9yo petrified...

[ge0rgette2]

to sleep in her own bed.

This has been an ongoing thing with my 9yo. She's scared to be in her room by herself to go to sleep.
She had her own room upstairs and she's the only one on that floor.
We are right underneath her downstairs.

It's a horrible struggle every night for years now. She's not scared of ghosts, etc.. Says we won't be here when she wakes up. She's better since we've explained we are here every morning.
We've bought walkie talkie's to she can hear us, we bribed her LOL with anything we could think of.

Any suggestions? We are at our wits end.

I was just seeing about investing a cot so she can sleep next to us in our room but out of our bed... then we'd show her that we will be here when she wakes.

 

[mimmi]

I don't have advice but wanted to tell you that you're not the only one .
Our daughter came up with various anxiety issues all of a sudden, last year.
I discovered that to some extent it's normal for this age to have "realistic" fears, I don't know how you would call that, as my first language is German, but, for example, my daughter isn't afraid of ghosts but of sicknesses, one of us dying, plane crashes etc., things that could really happen.

Sometimes (not always, rather like once a week) she doesn't want to sleep in her room, the days before 12/21 were horrible as she was expecting the world to end, she didn't want to sleep at her grandparents' that day and after she read about the Titanic she was worried about our Bahamas cruise.
The worst was last summer when she was suddenly afraid of thunderstorms and asked everybody we visited if they had a lightning rod (one stupid uncle said no ).
We just try to be patient, we can be hard sometimes and explain what can be explained, like how thunderstorms happen, what we can do not to get hurt by them, that there are no icebergs in the Caribbean, and that, unfortunately, there is the slim possibility of something happen to us but that there are so many people who love her, that she will never be alone.
As the requests for sleeping in our bed isn't made all that often, we usually allow it.

 

[disneyshakeygirl]

I used to have the same problem - I'd be terrified my parents wouldn't be there the next morning etc. My parents did what you have done, they said they would be there the next morning and if I had a problem during the night, I could always come see them.

Maybe have another talk with her? Tell her you're not judging her, and support her, you just would like to get to the bottom of this.

On one hand, I agree about the cot, but on the other hand, you and your husband deserve a good night's sleep and some privacy, if that makes any sense? I hope that didn't come off rude, as I certainly don't mean it to be.

 

[ge0rgette2]

Not rude at all...

As for privacy I get ya, but, my husband works nights, arrives homes at 1am sometimes a little later, so I'm by myself anyways

She wants to sleep with me til he gets home, then he's too tired to carry her.

I think the cot is a simple fix for now, so she's not right NEXT to me all night long, maybe it'll help her fear a little.

 

[happygirl]

to sleep in her own bed.

This has been an ongoing thing with my 9yo. She's scared to be in her room by herself to go to sleep.
She had her own room upstairs and she's the only one on that floor.
We are right underneath her downstairs.

It's a horrible struggle every night for years now. She's not scared of ghosts, etc.. Says we won't be here when she wakes up. She's better since we've explained we are here every morning.
We've bought walkie talkie's to she can hear us, we bribed her LOL with anything we could think of.

Any suggestions? We are at our wits end.

I was just seeing about investing a cot so she can sleep next to us in our room but out of our bed... then we'd show her that we will be here when she wakes.

Have you tried staying in her room until she fall asleep
Letting her sleep with a tv on
lights on
door open

 

[ge0rgette2]

Yup, all of that

I used to lay with her till she fell asleep, sometimes she'd hear me walk away and down the stairs and come running with me, this was 2 years ago.
Then she got better...

We did the walkie talkies, that worked, then bombed after a few months.

We don't have a door on her room as it's upstairs, she has curtains blocking her entrance way. It's sorta the attic with heat Sounds odd to some, I'm sure, but there is not doorway, it's just stairs to an attic.

TV on - no problem.. but she won't last ... TV is on and i go downstairs, either she's up all night as she can't sleep alone or she freaks and I end up having her sleep on the couch.

 

[joviroxx]

I had that issue with my DS. We did have to let him fall asleep with us but we did carry him back to his room once he fell asleep.

Sometimes he would wake up and come back, other nights he would stay asleep. Those nights that he did stay asleep really helped when he woke up and saw everything was fine. It was tough to sometimes get up and carry him to his room but I think it helped.

Little by little it got better. Eventually, and I know this is really controversial, we put a TV in his room. That helped him fall asleep and not feel so isolated.

He is now 2 weeks shy of 15 and is a great sleeper. No, he doesn't need the tv to fall asleep and I have to drag him out of bed at times.

Editted: OK, just read your latest post. Only thing I can say is that I used to stress about it too. My pediatrician used to tell me not to (easier said than done). He used to ask if I had ever seen a 17yr old need to sleep with him parents!

 

[goofyintoronto]

You are not alone in this, trust me. My son ALWAYS had sleeping issues. He still does, and he's 12!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Its always been a struggle with him. He's gotten better, but not perfect. The other issue im dealing with now is sleep walking.

I'd like to give you advice, but I dont have any. Everything I tried never seemed to work with my son. Just be patient and give it time is all I can say. Good luck!

 

[ge0rgette2]

 

[usnuzuloose]

Have you asked her what makes her think you won't be there when she wakes up? If not maybe you need to have a talk about it. It may get to a deep understanding why and then put the fear to rest.

 

[LisaR]

I wouldn't do a cot. My goal would be to make her feel safe since she is obviously having some anxiety. However, my goal isn't to cater to her and make her so comfortable that she doesn't sleep in her own bed until she is 15 and finally wants her own privacy.

I would allow her to either sleep on the floor next to my bed, or better yet, out in the hallway on the floor outside my door (you can leave the door open). That way she has the comfort of knowing you are right there, but she isn't so comfortable that she is never going to want to leave.

 

[ge0rgette2]

I wouldn't do a cot. My goal would be to make her feel safe since she is obviously having some anxiety. However, my goal isn't to cater to her and make her so comfortable that she doesn't sleep in her own bed until she is 15 and finally wants her own privacy.

I would allow her to either sleep on the floor next to my bed, or better yet, out in the hallway on the floor outside my door (you can leave the door open). That way she has the comfort of knowing you are right there, but she isn't so comfortable that she is never going to want to leave.

I actually like that idea, not that I want her sleeping on the floor But it could really put her mind to rest knowing we are right inside the door to our room and leave the door open.

I'm going to try that tonight...

I don't want to invest in anything, cot or bed related as she has a brand new bed.

I'm going to try the walkie talkies again, as that worked a little bit

And allowing her 1/2 hour or so of TV before TV off time.

Special light too maybe.

I'm going to make a list and then work on this VERY HARD tonight... Start her at 6pm to go to bed if I have too.

Thanks!!!!!!

 

[sam_gordon]

I'm glad you posted this. Our 6yo (almost 7) DD started being afraid to sleep in her room a couple weeks ago. She's been sleeping in her room fine for almost 7 years now. When prompted, she says she's afraid the house will flood again (we had a toilet valve break while we were away for the weekend back in March), or something about a fire.

Now it's "my stomach hurts" to the point she's crying. We've let her fall asleep in our bed, then I'd carry her to her room after about 15-20 minutes. Frustrating.

 

[abdmom]

Have you tried bribery? It worked with both of my ds's. DS#1 only required stickers when he was about 3 to get him out of our bed. DS#2 was about 5 - I think he may have gotten a Nintendo DS.

 

[Iforgetmypassword]

At age 9, I'd say enough is enough. Get to bed, stay in bed, be quiet, and I'll see you in the morning. Punishment will follow if you don't. That's it.

 

[deserrai]

Personally, I can't stand the thought of my child being afraid and trying to sleep so I would let her sleep with me or put some kind of bed in the room with me or I would sleep with her. That is just what I would do, but I know everyone and every child is different.

 

[DeluxePrincess]

If sleeping in your room helps, let her sleep on the floor. Don't buy or put up anything new to accommodate her. I know that may sound mean, but if she gets her own cot, why would she ever want to sleep upstairs anytime soon? I'd also let her sleep on the couch if she is not afraid there.

 

[joviroxx]

At age 9, I'd say enough is enough. Get to bed, stay in bed, be quiet, and I'll see you in the morning. Punishment will follow if you don't. That's it.

I used to think that way too. I don't suffer fools lightly and can't stand whining and spoiled behavior. I don't put up with much. I have 2 kids. One no issue with bedtime ever. When she did give an issue, it was a look or a threat of punishment and that was it.

My son was a different story. The anxiety was real. It wasn't a spoiled child just pushing limits. It wasn't just whining. He truly was frightened deeply of falling asleep alone. We tried everything, punishment, coaxing, bribery, good guy, bad guy, nothing worked. We had to slowly, step by step get him through it.

It wasn't until he was about 11 that he finally settled down but it took a lot of patience, effort, understanding and yes, at times, a firm hand.

 

[mrssmith06]

We are having night time issues with our 9 y/o DD as well.... it is very frustrating. She never had issues before, this started a few months ago and it's random things that she is "scared" of...scorpions, ghosts, bad songs? lol... she will come up with just about anything!! I remember having nightmare issues as a child too... so I feel bad for her but I'm so annoyed too!!!

 

[goofy4tink]

At age 9, I'd say enough is enough. Get to bed, stay in bed, be quiet, and I'll see you in the morning. Punishment will follow if you don't. That's it.

Harsh. My now 19 y/o dd had some really severe sleep issues. She had never been a 'great' sleeper, but when she got to around 11??? Oh man. She was awake all night. She just couldn't settle down for the night. She kept having concerns with people coming in and taking her. At a younger age, maybe around 8 or 9, it was that someone was going to hurt my dh or ne during the night.
I would get up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night and would almost walk on the poor kid's head!!! She would bring her blanket and pillow and sleep on the floor at the end of the bed!!!
We ended up sending her to a child psychologist. It took a few months but it finally worked.

Punishment and bribery seldom work. There is some reason a child is this terrified. At the age of 8/9, they are starting to realize that bad things happen..they are worried every time a parent leaves, especially at night. No amount of punishment is going to work...it will just add to the issue. It takes time and sensitivity to make things right again.

IF I had the room on the top floor, all by myself, and I was 9 y/o??? I'd be worried too!!!! That would be way to isolated for me. I would lie there at night, worrying about all the things that 'could' be going on downstairs!!!! I can almost see what your dd is worried about!!!