A Girl In DD's Grade

[Disney Doll]

When my DS16 was in 6th grade, there was another 6th grader who was pregnant and had an abortion. That was the same year the principal was arrested for dealing meth out of his office and when they arrested him (in his school office), he was naked watching gay porn.

Talk about having to educate your kids FAST...

DING!!!! DING!!!! DING!!!! We have a winner!!!!!!
]
Seriously, I anm amazed at all the people that seem to be about my age (attended HS in the alte 70s/early 80s) who are saying people were having sex in the stairrwells etc. I must have been a total airhead because I swear, I never saw anything like that. My friend got pregnant at 16 and it was SCANDAL!

 

[2disneyboys]

This is all so disgusting. Luckily, we haven't reached the point where middle schoolers are getting pregnant in my town, but I'm sure they're having sex. The problem, at least here, is that when the girl announces she's pregnant NOBODY is unhappy about it. Sometimes even the parents are happy and brag.

IMO, they should be ashamed of themselves and looked down upon by society. Teen pregnancy has become all too commonplace and sometimes even glorified-shows like Secret Life, 16 and Pregnant, and Teen Mom have all sort of backfired-and girls are finding that the government and the father will pay for everything they need. A lot of the girls who have children at my high school dump the baby off with their mothers to take care of while they party. The most abhorrent thing is that whenever I complain, people frown on ME and tell me that it's not right to pick on such poor girls. What did I do?

There was a boy, my boyfriend's friend, who PLANNED to have a child with his 21-year-old girlfriend. That was last year. He's now 18, and he's a junior. Again.

I think the root of the problem is the demoralization of sexual activity at a young age, and the glorification of accidental pregnancy. You don't have to be a conservative, religious parent to frown upon sex before marriage, or at least before maturity sets in.

Yep, I pretty much agree 100%. When DH & I were 27, had been married for 6 years, and going through fertility treatments to try & have a baby (thankfully, we finally succeeded twice!) I had the "joy' of finding out my husbands 16 year old brother and 15 year old girlfriend were having a baby, and I actually heard the words "at least I finally get to be a grandmother" from my MIL's mouth. OUCH. oh yea, aside from how much that all hurt me and dh, we were shocked by how happy both families were. don't get me wrong, I would not trade my nephew for anything, however, there was not even a moment of consequence for these 2 teenagers.. it was like they won the lottery.. they got to openly sleep together, practically had both sides of the family fighing over who got to buy them this or that or watch the baby so they could go do "teenage" stuff... I'm glad the had the support system, I just wish they had a little more reality as well.

 

[DopeyDame]

I used to work with a teacher who had 2 teenage daughters. This woman was a devout Catholic and very reserved. She would put a big box of condoms in her daughter's bathroom cabinet every 3 months, regular as clockwork. She told her daughters to make the condoms dissappear. They could toss them out, or give them to friends or whatever, but every 3 months the box should be gone and she would replace it with more.

Surprisingly, for the years her daughters were in HS, the pregnancy rate dropped at their school. I can't think why.

Wow! that's actually a phenomonal idea (spoken as another devout Catholic). I may just do something like that when DS is older. Thanks for sharing.

 

[kamik86]

I used to work with a teacher who had 2 teenage daughters. This woman was a devout Catholic and very reserved. She would put a big box of condoms in her daughter's bathroom cabinet every 3 months, regular as clockwork. She told her daughters to make the condoms dissappear. They could toss them out, or give them to friends or whatever, but every 3 months the box should be gone and she would replace it with more.

Surprisingly, for the years her daughters were in HS, the pregnancy rate dropped at their school. I can't think why.

This was what the person running the program did. She did this with her children. she always had some in the car as people that knew her would stop and ask for some. She also would give them at our meetings to any of the unity kids (since the meetings were off property she could do this) and we would bring them to school. The students didn't get in trouble for giving them out but she couldn't so she made sure we had enough for our friends.

Honestly if more schools did what a PP said the one in her area did my area would have much less pregnancy. Many had problems getting to the clinic but if you could just go to the nurse many more girls would be on the pill.

I know before we had the planned parenthood clinic she was running the teen pregnancy rates in our small town were ridiculus so just having the resource for those that could get there was a big help.

My school did still have the good education as they could allow those from the clinic to come for lectures and health classes but there was a law (or maybe it was just a school board issue) that they couldn't pass anything out on school property

 

[luvsJack]

Well, I can understand having condoms available to teens. Dh made sure they were there for our sons and I will make sure some are available to dd. BUT, first we learn about self esteem, and self respect, and "are you ready" and all the other things that should go with handing out condoms.

I don't want to stick my head in the sand and just hope it doesn't happen but otoh, I don't want dd to just believe having sex is just "what teens do" either. I want her to be a strong, young lady that knows what is right and wrong and knows her own worth. Someone who can figure out when she is ready mentally and emotionally for such a step.

 

[Mrs.Toad]

Yes and no. My public high school had a great program they had free condoms and girls could go to the nurse and get birth control for free. I knew many girls that took advantage of that. There was no abortions or miscarriages (in the private) this is not something you could keep hidden in such a close group of students. as for abortions or miscarriages in the public I am not sure. We were small group and gossip spread fast, but I never heard anything like that.

Maybe you are right in that there were no pregnancies, but again, how can you be so sure? Roughly 10 years after graduating, I was with a group of great friends from high school. Somehow the subject came up, one friend told us she'd had an abortion in high school. Well, once she admitted it several more did. But not one of the group of us had known about any of them until that night. These were close friends, the ones we confided in about everything else, but not one of them had told a soul, other than their parents. No matter how small, how gossipy a student body is, gossip can't spread if it never begins in the first place.

Seriously, I anm amazed at all the people that seem to be about my age (attended HS in the alte 70s/early 80s) who are saying people were having sex in the stairrwells etc. I must have been a total airhead because I swear, I never saw anything like that. My friend got pregnant at 16 and it was SCANDAL!

Me, too! I mean, I knew that kids were having sex, heck I was one of them by senior year, but at school!!?? No, I knew nothing of that.

We did have the "smokers bathroom", though. It was known to be the place everyone went to smoke, and a huge faux pas to try to use it as a bathroom.

 

[spacemountainmom]

Yep, I pretty much agree 100%. When DH & I were 27, had been married for 6 years, and going through fertility treatments to try & have a baby (thankfully, we finally succeeded twice!) I had the "joy' of finding out my husbands 16 year old brother and 15 year old girlfriend were having a baby, and I actually heard the words "at least I finally get to be a grandmother" from my MIL's mouth. OUCH. oh yea, aside from how much that all hurt me and dh, we were shocked by how happy both families were. don't get me wrong, I would not trade my nephew for anything, however, there was not even a moment of consequence for these 2 teenagers.. it was like they won the lottery.. they got to openly sleep together, practically had both sides of the family fighing over who got to buy them this or that or watch the baby so they could go do "teenage" stuff... I'm glad the had the support system, I just wish they had a little more reality as well.

Yowza!!! and how completely insensitive of your MIL.

 

[Minnesota!]

About 4 years ago, there was a young lady (high school age) who was pregnant and hiding it from her parents. She gave birth at home and stabbed the baby over 100 times and then placed the infant in the trash. This happened within 10 miles of where I live. It was so disconcerting to me that this young woman felt so trapped that this was her only choice. There are so many couples hoping to adopt....my own sister adopted in 2005 and 2007.

You may have heard about this story because they did a program on E! about her.

My dd was in middle school at the time and we had long discussion (again!) about the birds and the bees. It still makes me sad everytime I think about it.

You must live near me. I had just delivered my son and he was fighting for his life in the NICU at Children's St. Paul and I went to the waiting room to get a break from the machines, and the roller coaster of emotions. And I saw this on the news. Here I was fighting to keep my son alive and she murdered her child. Rage is not even close to what I felt.

My friend's brother went to school with her at Tartan..

 

[bombygriz]

About 4 years ago, there was a young lady (high school age) who was pregnant and hiding it from her parents. She gave birth at home and stabbed the baby over 100 times and then placed the infant in the trash. This happened within 10 miles of where I live. It was so disconcerting to me that this young woman felt so trapped that this was her only choice. There are so many couples hoping to adopt....my own sister adopted in 2005 and 2007.

You may have heard about this story because they did a program on E! about her.

My dd was in middle school at the time and we had long discussion (again!) about the birds and the bees. It still makes me sad everytime I think about it.

I feel both disgust and pity for this girl. There is a complete disconnect between kids and parents concerning sexual activity. I think that's what probably happened.

I remember being told that because we were Catholic (I'm not anymore), we did not have sex until we were married. END of discussion, no questions allowed. This didn't help when I ended up being in an abusive relationship for four years in middle/high school and the guy told me I had to or else he would kill himself. I didn't even THINK to go to my parents. All I can say is, THANK GOODNESS he used protection and I was on the pill for 'feminine needs'.

 

[spacemountainmom]

You must live near me. I had just delivered my son and he was fighting for his life in the NICU at Children's St. Paul and I went to the waiting room to get a break from the machines, and the roller coaster of emotions. And I saw this on the news. Here I was fighting to keep my son alive and she murdered her child. Rage is not even close to what I felt.

My friend's brother went to school with her at Tartan..

I think you must live by me too! I was so disgusted and sad. It really bothered me as a mom and also seeing the stuff my sister had to go through to adopt. There are so many who would have gladly taken that baby and loved her.

How is your son? My dd16 spent her first four days in the NICU at Childrens. They are so beyond fantastic there!

DD16 was born 2 days after the Oklahoma City bombing. The news reports were pretty much all you could get on the tv while I was in labor. It was so awful to be trying to give birth and look at all that devastation and knowing that so many of the dead were small children. At one point, I told DH to shut the GD tv off because I couldn't deal with it any more. Then when dd was finally born there were issues and they ended up rushing her to the NICU within the first 10 minutes. Thankfully all went well, but it was a stressful week.

 

[DaParkers]

How unbelievably sad. I have a 13 year old dd going into 8th grade, and I can tell you if she ever wound up pregnant now, she would not be having a baby, period.

Maybe you should've kept that to yourself.

 

[luvmy3]

Maybe you should've kept that to yourself.

Why because you don't like it? Sorry, I don't keep my mouth shut because someone might not like the reality of having another option other than actually having a baby at 13.

 

[MrsPete]

And MrsPete mentioned that a lot of sex occurs in the hours after school. Well, it also occurs at/during school as well. Stairwells, bathrooms, etc.

That does happen, but don't get the idea that it's common fare. Only the most -- what's the right word? -- extreme kids do this. And still, most of this tends to happen after school, not during the course of the day: Maybe band kids who stay after and have a couple hours to kill before the football game begins, kids who are going to walk home and instead of leaving right away, hang around school a bit.

There are alot of differences. At a private school that means most of the kids have money, or at least their parents do. That means more opputunies to get protection (someone has a car to drive to the clinic, the person has enough cash to buy condoms, etc). If something happens the family is more likely to have the money for an abortion.

I don't think many kids are getting pregnant because birth control is UNAVAILABLE. They or their friends have cars -- especially juniors and seniors. And condoms are less expensive than other things kids buy.

No, it's the same old story: They think pregnancy won't happen to them.

 

[MrsPete]

Why because you don't like it? Sorry, I don't keep my mouth shut because someone might not like the reality of having another option other than actually having a baby at 13.

I'm halfway with you. If I had a 13-year old who was pregnant, she might carry a baby, but she would not raise a baby. A 13-year old isn't old enough to grasp how much of her life she'd be giving up to make that choice.

Of course, the RIGHT ANSWER is to prevent the pregnancy in the first place. Once the pregnancy is a reality, you can argue back and forth about what's best, but there'll not be a "good answer" for a pregnant 13-year old. And if you're talking about a 14 or 15 year old, you're just talking about "less bad".

 

[Magpie]

Why because you don't like it? Sorry, I don't keep my mouth shut because someone might not like the reality of having another option other than actually having a baby at 13.

The problem with this is that you said, "she would not be having a baby, period," and your dd may not agree.

My mother had the same attitude when I was a teenager. I remember thinking, yeah, she could probably browbeat me into agreeing to an abortion. But if she HAD forced me to do it, that would have been the end of our relationship. I would have left home at the first opportunity and never returned. To me it would feel like a physical assault, perpetuated on me by my mother, and it wouldn't matter how pure her intentions were.

I've had this chat with my daughter many times over the years. She understands that IF she gets pregnant (which she has no intention of doing, and which she well knows how to prevent), the decision of what to do with the baby is ultimately up to her.

I will support her if she decides on an abortion. I will also support her if she decides to keep the baby or give it up for adoption. We've discussed all scenarios, including how it would change things if she got pregnant by rape or by choice.

 

[luvmy3]

The problem with this is that you said, "she would not be having a baby, period," and your dd may not agree.

My mother had the same attitude when I was a teenager. I remember thinking, yeah, she could probably browbeat me into agreeing to an abortion. But if she HAD forced me to do it, that would have been the end of our relationship. I would have left home at the first opportunity and never returned. To me it would feel like a physical assault, perpetuated on me by my mother, and it wouldn't matter how pure her intentions were.

I've had this chat with my daughter many times over the years. She understands that IF she gets pregnant (which she has no intention of doing, and which she well knows how to prevent), the decision of what to do with the baby is ultimately up to her.

I will support her if she decides on an abortion. I will also support her if she decides to keep the baby or give it up for adoption. We've discussed all scenarios, including how it would change things if she got pregnant by rape or by choice.

Well since my dd doesn't even get a final say in how short the shorts I buy her, or if she can get a data plan on her phone, she doesn't get to make the decision about having a baby at age 13. It may not be a popular decision, but I don't care what anyone thinks about it, my only concern is my 13 year old dd. And, while she may hate me for making her have an abortion, I'm okay with that because I know that is the best decision for her.
Now, if she was older, even just 16 the decision would be hers, but so would all the responsibilty of raising that baby. At 13 my dd is in no way capable of being a parent, and I know she isn't capable of handing pregnancy or childbirth. So yes, I would be making the decsion for her because at 13 she isn't mature enough or responsible enough to understand the ramifications of her decision (to keep or put up for adoption). Now, are there 13 year olds that are, maybe, but I know mine, and she isn't.

 

[Cinderella94]

Well since my dd doesn't even get a final say in how short the shorts I buy her, or if she can get a data plan on her phone, she doesn't get to make the decision about having a baby at age 13. It may not be a popular decision, but I don't care what anyone thinks about it, my only concern is my 13 year old dd. And, while she may hate me for making her have an abortion, I'm okay with that because I know that is the best decision for her.
Now, if she was older, even just 16 the decision would be hers, but so would all the responsibilty of raising that baby. At 13 my dd is in no way capable of being a parent, and I know she isn't capable of handing pregnancy or childbirth. So yes, I would be making the decsion for her because at 13 she isn't mature enough or responsible enough to understand the ramifications of her decision (to keep or put up for adoption). Now, are there 13 year olds that are, maybe, but I know mine, and she isn't.

I agree with you. If one is irresponsible enough to get pregnant at 13, they aren't responsible enough to make the decision themselves about how to proceed from there.

 

[DisneyFan32WI]

I have a 13 year old and there is no way in heck I could grasp the idea of her getting pregnant and raising a child. Also, I sure don't want to raise another child which I'm afraid is what would end up happening if she ever did get pregnant. I'm only 36, and I am DONE having children......and no desire to be a grandma at this time either.

 

[luvmy3]

I have a 13 year old and there is no way in heck I could grasp the idea of her getting pregnant and raising a child. Also, I sure don't want to raise another child which I'm afraid is what would end up happening if she ever did get pregnant. I'm only 36, and I am DONE having children......and no desire to be a grandma at this time either.

Exactly, and thats why (I feel) I get to make the decision. There is no way a 13 year old can be a parent, its not like you can let them quit school, they can't get a job. All they can be is a glorified babysitter, their parents (us) become parents to a baby all over again.

 

[Magpie]

Well since my dd doesn't even get a final say in how short the shorts I buy her, or if she can get a data plan on her phone, she doesn't get to make the decision about having a baby at age 13. It may not be a popular decision, but I don't care what anyone thinks about it, my only concern is my 13 year old dd. And, while she may hate me for making her have an abortion, I'm okay with that because I know that is the best decision for her.
Now, if she was older, even just 16 the decision would be hers, but so would all the responsibilty of raising that baby. At 13 my dd is in no way capable of being a parent, and I know she isn't capable of handing pregnancy or childbirth. So yes, I would be making the decsion for her because at 13 she isn't mature enough or responsible enough to understand the ramifications of her decision (to keep or put up for adoption). Now, are there 13 year olds that are, maybe, but I know mine, and she isn't.

Well, my thought is that if she's old enough to be having sex, then she's old enough to start stepping up to some adult responsibilities and decision making. And it's my job as her mother to get her there.

Also, at 13yo we'd likely also be looking at a whole lot of legal trouble for whomever got her pregnant. So that would be a big issue, too. There'd be a LOT of variables to consider in that situation.

Of course, I agree with you that every parent has to do what they believe is right - there's no argument about that. But I still think that forcing an abortion on a non-consenting child can have lifelong consequences for both mother and daughter, which may be worse than other options, including giving the baby up for adoption.

P.S. The other problem with the "she'll do what I say, period!" approach is that odds are very good that if the child doesn't want an abortion she simply won't tell anyone she's pregnant until it's too late. I do remember looking at my mum when she told me that I'd have an abortion if I ever got pregnant and thinking, "Okay, you'll be the last to know."