Back in 2000 this happened to DH (then BF) and I. We were only going for a weekend, so by the time O'Hare said they'd get us out, we had to be home. We got refunds on everything. Air and hotel.
In 2004, we were flying AirTran at spring break. We had a connection that we missed in Atlanta. We rented a one-way car and drove all night. So, we lost a night at WL. But when our room was ready later in the day, our CM must have upgraded us to a pool/courtyard view on the 5th floor. We either looked really pathetic when we rolled in at 8 AM or she figured since we lost one night, why not make it up to us. And we sort of told her what happened, but didn't make a big deal. We did not ask for our money back on the lost night (that I remember).
As frustrating and on-the-verge as you will feel (as I did that night in ATL), keep your calm. You'll be more likely to get refunds or exchanges.
Don't know your answer on ME.