16 yr. old niece involved in a pornography situation

[Bluestars]

The only way would involve the police is if the males were much older. In this situation, I would have notified the other parents and probably spoken to the boys myself letting them know it is to never happen again or the authorities will be contacted.

As far as my daughter, I would not let her have any unsupervised internet access at home. It seems like some kind of counseling might possibly be in order for this family too. I don't think you can completely stop a person from doing something. She could easily use someone else's computer. However, with a little counseling or family discussions, they might be able to figure out why she has so little self respect and is seeking attention like this from multiple males.

 

[ksjayhawks]

For your dsis and dbil___

Myspace issue----They need to create a myspace page for themselves. Then they need to send a friend request to their dd. Have her sit down and go to her myspace page and accept them as a friend. She then needs to delete the photos that she has posted and then go to the spot where she can change her password. Her parents should change the password and then close or deactivate the account.

Trust issue----She has lost their trust and as such, should be monitored very closely. She cannot go to a friend's house without permission. The parents need to talk to the friends' parents and explain to them that their dd is not allowed on the computer at all and that if they feel that is too much for them--the friends parents--to monitor, that right now all get-togethers with their children and dd will have to be at dd house. No need to explain what happened. DD cannot go to the library alone, either. Put passwords on the home computers so that she cannot access them. She should not be able to access myspace from school--double check and if she can, talk to any teachers where she would be using computers in class and tell them that your daughter is on restrictions with the computer and must be monitored very closely.

In fact, I think I would have all dd interactions with friends at their house or someplace where they, the parents, are present until they feel they can trust her again and that could be a long, long time.

Even if they don't go to the police, there is a good chance that other kids know what is going on. It is easy for kids to get sucked into doing something because they don't think of the consequences of the act, just that it is fun, dangerous, exciting, etc.

It will be rough on the family, will send a message to the two younger ones. It can be done though if they are really committed to it as it will definitely change the family dynamics and lifestyle.

 

[Magic Mom]

I could be mistaken, but I think it can be a police matter. I've read some articles recently about kids being in legal trouble "sexting" (texting with explicit photos). It's considered child porn and even if the pictures are of themselves, I *think* it falls under the umbrella of sending child porn.

Who would be the accused though? They all did it. If they are just stupid hormone ridden teeanagers, I think it would be tragic if any of them were charged with a federal child porn crime over this. They don't deserve to have their lives ruined for being stupid and ******.

 

[Magic Mom]

The only way would involve the police is if the males were much older. In this situation, I would have notified the other parents and probably spoken to the boys myself letting them know it is to never happen again or the authorities will be contacted.

As far as my daughter, I would not let her have any unsupervised internet access at home. It seems like some kind of counseling might possibly be in order for this family too. I don't think you can completely stop a person from doing something. She could easily use someone else's computer. However, with a little counseling or family discussions, they might be able to figure out why she has so little self respect and is seeking attention like this from multiple males.

That sounds sensible.

 

[luvmy3]

Who would be the accused though? They all did it. If they are just stupid hormone ridden teeanagers, I think it would be tragic if any of them were charged with a federal child porn crime over this. They don't deserve to have their lives ruined for being stupid and ******.

If I'm not mistaken they would have to be registered as sex offenders too. Could you imagine having to go through life with that stigma just because you let your raging hormones take over your brain when you were a teen.

 

[famofsix]

If I'm not mistaken they would have to be registered as sex offenders too. Could you imagine having to go through life with that stigma just because you let your raging hormones take over your brain when you were a teen.

that would be sad. they all need some boundries and counseling

 

[Magic Mom]

If I'm not mistaken they would have to be registered as sex offenders too. Could you imagine having to go through life with that stigma just because you let your raging hormones take over your brain when you were a teen.

They would be followed by the sex offender label forever. Hopefully for all of them this is a huge wakeup call, and the end of this stupid behavior.

LOL I think I should have another reminder talk with DS about the internet.

 

[OceanAnnie]

If I'm not mistaken they would have to be registered as sex offenders too. Could you imagine having to go through life with that stigma just because you let your raging hormones take over your brain when you were a teen.

I think you are right. I think they all would have that stigma. I wouldn't want that for any of them.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

My niece is actually a wonderful girl. She loves her younger brother and sister and tries so hard to make them happy. Her parents tend to be very hard on her. I always say that if she breathes the wrong way, she is punished. They would punish her for stupid things. Meanwhile her brother and sister who should be punished never are. I kind of think she is crying out for attention and love.

So, if anyone has any advice, I would love to hear it. Why do seemingly good kids do this kind of stuff.

OK, since you asked for advice and you posted this tidbit, my suggestion for you is to recommend family counseling for all.

I think you are right she is crying out for love and attention and this just classic behavior. The fact that it is on the internet makes it more dicey but the fact remains that if the internet were not available she would probably be doing something else to attract boys to fill the void.

Grounding her from the phone and computer is obviously #1.
#2 Getting some family help would be beneficial for her. Or at the very least she can get some individual counseling.

As far as involving police, I think that was jumping the gun since all parties involved are HS students.

 

[lil mermaid]

d

His prom date was a sophmore. Her mom insisted that she wear a shawl or have her shoulders covered. Said she was a good little Catholic girl.
hahahahahahahahaha...roflmao....

The pics that she sent to DS were out there. Let's just say they left nothing to the imagination.

Honestly, I am not seeing the humor.

 

[lil mermaid]

I agree, why should the boys be arrested and not her, when they all participated.
FTR, I don't think any of them should be arrested. Its not a police matter.

It is a police matter if these boys are 18 or over because it is illegal to send pornography to a minor.

 

[Magic Mom]

It is a police matter if these boys are 18 or over because it is illegal to send pornography to a minor.

But really, do they deserve to go to prison over this? They are in high school.

 

[ameraumi]

Originally Posted by Justanopinion
d

His prom date was a sophmore. Her mom insisted that she wear a shawl or have her shoulders covered. Said she was a good little Catholic girl.
hahahahahahahahaha...roflmao....

The pics that she sent to DS were out there. Let's just say they left nothing to the imagination.

Honestly, I am not seeing the humor.

I do. I was once a "good Catholic school girl".... NOT! Every girl I know who has been through a Catholic school knows when to put on the Catholic charm and when to let loose.

Back on topic: This is one of those touchy situations. On one hand, if the boys are 18, then yes they can be charged. I would hate for them to be on the RSO list over this but laws are in place to not exploit children.

You know, it might be a suggestion for the parents to talk to the school counselors about this situation (without names) and see if the school could do an assembly on "sexting". It might be a good wake up call for students to see what *could* happen if they are caught.

 

[Rafiki Rafiki Rafiki]

The photos are one thing...but I can tell you that they're probably the least of that family's worries.

Kids these days are having sex at 13. THIRTEEN. They think they're grown up. And why? Because every piece of media out there tells them that sex is the norm.

The parents have obviously bought this 16 yo child thong panties. Good move. And they got her a cell phone. They give her free access to the internet...and probably unlimited texting/picture texting.

I think to say those parents are too strict and expect too much out of their daughter is just absolutely unreasonable. She is probably sexually active, and she has probably worried about being pregnant more than once.

I would love to say it just isn't true...but I'm a mom of a 19 yo daughter who I caught chexing (internet chat sex talk) at age 14. She lost private internet privileges until she graduated from high school. She was forbidden to visit Xanga, Myspace, or any other communications-style page on the internet, and those sites were blocked from the family computer. She was not allowed to have a private e-mail account again until she turned 17. Her cell phone had a limit of 200 minutes a month (and still does) and has texting blocked.

I tell you...it's too late to do much. All they can do now is control her ability to get pregnant or catch a disease...thru prevention and education. And be careful of allowing her to have birth control pills. They nearly killed my daughter at age 18.

It is not easy to parent a child who tends to be wild. I've been there and have made a ton of mistakes. And I can't tell you how to get the child back to good....because I don't know how to do it on my own. But controlling it from damaging the family further is the biggest challenge.

Are there younger siblings? If so, it's time to get them under control and minimize this child's effect on the others.

 

[mamamia2]

Thank you to all who responded.

To the person who asked if I was using the DIS as my sounding board. The answer is "yes". The only way to describe how I am feeling right now is that if feels like my heart is breaking. If that makes sense. I didn't know where else to turn. My sister doesn't even know that I know all the details. When I talked to her earlier it was just like everyday chit chat. My BIL is more open with what is going on. And this isn't the kind of thing that you want too many people in real life to know about. I typed and retyped the post so many times, trying to decide if I should post it or not.

I think that if the police are involved all of those involved, including my niece would probably be labeled as sex offenders. I don't know how old the boys are, either 17 or 18.

I really hope her whole family will go to counseling. My sister is the type of person to just sweep things under the carpet. My sister is 42 and she still has the mindset of a 16 year old. I really believe my sister has needed counseling since she was young and she never got it. This same niece was also just kicked out of her house last Monday, by her mother. She spent the night with my parents and her mother wouldn't even talk to her on the phone; she kept hanging up everytime my niece called. and then the next day she "allowed" my niece to come home. I wanted to call CPS but I didn't because my niece wanted to be home. My BIL is trying to handle things. My sister is sort of on the useless side. That doesn't sound nice. She is great to my kids, but with her own its different somehow. She will give you the shirt off of her back and will be there in a heartbeat if you need her.

I tried researching this kind of stuff on the internet and was shocked at how much this is happening all over. I don't believe my niece understands how bad of thing it is and why its wrong.

I will be making sure they follow through on their "no computer, no cell phone" punishment. They have a habit of relenting. I do have access to her myspace through my dd's account.

When my kids (18, 16 and 13) were younger, I thought I would only have to worry about drugs and alcohol and them having sex to early. Never could I have imagined this situation.

Thanks again for letting me sound off.

 

[Jennasis]

Didn't read all the posts, but have the parents of the boys involved been notified? I think I might be inclined to fill them in so they can levy punishments of their own (and I woul dbe SURE to inform them that the girl is being punished as well). All three are just as guilty as the other in this case.

PErhaps in addition to losing her cell phone and computer, the parents could institute a bare room punishment? Her room gets stripped (yup, poetic justice) of everything except her bed, her desk for homework and a lamp, PLUS the bedroom door should be removed. She will have to earn her other items and door back through work of some kinde. Maybe volunteering?

Just throwing it out there.

 

[Bluestars]

Mamamia, your last post is kind of sad. It sounds like family counseling is needed. If a mother is kicking her 16 yr old daughter out of the house and then won't even speak to her when she calls, this is pretty heavy stuff. I hope they go to counseling.

 

[Planogirl]

Didn't read all the posts, but have the parents of the boys involved been notified? I think I might be inclined to fill them in so they can levy punishments of their own (and I woul dbe SURE to inform them that the girl is being punished as well). All three are just as guilty as the other in this case.

PErhaps in addition to losing her cell phone and computer, the parents could institute a bare room punishment? Her room gets stripped (yup, poetic justice) of everything except her bed, her desk for homework and a lamp, PLUS the bedroom door should be removed. She will have to earn her other items and door back through work of some kinde. Maybe volunteering?

Just throwing it out there.

I would not remove her door but I would forbid her to lock it. A teenage girl (even a wild one who has posed provocatively) should not have to dress without privacy. Anyone could wander by and that's just a bit too much IMO.

 

[brerrabbit]

Let it go and deal with the bigger issues that they have with their daughter. At least they have the choice. A similar situation arose in Alvin, Texas which is about 8 miles south of where I live and it involved Jr. High students and a girl took a picture of her friend taking a shower during a sleepover and sent it to boys in her class. Some of the sending of the picture occured during school and because of that it became a school district issue and the next thing you know kids were suspended, district meeting were held and this seemingly small issue was headline news on the local tv news shows. They made mistakes, they need to be punished, have what they did expalined as being wrong for all the right reasons and give all involved the chance to move on. WhenI think of all the stupid things I did as a teenager in the seventies that I got away with and some of the things I got caught doing I am just glad I did it then and not today. Half of the things I got a slap on the hand for then would ruin my life today if I was still a teenager.

That's why I never lied to my kids and said I never did those things but explained it this way. The consiquinces today are much more severe than they were in my day and if they were caught doing them today it would ruin their lives, so don't do them.

 

[rie'smom]

We just found out that my niece (just turned 16 last month) has been recieving and sending nude pictures via her computer. I know it involves at least 2 guys and has been going on since November. Her parents, just found out yesterday. My BIL called the police and basically the police said that if they press charges, the two guys will be arrested and my niece could also be in trouble and it will probably make the news. One of the guys is a senior in high school and plans on joining the marines this summer. I think the other guy is also in high school. The text messages she has sent and recieved on the cell phone have been of a not-so-nice nature, if you know what I mean.

The pictures she has recieved are of the guys nude. The pictures she sent are of herself in a thong and a bra and the poses are provocative (sp?).

Now, her parents have to decide how to proceed. I don't know what I would do in this situation. So far, they have taken away her cell phone and her computer. I should also add that the pictures on her myspace page are of her in not-so-nice poses (but she has clothes on). I think taking away the phone and the computer is a good start. But there is nothing stopping her from going to a friends house and going on to myspace from there. Her parents have not been able to access her myspace page. She also lied to the police about who the boys were and the police know she lied. they saw the computer and the phone and what was on them.

My parents (the grandparents) have asked me for advice. I really don't know what to tell them. The only thing I can think of to do is to tell my niece that I wouldn't press charges this time but if it happens even once more, all bets are off and charges will be filed and her name will be out there and everyone will know. I would also demand to see her myspace page and make her clean it up. I don't want to see her name/reputation ruined and possible something bad on her records.

My niece is actually a wonderful girl. She loves her younger brother and sister and tries so hard to make them happy. Her parents tend to be very hard on her. I always say that if she breathes the wrong way, she is punished. They would punish her for stupid things. Meanwhile her brother and sister who should be punished never are. I kind of think she is crying out for attention and love.

So, if anyone has any advice, I would love to hear it. Why do seemingly good kids do this kind of stuff.

First, not just your niece's name is out there. You can bet the house that those pictures have been seen by other guys.

Advice-either you or your parents need to sit your BIL down, because he seems to have sense ,and tell him straight up that you think your sister is a big part of the problem and that counseling is needed.