Prom Weekend

[DCbride]

DD(18)'s friends want to rent a shore house (the Jersey shore) the weekend of prom. I have a lot of problems with 12 unsupervised kids renting a property- most are safety issues. DS (now 20) did spent 2 nights at the shore at his girlfriend's house, but the GF's mom was there the whole time.

Just looking for input from other parents. And where did/do your kids go the weekend of prom?

Note: Just wanted to add it is not that I don't trust DD or even her friends, she will travel to Germany this summer as part of a student exchange program, I really don't trust the other 2000 kids who converge onto Wildwood Beach the first 3 weekends of May. Yes, I know she is off to college in the fall, but dorms are supervised, there will be security on campus and there are emergency call boxes everywhere.

 

[Rylee]

Will anyone even rent to children/young adults that age? For most hotels, you have to be 21 or older.

 

[mjkacmom]

I went down the shore with my gf's for memorial day weekend starting when I was a junior in HS with my parents' blessing, and we did it again senior year, and after the prom (doesn't everyone in NJ do this?). Once my kids are legal adults, they can pretty much do what they want (as long as it's legal). Three months after the prom, my kids will head off to college.

 

[disneyandme]

I grew up in NJ and no everyone did not do this after prom. I can't imagine any of my friends parents allowing this when we were in High school. The only people I know who hit the beach went with at least one parent along. Talk to your daughter. It may be that you trust her to act correctly, but what about the other kids who are going.

 

[KateMW]

You gave my answer in your own post...she's starting college in the Fall and she's spending the summer in Germany. If you trust her to do those things, you trust her to make good choices even if there are 2000 other crazy people around. Also, I'm not sure where you went to college, but my dorms had RAs too, they were the people buying my beer. Honestly, I would let her go. It's a good practice to see how she'll behave in the future and it's a right of passage. Those are actually very important to a person's life. I had a friend who's parents were REALLY overprotective and didn't let her do anything {no prom, no dating, lived at home during college} and it backfired BIG time.

 

[allison443]

I grew up in NJ and no everyone did not do this after prom. I can't imagine any of my friends parents allowing this when we were in High school. The only people I know who hit the beach went with at least one parent along. Talk to your daughter. It may be that you trust her to act correctly, but what about the other kids who are going.

I am living in NJ now and I guess things have changed, or maybe you lived in a different part of NJ. I am in central/northern NJ I can tell you that this is a hugely popular thing now. For once my kids were not exaggerating very much when they said "everyone is going down the shore after prom". I saw the pictures so I know who was there. It was a huge percentage of their classes.

No parents went along either.

 

[julirina]

I'm not on board with the "she's almost an adult, let her go" theories. In my experience, it's when kids are almost adults that they make the worst choices (a childish attitude can cause adult mistakes with adult consequences). My parents were strict, not controlling, and set good limits. I hated the limits at the time but I respected their authority and it kept me out of bad situations. Your house, your daughter, your rules...until she's on her own. If you're not comfortable with it, don't allow it. Consider the consequences of both alternatives -- you can live with an angry teenager, but what if something went wrong while she was away? Could you live with that? Are there other, more supervised alternatives? If they're good kids and don't plan on doing anything wrong, then encourage them to take a good-natured chaperone along.

I don't mean to sound preachy -- I just have a more conservative parenting attitude, I guess. Good luck with whatever you decide.

ETA that "everybody else is doing it" is never a valid argument IMO!

 

[tiggger1]

My best friends parents let us use their cottage for a week right after graduation. there were only 4 of us and we hung out at the beach all day and it was great.

 

[woodkins]

A big group of our senior class did this on prom weekend. They all went to Wildwood. A bunch of the guys were drinking and decided to take a boat out for a ride, they ended up capsizing the boat and one of the guys drowned, another had permanent brain damage from near drowning and a few others had pretty major injuries. That many kids in an unsupervised area cannot lead to anything good.

 

[mjkacmom]

I am living in NJ now and I guess things have changed, or maybe you lived in a different part of NJ. I am in central/northern NJ I can tell you that this is a hugely popular thing now. For once my kids were not exaggerating very much when they said "everyone is going down the shore after prom". I saw the pictures so I know who was there. It was a huge percentage of their classes.

No parents went along either.

I'm in NE NJ, so maybe that's it - it seems like everyone goes! And I've never heard of parents tagging along.

 

[scrapquitler]

My daughter is only 13, but I can't imagine that whem prom time comes I would allow this.

 

[kim_o]

I am living in NJ now and I guess things have changed, or maybe you lived in a different part of NJ. I am in central/northern NJ I can tell you that this is a hugely popular thing now. For once my kids were not exaggerating very much when they said "everyone is going down the shore after prom". I saw the pictures so I know who was there. It was a huge percentage of their classes.

No parents went along either.

I grew up on the central Jersey Shore, and it was deifnitely a big thing to do (now living down in Georgia, I can tell you they don't have a similar type of "prom weekend"). We went to wildwood after the prom for the weekend, unsupervised. As a parent now, I'd probably be a worried mess the entire weekend, but I do have to say it is a very normal thing there and I did enjoy it and had a lot of fun. We went to the beach, mini golfing, boardwalk. It also depends on the group your child is going with....some groups did do the wild, hard partying, and some took the more laid back beach approach. We rented a condo for the weekend, but had to put down a HUGE security deposit with the owner due to the circumstances. but, the owner was very pleased when we left, we got all of the security back, and she happily reinvited us for another time.

Also, i'd be A LOT More tentative if they're going to the Seaside area as opposed to Wildwood, LBI, or Cape Cod.

 

[mebbradley]

I graduated in 2008, and since I had my appendix out the week before graduation was not allowed in the water or on the beach. So, the next summer after 3 of my best friends graduated (one of my best friends graduated with me), the 5 of us went down to Ocean City, Maryland for the week. We were there before actual senior week, and we stayed in one of my friend's families condo.

This is something that most kids do nowadays. we had strict rules about what was allowed while we were down there. There was no boys were allowed in the condo (not there would have been), and we were to stick together (all of us) at all times. I'm sure there were others, but I've forgotten them.

Our parents actually made us sign a "contract" with them about the rules and that we would follow them. We did it willingly. My mom would have never let me go if there was going to be both girls and guys in the condo.

Personally, (if I had a daughter who wanted to do this); I would sit down with her and talk about it. find out why, what the details are, what rules will be in place during the week, what they will be doing... things like that. After we discussed all that, I might consider it if all her answers were reasonable. I don't know how far you are from the Jersey Shore, but we were only 30 mins away from home and our parents drove us down there. We did not have access to a car and used the bus system in Ocean City while there.

Sorry if I rambled, just thought my experience might help.

 

[nanncy]

Tough

 

[disneyandme]

You said 12 friends- is that girls or mixed company?

 

[Hannathy]

I'm curious how they do it Prom weekend? Isn't prom on Saturday and doesn't the school have an all night party after it? so when do they go to the shore?

I have a DD 18 and as long as school was pretty much in the bag I would let her go. By this time in your child's life you either trust them or you don't and if you don't it is pretty much too late. You have had your time to teach them how to handle themselves in situations and now is when that comes into play. this is why it is important to start giving them some independence and decision making power early on.


In a few short months she will be able to go away for the weekend without you even knowing it if she doesn't want you to.

 

[dougsmom98]

I am a high school teacher. Every year I am blown away by the number of students whose parents that allow to go to hotels or cottages without supervision after the prom. I hear small bits and pieces of the stories afterward and I know I will not be allowing my kids to do this. Even the "good" kids become part of these stories. You can be 98% sure that there will be drinking and sex involved for many students.

 

[Hannathy]

I am a high school teacher. Every year I am blown away by the number of students whose parents that allow to go to hotels or cottages without supervision after the prom. I hear small bits and pieces of the stories afterward and I know I will not be allowing my kids to do this. Even the "good" kids become part of these stories. You can be 98% sure that there will be drinking and sex involved for many students.

And you think they have to go away to do this? As my DD said Mom if kids only wanted to have sex you don't think they have 15 minutes alone at home or on the way to school? you don't have to go away or spend the night with someone to have sex.

 

[dougsmom98]

And you think they have to go away to do this? As my DD said Mom if kids only wanted to have sex you don't think they have 15 minutes alone at home or on the way to school? you don't have to go away or spend the night with someone to have sex.

No, they don't have to go away, but by allowing them to go away without parental supervision is almost like giving them permission to do this.

 

[Hannathy]

But in a few very short months they will be going away for a year without parental supervision so they either know how to conduct themselves or they don't.