Absolutely sick over a $150.00 flower girl dress

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I'm the OP. I have suggested other dresses-dresses I thought were beautiful AND reasonable. But rather than even responding, the bride-to-be ignored them. Then she flipped out on me for asking how much a newly chosen dress would cost, I asked her if she had considered the ones I Emailed to her. She flatly said no. She is the youngest of 5 and is very used to getting exactly what she wants when she wants it. She is also unaware of money in general and has no problem spending other peoples' money and is quite rude about it. There was never a "I'm sorry, I know this is expensive, but I absolutely love this dress." Rather, it was "I picked out the dress I want."

So, after all of this (and my step-father's health crisis), I had finally given up and called in my daughter's measurements to the bridal shop. The owner tried pressuring me to pay 3/4's of the dress, saying the bride was SURE this was the dress she wanted, etc. I told her to call me when they were there and I would give her my credit card info at that time (because you know once you put any money down in most bridal shops, that's it-you must buy there-no refunds!). Turns out...the bride has changed her mind again.

You know what--I wouldn't give them a credit card. I would send the bride the money and have her pay for it. Not that they would try to do something unscrupulous--but I wouldn't put it past her to attempt to mess with the store account.

Also-I wasn't suggesting you be stuck with the plan. I would have simply told her that I couldn't afford it and put the ball in her court to make a suggestion.

Giving in to something you don't agree with just adds to her persnickety attitude.

While it wasn't right for her to ignore you and then be rude--her reaction is exactly why I have opted to not say anything to the brides for the weddings that we have been or will be in. I either can afford the cost or not. I either agree with the principle of the idea or I don't. I just don't think it is right to offer someone suggestions about their wedding unless you were asked. Sorry.

I'm sorry about your step-dad. Hope he will be okay.

 

[mitushib]

Call bridezilla, ask for a finder fee and report ur SIL. They will get a fantastic episode and u can buy ur kid a dress with that money.

 

[ACDSNY]

All these posts are why I'm paying for everything on our DD wedding this month. I didn't want all the hassles, opinions and complaints on why this was choosen over something else. Most brides do have an idea of how they want things to look and within reason it's OK. I've had to re-order our FG dresses since we couldn't find anything in the right size for the littler one after we already purchased the older one's dress. That's just how some things go when you're planning an event for over 200 people.

 

[Kelli@40!]

Okay, so I need some major help rationalizing this...my sister-in-law, the baby of the family, is getting married and as an afterthought has asked my 7 yr. old to be a flowergirl in her wedding (seriously, an afterthought-she had asked one niece MONTHS ago and was only going to have the one niece, but decided that in case the one niece wouldn't cooperate, she'd have my daughter be in it).

She has picked out a $130.00 dress, plus tax, plus alterations=$150ish. She won't hear of shopping any where other than a bridal shop. I'm so frustrated, but need to get over it-help!!

My DD (5 at time of wedding) wore hers for "Afternoon Tea" at the RITZ with me (a year later). She also wore it as a Halloween costume, and may possibly wear it for her first communion.
It was expensive, but we sure got our money's worth!!

 

[disneymac]

My 6 yo DD was a flower girl in my Dbro and DSil wedding when she was almost four. DSil let us pick our her dress. However DD and I both loved the same expensive dress at the bridal salon! It was a beautiful white organza with light lilac embroidery that matched the bridesmaids lilac dresses perfectly. It was $109.00. The price made me swallow hard, but she looked sooooo adorable in it and it matched so well I bought it. She looked gorgeous the wedding day and had so much fun dancing the night away in her "gown." It was worth it.

DSil after the wedding gave my DH (for his birthday) an 8 X 10 black and white portrait of he and DD dancing. There she is in her white miniture bridal gown dancing on daddy's shoes and holding his hands looking up adoringly. It was a picture that made us all cry.

That's so nice - I got teary-eyed just reading about that picture!

 

[Lizzy2]

. Most brides do have an idea of how they want things to look and within reason it's OK.

I just want to say that I do agree with this. I had a beautiful wedding but I was very aware of how much things cost. We ordered the BMaids's gowns from Chadwicks and they were $60 and the FG's were $50-60 from a local seamstress. If someone had trouble with $ we paid. My gown was $250 from a local discounter who also did amazing alterations and made a train to match since my gown did not originally have one. Of course, a bride should be happy with her wedding but that happiness does not have to come at the cost of the happiness of your family and dear friends. You can have both.
A wedding is a ceremony that creates a lifetime. Who wants to build their life on the backs of other people's stess and unhappiness? If you ask someone you supposedly love to be in your wedding you should have the kindness in your heart to consider their circumstances and especially when like in the OP's case they are letting you know that the costs are a problem.
I still say OP's SIL wants to have a big dress-up play and feel like a "Princess" for a day and have everybody ooo and ah over her. Its just not right.

 

[Lisa_M]

I'm the OP. I have suggested other dresses-dresses I thought were beautiful AND reasonable. But rather than even responding, the bride-to-be ignored them. Then she flipped out on me for asking how much a newly chosen dress would cost, I asked her if she had considered the ones I Emailed to her. She flatly said no. She is the youngest of 5 and is very used to getting exactly what she wants when she wants it. She is also unaware of money in general and has no problem spending other peoples' money and is quite rude about it. There was never a "I'm sorry, I know this is expensive, but I absolutely love this dress." Rather, it was "I picked out the dress I want."

So, after all of this (and my step-father's health crisis), I had finally given up and called in my daughter's measurements to the bridal shop. The owner tried pressuring me to pay 3/4's of the dress, saying the bride was SURE this was the dress she wanted, etc. I told her to call me when they were there and I would give her my credit card info at that time (because you know once you put any money down in most bridal shops, that's it-you must buy there-no refunds!). Turns out...the bride has changed her mind again.

What is the brand and style # of the dress? Do you have a picture? Even with just the brand you can find the same dress online through netbride.com rkbridal.com or a host of other online bridal boutiques. When I mean same dress, I don't mean just looks the same, I mean same label. Also, if you know the designer, you can go to ebay and see if someone else is selling one that was worn one time.

I got married 3 months ago, so I spent plenty of time finding the right dresses at a good prices. I found my flowergirl dresses on clearance for $70 at David's Bridal. I paid for one and my MIL paid for the other, so the prices never got passed on to the children's parents. If you need any help PM me, and I can help you find the dress online. You will need to know your daughter's size or measurements.

If you are really upset about the cost and about the bride asking your daughter as an afterthought, I think that you should speak up. I believe that being honest about how you feel is truly better than harboring bad feelings.

 

[ACDSNY]

LisaM and Lizzy2 have made great points on how open communication can be the best solution. In the scheme of wedding costs, if they need to pick up the cost of the FG dresses that's a small price to pay to have what they want and keep everyone happy. I don't think anyone would want to put someone in financial hardship over a dress.

 

[ChristyJ]

What is the brand and style # of the dress? Do you have a picture? Even with just the brand you can find the same dress online through netbride.com rkbridal.com or a host of other online bridal boutiques. When I mean same dress, I don't mean just looks the same, I mean same label. Also, if you know the designer, you can go to ebay and see if someone else is selling one that was worn one time.



If you are really upset about the cost and about the bride asking your daughter as an afterthought, I think that you should speak up. I believe that being honest about how you feel is truly better than harboring bad feelings.

I'll have to check it out-thanks! Except now she keeps changing her mind...today the news was we were going to have dresses made (one of the flower girls will need many alterations due to her size, so she's not easy to find a dress for). But when her older sister told her to pick out a pattern, she flatly said "there's nothing I like."

You know, I've tried talking to her. I can facilitate a large group discussion of people with success (I do this as part of my job), but she just won't see other sides. I've spoken in a calm manner-she flipped out-I used my "teacher voice" to let her know it wasn't okay to talk to me in such a manner-she cried. I know she's a basket of emotions-her sisters (her bridesmaids) are the REAL trouble-they won't try on dresses, they don't like the dresses she's picked out, etc. So I've been an easy target.

I'm not kidding when I say that if we backed out or had said no in the first place, it would have caused long-lasting resentment with not only her, but also her sisters and mother. She's the baby in a family of 5 kids where she was born 13 years after everyone else, so she's very used to getting her own way, and she's very good at manipulating her mother to believe that she is never wrong. It's frustrating and I'll be happy when it's all done and over.

 

[Lizzy2]

Hey Christy,
What does your husband say about all of this? Is he leaving you hanging with his family mess? Maybe he should be the one to hash this out since you've tried and were dismissed. What's up with him?

 

[ChristyJ]

He's made a few comments on the side to his parents, rolled his eyes and just said "Here's a blank check" to me. He doesn't like any drama (I really don't either believe it or not...), so he's not really dealing with it.

 

[Lizzy2]

Aren't husbands great?

 

[sk!mom]

He's made a few comments on the side to his parents, rolled his eyes and just said "Here's a blank check" to me. He doesn't like any drama (I really don't either believe it or not...), so he's not really dealing with it.

I haven't read the whole thread but here's my 2 cents.

If my DH preferred not to have "drama" over this, my DD was excited to wear the dress and be in the wedding, and I could afford the dress then I would buy it and enjoy the wedding. Are you sure that the issue is the dress and not your feelings toward the inlaws?

My DH is very supportive of me and would speak up if something was a real problem so I would be supportive of him if he preferred to not make an issue of something small. I'm not saying that $150 is small although even to me, a super bargain hunter, it doesn't seem bad for a very special occasion. I have also found that children will wear dresses like this again.

You have said that refusing the invitation is not an option so it would seem better then to just go with it and help your DD enjoy it.

 

[famofsix]

She's the baby in a family of 5 kids where she was born 13 years after everyone else, so she's very used to getting her own way, and she's very good at manipulating her mother to believe that she is never wrong. It's frustrating and I'll be happy when it's all done and over.

It's not her fault she's the youngest of the family , she sounds stressed out. Maybe she will realize she's been a Bridezilla and calm down. Then things might come together easier. I hope everything works out okay and your DD has a wonderful day. And you and yours too

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Maybe it's just me, but who cares about the dress? The fact that my dd was an afterthought would be enough for me to say no thank you.

 

[Lizzy2]

Maybe it's just me, but who cares about the dress? The fact that my dd was an afterthought would be enough for me to say no thank you.

And there it is

 

[Mouse House Mama]

And there it is

Not really sure how to take that?

 

[Zoemakes5]

I'm so sorry about this.
When we got married, we were in law school, and many of my attendants were still in college. I was trying really hard to keep costs low for them. For the flower girl, her grandmother sewed, so I found a pattern that was similar to mine, bought all the material and accents and gave it to her mom.
For the bridesmaids, I searched and searched and just couldn't find a bm dress. I was having such a terrible time! I finally found one I LOVED, but almost 13 years ago was $190! My mom and I talked about it and we paid the first half for all of the dresses, knowing that was just too much to expect. The BM's just had to pay the other half when picking them up.
$150 seems a bit extreme to me for a flower girl dress, even if money isn't an issue.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Not really sure how to take that?

I think they were agreeing with you with the gaggy smiley directed at the bride in the OP and not at you.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Thanks!