A bit morbid... Ever discover a lost loved one?

[SandrA9810]

I guess it's happened to a lot of people, especially those taking care of aging parents. It happened to some one I know recently, and it's made my fear even greater. I have no fear of death, I have my beliefs of what happens and I'm ok with that. But it absolutely terrifies me to think of finding some one.

Is it really that terrifying?
Does it make the loss of that person any harder?

 

[Gisele]

I once lost a person during a K Mart Blue light special. I didn't really like her anyway, so it was no great loss............................................................................

Another time, I found someone in a closet. Then I thought, I was wondering what happened to that hide and go seek game we had begun to play 20 years ago.

I have more stories, just let me know if anyone might be interested in reading them.

 

[DebIreland]

Ok, at first I thought you were talking about something supernatural, like finding a lost sibling beyond the grave and I couldn't figure it out?

But reading it again now I think you mean walking in home (or wherever) and finding that your loved one has died? Yes it happened to me. Last year my eldest brother and I found our other brother dead on my mother's kitchen floor. It was horrendous. All the love you have for that person flows to the surface. I just ran to him and held him and hugged him and cried and cried. I remember now I kept rubbing his head over and over and telling him that i loved him. He looked like a little boy.

The hardest part was that because he had obviously fallen to the ground, his head was at a weird angle up against the kitchen cabinets. Our overwhelming instinct was to move him to a comfortable place but when my other brother called an ambulance we were told to leave him be until the police arrived. They did and were so incredibly kind and caring. It was awful and yet, I'm so glad I got to see him before he was taken to the mortuary, which sounds odd I know. My mother didn't see him until he was laid out in the coffin in the funeral home. That was so difficult, for all of us too. He had his best suit on and looked so incredibly handsome.

But back to the time we found the body... at some point in the midst of it all we remembered that we're catholics. lol! So we called the church and they sent someone up to give him the last rites. I didn't want to let go of his hand and the priest told me to stand away from the body but I wouldn't. I know he was dead but I wasn't leaving him on his own. The priest was a stranger, I was his friend and sister.

In the long run I think it's made my grief a little bit easier. But I'll never ever get that image out of my head of his head being at that weird angle.

 

[wdwmom2]

Yes, my dad.

I visited my dad every Sunday. Bought him groceries before visiting. Stopped by, helped him put his groceries away, tidied up a little, and visited with him.

Now, my dad wasn't homebound. Still healthy, could drive with no issues. He would drive over to my place maybe once a week to visit me and my family. He lived on his own. He was 76 years old.

The Wednesday after I had visited him I got a call from my brother. He and his wife had stopped over to visit dad. Dad didn't answer the door. My brother went home, and after thinking about it, called me and asked me to go over and check on dad. I lived less than 5 minutes away.

I got there and it was dark out. No lights on in the house. I looked through a window and could see him laying in bed. No response from knocking on the window. Dad had recently changed the locks on his doors and hadn't gotten around to giving me one yet. I had to break a window over the kitchen sink. That was all it took. The smell was HORRIBLE!!!!

Not sure when he died. But with the state of decomposition, I would guess either the same day I had visited him or the next day. It was mid July and he didn't have any air conditioner running, so that didn't help things.

The only peace I have, if that is what you want to call it, was that I found him laying in bed with a TV remote in one hand, the other hand in a bag of chips. So I believe that he died peacefully.

That was one of the absolute worst days of my life. To top this off, my mom died in my arms 2 months later from cancer.

DebIreland, sorry about your brother

 

[LBAK]

My dad almost 2 years ago. He lived with us.He told me he wasn't feeling well (flu like symptoms) but he didn't think it was necessary to go to the dr. He went to lay down, I checked on him 25 minutes later and he was gone. Massive heart attack. I still feel guilty that I couldn't do anything to save him.

 

[momof1princess]

not to me, but to my mother...it was my beloved grandfather, her dad. she'd gone to my grandparents' house that morning to take my grandfather to dialysis, and she went into his room to see him, and they chatted a few minutes, and she told him he could lay back down for 15 minutes or so, it wasn't time to leave yet. she walked out of the room and went to the kitchen to talk to my grandmother, and when she walked back into grandfather's room to wake him up, he was gone. he had just laid down and died.
to all of you i'm so sorry for your losses. it's been 8 years, and i still miss my paw-paw every day.

 

[linda0706]

My mother found my grandpa after he committed suicide. He sat in a chair outside the carport door and shot himself in the head with a shotgun. My mom usually stopped by every other day, and he apparently tried to get her attention before she walked up on him by tying a white flag to the mailbox right next to where she'd be parking her car. It did it's job...when she saw the flag then saw him sitting there slumped over (from 2 car-lengths away) she immediately knew something was wrong & went directly to the neighbor's house. The neighbor was the one who walked up close enough to see what had happened.

As horrible as it was for her, she is so grateful that she didn't have to see it up close.

(His body was wracked with cancer and he probably was in a ton of pain, although he never complained - he apparently just decided he was done with it.)

 

[jlewisinsyr]

I saw a good friend get killed by a drunk driver in front of me. I was following her in my car and a drunk driver crossed the center line and hit her car at about 55 - 60 MPH. There was nothing I could do, but get close to her and just stay there until the police came.

Outside of that, my brother's ex-girlfriend found my brother after he committed suicide, my mother found our next door neighbor about a week after he had a stroke and died on his bedroom floor and my father's girlfriend (my parent's were seperated) found him dead of a heart attack when she came back from the grocery store.

It happens, and it's hard, no doubt, but with life comes death and it's enevitable, at some point in time; its just what you make of the time up until then that matters the most.

 

[Val]

Last October my DH came in from moving the sprinkler and collapsed. My DS15 and I did CPR on him until the paramedics came, and they worked on him another 45 minutes....but he was gone. I knew it when I went to him, but you just keep trying. Thankfully DD13 was not home at the time, and DD19 and DD23 were away at college, so they didn't see it happen. DH was only 52!

 

[momof1princess]

Last October my DH came in from moving the sprinkler and collapsed. My DS15 and I did CPR on him until the paramedics came, and they worked on him another 45 minutes....but he was gone. I knew it when I went to him, but you just keep trying. Thankfully DD13 was not home at the time, and DD19 and DD23 were away at college, so they didn't see it happen. DH was only 52!

i am so, so sorry for your loss

 

[agnes!]

i am so, so sorry for your loss

I second that .

agnes!

 

[TaraPA]

The only peace I have, if that is what you want to call it, was that I found him laying in bed with a TV remote in one hand, the other hand in a bag of chips. So I believe that he died peacefully.

In the midst of reading all these sad stories with tears in my eyes, this made me smile. I don't mean that in a silly, disrespectful way - I see it as you did, that at least he was happy when he went. No pain & suffering.

I'm so sorry to everyone here for their losses.

 

[Plannin'Shannon]

Sadly, yes.

 

[SandrA9810]

It's the biggest part that scares me, about going to Texas all the time. I love my grandmother, and I don't want her to go, but I'm also ok with it. I just don't want to be the first one to know.

I very much believe, God has a plan, and it's not my business to try and change it. I just accept it and be happy to know where they have gone. It's the way I've felt since my grandfather died in '98.

 

[Stitchfans]

I never did... not a loved one. When I worked at the nursing home I found several residents who had passed away. But my dad a few years ago discovered my younger brother was gone. My brother was suppose to pick up dad from the hospital but never called or showed up. My dad had my sister in law bring him home and about time he got home it was late so he went straight to bed since he was tired.

The following morning he went upstairs to yell at my brother for not picking him up and found him slumped over the keyboard in front of the computer. My poor dad had to go to a therapy to see a counselor for months after that. My brother was only 45.

 

[m&m's mom]

You know I have that fear as well, finding a loved one passed. I appreciate all those that have respectfully shared their stories.
My DH had a major heart attack when I was at the mall several years ago. I got to the house the same time the ambulance. He flatlined/died after we got to the hospital but by then he had a Cardiologist on one side of the bed and an ER Doc on the other side and they shocked him back and he has been fine ever since. Very scary though.

 

[DebIreland]

Yes, my dad

My dad almost 2 years ago.

when she walked back into grandfather's room to wake him up, he was gone.

My mother found my grandpa after he committed suicide.

I saw a good friend get killed by a drunk driver in front of me.

Hugs to all of you.

my dad a few years ago discovered my younger brother was gone.

That's awful. Your poor Dad. Sorry for the loss of your brother.

Last October my DH came in from moving the sprinkler and collapsed. My DS15 and I did CPR on him until the paramedics came, and they worked on him another 45 minutes....but he was gone.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

My DH had a major heart attack when I was at the mall several years ago. I got to the house the same time the ambulance. He flatlined/died after we got to the hospital but by then he had a Cardiologist on one side of the bed and an ER Doc on the other side and they shocked him back and he has been fine ever since. Very scary though.

Thank goodness for that!

 

[MrsDuck]

My great Aunt Laura was in a nursing home and one day my mom, grandma, and I went to visit her.

My grandma and mom went to go speak to the nurses and I went into her room by myself where I found her sitting up in bed gone. It was scary, and sad. We knew her day was coming quickly but it was not pleasant stumbling upon her like that.

 

[JimmyPicker]

Hugs to all of you. Thank you for sharing your touching stories.

I've never found anyone, and I'm like the OP -- It scares me to think I'd find a loved one who passed.

 

[Planogirl]

My mother found my father on the floor when she woke up one morning. She called me practically in hysterics and she kept telling me that he was lying there on the floor. She'd already called the police but they hadn't arrived yet.

I can't imagine.