Divorced parents & child's wedding

[footballmouse]

Hi all. My son is getting married later this year and his dad and I are divorced. It was a nasty divorce and I more or less hate the man. Anyway, I was wondering if anyone has dealt with a son getting married. I'm not sure who would walk me down the aisle at the beginning and end. My other two boys are in the wedding so I was thinking that one could walk me down at the start and then join the rest of the groomsmen in the front and the other could come back at the end and escort me out. Would this be appropriate or how did you handle it?

 

[HeatherC]

I would literally keep my mouth shut and do whatever the bride and groom asked me to do for that day. It is one of the most important days in their lives and I would not say a single word to take away from that. No matter how much I hated the other person, for this one day I would suck it up and take the high road for my son and future daughter in law. It doesn’t matter who walks you down the aisle. Truly. It matters how you support the wedding couple and what they want.

 

[havaneselover]

I would literally keep my mouth shut and do whatever the bride and groom asked me to do for that day. It is one of the most important days in their lives and I would not say a single word to take away from that. No matter how much I hated the other person, for this one day I would suck it up and take the high road for my son and future daughter in law. It doesn’t matter who walks you down the aisle. Truly. It matters how you support the wedding couple and what they want.

Agreed. Love your son more than you hate the ex. BTDT.

 

[ScottOKW2K]

I agree with HeatherC. This is not about you, it's about your son and your future daughter in law. If you don't feel that you can be civil, don't go. You may hate the ex-husband but you children may not.

 

[prairie_girl]

If my daughter and her boyfriend get married, I will be the one walking her down the aisle. Her dad is a deadbeat who, in his mind, thinks he’s father of the year. I guarantee that he will have his nose out of joint but I won’t care, and my daughter won’t either. This sounds like I’m vindictive or something, but my daughter has had enough of him too. Growing up, I only said positive things about him around my daughter because I strongly believed she needed to have a good relationship with him, and to see him as a hero. As she got older, she understood more, and was able to see what he is really like. I feel so bad for her, because they barely have a relationship even though she kept trying for far more years than he deserved. She’s only 20, so there’s a long way to go before the wedding discussion comes up.

 

[loves to dive]

My current hubby walked me down the aisle when my son got married. He did the pictures with me and anything that required parents. I'm not even sure if my son invited his Dad, pretty sure he didn't. He has a love hate relationship with him, most of the time it's in hate mode, he didn't invite him to his high school graduation either and I'm pretty sure he hasn't told him that he is going to be a father in May (although he has told his sister so we are pretty sure Dad knows). He considers my hubby his dad, we got together when he was around 10.

 

[Skywalker]

I agree with HeatherC. This is not about you, it's about your son and your future daughter in law. If you don't feel that you can be civil, don't go. You may hate the ex-husband but you children may not.

Nowhere did she say anything about not being civil? The question seems to be one of logistics and she wants to just know what's appropriate or how others handled walking down the aisle.

 

[footballmouse]

I never said I was making this about me, it was just an etiquette question. My son is well aware of the feelings and he knows not to put us together. It was just a simple question if having one of my other boys escort me is appropriate. I can be civil, my other sons and I just choose not to be around him and to suggest I don't go to my son's wedding was crazy.

 

[Disneylover99]

Hi all. My son is getting married later this year and his dad and I are divorced. It was a nasty divorce and I more or less hate the man. Anyway, I was wondering if anyone has dealt with a son getting married. I'm not sure who would walk me down the aisle at the beginning and end. My other two boys are in the wedding so I was thinking that one could walk me down at the start and then join the rest of the groomsmen in the front and the other could come back at the end and escort me out. Would this be appropriate or how did you handle it?

I didn’t realize parents being walked down the aisle at the beginning/end was even a thing. Is that normally part of the processional? I just assumed an usher would walk me down like everyone else, but I’d have some reserved seating near the front.

OP, I think it would be fine to ask a son who is not in the wedding party to walk you down, if that’s what you’d like.

 

[wenrob]

I would literally keep my mouth shut and do whatever the bride and groom asked me to do for that day. It is one of the most important days in their lives and I would not say a single word to take away from that. No matter how much I hated the other person, for this one day I would suck it up and take the high road for my son and future daughter in law. It doesn’t matter who walks you down the aisle. Truly. It matters how you support the wedding couple and what they want.

100% this. I did everything in my power to appease my parents and it still wasn’t good enough. Just do what your son asks and leave it at that.

Nowhere did she say anything about not being civil? The question seems to be one of logistics and she wants to just know what's appropriate or how others handled walking down the aisle.

When she mentions a nasty divorce and that she hates her ex there’s more than logistics happening here. Why mention it otherwise?

 

[DisneyJamieCA]

Has your son (the one getting married) asked you to figure this out? I took what Heather said to mean have whoever you son says escort you down and don’t try to change things up on your own. If he suggests one of your other sons, then do it. But that ultimately it’s his decision, even if it’s not somebody who you would have chosen.

I’m assuming you’re not remarried? My stepdad escorted my mom. My grandmother is a widow, so my brother (who was a groomsman) did escort her down and then circled back to walk in with the other groomsmen. I don’t know if it’s proper etiquette, but it’s what I wanted.

 

[wenrob]

I didn’t realize parents being walked down the aisle at the beginning/end was even a thing. Is that normally part of the processional? I just assumed an usher would walk me down like everyone else, but I’d have some reserved seating near the front.

OP, I think it would be fine to ask a son who is not in the wedding party to walk you down, if that’s what you’d like.

I didn’t know it was a thing literally until my wedding day when the director asked, “who is walking mom down the isle?” Talk about pressure right before you walk down the isle. Luckily the best man stepped in and walked my mom and stepmom down together.

 

[Lilsia]

I like your idea of your sons walking you down. They will have plenty of time to walk you to your seat and go up to stand with the groom. Or you can walk your daughter down the aisle too. That should not be reserved for just the dad, that is very old fashioned and outdated, the man giving away his daughter.

 

[Disneylover99]

I didn’t know it was a thing literally until my wedding day when the director asked, “who is walking mom down the isle?” Talk about pressure right before you walk down the isle. Luckily the best man stepped in and walked my mom and stepmom down together.

Did they get escorted back up the aisle at the end Of the wedding?

 

[wenrob]

Did they get escorted back up the aisle at the end Of the wedding?

Nooo. My stepmother practically jumped up and ran once the ceremony was over.

 

[EACarlson]

I had an usher walk my mother down the aisle to the front row where her husband was waiting.

 

[Donald13]

I think you’re overthinking this. Let a son walk you down, then walk out on your own. My parents are together but at my sisters and my wedding, my brother walked her in. I agree let your son decide.

 

[design_mom]

At my wedding (many years ago), each mother was escorted down the aisle by a groomsman/usher. I agree that if your other sons are in attendance, it would be nice if one of them walked you down the aisle.

At the end of the ceremony, the groomsman walked up the aisle with the bridesmaids, then the parents (who were seated in the first pew on opposite sides of the aisle, all walked up the aisle together. No one really 'escorted' anyone at that point.)

 

[ronandannette]

I would literally keep my mouth shut and do whatever the bride and groom asked me to do for that day. It is one of the most important days in their lives and I would not say a single word to take away from that. No matter how much I hated the other person, for this one day I would suck it up and take the high road for my son and future daughter in law. It doesn’t matter who walks you down the aisle. Truly. It matters how you support the wedding couple and what they want.

Great advice in general, even if it apparently doesn't apply to the OP here. We've walked on pins-and-needles through the weddings of DH's two daughters and it was really the only way to play it.

I like your idea of your sons walking you down. They will have plenty of time to walk you to your seat and go up to stand with the groom. Or you can walk your daughter down the aisle too. That should not be reserved for just the dad, that is very old fashioned and outdated, the man giving away his daughter.

The OP's child is the groom, not the bride.

Has your son (the one getting married) asked you to figure this out? I took what Heather said to mean have whoever you son says escort you down and don’t try to change things up on your own. If he suggests one of your other sons, then do it. But that ultimately it’s his decision, even if it’s not somebody who you would have chosen.

I’m assuming you’re not remarried? My stepdad escorted my mom. My grandmother is a widow, so my brother (who was a groomsman) did escort her down and then circled back to walk in with the other groomsmen. I don’t know if it’s proper etiquette, but it’s what I wanted.

Absolutely this. Let the bride and groom figure out the logistics and just go with it. It's 20 seconds of your life and nobody else there will care; they'll all be waiting anxiously to see the bride.

 

[Lilsia]

The OP's child is the groom, not the bride.

Thanks, I missed that.