hope they aren't harboring any other resentments that I am unaware of...

 

[cheer25mom]

No one does it just to be mean.QUOTE]


Uhhhh....yes they do. Maybe you don't call "revenge" mean, but that was the ONLY reason I was not invited. It was tit for tat. As I stated before, I was actually fine with NOT going (I would much rather have a date night with my husband!), but I just thought their reasons were laughable. Anyway, I hope my aunt, cousin, et al are now satisfied and can move on with their lives. I sure hope they aren't harboring any other resentments that I am unaware of...

You really think that they just wanted to be mean to you? If it were me, I don't think I would want to be reminded on my wedding day that my aunt didn't care enough to invite me to her wedding. Maybe that is "revenge", but you are the one that excluded them. I don't think you can expect that they include you.

 

[Ginger Renae]

You really think that they just wanted to be mean to you? If it were me, I don't think I would want to be reminded on my wedding day that my aunt didn't care enough to invite me to her wedding. Maybe that is "revenge", but you are the one that excluded them. I don't think you can expect that they include you.

My aunt (cousin's mom) told my mom I was specifically not included because I didn't invite teenage cousin to my wedding over a decade ago. He was not invited to my wedding because we had an adults only event. I was not invited to his out of "revenge". Is that mean? Apparently not in your eyes and that is fine. Is it his perogative? Of course! I never said it wasn't his right. It was his wedding and he could invite whomever he wanted to and not invite whomever he wanted to. Yippee dippee for him and my aunt. As I said, he got his vengeance and I hope we can all move forward...unless they are harboring more ill will for something that I don't know about. I really couldn't say!

 

[luvmy3]

My aunt (cousin's mom) told my mom I was specifically not included because I didn't invite teenage cousin to my wedding over a decade ago. He was not invited to my wedding because we had an adults only event. I was not invited to his out of "revenge". Is that mean? Apparently not in your eyes and that is fine. Is it his perogative? Of course! I never said it wasn't his right. It was his wedding and he could invite whomever he wanted to and not invite whomever he wanted to. Yippee dippee for him and my aunt. As I said, he got his vengeance and I hope we can all move forward...unless they are harboring more ill will for something that I don't know about. I really couldn't say!

Maybe you didn't get him exactly what he wanted for Christmas one year and you won't be invited for Christmas morning.
I guess your cousin never really grew up. I hope his wife doesn't slight him he may never forgive her

 

[msjprincess]

You really think that they just wanted to be mean to you? If it were me, I don't think I would want to be reminded on my wedding day that my aunt didn't care enough to invite me to her wedding. Maybe that is "revenge", but you are the one that excluded them. I don't think you can expect that they include you.

Oh my goodness. It's not like she singled him out. She had a child-free wedding. That's completely different than not inviting someone for spite. And it's his cousin, not aunt. He sounds really immature.

 

[Ginger Renae]

Maybe you didn't get him exactly what he wanted for Christmas one year and you won't be invited for Christmas morning.
I guess your nephew never really grew up. I hope his wife doesn't slight him he may never forgive her

LOL - It was so odd to me that a boy would hold onto such a grudge. It's usually a girl thing to be so *****y!

Honestly, what hurts is that he and my aunt have carried around this bitterness and anger for so long without telling me how they felt. I hate that they felt that they couldn't pick up the phone and explain how hurt cousin was that we were having an adult only wedding. Had I been aware at all of his feelings or my aunt's feelings, I would have sincerely apologized. Heck, had they said something to me before my wedding, I would have told him he was more than welcome to attend. The fact they kept this to themselves and waited for the opportunity of his wedding to get revenge it what I found so weird.

 

[mjkacmom]

This is just it with excluding people. No one does it just to be mean,

Actually, that person excluded her to be mean. He must have been quite a spoiled, entitled young teen to have felt that strongly that he should not have been excluded from that wedding. If DH and get get invited to a wedding, and my kids don't, they know it's because it's an adult wedding. A teenager should be able to grasp that concept.

 

[Pooh2]

LOL - It was so odd to me that a boy would hold onto such a grudge. It's usually a girl thing to be so *****y!
.

This is my thoughts too. I am betting Auntie went to alot of trouble to keep the anger alive and it grew overtime and spilled over to her son. I have never met a teenage boy would be sad about not having to dress up and go to a wedding!