I think my friend is raising her own special snowflake

[StitchesGr8Fan]

I learned the special snowflake term here on the Dis and I love it. And it so applies to my friend. Here's some examples why: DS has not slept through the night since he was born, 17 months ago. Why? He wakes up every night so she changes him b/c he has sensitive skin. Legit. And then they PLAY until he goes back to sleep. DS can't have a French fry. Got it. But the next day he can have all the ruffles chips he wants. DS can't have a cupcake a mom's sprinkle for new baby. But he can have 2 vanilla muffins and 3 slices of raisin bread.

 

[StitchesGr8Fan]

She has cancelled on me 5 times in the past 3 weeks because DS hasn't woken up from his nap yet and he doesn't like to be woken up, even though he's been asleep 2.5 hours.

And the best one - DS is getting his own iPad and data plan so he stays awake in the car on short trips by watching videos.

I love my friend and her son is cute, but I didn't know the world revolved around him! Do you have any friends with "special snowflake" syndrome?

 

[mickeyboat]

Your friend is in for a rude awakening when #2 comes along. I think she will be stopping some of these rules and ideas soon.

Don't forget, though. Most parents are really just doing the very best they can for their children.

I just read your second post. Rule #1 - Never wake a sleeping baby.

 

[Arielle22]

I have a 7 year old nephew who I love dearly but my sister is raising a snowflake.

We had him sleep over 2 nights and had my other nephew, 4 years old during the day. We went to Target to buy the boys slippers for my house (hardwood floors) and I bought my 17 year old daughter something for an upcoming trip (she is an exchange student going to France). 7 year old started to complain about it wasn't fair that she got something and he didn't.

I nipped that right in the bud and told him he was getting slippers when she wasn't and also I could spend my money however I liked, that I didn't have to be fair.

His parents don't make him clean up his toys or be responsible for them. If he breaks them he just gets more toys.

He will only eat a few foods. When we suggested he try au gratin potatoes he started crying. I am a picky eater myself so I don't pressure kids too much. I was astounded that he would cry over something so minor.

 

[SaraJayne]

She has cancelled on me 5 times in the past 3 weeks because DS hasn't woken up from his nap yet and he doesn't like to be woken up, even though he's been asleep 2.5 hours.

And the best one - DS is getting his own iPad and data plan so he stays awake in the car on short trips by watching videos.

I love my friend and her son is cute, but I didn't know the world revolved around him! Do you have any friends with "special snowflake" syndrome?

You are pregnant, right?

You will discover soon enough you never wake a sleeping baby.

 

[StitchesGr8Fan]

I just read your second post. Rule #1 - Never wake a sleeping baby.

I would agree, but then don't make plans with me during nap time!

 

[Granny square]

I would agree, but then don't make plans with me during nap time!

Because you can always predict when a baby will nap. I'm thinking parents need to worry about their own perfect parenting before calling out others...

 

[StitchesGr8Fan]

You are pregnant, right?

You will discover soon enough you never wake a sleeping baby.

I know. But she offers to go somewhere during nap time and then cancels on me! I let her pick the time so it works around his schedule and she still cancels. Or she lets him sleep for 4 hours in the afternoon and texts me at 11pm that he won't sleep!

 

[mickeyboat]

I know. But she offers to go somewhere during nap time and then cancels on me! I let her pick the time so it works around his schedule and she still cancels. Or she lets him sleep for 4 hours in the afternoon and texts me at 11pm that he won't sleep!

Parenting is not an exact science, believe me. I have been doing it for over 13 years and I still have no clue what I am doing.

 

[Granny square]

It is far easier to parent before you are one.

 

[scoutie]

Do you have kids?

First time parents do all sorts of crazy things. It's just part of the learning curve.

I had lots of opinions before I had kids.....and then I had kids.

I would agree that some of the things your friend is doing doesn't seem to make much sense, but nothing she is doing is dangerous or worrisome. I doubt that she's raising an entitled, bratty kid. She'll figure things out.

I know. But she offers to go somewhere during nap time and then cancels on me! I let her pick the time so it works around his schedule and she still cancels. Or she lets him sleep for 4 hours in the afternoon and texts me at 11pm that he won't sleep!

The whole sleep thing is one thing that tripped me up every time. Just when a pattern would emerged, something would happen to make everything go haywire. Sometimes, my toddler would always nap at 12, and other times he would be so tired that I would have to put him down earlier. Sometimes, he would wake up really early and be ready for an earlier nap. Sometimes, the opposite would happen. Honestly...until you have kids, I wouldn't say anything, because the universe has a way of giving us just the type of kid we deserve. (and I mean that in a very light-hearted way!)

 

[Granny square]

The op is pregnant and has read a parenting book.

 

[StitchesGr8Fan]

Do you have kids?

First time parents do all sorts of crazy things. It's just part of the learning curve.

I had lots of opinions before I had kids.....and then I had kids.

I would agree that some of the things your friend is doing doesn't seem to make much sense, but nothing she is doing is dangerous or worrisome. I doubt that she's raising an entitled, bratty kid. She'll figure things out.

Sigh, I know. And I will make mistakes. It's just frustrating to get text after text saying " I haven't slept through the night since he was born" and "he pitched a fit because we forgot his iPad for the restaurant" and " I have no friends and never get to go out" day after day. I'm always supportive in my responses even though she criticizes my decisions during my pregnancy.

 

[scoutie]

The op is pregnant and has read a parenting book.

Got it.

I always hated when people told me, "Just wait and see...." But....really. Just wait and see. Just when you think you have things figured out, things change around. Then, when you have your second, they are COMPLETELY different from your first. Your third? Going out of his way to trip me up.

When are you due? Congratulations!!!!

I'm always supportive in my responses even though she criticizes my decisions during my pregnancy.

That's frustrating. People will always have opinions about everything child-related. It's best to do what you know is best for you and your baby.

 

[Granny square]

Ok I just don't get why her criticizing you is bad and you ragging on her is appropriate.

 

[clutter]

At 17 months old, with another new baby coming (here?), I don't think she's on her way to making him a special snowflake. Just trying, and losing the battle apparently, to accomodate a friend. Feel free to look at this thread in about 2 years.

 

[JennaDeeDooDah]

Sigh, I know. And I will make mistakes. It's just frustrating to get text after text saying " I haven't slept through the night since he was born" and "he pitched a fit because we forgot his iPad for the restaurant" and " I have no friends and never get to go out" day after day. I'm always supportive in my responses even though she criticizes my decisions during my pregnancy.

There is no way that I would get my daughter up when she was a year and a half old just to change her diaper. And there is really no way that I would stay up and play with her until she fell asleep. I have friends who will lie down with their children and stay with them until they fall asleep. That isn't for me, either. When I put my daughter to bed, that is my time that I like to spend with my husband. But, I try to tell myself that what works for me doesn't work for everyone and that just because I wouldn't do it, doesn't mean others don't find it works best for them. Not an easy mindset for me to achieve since I am one of those people (re: humans) who has to work hard at realizing I'm not right all the time.

I would be annoyed with my friend constantly cancelling on me, even though I completely agree that I wouldn't want to wake a sleeping baby. It would annoy me because, well, I am viewing things from my perspective and I had plans, likely bowed out on other things, and now I'm sitting at home doing nothing. Maybe, instead of making definitive plans, you could suggest that the two of you plan to go to dinner but don't set a time. Tell her to call you when the baby wakes up. That way, she isn't always cancelling on you and she can also let the baby sleep.

 

[DawnM]

I would let some of these things go.

Can you plan to have coffee or bring a snack to her house? That would take care of her canceling as you can let the baby sleep while you visit.

As for not sleeping through the night, well, I have one who didn't sleep through the night until he was 4 years old. It happens. Second child slept through the night at about 8 weeks. All kids are different.

 

[Mariep26]

It is tough. Based on your information here it seems she may not understand that she isn't helping herself. For example, if the child gets up to be changed (if she is waking him to change him I don't know how to work around that -- my kids don't have sensitive skin) she should not be playing with him. It is best to keep the environment dark and quiet and quickly move through the change. As far as he knows.. every night at 1am is party time.. he doesn't know better.
As pp have said it is part of the learning curve but I understand it can be frustrating to be supportive and understanding.
On the flip side.. it is easy to judge when you are not dealing with the issues. Granted I see a few things that I would do differently than her but doesn't make it right.. just right for me and my kids.
Good luck.. don't let it get you too upset because it could bubble up and cause an issue between you two.

 

[ChristineOH]

Sigh, I know. And I will make mistakes. It's just frustrating to get text after text saying " I haven't slept through the night since he was born" and "he pitched a fit because we forgot his iPad for the restaurant" and " I have no friends and never get to go out" day after day. I'm always supportive in my responses even though she criticizes my decisions during my pregnancy.

Sound like the issue is less about her spoiling her son, and more about how she treats you and her having martyr syndrome.

Moms who are confident in their parenting decisions don't worry about what everyone else thinks or what anyone else is doing with her own kids.