I forgot to say we were also asked if we had brought any gifts for friends we might have, so that I thought was an odd question.
I HATE THE BORDER.
Going on vacation shouldn't entail having to convince the judge/jury/executioner that yes, in fact, you're going on vacation. And may your Gods help you if you're brown...'cause theirs certainly won't.
We got "are you bringing anything into the United States that you will be leaving behind." My wife froze on the oddity of that question. Time spun out, almost two seconds worth, which is an eternity when you're talking to people who can rip your car apart on a whim. As I was about to jump in, she said "I'm sorry, no. I just had to think for a second on what that could possibly be."
Me, too. The best I could come up with was "a flag, a Canadian flag. We're the vanguard of the conquering force."
In February a few years back, we drove to Destin, FL, to see my dad and stepmom. In Windsor, so help me, we had this exchange:
Border cop: "Where y'all headed?"
DW: 'Destin, FL"
Cop: "Why are you going to Florida?"
I thought about that one and reflected it's a good thing my wife handles the questions.
It's February. Why does any Canadian go to Florida? Sun. Sand. No snow. Eglin AFB's near Destin, we thought maybe we'd blow it up.
Last time down, the border cop zeroed right in on me. He was an old guy, amiable, and you got the distinct impression he would have been happy as a clam if ours was the only car he dealt with all day. He actually asked me why I didn't have a driver's license, as opposed to the perfectly good passport I did have. "I don't drive," I said. "Poor eyesight." "Well, that never stopped anybody!"
It's the central fact of my life that I don't drive. You try living without a driver's license for twenty years and see if you don't get a little touchy about people who assume you MUST have one and why are you hiding it? I actually thought for a minute the guy was going to produce an eye chart. But no, he just started up with the questions. We'd already told him we were going to Florida for a week, so of course he had to say "Okay, so you're going to Florida for...was it two weeks?"
I wanted to turn to the mythical judge that was at least supposed to be on my side and say "Objection, your Honour!"
Coming back into Canada is so much easier. Last time, we chorused "we're home!" and the woman just waved us through without even asking for I.D...
