Another Wedding Spinoff-Parents, Will YOU Pay For Your Child's Wedding?

[LBIJim]

.....even if your child's fiancée is a Bride/Groomzilla?

Years ago I told DDs (29 and soon to be 26) not to expect a 50K+ Disney Fairy Tale Wedding on my dime. I doubt they'd be interested anyway. But sure, I expect to pay or at least contribute if they decide to get married. But I also expect the groom's parents and the kids themselves to contribute as well.

Hopefully they won't want anything elaborate, but I suppose I would pay about $10,000, maybe a bit more. That's for the reception. Other costs would be decided upon separately.

And since I'm paying, of course I will have some say in the matter. Guest list, food and music choices, etc. Yep, some strings attached. They can always find another way if that's unacceptable.

As for a 3 hour Head Banger's Ball, not a chance in hell.

 

[SaraJR]

if i was well off id pitch some but i wouldnt pay for an entire wedding. I do think parents should pitch what they can but here most people pay for the majority of their own wedding so i expect the vast majority to be out of our own pockets

 

[cabanafrau]

I guess it will depend largely on whether or not we are residing in the poor house after helping them get through college. I agree it's not going to be a blank check and I will reserve veto power over extreme choices if I'm paying. My DDs know weddings are not my favorite and my dreams for them really pertain to them meeting their ideal mate far more than a wedding reception and all the trappings. I'm sure I will go help them search for their dresses, maybe help decide on flowers or a banquet hall or country club -- but I'd prefer to be told what they've selected for most things and tell them how lovely that will be.

 

[Dizlvr]

I don't know about paying for the entire wedding, but I plan on giving a set amount towards my kids' weddings. I also don't expect to have a say in anything, I hope that they ask for my input and advice but I am not going to make me having a say be a requirement in order to give them money.

 

[aprilgail]

I am paying for college- not likely paying a wedding on top of that. Old enough to get married then old enough to pay for it yourself.

 

[hereyago]

Nope. If you want to play grown up, you can pay,lol.

I am not paying for college either.

 

[mtemm]

if we can, my hope is to give each of our kids (2 boys, 1 girl) a set amount and they can do with it what they will for their wedding. they can choose what they budget for or splurge with. most likely we will not come close to covering a whole wedding, but hopefully it is enough to help offset their expenses and help them out a bit.

 

[lizabu]

I will pitch in but I'm not paying for the whole thing. If you take my money though I get to share my opinion.

 

[SaraJR]

i dont think gifts should come with requirements i dont think its right for people to use money to manipulate things, id rather not revieve any help then have it as a threat "do it this way or we take it back" i think thats rude and immature its not your day if you cant give a gift as a gift then dont, but ideally i think parents should give a strings free gift towards the cost of some sort

 

[Stinkerbell92]

The good thing about my Fiance's and my relationship is that both sets of our parents have met several times and really get along with each other. We have been together for just over 3 years now so my parents know my DF very well. Also my future Mother In Law and Father In Law and I get along together really well. I only got engaged yesterday, but the first people I called after he proposed was my parents and the first thing out of my Dads mouth was He and Mom are going to help make this day the most special day of both of your lives. So yes my parents are going to help pay for the wedding as well as his parents are going to pay for some things too.

Now to answer the OP question. When it comes time for one of my future children to get married I hope I can just look back on when my parents and my DF's parents agreed to help me out. I plan to do the same for them someday.

 

[Dizlvr]

i dont think gifts should come with requirements i dont think its right for people to use money to manipulate things, id rather not revieve any help then have it as a threat "do it this way or we take it back" i think thats rude and immature its not your day if you cant give a gift as a gift then dont, but ideally i think parents should give a strings free gift towards the cost of some sort

I think that you are right, but I'm wondering if the parents who do have stipulations consider their paying as a gift.

 

[mjkacmom]

We are paying for about one year of college each, which will run us about $125,000. By the time the. Youngest graduates from college, we will be almost 60. If we do it for one of them we will have to do it for all five. I hope to be able to contribute some.

 

[gwynne]

We gave both our adult kids an amount, and it was up to them how they spent it. It worked well.

 

[lizabu]

I think that you are right, but I'm wondering if the parents who do have stipulations consider their paying as a gift.

I know I wouldn't. Just because I'm contributing to the wedding doesn't mean I'm not going to give a gift as well.

 

[SaraJR]

I think that you are right, but I'm wondering if the parents who do have stipulations consider their paying as a gift.

Iv also always wondered how they see it when they make demands, ill never be in that situation unless its inlaws pitching but i wouldnt torlate it

 

[Mizzoufan]

Yes, we hope to!

 

[SaraJR]

I know I wouldn't. Just because I'm contributing to the wedding doesn't mean I'm not going to give a gift as well.

but would you try and control their wedding knowing its theirs not yours? (not accusing just asking)

 

[Disneybuckeye]

Two boys and one girl and they will each receive more than enough to pay for a very nice wedding. We also paid for college and gave them their first car. My parents did the same for me. No stipulations on whether they use it for a wedding, honeymoon, or down payment on a house. Just nothing illegal lol.
DH's family paid for none of the above for any of their children as they were pretty poor. There is no right or wrong answer to this IMHO. It is personal choice .

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Nope, not paying. We just do not have it.

 

[SaraJR]

Two boys and one girl and they will each receive more than enough to pay for a very nice wedding. We also paid for college and gave them their first car. My parents did the same for me. No stipulations on whether they use it for a wedding, honeymoon, or down payment on a house. Just nothing illegal lol.
DH's family paid for none of the above for any of their children as they were pretty poor. There is no right or wrong answer to this IMHO. It is personal choice .

adopt me? lol jk..mostly...
I agree no one is obligated to give some people cant afford it the only thing i do consider inappropiate is making demands in exchange for any contribution