A message that bears repeating

[Colleen27]

That said, I think I see this differently than everyone else. First, let me say that I think it was completely inappropriate and rude for the guy to send the email. I suspect that will get lost in the rest of what I say so I want to reiterate that I think the guy was completely wrong for sending that email. However, there is increased concern lately for children who are overweight or who have unhealthy diets. Laws are being passed to try to help children avoid unhealthy foods. There are new regulations about school lunches and people are trying to ban unhealthy foods and drinks in some cities. To me, it seems logical that the next step for some people would be to worry about children being exposed to what they see as unhealthy examples. For years many people haven't wanted their kids to see things like smoking and drinking portrayed in a positive light. Many people see someone who is overweight and assume they are that way because of an unhealthy lifestyle. I assume that this woman is well liked and popular on the news or she wouldn't have been on there for so long. The guy might assume that kids would have a more positive outlook about obesity because they like this woman, and they see that lots of other people like her as well. Again, I'm not saying he's right to feel that way but I've seen others express a similar sentiment over the years.

I didn't find his email to be a personal attack, exactly. I think it was rude, but he wasn't attacking her for being fat. He wasn't informing her that she was fat as though she didn't know, or telling her how disgusting he thought she was. He was just asking her to reconsider the example she was setting for the younger viewers of the news. And he did not do it publicly, or try to shame her in front of others. I think he was misguided and rude, but I personally don't think he was bullying her.

I agree. And I don't think the bully label is accurately applied here - it really doesn't read to me like he intended to be hurtful. Bullying, in my opinion, is intentional meanness. Not a blanket term for any and all criticism that can hurt someone's feelings.

I figure it is really just a matter of time before this man's perspective becomes the dominant one in our culture. We already condemn celebrities based on other aspects of their personal lives because of the fear that our kids will look to them as role models. If we as a culture don't want our kids listening to a singer because she posed in some racy photos or get upset about them watching a show because the actress got pregnant, is it really such a stretch to feel that they shouldn't be admiring an obese person? After all, most kids will never see Miley Cyrus's Vanity Fair spread or and Jamie Lynn Spears' pregnancy certainly never made it into an episode of Zoey 101, but an obese celebrity's "failing" is readily obvious to everyone. It stands to reason that the "But think of the children!" crowd will eventually turn their moral outrage towards making sure our kids don't grow up thinking fat is an acceptable lifestyle.

 

[Eeyore'sthebest]

Was it sent to a generic station address or to her direct station email address? There is a difference. Starting off the email with "Hi, Jennifer" doesn't sound like it was sent to the station as a whole. Again, I think the email was dispicable and should never have been sent. The guy is closed minded, but I don't think the wording of his email was bullying, just ignorant and hurtful. Bullying would have used far less PC words. I think he was coming from a place of concern, but boy was his execution BBBBAAADDDD.

If the email was sent to Jennifer@tvstation.com, it is the legal property of the station. There is no expectation of personal privacy in anything that is sent to a business even if it is sent to a specific individual at the firm. Sorry but that's just the way it is. Using the company computer, the company email and the company internet access makes the email the property of the company. If he sent it to a personal gmail account, that would be different. Sorry but the station owns that email. The lawyer that sent that email should know that.

 

[Magpie]

Nor should it, in my opinion. This guy is a moron, BUT he could be a very good lawyer and provide a very good service to many people. He could have a family he is supporting. No reason to drag his name through the mud and impact his business. Again, it was a private email and had no business being put on Facebook or the news. I am all for a husband standing up for a wife, but publically putting it out there that some insignificant nobody called her fat is a stupid way to stand up for someone. Again, just my opinion.

Actually, as a lawyer, the gentleman should have known that nothing you send via e-mail is private. E-mails are public. The ethics of sharing them can be debated, but as these two people were strangers to each other the man is a fool if he believed the lady would keep it to herself. In fact, once an e-mail is in the hands of the recipient is it hers to do with as she wishes. Or in this case, her husband's.

From Consumer.findlaw.com : "The best advice is to treat every email as though it were open to the public to read. Don't say things you don't want others to read, and remember that even after you've deleted your emails, they will be available for years from other sources."

In my opinion, anyone with that level of supreme arrogance and presumption, coupled with either impulse control issues or sad lack of judgement, is probably not half as good a lawyer or family man as he could be if he were taken down a peg or two. I hope he's learned a lesson from all this. And I hope he's grateful to her and her husband for not sharing his name publicly, as they easily could have done.

Perhaps an apology and a thank you note are now in order? That'd be the classy thing to do.

 

[sam_gordon]

I didn't find his email to be a personal attack, exactly. I think it was rude, but he wasn't attacking her for being fat. He wasn't informing her that she was fat as though she didn't know, or telling her how disgusting he thought she was. He was just asking her to reconsider the example she was setting for the younger viewers of the news. And he did not do it publicly, or try to shame her in front of others. I think he was misguided and rude, but I personally don't think he was bullying her.

He said she made the CHOICE to be obese. I'm guessing that wasn't her choice.

And what is she supposed to do to "reconsider the example she is setting"? Give up her job?

 

[Princess Dolly]

A very sensible post and yet another example of the overuse of the word bullying. An email expressing a negative opinion from someone who isn't in a position of power over you is simply not bullying. It is crass and rude and shouldn't be sent but it isn't bullying and isn't even an attack. It is the expression of an opinion and nothing else.

Obesity is a real problem that shouldn't be shrugged off so easily but at the same time some teleprompter reader on the local news (and that is all they really are) is probably not really the person any child should be looking up to as a role model for their health. That is a role the parents are supposed to occupy.

Just my opinion, I look forward to the over the top twisting of what I wrote here.

Wow. Nice of you to demean someone's job like that without even knowing her. And I guess you are the typical IT nerd who works with computers because he can't work with people.

Is obesity a problem in this country? Yes
Are emails demeaning someone the answer? No

 

[SaraJayne]

I don't know Frank but the person you quoted sounds pretty smug. I don't know anything about Jennifer but her rebuttal to that rude email was classy. And yes, it is bullying when someone tries to belittle another. She was hurt, it was written all over her face. Why do people use so much time being mean? Was it really necessary that this grown man write this woman he says he doesn't even watch to tell he she's too fat?

Sorry, Frank is FireDancer.

 

[luvsJack]

I think it is wonderful that she took a negative toward her and turned it into a way to get a message out to kids and parents.

If the person who sent the email thought he needed to "inform her" that she is overweight then he is an idiot and I would be scared of him being my lawyer. Everyone that is overweight is well aware of that fact and they know why they are overweight (even if they don't want to admit it out loud). They do not need anyone telling them about it or what to do about it.

I would rather my child have a successful, well respected, well spoken overweight woman as her role model than a "thin" lawyer that doesn't have the good sense God gave him to figure out how to speak to a person with respect.

HE may not have been being a bully but emails like his that go from one kid to another and keep going, and other kids get in on sending the emails--THAT is bullying, and she used what happened to her to teach a lesson to kids and that is a good thing, no matter what you want to call it.

 

[SaraJayne]

I agree. And I don't think the bully label is accurately applied here - it really doesn't read to me like he intended to be hurtful. Bullying, in my opinion, is intentional meanness. Not a blanket term for any and all criticism that can hurt someone's feelings.

You don't think he intended to be hurtful?

 

[smitch425]

If the email was sent to Jennifer@tvstation.com, it is the legal property of the station. There is no expectation of personal privacy in anything that is sent to a business even if it is sent to a specific individual at the firm. Sorry but that's just the way it is. Using the company computer, the company email and the company internet access makes the email the property of the company. If he sent it to a personal gmail account, that would be different. Sorry but the station owns that email. The lawyer that sent that email should know that.

I never said anything about not having the legal right to publically post the email. I simply stated it was a person to person email. In my opinion, a person to person email receives a person to person response, not a 5 minute public response on a news broadcast. Again, just my opinion. Frankly, I am a bit tired of having to repeat myself and my posts getting dissected, so I am out of this discussion. My last comment is this...

The lawyer was out of line, the husband has a warped way of standing up for his wife, and I do not believe personal issues should be aired in that manner. Those are my opinions, and I have not asked anyone to agree with me, nor have I discounted what anyone else has stated. God bless.

 

[A_Princess'_Daddy]

Actually, as a lawyer, the gentleman should have known that nothing you send via e-mail is private. E-mails are public. The ethics of sharing them can be debated, but as these two people were strangers to each other the man is a fool if he believed the lady would keep it to herself. In fact, once an e-mail is in the hands of the recipient is it hers to do with as she wishes. Or in this case, her husband's.

From Consumer.findlaw.com : "The best advice is to treat every email as though it were open to the public to read. Don't say things you don't want others to read, and remember that even after you've deleted your emails, they will be available for years from other sources."

In my opinion, anyone with that level of supreme arrogance and presumption, coupled with either impulse control issues or sad lack of judgement, is probably not half as good a lawyer or family man as he could be if he were taken down a peg or two. I hope he's learned a lesson from all this. And I hope he's grateful to her and her husband for not sharing his name publicly, as they easily could have done.

Perhaps an apology and a thank you note are now in order? That'd be the classy thing to do.

Yes, exactly. I'm pretty sure privilege, and when there is a lack thereof, was covered on the first day of law school for me. Personally, I like to see bullies and jerks get their comeuppance, so I have no issues with her sharing it! She handled it well, in my opinion.

 

[FireDancer]

Wow. Nice of you to demean someone's job like that without even knowing her. And I guess you are the typical IT nerd who works with computers because he can't work with people.

Is obesity a problem in this country? Yes
Are emails demeaning someone the answer? No

Actually in my position I deal as much with people as machines but I guess it depends on what you mean by typical IT nerd. I like computers and all and can hold my own in just about any conversation outside of hard core coding but I don't go home and sit on one or play video games all day. I am athletic and play a multitude or sports (both team and individual), have a few hobbies (none of which involve electronics), belong to a lot of professional and civic social groups, and travel quite a bit. You'll have to tell me if that is typical IT nerd.

And as I predicted in my original post what I said has been completely twisted. Not only did I not say that the email was the answer but said "It is crass and rude and shouldn't be sent" which is pretty much the exact opposite.

He said she made the CHOICE to be obese. I'm guessing that wasn't her choice.

For most people their health and weight is a choice and medical conditions causing obesity are the exception, not the rule. Of course this particular woman may be one of those exceptions but I'm not talking about her specifically, I'm talking about the population as a whole. I still wear the same size pants I did when I graduated high school and you can see my abs. That isn't a happenstance of nature, it is a result of the lifestyle I choose to live just as it is with the vast majority of us. Personally I see a lot of mis-placed anger over the whole obesity issue in this country as though it is the people who care about the health of our population (and children in particular) are wrong because we don't accept the falsity that the problem is out of our collective hands. But that is a topic for another thread which, of course, would just be closed here because we can't talk about this real and deadly problem like adults.

 

[luvmy3]

Wow. Nice of you to demean someone's job like that without even knowing her. And I guess you are the typical IT nerd who works with computers because he can't work with people.

Holy Irony Batman!

 

[2girls4me]

I think she went out of her way not to name names. And that is admirable. Good for,her for standing up to the bully and for standing up for her little girls.

 

[Heidict]

As far as I know, his name has not been released, unfortunately.

His name is out there. I was reading some of the comments below the story that is on her news website. Some viewers/readers have posted his name.

 

[akhenaten]

I agree. And I don't think the bully label is accurately applied here - it really doesn't read to me like he intended to be hurtful. Bullying, in my opinion, is intentional meanness. Not a blanket term for any and all criticism that can hurt someone's feelings.

. I do not think the newscaster ever said she was being bullied.
she did say her feelings were hurt.... And pointed out that if parents call people names at home their children will learn that it is ok to do so... And they may bully others....

 

[SaraJayne]

His name is out there. I was reading some of the comments below the story that is on her news website. Some viewers/readers have posted his name.

Yes, it is. But the station has not released it.

 

[Princess Dolly]

Holy Irony Batman!

I guess you didn't see the sarcasm on my part? I was simply saying that as an example of what he had just done.

 

[Handbag Lady]

I don't understand why his name is not out there, OUT THERE.

Why is he being protected? Bullies and people who intend to cause harm should be called out.

 

[FireDancer]

I never said anything about not having the legal right to publically post the email. I simply stated it was a person to person email. In my opinion, a person to person email receives a person to person response, not a 5 minute public response on a news broadcast. Again, just my opinion. Frankly, I am a bit tired of having to repeat myself and my posts getting dissected, so I am out of this discussion. My last comment is this...

The lawyer was out of line, the husband has a warped way of standing up for his wife, and I do not believe personal issues should be aired in that manner. Those are my opinions, and I have not asked anyone to agree with me, nor have I discounted what anyone else has stated. God bless.

I know what you are saying and completely agree. While there is no legal expectation of privacy if I send personal emails to personal addresses (even on corporate domains) I expect them to be and stay private. That doesn't mean they can't be made public legally and anyone should be smart enough to know that any email, no matter how private, can be made public but I agree that an email addressed to me personally that doesn't contain anything illegal or threatening will remain private.

I'm still not seeing the bullying either.

 

[Magpie]

I never said anything about not having the legal right to publically post the email. I simply stated it was a person to person email. In my opinion, a person to person email receives a person to person response, not a 5 minute public response on a news broadcast. Again, just my opinion. Frankly, I am a bit tired of having to repeat myself and my posts getting dissected, so I am out of this discussion. My last comment is this...

The lawyer was out of line, the husband has a warped way of standing up for his wife, and I do not believe personal issues should be aired in that manner. Those are my opinions, and I have not asked anyone to agree with me, nor have I discounted what anyone else has stated. God bless.

The most important thing to remember from all this is that not everyone shares your own personal beliefs around email etiquette.

So though you may believe that a personal email deserves a personal response, the person you're sending it to may not agree. Which is a lesson to all of us to think twice about what we're saying. Would you say it in public? No? Then don't send it. Save that discussion for when you're face to face, and there are no recording devices nearby.

For example: Lawyer walks up to Jennifer, "Hey, lady, your physical condition is appalling! I want you to think about what a bad role model you are, especially for girls!"

Jennifer: "Who the hell are you???"

As for the husband, I don't think there's anything "warped" about him posting the e-mail at all. The man was angry and wanted to vent, which seems to me a perfectly healthy and normal response in a loving husband. Would a less "warped" response have been to track the guy down and punch him in the nose for insulting his wife? That'd certainly have the personal touch missing in a Facebook post! I'm curious what you'd have considered a "non-warped" response on the husband's part.