*Updated* Need Advice- Aunt Inviting Herself & Planning to Room with Us!

[sweetpeakaris]

Update:

Just wanted to update on what ended up happening. I allowed my Aunt to come over & stay with us for 2 days, we did Hollywood Studios & Magic Kingdom during her stay. Well, I'm so happy I only agreed to 2 days! My aunt last visited Disney in 1974, all she did was complain, kept asking me about attractions that were there in the 70's that no longer existed. She insisted that new attractions/ rides she had done in the 70's so she wanted to skip them, she constantly asked me(non smoker) where the smoking areas were after we gave her a map & circled out all the smoking areas. She stopped & ate something from just about all the quick service stands, therefore we did not accomplish much in the parks those days. She cursed around the children at the parks & swore that people were trying to run her over with their strollers, so she cursed at them.

She seemed miserable at the Parks, & was being very negative with complaining. I actually think she wanted to be done after HS, but she tried to be a good sport & stayed for MK. I am not worried about her invading our vacation again, she hates Disney now. I feel like she did ruin 2 of our days, but oh well, that's what I get for being nice. Never again will I allow anyone to cause such a headache during OUR vacation.

Oh, & she did leave her Bacardi at home, but did try to get my DH to take her to the store, he declined of course.




My Aunt & I have a close relationship, she moved to FL 5 yrs ago but hasn't been to Disney since the 70's and badly wants to come along with us. In fact, she's been waiting 3 yrs to do Disney with us.

I don't have an big issue with her joining us at the Parks, but DH & I both have an issue with her planning on staying with us at Windsor Hills. My aunt lives a little over an hour from Disney, she no longer drives. At first she told me she was staying with us for 2 nights, then last night she said she was getting 4 day tickets and staying with us 4 nights/5 days, and that she would be packing her Barcardi

I tried getting her to beg her DH to come, that way it would be no overnight visits, but he doesn't want to go to Disney. My Aunt is very sensitive and I don't know how to tell her that I don't want her staying with us without hurting her feelings. I actually prefer her not joining us at the parks either, but I can tolerate that & maybe the extra set of hands will come in handy.

What to do? I am no longer excited about our vacation due to her wanting to intrude. Having her DH drive her to Disney for 3-4 days is not an option either, he is older and doesn't like driving too much. I suggested that she rent a room nearby, & she said no because she doesn't want to stay alone and she can't afford to.

 

[disney-akj]

I would tell her that she is welcome to come for the two nights that she had originally planned, but due to your dining reservations that you already have set and park plans made that the 4 night/5 days isn't going to work out. Word it nicely of course. Then you only have two days to worry about and the rest of your vacation will be stress free? Plus you are still including her, so hopefully this will make her happy still

 

[danceintherain]

Part of the reason I like staying on-property at Disney is because people can't invite themselves to stay in our room. Yes, I could let 50 people sleep on the floor in my room like my parents always did, but that doesn't sound at all pleasant to me, so it's easy enough to say "this is where we're staying, I can't control whether or not you come, but you have to get your own room."
My sister is coming with us on our next trip, but I invited her specifically, and went over our plans with her.

Maybe just tell her that you need to spend time as an individual family unit? Most people can understand that...

If she doesn't drive, and her husband isn't driving her, then how is she getting there?

I know that a lot of people around here who have family in Florida just don't tell them that they're coming, or they plan separate trips to go see them before or after.

 

[mm1971]

My Aunt & I have a close relationship, she moved to FL 5 yrs ago but hasn't been to Disney since the 70's and badly wants to come along with us. In fact, she's been waiting 3 yrs to do Disney with us.

I don't have an big issue with her joining us at the Parks, but DH & I both have an issue with her planning on staying with us at Windsor Hills. My aunt lives a little over an hour from Disney, she no longer drives. At first she told me she was staying with us for 2 nights, then last night she said she was getting 4 day tickets and staying with us 4 nights/5 days, and that she would be packing her Barcardi

I tried getting her to beg her DH to come, that way it would be no overnight visits, but he doesn't want to go to Disney. My Aunt is very sensitive and I don't know how to tell her that I don't want her staying with us without hurting her feelings. I actually prefer her not joining us at the parks either, but I can tolerate that & maybe the extra set of hands will come in handy.

What to do? I am no longer excited about our vacation due to her wanting to intrude. Having her DH drive her to Disney for 3-4 days is not an option either, he is older and doesn't like driving too much. I suggested that she rent a room nearby, & she said no because she doesn't want to stay alone and she can't afford to.

No easy way out of this one. Did you discuss the expectations when you agreed to the 2 nights originally? My only suggestion would be to discuss your expectations and explain you need time alone with just your little family with your aunt. It may be difficult and may even hurt her feelings, but if you don't want her there for 4 nights it may be the only way. The other option is to "grin and bear it".

We had a vacation planned with two families we are very close with. We originally planned to rent one large house and stay together. As things went, one invited her mom and aunt, then another friend was staying a couple of days, etc... Pretty soon we had 17 people there at one time or another. While it was not a popular decision, I decided we would stay on property instead of the craziness that was the original house. We met up in the parks most days, but we got our evenings and some great family time when not in the parks alone. Best decision, especially considering some of the behavior that went on with that many people crammed into one place with a significant amount of alcohol and craziness. I only include the example as my wife was unhappy with my decision and our friends were angry for a while, but my wife and I felt it worked out for the best. Be honest with your aunt and at least she will need to respect that, even if she feels hurt that you only want to spend a couple days, of your vacation with her.

 

[StitchesGr8Fan]

You have to be honest. You are spending WAY too much money on your trip to have it be crashed by your aunt. As much as you love her, you have to be honest.

 

[diamondpixienc]

You have to be honest. You are spending WAY too much money on your trip to have it be crashed by your aunt. As much as you love her, you have to be honest.

This^

 

[Mama Who]

"Packing her Bacardi?" To stay with you and your three children?

No.

Don't get me wrong, nothing wrong with a drink now and then, even in front of the children, but the level of boozing that requires packing your own is not something you will be doing in a shared room with my kids.

"We are sorry, but this vacation is largely about family bonding time. While we are happy to see you on our trip, we need to limit the shared stay to two nights, alcohol-free."

ETA

Better yet...

"We are sorry, but this vacation is largely about family bonding time. While we are happy to see you on our trip, we need our evenings to be just us and the girls. Please feel free to join us in the parks, but we are traveling alcohol-free."

 

[Happyjen27]

You have to be honest. You are spending WAY too much money on your trip to have it be crashed by your aunt. As much as you love her, you have to be honest.

Yup.

Honesty delivered with loving words and from a caring heart is the way to go here. Honesty is a loving act, because holding your words and allowing her to intrude will cause hard feelings. She will feel them, she will know you're feeling that way.

You say you and your Aunt are close, which means she will love you no matter what. If you're in a financial position to do so, offer to help pay for her room.

If you don't want her there at all, then you've got to say so. Offer to include her to the level at which you want her included. For my family trip, I requested 4 days alone at Disney before we were joined by ILs. I didn't negotiate, I simply stated my request and it was honored. After our 4 days alone, MIL/FIL/BIL/SIL joined us for 5 more days. This was all with separate lodging on property, connected rooms with ILs and next door to SIL/BIL.

 

[sweetpeakaris]

Thanks for the advice everyone! I'm just waiting for the right time to tell her. I am going to tell her that staying 2 nights is ok, because we really don't have the room for her to stay with us. We have 4 kids and are renting a 3 bedroom condo, my teen son will have to sleep in a rollaway bed in the living area while she's with us & that's a inconvience.

 

[StitchesGr8Fan]

Sounds like a good compromise. Let us know how the conversation goes. Stay strong!

 

[bigbabyblues]

You have to be honest. You are spending WAY too much money on your trip to have it be crashed by your aunt. As much as you love her, you have to be honest.

Yep. Maybe suggest a value resort or other inexpensive (relatively) place to stay nearby, but you have to tell her she can't stay with you.

I hope it goes well!

 

[Best Aunt]

Okay, this may be a dumb idea, but I'm going to throw it out there.

How old are your kids?

Any possibility of your aunt staying at a value resort, and one of your kids staying with her?

Your aunt wouldn't be alone, she wouldn't be in your hair, and if any of your kids are old enough and close enough to her to enjoy it, it might be special for that child to (a) stay at a Disney hotel, especially when the other kids aren't, and (b) ditch you and your husband.

(I'm sure you and your husband are lovely people, but when I was at Disney with my nieces and their parents, my nieces got a big kick out of it every time we ditched their parents for a little while.)

 

[danceintherain]

Thanks for the advice everyone! I'm just waiting for the right time to tell her. I am going to tell her that staying 2 nights is ok, because we really don't have the room for her to stay with us. We have 4 kids and are renting a 3 bedroom condo, my teen son will have to sleep in a rollaway bed in the living area while she's with us & that's a inconvience.

Umm...see this is where I would be frustrated. I HATED it when I was growing up, and other people showing up meant that I lost my bed. Usually my brothers were the first ones to be shunted to the floor...or a tent in the backyard, but it was annoying nonetheless. Occasionally it was fun to have a "party" with my cousins, but usually I wanted my own bed at the end of the night.

I would put my foot down and limit her to a maximum of 2 nights.

 

[maxiesmom]

I guess I don't get how you can say you love your Aunt, and you know she has been waiting on pins and needles to visit WDW with you, yet you don't want her in the parks with you. And begrudge her wanting to spend more than 2 days with you and your family.

I get she crashed your vacation, but if you really do love her and care about her I think you can suck it up this one time. Especially if she is older, and may not have another chance to do Disney with you and your family. If you cut her out of your trip now, I think you will regret it in the future.

Sometimes loving family members means loving those who are pushy. If you have enough bedrooms for her to stay with you and be comfortable I think you need to be a big person this time and let her enjoy being with family members who she seems to love and adore.

 

[anniemck]

I guess I don't get how you can say you love your Aunt, and you know she has been waiting on pins and needles to visit WDW with you, yet you don't want her in the parks with you. And begrudge her wanting to spend more than 2 days with you and your family.

I get she crashed your vacation, but if you really do love her and care about her I think you can suck it up this one time. Especially if she is older, and may not have another chance to do Disney with you and your family. If you cut her out of your trip now, I think you will regret it in the future.

Sometimes loving family members means loving those who are pushy. If you have enough bedrooms for her to stay with you and be comfortable I think you need to be a big person this time and let her enjoy being with family members who she seems to love and adore.

I agree with this completely... my aunt is 81 and I love her very much, I only wish that she would want to do something like this with us. We do live in FL, last time she was at Magic Kingdom it was still the only park and we had to have tickets to ride the rides still. She was scared to no end on 20,000 leagues under the sea. We still talk about that trip though.

Another thing OP mentioned she is waiting for the time to be right to tell dear aunt she doesn't want her there as long as she wants to stay... well better tell her soon before she spends the $$ on a 4 day pass rather than 2.

 

[Mama Who]

I guess I don't get how you can say you love your Aunt, and you know she has been waiting on pins and needles to visit WDW with you, yet you don't want her in the parks with you. And begrudge her wanting to spend more than 2 days with you and your family.

I get she crashed your vacation, but if you really do love her and care about her I think you can suck it up this one time. Especially if she is older, and may not have another chance to do Disney with you and your family. If you cut her out of your trip now, I think you will regret it in the future.

Sometimes loving family members means loving those who are pushy. If you have enough bedrooms for her to stay with you and be comfortable I think you need to be a big person this time and let her enjoy being with family members who she seems to love and adore.

Because loving someone does not mean they are not obnoxious. Because loving someone does not mean they have the same vacationing style as you do. Because loving someone does not mean you automatically throw away everything that will make you and your family happy to suit them.

Loving and being a doormat? Not the same thing. OP has the right to not forfeit her plans or dispossess her kids without being told it means she doesn't love someone.

 

[SCmom3]

Because loving someone does not mean they are not obnoxious. Because loving someone does not mean they have the same vacationing style as you do. Because loving someone does not mean you automatically throw away everything that will make you and your family happy to suit them.

Loving and being a doormat? Not the same thing. OP has the right to not forfeit her plans or dispossess her kids without being told it means she doesn't love someone.

My thoughts exactly. If your aunt has the $$$ to spend on 4-day park hoppers, she can spring for a hotel room of her own. It's not fair of her to put you in this position to even have to say no. She should be aware that if you wanted her there, she would have been invited to stay.

 

[klledoux]

I would check prices at the Wyndham Grand Bonnet Creek Hotel (attached to WBC) for those 2 nights and be very up front about being exited to spend those 2 days with her, but you want to focus on family time.

 

[maxiesmom]

Because loving someone does not mean they are not obnoxious. Because loving someone does not mean they have the same vacationing style as you do. Because loving someone does not mean you automatically throw away everything that will make you and your family happy to suit them.

Loving and being a doormat? Not the same thing. OP has the right to not forfeit her plans or dispossess her kids without being told it means she doesn't love someone.

I don't think allowing a much loved Aunt to crash your vacation makes you a doormat. It makes you a loving person, who values their Aunt over a bit of irritation. Especially when you are well aware of how much that Aunt wants to visit WDW with you and your family, and if that Aunt is older.

That is the thing that some people don't get. Adjusting what you are doing to accommodate others does not automatically make you a doormat. It sometimes makes you a loving, unselfish person, who values others and their emotions above petty irritations.

OP--If you do tell your Aunt she is not welcome, and she never gets a chance to visit WDW with your family, will you feel bad about it? Will you think to yourself "You know, having her there really wouldn't have been a big deal. We should have made it work"? Will you end up feeling guilty?

 

[StitchesGr8Fan]

I don't think allowing a much loved Aunt to crash your vacation makes you a doormat. It makes you a loving person, who values their Aunt over a bit of irritation. Especially when you are well aware of how much that Aunt wants to visit WDW with you and your family, and if that Aunt is older.

That is the thing that some people don't get. Adjusting what you are doing to accommodate others does not automatically make you a doormat. It sometimes makes you a loving, unselfish person, who values others and their emotions above petty irritations.

OP--If you do tell your Aunt she is not welcome, and she never gets a chance to visit WDW with your family, will you feel bad about it? Will you think to yourself "You know, having her there really wouldn't have been a big deal. We should have made it work"? Will you end up feeling guilty?

So the aunt has no fault in this for inviting herself and increasing her domination of their vacation? Just because you are old doesn't mean you have the right to expect others to bow down to your wishes. If it does then we have a he k of a mess coming when we have millions of old baby boomers in this country.

OP is compromising. The aunt can stay 2 days. What compromise has the aunt made?