90 teenaged girls pregnant in ONE highschool!

[luvmy3]

Yes, this was my point exactly. Yes, we all have sexual feelings and that is all part of being human and is totally normal and good. But we are human, not wild animals and we have more developed brains that allow us to make reasonable decisions. Having sex as a teenager is not acceptable and I think far too many people go along with "they do it anyway." Not all teens have sex. I didn't (I was married first and not saying that is what should be done at all, but just giving some background). My parents told me all about birth control and showed me condoms but also told me that teen sex was not acceptable. I had many sexual feelings, but also knew the consequences of acting on them. There are many ways you can teach kids to handle those feelings without having sex. And the boys need to be taught that you can not pressure anyone to do anything.

I still stand by finding out what is motivating these kids to act on feelings and then giving them tools to handle them. BC should absolutely be taught as well. Hand out condoms, sure. But try to help kids postpone so no one has to deal with pregnancy, disease, or other emotional fall out. As adults,we have to stop throwing up our hands and saying "its just what they do." Many girls I know had issues at home or boyfriends who were controlling or just had no self-esteem and wanted someone to love them. Help these girls with these problems first. Let them know there are other choices. Of course sex feels good, but do you really need to find that out at 14 or 15?
Jessica

I don't believe anyone one of us who feel that students should be taught and given BC are saying that we shouldn't also help them learn to "say no". I'm not throwing up my hands but I don't believe that a just say no problem will fix anything unless it includes teaching about how to use BC and offering it to all the students. Teens have and will always have sex, no amount of self esteem classes, or telling them its not accepatble will change that.

 

[golfgal]

Because many teens have hormones screaming at them to do it b/c it feels nice.

Thankfully for me I was waaaaaaaay too shy to listen to those feelings, and was frighteningly ticklish as well, AND I dated boys who were extreme gentlemen. Good combo! Oh, and add the fact that I was fairly certain my mom was omniscient in there...

But others didn't have that combo.



Your situation has worked out so beautifully. I'm sure you know you and your husband are pretty unique! My mom's marriage at 17 was as unsuccessful as your early relationship has been successful. Your children are so fortunate.

So what is Iceland doing in schools that America isn't?



The idea of people having their girls on BC and thinking that's enough just scares me. Still a possibility of pregnancy, possibility of all sorts of side effects (including death), and absolutely no protection from disease! Frightening.

You can't really generalize about US schools and schools in Iceland. Each school is going to be different. I posted earlier, there have not been any pregnant teens in our high school for several years.

 

[ozarkmom]

We've had alot of teen pregnancies in our school the last 4 years or so. There's alot of different reasons. I keep hearing I was on the pill. Well he should have also wore a condom and you weren't taking it correctly. I remember a few years ago one of my daughters friends put on myspace that she loved her boyfriend and would do "anything" to keep him. Well guess what? she was pregnant a few months later. Oh and the baby is two and they fight all the time have filed charges against each other it's a horrible drama that gets played out on facebook (no one does myspace now). Most of the other girls I know with babies are in the same boat. They are not with the fathers there's tons of drama and I feel horribly sorry for these babies. The other thing I see are grandparents getting stuck with most of the responsibility. Another thing is the showers for these babies are huge. Everyone is so excited! I know about 20 girls that have had babies in the last couple of years and I can think of one that is with her boyfriend doing well. He's in the Army and she is working and attending college. She's lucky that her mom is available and will to sit for her so she can do these things. Oh and these girls do get alot of benefits. Food stamps, money to go to school, HUD, etc. and believe me they are aware of all of this.

 

[shortbun]

When I graduated from high school in 1971, there were 11 pregnant girls in our class when we graduated. We did not attend graduation practice as a class because we wanted the preggers girls to graduate with us and they had been outlawed-they walked with us in graduation. Wow! 90 girls is a lot. Somewhere, somebody has failed to get through to these children. My son's best friend's sister was a mom at 16. Her son is two now and she's 18. She's not teaching him anything-no colors, no words, no animal sounds...he had no books until we gave him some for Christmas. Children should NOT be raising children.

 

[luvsJack]

I don't believe anyone one of us who feel that students should be taught and given BC are saying that we shouldn't also help them learn to "say no". I'm not throwing up my hands but I don't believe that a just say no problem will fix anything unless it includes teaching about how to use BC and offering it to all the students. Teens have and will always have sex, no amount of self esteem classes, or telling them its not accepatble will change that.

Sure they will, but, otoh, saying "well, you are going to do it anyway so here is some birth control" isn't the way to go either.

Self esteem DOES help a girl get through the teen years without adding the extra drama and issues that having sex brings. It gives them the tools to say no.

Sexual relationships are not something that teens are emotionally ready to handle. That is why they usually make such a mess out of it.


Kids can get bc. They can buy it in the drug stores, they can buy it many restrooms and if they go to the health dept. or to family planning they will give them a bag full of it. Its not like they don't have access. Obviously that has not fixed the problem.

90 girls in one high school? Not getting birth control is not the problem. There is much more there than that.

 

[hereyago]

Aww, thank's MTV. You've given us sooo much and have somehow, i'm sure, helped teens think being a teen mom is OK! MTV keeps on giving!

Last time I checked it took 2 to get pregnant. Do you also believe that rock music makes people kill themselves. cause you know before Teen Mom was on, teens actually got pregnant or someone pregnant without the show.

 

[hereyago]

And for those who think this show is the cause of all teen pregnancies: well how about this: there isn't a show about teens having other kinds of sex, but yet, the numbers of std infections in other parts of the bodies in young people are staggering, because they don't consider those as sex.

 

[luvmy3]

Sure they will, but, otoh, saying "well, you are going to do it anyway so here is some birth control" isn't the way to go either.Self esteem DOES help a girl get through the teen years without adding the extra drama and issues that having sex brings. It gives them the tools to say no.

Sexual relationships are not something that teens are emotionally ready to handle. That is why they usually make such a mess out of it.


Kids can get bc. They can buy it in the drug stores, they can buy it many restrooms and if they go to the health dept. or to family planning they will give them a bag full of it. Its not like they don't have access. Obviously that has not fixed the problem. And again, please note I'm not saying this is a 100% fix to the teen pregnancy issue, its not, its just a way to help.

90 girls in one high school? Not getting birth control is not the problem. There is much more there than that.

I'm not claiming its the way to go, but without including how to have responsible sex in a program set up to fix the teen pregnancy problem, you won't solve it. Just because one believes in giving teens BC and teaching them about responsible sex doesn't mean they believe that there is no reason to also teach them how to abstain. However, I don't have my head in the sand, teens are having sex, and even those who would go through a program geared towards improving their self esteem and self worth may still end up having sex and I think its irresponsible to ignore that fact. (In general, not saying anyone is here). Give them all the education they need so when it comes down to them having sex, they either say no, or they say yes and are responsible about it.

As far as teens having access to BC, paying for it in a vending machine or trucking yourself down to the drugstore or health dept it isn't happening in that age group. Hand them free condoms when they take the just say no class and there is a better chance they will use them.

ETA I'm not saying this is the only way to go or will 100% work, its just another way to help.

 

[skater]

Because they are human and that is what humans do. We need better sex education, focused not on abstinence but on protection, prevention, and consequence. Teenagers have sex. They always have, They always will. As you say it crosses all boundaries race ,religion, economics because it is a natural human function. We need to help our children to make it as safe a possible to be open and honest about it so they can make wise choices in their lives.

Some teens have sex. Most of them (if not all) are not ready for it. I bet that most pregnant teens know about birth control and protection. I'm not saying we shouldn't teach bc, but abstinence should absolutely be part of the focus. And they should also be taught that protection doesn't always work - either to prevent pregancies or std's. They should also be taught about the emotional consequences of sex before they're ready for it. And why not teach them how to say no if they want to say no? There are many girls out there who need to understand that they won't be loved just because they have sex.

 

[luvsJack]

Some teens have sex. Most of them (if not all) are not ready for it. I bet that most pregnant teens know about birth control and protection. I'm not saying we shouldn't teach bc, but abstinence should absolutely be part of the focus. And they should also be taught that protection doesn't always work - either to prevent pregancies or std's. They should also be taught about the emotional consequences of sex before they're ready for it. And why not teach them how to say no if they want to say no? There are many girls out there who need to understand that they won't be loved just because they have sex.

ITA!

Teens are just not emotionally or developmentally (mental development--their body is ready but that is about it) ready to handle a sexual relationship.

There is NO responsible way for a teen to have sex. The "responsible" thing for them to do would be to hold off because they would realize that no protection is 100% and they need to be ready for the consequences of their actions.

I don't believe that anyone should fool themselves into thinking that thier teen will not have sex, but I won't hand them bc control and say "I hope you don't, but if you do. . . " either. Abstinence should be the focus of any educational program.

Any and all skills needed to be able to say no, that is the way to go. Girls need to understand that the emotional strings that they attach to having sex may not be the same strings the boy places on it. They need to understand that "love" and "sex" are not interchangable words and you can have one without the other. The list goes on and on.

I agree with keeping bc accessible to teens but there is so much more that needs to go along with bc and the directions on how to use it.

 

[luvmy3]

ITA!

Teens are just not emotionally or developmentally (mental development--their body is ready but that is about it) ready to handle a sexual relationship.

There is NO responsible way for a teen to have sex. The "responsible" thing for them to do would be to hold off because they would realize that no protection is 100% and they need to be ready for the consequences of their actions.

I don't believe that anyone should fool themselves into thinking that thier teen will not have sex, but I won't hand them bc control and say "I hope you don't, but if you do. . . " either. Abstinence should be the focus of any educational program.

Any and all skills needed to be able to say no, that is the way to go. Girls need to understand that the emotional strings that they attach to having sex may not be the same strings the boy places on it. They need to understand that "love" and "sex" are not interchangable words and you can have one without the other. The list goes on and on.

I agree with keeping bc accessible to teens but there is so much more that needs to go along with bc and the directions on how to use it.

Personally I believe that way of thinking only adds to the teen pregnancy and teens contracting STD problem so I plan on having a drawer full of condoms in my bathroom for my kids.

 

[luvsJack]

Personally I believe that way of thinking only adds to the teen pregnancy and teens contracting STD problem so I plan on having a drawer full of condoms in my bathroom for my kids.

We have been freely handing out condoms for decades and it hasn't helped anything. Why do we continue to do the same thing expecting a different outcome?

The best way to not get pregnant or to contract an STD is to not have sex. Having a condom in his wallet hardly makes a kid "responsible". If that condom breaks, is he going to be "responsible" enough to raise a child?

I talk to my kids about sex, pregnancy and STD's and I teach them the best ways to prevent what they don't want. Simply handing them a condom isn't going to prevent anything.

 

[agnes!]

We have been freely handing out condoms for decades and it hasn't helped anything. Why do we continue to do the same thing expecting a different outcome?

The best way to not get pregnant or to contract an STD is to not have sex. Having a condom in his wallet hardly makes a kid "responsible". If that condom breaks, is he going to be "responsible" enough to raise a child?

I talk to my kids about sex, pregnancy and STD's and I teach them the best ways to prevent what they don't want. Simply handing them a condom isn't going to prevent anything.

If he does keep a condom in his wallet, he better make sure to keep a fresh one in there (as opposed to one that has been sitting in his wallet waiting for months or whatever and the happy couple takes it out and oopsie...it's been degraded by the constant heat...)

agnes!

 

[luvmy3]

We have been freely handing out condoms for decades and it hasn't helped anything. Why do we continue to do the same thing expecting a different outcome?

The best way to not get pregnant or to contract an STD is to not have sex. Having a condom in his wallet hardly makes a kid "responsible". If that condom breaks, is he going to be "responsible" enough to raise a child?

I talk to my kids about sex, pregnancy and STD's and I teach them the best ways to prevent what they don't want. Simply handing them a condom isn't going to prevent anything.

Where did I say simply handing them a condom would? Are you assuming that because I am willing to provide my teens with BC that I'm not planning on talking to them about sex, pregnancy, STDS or abstinence? Have you read any of my posts in their entirety or are you just picking out bits and pieces?

I'm not sure where you are getting your facts, but roughly 50% of teens in grade 9-12 are having sex, so unless 100% of them are ending up pregnant, you can't say giving out condoms or using other forms of available BC isnt working. Obviously sometyhing is preventing all of those girls from getting pregnant. The one thing for sure that you can say is its not going to work for those not using it.
You will never stop teens from having sex, never and if you think you can you are fooling yourself.

 

[MrsPete]

Yes, this was my point exactly. Yes, we all have sexual feelings and that is all part of being human and is totally normal and good. But we are human, not wild animals and we have more developed brains that allow us to make reasonable decisions. Having sex as a teenager is not acceptable and I think far too many people go along with "they do it anyway." Not all teens have sex. I didn't (I was married first and not saying that is what should be done at all, but just giving some background). My parents told me all about birth control and showed me condoms but also told me that teen sex was not acceptable. I had many sexual feelings, but also knew the consequences of a
Jessica

I was going to post, but why bother when you've already said everything I was going to say?

Yes, sex feels good, but we teach our kids NOT to do other things just because they feel good. We teach them that candy is yummy, but they should also eat broccoli. We teach them that going to hang out with friends is fun, but they should study for their test first. We teach them that spending their allowance on new clothes is rewarding, but saving for something big that they really want is more rewarding in the long run. Why do people want to throw their hands up at the topic of sex and say, " oh, they're just not teachable!". They can and will listen -- if the subject is presented correctly, and that may not mean a one-size-fits-all one-time lecture.

 

[MrsPete]

Our high school does, too. I can't say I don't support their decision to expel them.

ETA: a success story regarding teen pregnancy. My brother got his girlfriend pregnant their senior year of HS. They married, then graduated HS. Another child was born 2 years later. Their mother then abandoned them with my brother. He raised them alone from that point on, asking for very little assistance from my family. He never went to college. But, he worked so hard, 2-3 jobs at a time and managed to open a small business that has flourished. He taught the kids through his mistakes. The oldest is now a medical doctor and the younger sister now holds a Ph.d. in Mathematics. He taught them to never give up. Those kids are amazing role models for my child, and so is my brother.

But you know that this is a very, very unusual story -- far from typical. I've been out of school this week because of snow, so I have been watching morning TV. Dr Phil says that a teen mother has a 1.5percent chance of going on to graduate from college.

 

[luvmy3]

I was going to post, but why bother when you've already said everything I was going to say?

Yes, sex feels good, but we teach our kids NOT to do other things just because they feel good. We teach them that candy is yummy, but they should also eat broccoli. We teach them that going to hang out with friends is fun, but they should study for their test first. We teach them that spending their allowance on new clothes is rewarding, but saving for something big that they really want is more rewarding in the long run. Why do people want to throw their hands up at the topic of sex and say, " oh, they're just not teachable!". They can and will listen -- if the subject is presented correctly, and that may not mean a one-size-fits-all one-time lecture.

Some will, some won't and if you truly want them to listen then you need to start teaching this long before the teen years start.

 

[MrsPete]

Some will, some won't and if you truly want them to listen then you need to start teaching this long before the teen years start.

Totally agree about the starting early thing.

 

[MrsPete]

You can't really generalize about US schools and schools in Iceland. Each school is going to be different. I posted earlier, there have not been any pregnant teens in our high school for several years.

Statistics would say that it's highly unlikely that no girls have been pregnant in your local high school. It's more likely that girls are leaning towards abortion more often.

 

[disfan07]

I havent read all of teh response but I will say this.

Abstinence only and the whole just say NO sex ed classes are BS. They dont work. You have to have comprehensive sex education.

One of my friends lived somewhere that only taught abstinence. She had her daughter at 16. She HATES abstinence only. She thinks it is a complete waste of time. If you are not going to teach about prevention adn safe sex, there is no point to teaching them anything. As she said...
The more you tell a teenager that they can't do something or that it is wrong, the more they are going to want to do it. Abstinence only education does just that. It makes teenagers want to have sex more because it is "forbidden"