Parents...make up your minds!

[cijay]

That depends on how I determined the child to be "lost". The little girl in your example was not the slightest bit lost - you watched her mother seat her at a table and then go to pick up lunch. Presumably, she planned to come right back and if the kid exhibited no signs of distress, it wouldn't have even pinged my radar. The kid in the first example, although not technically lost, obviously was in distress. Apparently he'd been left in the toy department, probably at his own request and with strict instructions to "wait here for Mom", but he reached a point where he felt lost and probably did what he'd been taught to do - identify an employee and ask for help. The fact that your store has a protocol for this must mean it happens relatively frequently and you followed procedure. My guess is Mom behaved a little rudely because she was embarrassed, not because she thought you were a real threat to her kid.

Given your examples, it seems like you are a person with a strong protective instinct. That's noble in a lot of ways but perhaps it also causes you to be hyper-aware of what's happening around you to a level that other people simply are not. It doesn't make anyone else negligent or uncaring, nor does it make you correct about how perilous any given situation actually is. Try to relax.

Sorry, I just have to ask...whereabouts in Edmonton is this gang-banger, freak's haven of a food court?
(I'm waiting for Kimblebee to chime in about how none of this could possibly be happening in Canada because it is a crime-free utopia! Extra points if she works in "free" healthcare! )

Downtown and West Edmonton Mall. Western medicine isn't helping my girlfriend's liver tumour so I was close to Chinatown waiting for her to finish up there. I don't think the mother was 'rude' at all but why would she ditch the kid if she was so uptight?

OP, your point is lost amongst the hyperbole and drama. It isn't up to you to confront every parent you believe is doing something wrong. Do the job you're paid to do.

Hyperbole - I am using specific situations that were exceptional. This doesn't happen every day. The job I'm paid to do. Like...hooking lost parents up with their children? That job? My name is Cijay. It's okay to use it, we do that here. Even if we don't know the person.

But YOU were NOT asked to help their kid!
So, yes OP, you should ignore them and do your own darn job. If there's a real problem call security and let them handle it.

I AM security. And I'm first aid, and I'm supervisor and I'm trainer and I'm unplugger of toilets and I'm the person who watches shoplifters and kicker outer of our recurring drunk guy who shouts and spits on people out of the store (and wipe his puke off the floor). I am floor watch, the one who has to crawl under fitting room doors because kids have locked themselves in there (though I guess I better not do that anymore, I'll call the fire department). I'm the one who has to take the doorknob off of the bathroom door because someone's kid has locked himself in there. I am the one who is called to break up fights between crack hos in front of the store (yes, it has happened) and refer down and outs to the various services in the area. I'm the one sent out to get names and information of fender benders in our parking lot (insurance) I am health and safety and the person who does WHMIS training and for SOME stupid reason the one everyone comes to ask about what to bring to the Christmas party. I am the person who announces at least two dozen times a day "Attention shoppers, this is a reminder that all children under the age of twelve must be under adult supervision at all times. This is for the safety and convenience of all shoppers. We would like to thank you for shopping and supporting our mission." That is the job I am paid to do. I would LOVE for someone else to take one of those jobs but they call me. Oddly, babysitting is NOT part of my job but I'm expected to do it.

In general, no, I don't start conversations with random people at tables near me, especially a child. There are many ways people can be friendly without feeling the need to talk to random shoppers in the mall food court. [\quote]
Well, here we usually talk to random shoppers in the food courts. Even children. We don't touch them or take them anywhere but we talk to them.

How can you not see the difference?? She gave her child her instructions that she believed would keep her safe - one being to not talk to strangers. The child broke that rule. Of course the mom was upset![\quote]
I understand that - but why would she be so far away from her kid if she was that worried that there are crazy people everywhere? Why would she leave her child alone in amongst crazy people? Why wouldn't she take her with her?

Most rational people know that children are taught not to talk to strangers - why would you attempt to have a child go against their parents' teaching by trying to engage them in conversation?? Now that you've admitted that you didn't even think the child was lost, your behavior is even more in the wrong and odd.[\quote]
Maybe it's odd where you live but people talk to kids here. It's not odd here. We just don't touch them or take them anywhere but we talk to them.

I spoke to the child and asked if she was lost.

But...you're not supposed to speak to them.

When she said yes, I asked her to let me help her find a store worker who could help her find her mom. She agreed, and we walked to a cashier. Then I stayed with her at the counter until her mom was located. The mom was distraught, and she thanked the staff and me profusely for helping her child. I would do the same thing again if in a similar situation.[\quote]
Yet when I did it I was stepping out of line? That doesn't make sense.

I would never approach a child, though, who I wasn't reasonably sure was lost. The time or two when I wasn't sure, I stayed in the same general area to make sure the child met up with a parent or older sibling, which happened every time.

To me, 'approaching' a child would be coming over to talk to them. I wouldn't stalk them out but I have this habit of speaking to the person next to me. Man, woman or child. If mum was that cautious, why didn't she sit her far away from everyone (which was even close to the McD's)?

My whole point of this was -though it has been decided by some that I'm a creepy person who approaches kids at whim and ignores my 'job' and responsibilities (without even knowing what my job is) why would people who are so tight about their kids not talking to strangers leave them alone for even thirty seconds? What if I WAS some creep? How fast can they get to the door to stop me from taking their kid? I don't really have a problem with them ditching them, my mother did that, too but if they're that anal, keep their kids with them. TAKE your kid to get the food then to the table. KEEP your kid with you while you shop if you're that worried.

But what I'm most sad about is that - I've learned that in a lot of places you can't talk to a child. Here, we talk, we make jokes with people through out our day, we talk to children who are alone, just don't touch them or take them anywhere. When a child is excited about something, we share that excitement. I got "Barbie 101" from a little boy who sat next to me in the mall while his mother was buying shoes in Payless. We look after children we don't even know. (You better believe, when out somewhere and I see a parent leave their child somewhere I take note of what the parent looks like, and I'm not going to stop that.)

As far as the lost kid - I have been in situations when I have needed help and nobody stopped. I am not walking past anyone who needs help.

 

[cijay]

So...when I'm on the cruise you're all saying...zombie. Don't talk to anyone?

 

[cijay]

I can see Mother's panic here-she left child to look at the toys....you then walk her to front of store-near doors to outside-if I was that Mother I'd be upset also.
Altho you were doing what you thought was OK-Mother saw her kid being led away and she panicked. Does not make that a bad Mom

I'm sorry...I walked her where? I did what?
**reflection from original post** I told her to come up to the front with me and we'll page her. (We don't take children's hands unless they take ours first, we have a special bench we have them sit on at the front.) 6year old ran up to the front, I walked behind. By the time we got to the front, mother was doing the magpie (that's what I call the honey Boo Boo's mother type of mannerisms) calling the kid's name. She ran to her mother, I followed to make sure she's in her mother's care again.***
If mother say her kid being led away, she was seeing things. If she was going to panic, why didn't she panic when she left her alone? I'm not saying she's a bad mum. I'm asking why someone who thinks everyone is crazy would leave her kid in a store by herself to begin with? And...just who are kids taught to go to if they're lost in a store? Wouldn't it be an employee? That's what we were taught.

 

[marlynnp]

Having no kids of my own...please explain the reasoning...

Child, approx. 6 left in our toys area while "mummy is going to do some shopping." Half an hour later, 6year old is wandering around in tears. I told her to come up to the front with me and we'll page her. (We don't take children's hands unless they take ours first, we have a special bench we have them sit on at thye front.) 6year old ran up to the front, I walked behind. By the time we got to the front other was doing the magpie (that's what I call the honey Boo Boo's mother type of mannerisms) calling the kid's name. She ran to her mother, I followed to make sure she's in her mother's care again. Mother said to thee kid "I told you never take anyone else's hand!" I just jokingly said "do you think I can keep up with her?" Kid said "she works here." (apron, vest and nametag). Motther said "It doesn't matter, people are crazy, they work everywhere." (In my head I said "yes and some abandon their kids for 1/2hr. Does the name Adam Walsh mean anything to you?")

A few months back, a little boy (not yet 3) came riding down the escalator, sitting on the step until it got too low then he stood up, jumped off and ran to the up one and did it again. I asked the lady at the coffee shop I was at if she might call security, there was so many things wrong with this picture. Security came to me and said "oh, it's okay, his parents are actually at the top watching him." Do they want to watch him get a part of his body or clothing trapped in mechanical equipment? Or would thy rather watch as someone grabs him and pulls him out that door right next to the escalator out onto the busy city sidewalk? Why bother watching him at all. There's a Starbucks right there, why not just go for a coffee and tell him to come find you after he is finished playing on a mechanical beast that can eat your child for breakfast if something malfunctions?

Third, mother left 5 year old at a food court table while she went WAAAY (about as far as she could get) to McDonalds. They had been shopping and the little girl pulled a toy out of the bag, I asked "what'd you get?" She showed me a little fishing pond game. Mother came over "I told you never to talk to strangers!" Little girl said (kids are SO smart!) "I didn't I just showed her . "It doesn't matter. You don't KNOW her!" Yes, lady, you were the one who left your kid out to these wolves you fear. The food court is in an area where it's pretty easy to buy anything from a joint to a gun. While I know the kid is no more at risk than anywhere else (as a matter of fact I have no doubt if there WAS a predator who tried to make off with her, all the "freaks" there would make mincemeat out of them) but what could have gone on around her? A bad deal over drugs or a gun. As i left, I said to her "you know, people who kidnap children freak when the children talk to other people for fear they'll talk."

I AM security. And I'm first aid, and I'm supervisor and I'm trainer and I'm unplugger of toilets and I'm the person who watches shoplifters and kicker outer of our recurring drunk guy who shouts and spits on people out of the store (and wipe his puke off the floor). I am floor watch, the one who has to crawl under fitting room doors because kids have locked themselves in there (though I guess I better not do that anymore, I'll call the fire department). I'm the one who has to take the doorknob off of the bathroom door because someone's kid has locked himself in there. I am the one who is called to break up fights between crack hos in front of the store (yes, it has happened) and refer down and outs to the various services in the area. I'm the one sent out to get names and information of fender benders in our parking lot (insurance) I am health and safety and the person who does WHMIS training and for SOME stupid reason the one everyone comes to ask about what to bring to the Christmas party. I am the person who announces at least two dozen times a day "Attention shoppers, this is a reminder that all children under the age of twelve must be under adult supervision at all times. This is for the safety and convenience of all shoppers. We would like to thank you for shopping and supporting our mission." That is the job I am paid to do. I would LOVE for someone else to take one of those jobs but they call me. Oddly, babysitting is NOT part of my job but I'm expected to do it.

OP, in your opening post you admit you are NOT security.
You wear an apron and a name tag, not a superhero cape.

 

[wilkeliza]

So...when I'm on the cruise you're all saying...zombie. Don't talk to anyone?

When on a cruise I talk to my table mates and people I may share the bar with or who are in the adult pool but I don't go up to children and talk to them or talk to the people next to me at the shows etc.

I will have conversations with other adults and possibly teenagers but I don't make a habit of talking to children I don't know unless I have built a rapport with their parents first.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

If that's the case, then the OP needs to understand that parents are not a monolithic group. The parents who would leave a child unattended at the mall are probably not the same ones complaining about stranger danger.

Yep.

 

[phorsenuf]

So...when I'm on the cruise you're all saying...zombie. Don't talk to anyone?

You can't even compare the two. You are just being ridiculous now.

 

[Skywalker]

So...when I'm on the cruise you're all saying...zombie. Don't talk to anyone?

Hmmm, let's see so you think "mingling with other adults while vacationing on a cruise ship" = "talking to a 5 year old behind the parents back in the mall food court." Yeah, seems reasonable.

 

[SparklePixie]

Downtown and West Edmonton Mall. Western medicine isn't helping my girlfriend's liver tumour so I was close to Chinatown waiting for her to finish up there. I don't think the mother was 'rude' at all but why would she ditch the kid if she was so uptight?



Hyperbole - I am using specific situations that were exceptional. This doesn't happen every day. The job I'm paid to do. Like...hooking lost parents up with their children? That job? My name is Cijay. It's okay to use it, we do that here. Even if we don't know the person.


I AM security. And I'm first aid, and I'm supervisor and I'm trainer and I'm unplugger of toilets and I'm the person who watches shoplifters and kicker outer of our recurring drunk guy who shouts and spits on people out of the store (and wipe his puke off the floor). I am floor watch, the one who has to crawl under fitting room doors because kids have locked themselves in there (though I guess I better not do that anymore, I'll call the fire department). I'm the one who has to take the doorknob off of the bathroom door because someone's kid has locked himself in there. I am the one who is called to break up fights between crack hos in front of the store (yes, it has happened) and refer down and outs to the various services in the area. I'm the one sent out to get names and information of fender benders in our parking lot (insurance) I am health and safety and the person who does WHMIS training and for SOME stupid reason the one everyone comes to ask about what to bring to the Christmas party. I am the person who announces at least two dozen times a day "Attention shoppers, this is a reminder that all children under the age of twelve must be under adult supervision at all times. This is for the safety and convenience of all shoppers. We would like to thank you for shopping and supporting our mission." That is the job I am paid to do. I would LOVE for someone else to take one of those jobs but they call me. Oddly, babysitting is NOT part of my job but I'm expected to do it.

By your description, you run the place. Maybe you should hire more employees.

 

[NewRVLady]

- is this a new position for you?

An earlier thread you said you were a Telemarketer for 20 years-so basically a cubicle job?
Honestly- I worked in two depts of a big Dept store in downtown big city( my Dad was CFO of it- so I was there also when I was younger -like after Orthodontist apps , or modeling on Saturdays as a teen)...I can't imagine having ALL those jobs at a store ?

 

[Hrhpd]

This thread is a perfect example of the different styles of parenting and different comfort levels with the freedom of their children.

We have one parent that believes a young child belongs in the cart. Another who believes their young child should have the freedom to traverse the aisle they are in, still within sight.

Another parent says that a 6 year old should not be left alone at all, yet the OP*** herself claims in another thread that she was riding the train into the city to meet her parents for appointments when she was 6.

None of it is wrong, it is just different than another person would do. You (general you) can be surprised and say "I would never do that with my child" all you want, but be aware that the other parent is saying the exact same thing about your parenting style. Nobody owns the perfect parenting style, only the perfect parenting style for them.

Op, unless the child is being destructive as opposed to just browsing, in the toy area, is allowed to go to the bathroom alone, or is waiting patiently for their parent to return somewhere, I would suggest that you mind your own business and not judge. Just chalk it up to a parent who is not afraid of the gun and drug selling hoodlums around and is parenting differently than what your vision of the perfect parent is.

Naturally, if the child is upset, crying and seems in distress, you should step in and assess the situation.


***The use of "OP" is commonly used to easily identify the author of the thread, not because somebody wants to be unfriendly and not use their name.

 

[disykat]

Good grief. I'm totally on cijay's side here. She gave 3 examples of really weird parenting IMO.

If you aren't comfortable with your child being approached by a store employee, don't leave them alone in a store.

Supervise your child on an escalator by being with them to help them if they get in trouble. Watching them die from the top won't do a thing.

If you don't want strangers to talk to your child, don't leave them out of your sight line in public places.

 

[jiminyC_fan]

Good grief. I'm totally on cijay's side here. She gave 3 examples of really weird parenting IMO.

If you aren't comfortable with your child being approached by a store employee, don't leave them alone in a store.

Supervise your child on an escalator by being with them to help them if they get in trouble. Watching them die from the top won't do a thing.

If you don't want strangers to talk to your child, don't leave them out of your sight line in public places.

Best post here!

 

[cijay]

Ooh sorry guys, my last post turned into a bloody mess. I have to stop doing long posts on my tablet.

 

[cijay]

- is this a new position for you?

An earlier thread you said you were a Telemarketer for 20 years-so basically a cubicle job?
Honestly- I worked in two depts of a big Dept store in downtown big city( my Dad was CFO of it- so I was there also when I was younger -like after Orthodontist apps , or modeling on Saturdays as a teen)...I can't imagine having ALL those jobs at a store ?

Not new. Five years I think. Since leaving the paper I was teaching overseas then when I came back due to my dad's illness I started training special adults in the store. (It's a blast! Quarter of the pay but so much better.) It's not a big store (big enough for kids to not find their parents but adults can see over all the racks) but bigger than most thrift stores. A city block by a city block but only one level and half of it is processing/warehouse. Everyone does pretty much everything there. You might find the manager shoveling out the compactor, sorting through our pop bottles for recycle then going to a GM meeting, then coming back and cleaning shoes. Assistant managers might be sorting books/sniffing for mould or cleaning the microwave. When it comes to toilets or problems on the floor, for some stupid reason though, they call me! I don't work cash so I'm the one who can be rather flexible I think.

 

[cijay]

By your description, you run the place. Maybe you should hire more employees.

No, we have a competent manager and two assistant managers. I think I just sorta' rolled with it when I was the new kid on the block and it became 'mine', y'know how that goes? Don't do a good job because then it becomes yours. What I would LOVE is a security guard! We told them to not waste their money on vests, aprons and name tags, pay a security guy!

 

[cijay]

This thread is a perfect example of the different styles of parenting and different comfort levels with the freedom of their children.

We have one parent that believes a young child belongs in the cart. Another who believes their young child should have the freedom to traverse the aisle they are in, still within sight.

Another parent says that a 6 year old should not be left alone at all, yet the OP*** herself claims in another thread that she was riding the train into the city to meet her parents for appointments when she was 6.

None of it is wrong, it is just different than another person would do. You (general you) can be surprised and say "I would never do that with my child" all you want, but be aware that the other parent is saying the exact same thing about your parenting style. Nobody owns the perfect parenting style, only the perfect parenting style for them.

Op, unless the child is being destructive as opposed to just browsing, in the toy area, is allowed to go to the bathroom alone, or is waiting patiently for their parent to return somewhere, I would suggest that you mind your own business and not judge. Just chalk it up to a parent who is not afraid of the gun and drug selling hoodlums around and is parenting differently than what your vision of the perfect parent is.

Naturally, if the child is upset, crying and seems in distress, you should step in and assess the situation.


***The use of "OP" is commonly used to easily identify the author of the thread, not because somebody wants to be unfriendly and not use their name.

My name is Cijay, you're very welcome to use it.

Yes I've learned here. Wait until a child is severely injured before calling anyone, never mind this ounce of prevention crap. Don't help lost kids even if it's my job. Page security ... oh wait, that's me, never mind. Don't talk to random strangers...ever.

Kids staying with their parents is company policy, not mine. I'm with you. If the kid isn't being destructive, let them play or sit with a book. But my business *IS* following company policy. Do you know the crap our store would be in if a kid got hurt or taken out of our store? That's nothing compared to how I would feel. I hate seeing kids fall down! However, if a parent is going to mess her pants in fear for her child, why would she leave them alone? That's my question. That has been my question all along. I recognise parents are different but why wouldn't the anal parents keep their kids with them? You see, they WERE the ones afraid of the gun and drug selling hoodlums around. That's why I am wondering why they left their kids alone.

Yes, I took the bus (train didn't come along 'til later) when I was six but my mother wasn't the type to tell me to fear strangers. Be wary and talk to a store clerk if you need help. I talked to strangers, just didn't go with them or take anything from them.

 

[cijay]

Hmmm, let's see so you think "mingling with other adults while vacationing on a cruise ship" = "talking to a 5 year old behind the parents back in the mall food court." Yeah, seems reasonable.

Nope, but someone said not to talk to random strangers at all - especially a child. But my question remains and you said it best - why would a parent so scared of people turn their back on their kid at all?

 

[cijay]

OP, in your opening post you admit you are NOT security.
You wear an apron and a name tag, not a superhero cape.

My name is Cijay, you're welcome to use it. That was a figure of speech. We don't HAVE a security, we are ALL security in the store.

 

[cijay]

When on a cruise I talk to my table mates and people I may share the bar with or who are in the adult pool but I don't go up to children and talk to them or talk to the people next to me at the shows etc.

I will have conversations with other adults and possibly teenagers but I don't make a habit of talking to children I don't know unless I have built a rapport with their parents first.

I don't 'go up to children and talk to them' either (unless it's at work then that's my job) but I do talk to people beside me. Topical - not 'life story' thing. You don't talk to people on the bus or waiting in line for a movie?