"A happy marriage is hard work" - agree or disagree?

[iheartdisney]

Yep. And if only one person is working, is it really worth it?

 

[Sneaky3]

Compromising!!!!

 

[clothesmindedmom]

You bet a good marriage is hard work. Parenting is hard work. Life is hard work. But the hard work doesn't make it any less "happy" or fulfilling. It just makes you appreciate what you have

 

[DizBelle]

Given the recent thread on the marriage paradox, I thought I'd revive this one and see if there are any new opinions.

 

[NHdisneylover]

Given the recent thread on the marriage paradox, I thought I'd revive this one and see if there are any new opinions.

Well, I haven't gone back and read the 7 pages from 2 years ago yet (I don't even recall if I posted on it before), but here is my initial thought:

I've been married 18, almost 19, years and with my husband for 5 years before that.

I don't really consider it "hard work" at all. We've had our ups and downs, but for the most part our struggles are us struggling together with/against something, not struggling with one another.

That said, we went into this seeing each other as a "team" and that does mean that we both try to think of the other when we do things or make decisions--I think that ongoing consideration is really important.

 

[mom2rb]

I think life can be hard work. I think raising my kids can be hard work. I have never thought that my marriage was work at all. I think having my husband has made the hard times in life bearable.

 

[LBIJim]

I've been married a little over 14 years and cohabited with DW for 12 years before that, and marriage seems to take the same effort as living in sin.

 

[DISNEYD14]

ITA

Communication and compromise are needed but neither is hard work.

** communication and compromise do NOT come naturally to some people so I would say some do have to work at it and yes that is hard work **
My DH works hard to communicate and I work hard to compromise.
We've had ups and downs but totally happily married. Raising kids together I also believe is hard work and can put a strain on the marriage when you don't see eye to eye in every situation.

 

[Acklander]

Do I consider marriage hard work? I guess it depends on who you're married to. I have a friend who tends to walk on eggshells around her DH - I would consider that hard work. I don't consider my marriage hard work, but we are both easy going, laid back people

 

[jahber]

I'm an extreme introvert, so all relationships are work for me, to some extent. Even my marriage. There are times at the end of the day when I get my 3 kids to bed after a long day of homeschooling and all I want to do is crawl under the covers and tune it all out. And there's my husband, wanting the attention of his wife. So, I make an effort to be there for him. This is a phase we are in--a phase when it's work for me to find time for him (and yes, sometimes it's a burden I resent) and it's work for him to be patient and understand that I am almost always running on empty with no me-time most days. Maybe I'm just a terrible, selfish parent and others don't find parenting as difficult and exhausting as I do? (It's possible, I guess.)

We've only been married 12 years. I imagine the next 40 will involve better (easier) years and even some harder years. Because teenagers.

That said, I object to the way we have made work a negative as a society. Work can be a gift. I worked hard to deliver my 3 children, for example. Do I consider the work I did in childbirth a negative thing? Nope. And I don't consider work in marriage negative either.

I don't regret the hard work I've put into my marriages, just like I don't regret the hard work of childbirth or parenting or college or growing up in a dysfunctional home.

 

[powellrj]

Maybe I'm just a terrible, selfish parent and others don't find parenting as difficult and exhausting as I do? (It's possible, I guess.)

We've only been married 12 years. I imagine the next 40 will involve better (easier) years and even some harder years. Because teenagers.

You aren't a terrible selfish parent. Parenting is hard work. I had to answer the 40 will be easier quote. In our 36 year marriage, I have to say the last 15 have been the hardest for us because we have had to deal with situations out of our control. Parenting teens is hard, but dealing with our ill parents has put more stress on both of us than marriage or parenting ever did. I will say its nice at the end of the day to have someone who has lived with me for this long that I can just let go and be myself.

 

[Arielle22]

I will be married 29 years in a week. At points the marriage has been easy and other times hard work.

In a few short years we had the following

DH had a motorcycle accident while I was 30 weeks pregnant
older DD born
mom diagnosed with breast cancer
second DD born with a medical condition
mom's cancer spread to brain
Mom moves in with us for 6 months prior to dying. I am her caretaker along with my DDs. Mu siblings come and watch her on the days I have to work. DH is with her on weekends
DD has multiple dr appts and she had surgery at 6 months old
mom dies
sister (age 20) comes to live with us as our dad is already dead

a couple more years pass and MIL suffers a massive stroke. She recovers but after 2 years moves in with us for 8 months.

I was also working between 24-40 hrs and going to school nights while DH worked full time.

Our marriage was in a definite rocky place and it was work on both our sides to keep it going.

Now our DDs are in college and it is much more relaxed. For the first time in 25 years, we are living alone. We feel like we have done our time in the difficult years and can enjoy our marriage now.

 

[threeboysmom]

I don't communicate well and, truth be told, I don't really compromise well, lol, so YES it's hard work... but worth it.

 

[JanaDee]

This!

The rest of life is hard enough. How draining to have a marriage that's constantly hard work. Marriage should be FUN!

I think this is where a major flaw in thinking comes into play.

Marriage CAN be fun, but it isn't always fun. When you're constantly battling outside forces (whether it be jobs, kids, finances, parents, siblings, etc) conflict is going to occur.

I think partly the reason the divorce rate is so high is because as soon as marriage stops being fun, people give up and think "this isn't fun anymore, I don't want to put the effort into keeping the commitment. It's too hard."

 

[Laura66]

Well, I haven't gone back and read the 7 pages from 2 years ago yet (I don't even recall if I posted on it before), but here is my initial thought:

I've been married 18, almost 19, years and with my husband for 5 years before that.

I don't really consider it "hard work" at all. We've had our ups and downs, but for the most part our struggles are us struggling together with something, not struggling with one another.



That said, we went into this seeing each other as a "team" and that does mean that we both try to think of the other when we do things or make decisions--I think that ongoing consideration is really important.

This is pretty much us. We've been married for 26 years and dated for 4 before that. We got married at 22 & 23.

My husband really is my best friend and I love spending time with him.

 

[jahber]

You aren't a terrible selfish parent. Parenting is hard work. I had to answer the 40 will be easier quote. In our 36 year marriage, I have to say the last 15 have been the hardest for us because we have had to deal with situations out of our control. Parenting teens is hard, but dealing with our ill parents has put more stress on both of us than marriage or parenting ever did. I will say its nice at the end of the day to have someone who has lived with me for this long that I can just let go and be myself.

Thanks

And yes, I can see how aging parents can bring a whole new dynamic into a relationship.

I prefer not to set myself up for failure by thinking that marriage SHOULD be easy. It CAN be sometimes. But sometimes my husband and I just don't agree and one of us has to compromise. And I don't find that easy sometimes, as much as I love my husband. I'm still human. He's an amazing, kind, generous man, but he's still human, too

 

[usd2bmd]

Yes. Any relationship worth having is work.

 

[NFLDERS]

Given the recent thread on the marriage paradox, I thought I'd revive this one and see if there are any new opinions.

I'd like to know if the original pp's would still say the same things?

 

[Squirlz]

I was lucky enough to find someone so compatible that it is no effort at all. First person I ever met in my life that I could spend every minute of every day with.

 

[NFLDERS]

I'm an extreme introvert, so all relationships are work for me, to some extent. Even my marriage. There are times at the end of the day when I get my 3 kids to bed after a long day of homeschooling and all I want to do is crawl under the covers and tune it all out. And there's my husband, wanting the attention of his wife. So, I make an effort to be there for him. This is a phase we are in--a phase when it's work for me to find time for him (and yes, sometimes it's a burden I resent) and it's work for him to be patient and understand that I am almost always running on empty with no me-time most days. Maybe I'm just a terrible, selfish parent and others don't find parenting as difficult and exhausting as I do? (It's possible, I guess.)

We've only been married 12 years. I imagine the next 40 will involve better (easier) years and even some harder years. Because teenagers.

That said, I object to the way we have made work a negative as a society. Work can be a gift. I worked hard to deliver my 3 children, for example. Do I consider the work I did in childbirth a negative thing? Nope. And I don't consider work in marriage negative either.

I don't regret the hard work I've put into my marriages, just like I don't regret the hard work of childbirth or parenting or college or growing up in a dysfunctional home.

A Labor of love. Goodvibes