A cockroach biting my butt.... The End 7/21 #285

[whogirl'smom]

I'm so sorry about your friend. Don't feel bad about your Disney spenditis---I hit the online sale this weekend and bought and bought and bought( and yes, some of it was for other people ). There's something about 2.99 Pirate flip flops that just gets the old heart racing, huh? And we, too, have the nice Mickey blanket in our den from our trip in Oct.

Can't wait to hear more!

 

[Mr._The_King]

I am loving your TR. I too suffer from Disney Spendingitis. I am tempted to just hand over my wallet and all plastic when I check in. I pass the large gates amd all reasoning about budgets goes out the window. Two years ago I bought a pair of white sneakers because they had Mickey on them. I had a perfectly fine pair on but they didn't seem Disney enough for me. I hope they let you into the parking lot with less than $10. It would be undisneylike not to!

I am not the only one to replace their shoes

I'm so sorry to hear about your friend. My aunt suffered from this disease, and my mom and I helped to care for her. If you need someone to talk to, let me know.

Great installment--can't wait to hear if you got into MK or not!

Denise

Thanks for the hugs, and the offer to talk

Another brilliant chapter! I have a vision now of the Mr. The King goin' all drive thru at the drive thru wearing his girlie Crocs. I'm glad to hear you didn't have to eat your black Crocs. (they count as a snack credit on the DDP don't ya know). I'm so jealous, I need a Disney shopping spree in a bad way. Ruh-roh, you left us with a cliffhanger; can't wait to hear what happens next.

I'm sorry to hear about your friend. My uncle has ALS. Very sad.

The cliffhanger! I like this new trick

THIS is how you leave us?!?! In the parking lot?!?! Short on cash?!?! Ah cruel author thou art heartless

Another great one. Loved PC's comment about the car. Those are the best moments. Our son has done some of those as well. Great memories and stories...

I love those momnets for sure
We'll be watching for more...school's out now, what better to do than to write more...unless of course you're going back to WDW first...

I wish we were living there

Great TR ...........TFS

Thank you for reading it!

As usual, another great chapter.

I'm very sorry about your friend.

Thanks

more I need more. I'm so addicted to your TR. Sorry to hear about your friend, she and her family will be in my prayers.

We are thankful for every prayer, I believe it helps

I'm so sorry about your friend. Don't feel bad about your Disney spenditis---I hit the online sale this weekend and bought and bought and bought( and yes, some of it was for other people ). There's something about 2.99 Pirate flip flops that just gets the old heart racing, huh? And we, too, have the nice Mickey blanket in our den from our trip in Oct.

Can't wait to hear more!

$2.99 flip flops!!!I want some

 

[winkers]

Chapter 9

, Vagisil and Orajel are two very different products in alarmingly similar packages.

?

You have to share the details of that!

 

[Mr._The_King]

You have to share the details of that!

Well, Mrs. The King is having some bite problems with her dental work. I stumbled out of bed, doped up on my sleep aid and went into our bathroom. With just my bathroom night light on, I reached into my handy, dandy lotion holder. Which of course is a Solo plastic cup. I grab what I think is the Orajel and smear it on my throbbing tooth. Now, I don't like the taste of Orajel in general, but it gets the job done. I can assure you they will not be making any Vasigil flavored popsicles in the future Did I learn my lesson? Probably not Still put both lotions in the same cup.

 

[LegoMom3]

Chapter 9...

...Second, Vagisil and Orajel are two very different products in alarmingly similar packages.

I'm glad someone else asked, because I'd still be dying to know and too embarrassed to find out!!!

As a matter of fact, I wanted those pink Crocs so bad, I would have eaten my black pair if it was a requirement to get the Mickey ones. Do they pump in anesthetic to numb the financial reasoning button in your brain?

It's a general Disney-is-taking-over-your-Brain type of thing - not entirely unlike the stuff they put on certain (and only certain) pillowcases at night to cause a person who normally can't roll her big butt out of bed at 8:00 to spring forth from it at 6:00am while at WDW (but that's another trip report, which shall remain nameless and is decidedly duller than this one!)

I should also add here that I am a self-proclaimed Croc Hater (yes, I said it...and I'm sorry) but YOU are the first person to describe them in such a way as to make me want a Mickey pair!! I would be just like Mr. the King, standing there dying for a pair inside, but trying to reason out where in the world I would wear them outside of The World.

Do they take credit cards? No
Do we have cash? No

I dig around in my Bagallini and come up with $6.40. Parking is more than that. Mr. and Mrs. The King look at each other with eyes as wide as saucers . Will our hop be a flop?

NOOOOOOO!!! Quick!...hurry back!!

 

[Backstage_Gal]

This is great, really enjoying the report, and I am only on page1!!!!!!

Looking forward to the rest.

 

[Mr._The_King]

As we are seconds away from facing the parking attendant, with only $6.40 in hand, I have to summon up skills of reasoning, charm, and persuasiveness that I have gleaned from my ancestors. I hearken back to some ancient family lore to see if I will be able to wring some inspiration from them…

~ My mother franticly searching for her car keys, while driving down the road at 60 miles per hour. I wish I could say I have no idea how this feels. But I can’t.

That story is no help .

~My mother and her friend driving down the road for a shopping trip. Mom is in her brand new automatic car, after trading in a stick shift she has had for years. She spots a nice little antique store with the shop keeper outside. She and her friend decide to stop in for a look see. At 55 miles per hour mom hits the “clutch”, diving the nose of the car into the ground much like a Flintstone cartoon. Her lovely friend, luckily buckled in, slaps around like a rag doll. Her friend stares in shock at my mother and asks breathlessly, “Did we hit a deer?” My mother maneuvers the car into the parking lot. The shopkeeper runs into her store as fast as she can, thinking she is going to make the sale of a lifetime after what she has witnessed. My mother and her friend are screaming laughing and can’t get out for fear of wetting their pants.

That story is no help whatsoever .

~My mother, in her sunglasses, driving quite a distance, through heavy traffic. When she finally gets to her destination, she flips down the mirror to check her hair. Good thing she did. She had a maxi pad stuck to the arm of her sunglasses the entire time.

I have a maxi pad, but I can’t imagine where I could stick it that would help me in my current situation .

~My mother, sister and I laughing hysterically at the warning tag on Mom’s new electric paint remover. The tag said “Do Not Use As a Hair Dryer”. Though the product looks similar to a hair dryer, the super nova hot heating element would obviously deter anyone from using it as a hair dryer. They did not need this silly warning. Actually, I wish they had left it off. Mom did not see it as a warning. She saw it as a hint. Like from Heloise. On the fateful day in the 1989, I was sculpting my wickedly stylish “bangs sticking straight up”hair. The unthinkable happened. The hair dryer broke. I could never create “the look” With out any of my three essentials 1) hair dryer 2) hair spray 3) curling iron; I would go to High School with the most dreaded condition a teenage girl could face. Flat Hair. Mother, faced with a hormonal teen gets to thinking. There is a picture in her head of a hair dryer, if you carefully erase the red circle with the line through it, you can save the day! While I freak out at the kitchen table, Mom goes to the garage. When she appears, I laugh at her joke. Then she plugs it in.
Me- “Mom?”
Mother- “Trust me”
Me- “Mom!”

The element is starting to glow. I am transfixed by the reddish, purple pulsating of the hottest thing I have ever been this close to..

Mom is saying -“I won’t even go close! Trust me!” She is blocking my way out with her glowing instrument. I see the tag that was soooo funny, now mocking me. I lock eyes with my Mom, she advances. I crawl out under the table and scurry, army style into the dining room. The cord will only go so far. I am safe. Thank God cordless technology was not widely available yet. I would have been powerless against “the Run” Now, was mom really going to dry my hair with the paint remover? Or was she trying to show me there are scarier things in life than not arriving to school with my “I just ran into a wall at high speed” hair style perfectly in place? I think we all know the answer to that one.

~ What can I glean from this recollection? Hmmm. I do not have a weapon. Except. The Jiggler! The scariest weapon known to man! As we pull up to the window, I glance in. Just before I unsnap my shorts, I see the smooth face of an angelic teen boy. I can’t do it to him. He is too innocent, too young. I roll down the window, and do what my mother would do…

I give him a big smile. And I start my explanation, while Mr. The King dials Mom’s cell phone, in case the attendant needs to talk to her. I know this is fruitless, she is in a car with no place to bury her phone. But it keeps him from worrying. My explanation in one giant fast talking breath goes like this…

”Hi there.. lovely evening we have I have a problem you see my mother works here and she was with us when we came in the park and she has free parking but my father who is contracting in Orlando dropped by to pick her up from us you see he has this horrible commute and I am hoping he gets his schedule adjusted to three days a week because it is really to much for him so Mom likes when she can take the commute with him and we usually have a resort pass but not this time and so now I am worried but I do have this here money it’s …. $6.40”

I hold out four wrinkled bills and a blob of change.

The attendant lifts one eyebrow. Then he laughs, refuses my money and says, “Go ahead in Mam.” We thank him and take a sigh of relief. Disney Magic .

We are off to park. Our relief is short lived. Our fear of the April Crowds puffs up like welts on Mr. The King’s back after a cat climbed up it.

Well I guess that statement requires some explaining.

When Mr. The King and I were newlyweds, I convinced him to adopt a cat. We went to the local shelter and fell in love with a cat. We named her King Friday (seeing a pattern here?). When she was adjusting to our apartment, she had trouble with the litter box. She would do her business and than step in it, with all four feet aw:and then track it around the furniture and carpet. It was very disgusting. One night, around 3am I stumbled out to use the bathroom. The cat and I crossed paths and I knew she had been up to no good. I screamed for Mr. the King, who stumbled out in his boxers. Our apartment was very old and the walls were thin. Our bathroom shared a wall with our neighbor’s bedroom (a nice, quiet couple). So..I handed him the disgusting cat and steered the duo to the bathroom. Now, our water situation was insane. Starting up the bath or shower sounded like a jet taking off and the water pressure peeled the first three layers of skin off your body. My plan is to have Mr. the King stand in the tub holding the cat while I close the door and prevent the cat from escaping . Done. Now, Mr. The King is still mostly asleep when I turn on THE WATER. The cat’s eyes go wild. and she immediately manages to jump out of Mr. The Kings hands by twisting and somehow going vertical enough to flip over and land on his back where he can’t reach her. Since he’s wearing no shirt she is using his skin to firmly establish her refusal to take a bath.. Poor Mr. The King, is bent over screaming in agony and beating the wall with his fist while he flails his other arm wildly trying to dislodge King Friday from his back. He can’t reach the cat and it is up to me. All I can think to do is bop the cat in the face. Repeatedly, like a bad soap opera. The cat has the choice of the water filled bath, the tile wall (which it can’t climb up) or the crazy women that is repeatedly tapping her in the nose every time she moves my way. This of course, causes the cat to dig in deeper. Finally, after I realize I need to stop jabbing the cat and back up, she jumps off. I still feel bad about that one. Feel bad for the cat, Mr. The King and the couple next door who looked at us really funny later that morning .

Those scratches really welted up. Don’t feel bad for Mr. The King, he got me back when he electrocuted me with his ridiculous lamp he had from college.

…So we are directed to park (at the end of the row, of course) and we note the signage. Dopey…. Holy Smokes! We are parked in a dwarf. I did not even know they had dwarf parking. Is Mickey sending us a not so subliminal message by parking us in Dopey?!!! Mr. The King looks at me ominously

Him-“We’ve never parked in a dwarf before.”
Me- “Maybe there are a lot of spaces up front from people who have left and they’re just filling up the back rows before they re-park people closer to the front?”
Him-……………..
Me-“What? Is that not a possibility?”
Him-“It’s a good thing your pretty.”
Me-“Don’t get your Crocs in a twist…just relax, It’s Disney, we’ll have a good time.”
PC-“Will we get to ride the tram this time?”
Him-“Oh yeah, it’ll be a nice long ride on the tram son”
PC-“Cool! that’s one of the best things at Disney”

After a nice long, crowded tram ride. We arrive at Ticket and Transportation. PC loves the monorail so we head there first..

 

[Scutapipig]

Lovin' this report! The cat story had me rolling!

 

[jll45]

It's a Disney miracle! Free parking! Who'd a thunk it.

That cat story! I was laughing so hard I cried.

Thanks for the update can't wait for more.

 

[KimmyDisneyNerd]

~My mother, in her sunglasses, driving quite a distance, through heavy traffic. When she finally gets to her destination, she flips down the mirror to check her hair. Good thing she did. She had a maxi pad stuck to the arm of her sunglasses the entire time.

I was reading this at work and people were asking me if I was OK I had tears rolling down my face from the laughter.

 

[LegoMom3]

.....That story is no help whatsoever .

~My mother, in her sunglasses, driving quite a distance, through heavy traffic. When she finally gets to her destination, she flips down the mirror to check her hair. Good thing she did. She had a maxi pad stuck to the arm of her sunglasses the entire time.

I have a maxi pad, but I can’t imagine where I could stick it that would help me in my current situation .....

OMG this just gets better every time!!!!!!!!!! I'm going to have this visual stuck in my head all day....!

 

[jonslola]

How have I missed this TR!?! I have been reading it aloud to my hubby and we have been totally cracking up! Hey, do you have a pic of "The Jiggler"? So hilarious! Can't wait for more!

 

[Chris]

I was ROFL with the picture of you mom doing a flintstone move with the car and then OMG the cat story nearly had me wetting my pants! LOL!!!!!!!!

 

[WDW Fan]

Great update! Isn't it funny how when you get in the stores at Disney all sense of money being spent goes out the window! It hurts when the bill comes sometimes but you sure are in a magical place while spending The cat story is hilarious! You and Mr The King sound like a really fun couple. Looking forward to reading about your crowded adventure in the MK.

 

[whogirl'smom]

The story with your mom, the sunglasses, and the maxi pad--too much!! I hope this trip report never ends; I just love it! Hey, I know! You could ghostwrite other people's TRs so they would all be this funny! (Do you think I could use any more exclamation points anywhere?)

 

[chaoscent]

You are unblievable. I don't think I have ever laughed so hard while reading anything on any boards. You have a gift for writing that you should really do something with. I am figuring out when I will have the time to cut/paste your trip report together so I can share it with people I know will love it. Take care, Penny

 

[castawaymam]

oh,my goodness. Tha story about the cat had me on the floor in tears. I Know how Mr. The King felt after the cat attack. Been there and done that several times.

 

[Mr._The_King]

I'm glad someone else asked, because I'd still be dying to know and too embarrassed to find out!!!




It's a general Disney-is-taking-over-your-Brain type of thing - not entirely unlike the stuff they put on certain (and only certain) pillowcases at night to cause a person who normally can't roll her big butt out of bed at 8:00 to spring forth from it at 6:00am while at WDW (but that's another trip report, which shall remain nameless and is decidedly duller than this one!)

I should also add here that I am a self-proclaimed Croc Hater (yes, I said it...and I'm sorry) but YOU are the first person to describe them in such a way as to make me want a Mickey pair!! I would be just like Mr. the King, standing there dying for a pair inside, but trying to reason out where in the world I would wear them outside of The World.



NOOOOOOO!!! Quick!...hurry back!!

Crocs for you my dear

This is great, really enjoying the report, and I am only on page1!!!!!!

Looking forward to the rest.

I really hope the other pages worked for you

Lovin' this report! The cat story had me rolling!

It is funny now, and come to think of it funny then

It's a Disney miracle! Free parking! Who'd a thunk it.

That cat story! I was laughing so hard I cried.

Thanks for the update can't wait for more.

I am so glad you laughed, and I am so glad you told me

I was reading this at work and people were asking me if I was OK I had tears rolling down my face from the laughter.

I hope you had a better answer then "Reading about a lady's big butt"

OMG this just gets better every time!!!!!!!!!! I'm going to have this visual stuck in my head all day....!

I am thrilled you liked it!!

How have I missed this TR!?! I have been reading it aloud to my hubby and we have been totally cracking up! Hey, do you have a pic of "The Jiggler"? So hilarious! Can't wait for more!

I can't tell you how happy it makes me that you both enjoyed the trip report together!

I was ROFL with the picture of you mom doing a flintstone move with the car and then OMG the cat story nearly had me wetting my pants! LOL!!!!!!!!

It is funny every single time I think of it.

Great update! Isn't it funny how when you get in the stores at Disney all sense of money being spent goes out the window! It hurts when the bill comes sometimes but you sure are in a magical place while spending The cat story is hilarious! You and Mr The King sound like a really fun couple. Looking forward to reading about your crowded adventure in the MK.

We are fun alright I am so glad you are reading along, thank you!

The story with your mom, the sunglasses, and the maxi pad--too much!! I hope this trip report never ends; I just love it! Hey, I know! You could ghostwrite other people's TRs so they would all be this funny! (Do you think I could use any more exclamation points anywhere?)

I am so excited that you liked it!!!Thank you for telling me, it means a lot.

You are unblievable. I don't think I have ever laughed so hard while reading anything on any boards. You have a gift for writing that you should really do something with. I am figuring out when I will have the time to cut/paste your trip report together so I can share it with people I know will love it. Take care, Penny

I love that!!Please enjoy my crazy trip report!! It gives me confidence to be myself when I write.

oh,my goodness. Tha story about the cat had me on the floor in tears. I Know how Mr. The King felt after the cat attack. Been there and done that several times.

You poor thing

 

[Mickey Mongoose]

This is absolutely amazing! I can't stop laughing !

Keep up the great work, I can't wait for more.

 

[Mr._The_King]

Most of us have body hair. Most of us give it a little trim. It is a natural hygiene thing to do. So, I trimmed my body hair one night. I did not clean my trimming up very well. (I know, shame on me) An excited PC and PS ran into my room in the morning. PC was the spokesperson.

“Mommy! Either the Easter Bunny cut his fur or the Leprechaun trimmed his beard in the bathroom last night !!”

Yes, a Leprechaun visits our house on St. Patty’s day. He hides presents for the children and does a bit o’ mischief like turning the milk green. The kids never can catch him. But they can save his beard trimmings in a Ziploc bag because they are magic. What fun. And let’s get all excited and show these to any visitors that drop by. Luckily, I was able to talk them out of saving the beard .

Mrs. The King’s shame never ends. But we can squeeze magic out of anything in this house. And we are headed to the Magic Kingdom where you don’t even have to squeeze at all.

The Kings have decided to travel on the Monorail this time. Though usually we opt for the ferry. Nothing like having the castle creep up on you.. I was pleasantly surprised to find that the mysterious Monorail horse smell has dissipated. For the last couple of years, The monorail has smelled like a barn. Not that I mind the barn smell, but usually there is an obvious reason for it like a horse or a cow. Weird. I wonder what that was. Next thing we know we are dumping out at the Kingdom.

The fear of the crowds stumbled out of the monorail with us. We have no happy Pop Century beds to collapse in this time. If we have a long grueling exit, we will be traveling for an hour and a half. Mr. The King, our chauffer, had been battling the chicken in the toilet all last night. We are older then we used to be. At 23 we could stay up all night and roll right into the next day chipper and fun. Now 10 years later the all nighters will leave me and Mr. The King like crying babies the next day .

First thing first, we pile Mr. The King down with my bags. The kids and I walk unencumbered through security. We wait for him. Why is it so hard to find “your party” after the security break? Truly, Mr. The King takes forever to get all our bags inspected. And me and the kids wander a bit away. It is Disney for Pete’s sake. Move along man. Finally he drags himself and the bags to where we are.

We have no plans. Well, that is what I told Mr. The King and my offspring. Of course, I have a plan . I want fudge. I love fudge from Main Street. I wish I could eat it hands free like a dog. I would hork it back using just my head, gravity and my tongue. And I would make awful slurping noises. That is not socially acceptable, so I suck it off the plastic knife they give you.

FUDGE.
That is my secret plan .

I look at my walking children. We need to get a stroller. So we head under the train. There is mass chaos. No cast member at the counter. I can only see a pair of busy feet slinging strollers around behind the stroller curtain. Now, time, for The Kings is of the essence. We have yet to see the crowds. I keep hearing the 24 theme music in my head. “Dum dum dum dump” A huge clock is ticking for merry makers in the Kingdom to shuffle out and line up.

My mother gave us a bit o’ warning, telling us the story of the new numbers of allowed guests. They used to cut it off at 25,000 guests but now they are letting in 75,000 before they turn the guests away trying to get into the Kingdom. Is this a true fact? Are we about to face a crowd Unlike Disney has ever seen before?

I have to take stroller matters into my own hands. I see a frazzled looking man headed for the stroller curtain with a naked double stroller.
Me- “Returning your stroller?”
Him- “umm, yes, but I don’t know what to do”
Me- “Don’t worry sir; I will take care of that for you” I say in a soothing voice
He stares at me.
I give him an encouraging smile
. He hands me the stroller.
Me-“Have a great night”

I have commandeered someone else’s stroller. Mr. The King likes to follow rules. He wants to stand in his line, give his name card from Epcot. I ignore him and load up PS and shove our name in. He hates when I commandeer naked Disney strollers, but in my defense, I never make them naked, I find them that way, abandoned.

A disapproving Mr. The King leads us to Main Street. We are arriving at 8:35pm and people having been lining up for the Spectro Magic 9:00pm parade. Thronging is more like it. The parade crowd is phenomenal. Between the parade and the sheer volume of humans we can hardly recognize the road to my castle. Worst of all, there was no way to get to the candy store. With the FUDGE.

We shuffle slowly with the others trying to make their way down Main Street. We duck off to the side and head towards Future World. I look at the kids and assess their levels (Cranky, tired, hungry, etc) their hunger meter is high. I realize the kids don’t have the Italian bloat Mr. The King and I are enjoying. Their meals were much more lunch like and reasonable. I have realized even my flatulence at this point has a foreign flair to it. I love Italy. So we head over to Lungering Larry’s or what ever that place with the monster singing is. The name will come to me. Either way, my kids (big surprise) are afraid of Larry. So we usually pick one of the surrounding tables. We are pleasantly surprised by a short line. This adds to our delusion that the crowds are not “that bad”. I tell Mr. The King to order and the kids and I scope out a table. We get a view of the castle . Ahhh. Finally. A moment to enjoy. I know Mr. The King will be so happy with the view.

Oohh!! Cosmic Ray’s Starlight Café. Lucky you!!

I know it is hard to find your party at Ray’s so I try to call Mr. The King. Why do I bother? He keeps his phone in his pants and his Happy Mickey ring tone is just too freaking far from his ear. If only I could send a shock, like those evil dog collars.

Just a few years ago, I was eating in Ray’s with Mom, Mr. The King, PS and PC. I went for a condiment run. AS I was walking back I focused on a little girl about 8 years old. She was running in one balcony door and out another scanning the tables. I stopped and watched her. Tears start streaming down her face. I never let her out of my gaze. Finally, I approached her “Sweetheart, are you lost?”
Through her tears “Yes!”
I put on my best teacher voice “Ok, the first thing you need to do is look for a cast member” I guide her to a line.
Me -”I have a lost child here”
Cast Member jumps to work. Comforting the child and explaining that they would find her parents together. I stepped off to the side, but never took my eyes off of her. With in a few minutes a frantic father scoops her up. Hugs and admonishments. My gift that day was sitting not far from them and watching them all have a lunch together. It is funny how things work out. I never go for the condiments. Mr. The King does it.

What I didn’t know was Mr. The King was reenacting the little girl’s frantic search at that very moment. Although he says it is without the tears, I have my doubts . I get a phone call; Mr. The king is given the clue of the balcony. He is wrangling a tray of food and drinks. The trays are apparently greased up just right so that as you move, everything on the tray slides in rhythm. Stop too fast and your whole dinner shifts sliding to the “lip” of the tray and teetering there to see if you are quick enough to counter gravity and send the whole thing sloshing back toward you without tipping all of the barbeque sauce and coke all over you. I suppose the cast members have long boring days and watching hapless happy guests play the game with their trays passes the time.

So his search includes opening and closing the doors to all the balconies while balancing his waxed up, zero friction tray (wouldn’t automatic doors be really nice here? I guess that would bore the CM’s also). I spot him coming for us saving the precious nuggets and sodas. I generously open the last of four million balcony doors for him.. The kids devour their meals and Mr. The King and I toast sodas. While he was ordering, he was told that they were all out of chicken. (The only thing my kids eat). Mr. The King started to panic, within seconds, a Cast Member appears to tell the service counter person that chicken is in again. Now that is what I like to see. Unlike the “discontinued” almonds, chicken is either out or it is in. There is hope with the chicken.

So while the kids have their in chicken. Mr. The King and I start to plan our escape.