What is the bridesmaids job?

[LisaRay]

My college aged daughter is a bridesmaid in an upcoming wedding.
This is her 1st time doing this and they have already thrown the wedding shower several weeks ago but as the wedding is fast approching she has also just started her last year of college and is taking a VERY full load and starting to feel overwhelmed by school this semester.
Even though she's only been back to school a short 2 weeks she just has a lot on her plate this semester plus she's working part time and the wedding is coming up at the end of Sept.
Basically I think she feels like she's not being a very good friend to the bride because she's so busy and doesn't see that letting up any time soon and she's also a little worried that the bride is feeling that she's not being helpful with the wedding stuff.
But what exactly is the job of the bridesmaid?
She asked me what was expected of her and I really didn't have a good answer for her.

 

[happygirl]

My college aged daughter is a bridesmaid in an upcoming wedding.
This is her 1st time doing this and they have already thrown the wedding shower several weeks ago but as the wedding is fast approching she has also just started her last year of college and is taking a VERY full load and starting to feel overwhelmed by school this semester.
Even though she's only been back to school a short 2 weeks she just has a lot on her plate this semester plus she's working part time and the wedding is coming up at the end of Sept.
Basically I think she feels like she's not being a very good friend to the bride because she's so busy and doesn't see that letting up any time soon and she's also a little worried that the bride is feeling that she's not being helpful with the wedding stuff.
But what exactly is the job of the bridesmaid?
She asked me what was expected of her and I really didn't have a good answer for her.

I don't think bridesmaid do much. Maid of honor or Matron of honor I believe do a lot. Planniing things and such

 

[Christine]

I never believed that bridesmaids had a job. However, in recent years, it seems to have become common that bridesmaids, along with the maid/matron of honor are to be slaves to the bride, to comfort every traumatic moment, to be truly creative and provide lavish celebrations, and to be on call for anything the bride might need.

Of course, this is not always the case, only with bridezillas.

Your DD's job is wear the clothing the bride picks out for the wedding, show up on time, and be supportive on the brides day. A bride should choose friends or family to be bridesmaids because they are special to her and she is honored to have them stand with her on her big day. They are not worker bees in a theatrical production.

 

[Handbag Lady]

My college aged daughter is a bridesmaid in an upcoming wedding.
This is her 1st time doing this and they have already thrown the wedding shower several weeks ago but as the wedding is fast approching she has also just started her last year of college and is taking a VERY full load and starting to feel overwhelmed by school this semester.
Even though she's only been back to school a short 2 weeks she just has a lot on her plate this semester plus she's working part time and the wedding is coming up at the end of Sept.
Basically I think she feels like she's not being a very good friend to the bride because she's so busy and doesn't see that letting up any time soon and she's also a little worried that the bride is feeling that she's not being helpful with the wedding stuff.
But what exactly is the job of the bridesmaid?
She asked me what was expected of her and I really didn't have a good answer for her.

Her job is to look her best on the wedding day, support the bride by asking the bride what CAN she do, and to be there for the bride in any way she can.

She's not supposed to skip her classes or get herself into financial trouble just to be in the wedding.

Has your daughter been calling the bride and or the MOH to see what help she can give? Has she shown up to the fittings and ooohed and ahhhhed over the dresses?

 

[Becky2005]

But what exactly is the job of the bridesmaid?
She asked me what was expected of her and I really didn't have a good answer for her.

Help with the wedding shower (which has already been done)
Get the dress/shoes/hair done as the bride wishes
Show up for the rehearsal and the wedding

I think that basically sums up the requirements at least way back when but I know things have changed it seems for different things.

Maid/Matron of Honor do a few more things but not much....more of what is done during the wedding (i.e. Maid/Matron of honor, holds flowers during exchanging of vows/rings, straightening a train if there is one, helping at the reception if the bride needs help with say bustling her dress or something).

Who knows....I got lucky that my matron of honor showed up! She left early in the reception as she got sick...little did I know she was pregnant! I thought it was unlike her but then was so mad she didn't tell me until after I got back from my honeymoon! She didn't want to take away from my day so didn't tell me. I would have been estatic for her. I knew things has been weird that day but didn't put 2 + 2 together (she had such bad sickness all throughout).

Other than that, I can't really think of much.

 

[Janepod]

Help out in general with the bride. E.g., I am a bridesmaid in a wedding this weekend. Bride asked if I could help pick some people up at the airport, pick up some sandwiches for us to have while we're getting hair/makeup done, that sort of thing. Help the bride with errands/tasks so she can get some things off her plate the day of the wedding.

She should ask the bride if there's anything she can help with. E.g., set up manicure appointments, pick up something, whatever. Things that seem small to a normal person but stress out a bride.

 

[Hannathy]

Wear what the bride tells her -without complaining- and smile prettily and nod her head when the bride insists she will be able (and want) to wear the dress again! Ditto for the very expensive shoes. Cooperate with how the bride wants her hair, make-up and jewelry.

Show up on time or early for the rehearsal and the wedding! Pay attention at the rehearsal.

Don't make a fool of herself or steal the spotlight at the reception.


Not much else for the bridesmaid. Big thing is don't make any waves anywhere and remember it is the brides day and choices.

 

[LisaRay]

Oh she has been supportive all spring which was when the planning really kicked in and during the summer. But she knew that once she went back to school things would be crazy for her which is why she kept asking the bride all summer what can be done because that was when my DD had more time on her hands.
But now that it's the last month the bride has decided to finally kick things into gear and things that could have been done a long time ago are just now getting done. FYI the bride is not in school and is only working part time so I don't think it's anything she can't handle herself I just think she doesn't want to handle things she wants it to be a fun party like atmosphere however my DD can't drop everything and show up at a moments notice! She was told with very little notice that they are doing a make up party for the bridesmaids on a Saturday at 2pm but my DD works every Saturday from 12-5 and can't get it off with no notice and also it would be the 3rd Saturday in a row she would be requesting off work for the wedding. (bacholorette party is one and wedding itself is the other)
So it's not that she's been a deadbeat bridesmaid by any means it's just that in the 30 days leading up to the wedding my DD is also very busy with her school load and also with working and can't be at her beck and call. She feels really bad about this she REALLY does. But I can see myself that she is overwhelmed right now and I don't want her feeling bad so that's why I asked what was expected of most bridesmaids.

 

[Handbag Lady]

Oh she has been supportive all spring which was when the planning really kicked in and during the summer. But she knew that once she went back to school things would be crazy for her which is why she kept asking the bride all summer what can be done because that was when my DD had more time on her hands.
But now that it's the last month the bride has decided to finally kick things into gear and things that could have been done a long time ago are just now getting done. FYI the bride is not in school and is only working part time so I don't think it's anything she can't handle herself I just think she doesn't want to handle things she wants it to be a fun party like atmosphere however my DD can't drop everything and show up at a moments notice! She was told with very little notice that they are doing a make up party for the bridesmaids on a Saturday at 2pm but my DD works every Saturday from 12-5 and can't get it off with no notice and also it would be the 3rd Saturday in a row she would be requesting off work for the wedding. (bacholorette party is one and wedding itself is the other)
So it's not that she's been a deadbeat bridesmaid by any means it's just that in the 30 days leading up to the wedding my DD is also very busy with her school load and also with working and can't be at her beck and call. She feels really bad about this she REALLY does. But I can see myself that she is overwhelmed right now and I don't want her feeling bad so that's why I asked what was expected of most bridesmaids.

It seems she's doing a great job, then. If it makes your daughter feel better, have her call the bride and explain (once again if needed) that she just can't take off short notice but is there something she can do for the bride outside of the school and work hours. Maybe there is something that she can do (assemble a wedding emergency kit with pins and clear polish and scuff removal and Tide Pens, or make Honeymoon dining reservations for the couple, or airport runs the week before the wedding or ???).

 

[aprilgail2]

Bridesmaids easier than maid of honor- they basically just have to buy the dress, pay for their portion of the shower and help plan the bachlorette party!

 

[clh2]

At this point - your DD needs to be polite and firm on how much time she is able to give. School is her first priority. If she is able to help a little here and there - GREAT. If she isn't able to - then - that is all she can do. At this point - giving up 2 weekends in a row is already a lot (i.e. bachelorette party and the wedding). I would assume that exams will be coming up quickly after the wedding...

Now - the one "job" no one has mentioned...tell your dd the "someone" will probably need to hold the bride's dress - when she needs to use the bathroom! Dirty job...but someone may need to help -especially if the dress is "poufy".

 

[LisaRay]

Thanks everyone for the advice!
I think I was asking more for my own knowledge then for hers. I just wanted to make sure there wasn't something I wasn't aware of.

And LOL at the holding the dress up to pee!! I think they've already has some practice with the at prom.

 

[ZephyrHawk]

Bridesmaids are supposed to: buy the dress, not complain about the dress, assist with planning and/or paying for the bridal shower (if so requested by the maid of honor), attend the bridal shower, bring a gift, assist in paying for (if not planning) the bachelorette, attend the bachelorette, there is no need to bring a gift to the bachelorette but they are appreciated, attend the rehersal, attend the rehersal dinner, attend the wedding, attend the reception, bring a gift, smile for photos.

Anything else is gravy.

 

[Bren's Mom]

Bridesmaids are supposed to: buy the dress, not complain about the dress, assist with planning and/or paying for the bridal shower (if so requested by the maid of honor), attend the bridal shower, bring a gift, assist in paying for (if not planning) the bachelorette, attend the bachelorette, there is no need to bring a gift to the bachelorette but they are appreciated, attend the rehersal, attend the rehersal dinner, attend the wedding, attend the reception, bring a gift, smile for photos.

Anything else is gravy.

I'd agree with this if it were, say, 10 years ago.

But in this day and age, brides do all sorts of crazy things...so I wouldn't count on any of that to be accurate.

I always recommend to people that if asked to be a bridesmaid, they should ask what it entails and just as important, how much of a financial commitment the bride expects her to make (if finances are a concern). If someone asked me I wouldn't hesitate to say that I could afford to spend $X amount toward the wedding including my dress, shoes, accessories, makeup, hair, gifts, showers, other parties, etc. and that if more was expected I was very sorry but simply could not afford it. If that meant I wasn't a BM, then so be it. I'd be fine continuing to be a friend and would enjoy simply attending the wedding.

 

[shortbun]

Around here the bridesmaids help address the invitations and help with thank-you notes as well as organize gifts so the bride can note who got them what.

 

[Andtototoo]

When I was in bridal, we used to say that the bridesmaids' job was to "Dress up show up, shut up, pay up."

These days, there is an incredible proliferation of pre-wedding activities that seemingly require the bridesmaids' active assistance and monetary contributions.* Unless your daughter had previously been involved in a wedding like this, she would have no way of knowing the incredible demands people are placing on their attendants these days. I think I'd reassure her that she is doing the best she can and the bride will have to buck up and deal with the fact that one bridesmaid can't get off work three Saturdays in a row. If the bride can't deal with that, your daughter will lose a selfish friend and in the end, that's not a bad thing.


*If my dd were asked to be a bridesmaid these days, I'd suggest that she talk to the bride and hammer out ahead of time:

--Cost of dress
--Cost of all accessories
--Cost of hair styling, mani-pedis, etc.
--Cost of bachelorette party
--Cost of shower(s) including travel costs. (For example, I knew a bride who had five, count 'em, five showers all over the country. She expected all of her bridesmaids to attend all five! Note that her expectations were not met, but even the "local" shower involved traveling to Chicago and staying overnight at a hotel, so there was gas money, tolls, multiple meals, and so on.)
--How much time investment is needed.( For example, does the bride envision a simple shower at someone's house or does she imagine a beautifully decorated barn that requires someone be up on a ladder for three hours stringing lights and another three hours setting tables? For example, does the bride envision that her maids will accompany her to every gown shopping trip and then, every fitting?)