You don't give appreciation for Christmas and birthday gifts? You're getting coal!

[ronandannette]

Any card "you" give me is going to end up in the trash. Christmas, Birthday, Thank You, etc. All end up in the trash. Now of course if a co-worker gives it to me, I am taking it home before it going in the trash.



My ex-in-laws thought it was very strange that first Christmas when I sent Thank You notes. I guess it is just not something they do. After that I stopped. Just say Thank You when you get the gift and done.

This is always how we've done it amongst family and close friends, but then again the gifts are also usually exchanged in person, so that makes a bit of a difference. The exception to this would be shower or wedding gifts, where I think there's at least some small expectation of a written Thank You, regardless of how the gift is delivered. I must say I haven't received a Thank You card for years though although I've certainly given my share of shower and wedding gifts.

 

[Hikergirl]

OP there is no need to search online for coal, just don't send them anything.
Address a card to their home and leave it at that.
If they don't put forth any effort to thank you, then don't bother putting forth the effort to give them something. even a lump of coal.

 

[Neesy228]

I guess I feel a little differently...I don't give a gift and wait to be "appropriately thanked"...I just give a gift because I want the other person to know I thought of them. It doesn't really offend me if I don't get a thank you.

However, I will say, I've learned over the years that there are people in my family who NEED to be thanked, or they get resentful....so I send them a thank you note.

If you enjoy buying the gift, but it bothers you that they don't acknowledge it, why not just call every single time and ask if they received it? After you do that a few times, they'll usually get the hint and start texting/calling/mailing a thank you. If they still don't, I agree that a nice card or a charity donation is the way to go and much more in the spirit of the season.

 

[Christine]

I guess I feel a little differently...I don't give a gift and wait to be "appropriately thanked"...I just give a gift because I want the other person to know I thought of them. It doesn't really offend me if I don't get a thank you.

However, I will say, I've learned over the years that there are people in my family who NEED to be thanked, or they get resentful....so I send them a thank you note.

If you enjoy buying the gift, but it bothers you that they don't acknowledge it, why not just call every single time and ask if they received it? After you do that a few times, they'll usually get the hint and start texting/calling/mailing a thank you. If they still don't, I agree that a nice card or a charity donation is the way to go and much more in the spirit of the season.

If I give a gift to someone I regularly see, lives close by, and we have an ongoing relationship, I don't need a thank you note or a specific, carved out time for someone to thank me. It will generally just come up.

BUT...if I'm mailing gifts to people that I don't routinely talk to where it wouldn't come up, I guess I'd like to know if they were received. It's unfortunate, but with long distance gift giving during the holiday season, if it's not an e-card, we've had too many instances where gifts didn't get delivered to the right house, didn't get delivered anywhere at all, etc. If I know that some mistake happened, I can rectify it on my end with the retailer. I mean how do you really know something has been delivered, if the recipient doesn't reach out and acknowledge the gift?

 

[TipsyTraveler]

OP, do you have any relationship with your brother outside of the gifts you send? Because it sounds like something happened three years ago where he intentionally decided to take a big step back from you, and you’re continuing to try to push a relationship that he doesn’t want. Your post is giving me a strong “he’s just not that into you” vibe.

 

[aprilgail]

I would stop sending gifts- no acknowledgement then no gift. I hate having to say "hey did you guys ever get the gift that I sent"- nope..not more than one time!, the next year no gift!

 

[wgeo]

OP, do you have any relationship with your brother outside of the gifts you send? Because it sounds like something happened three years ago where he intentionally decided to take a big step back from you, and you’re continuing to try to push a relationship that he doesn’t want. Your post is giving me a strong “he’s just not that into you” vibe.

That's what I'm wondering. I have, quite literally, been ghosted by family members - so it can happen. Is that what is going on here? Do the other family members communicate regularly with the OP during other times during the year or no? Because if you're talking regularly during the year, then a very simple - "hey did you like xyz broadway show?" could very much clear things up. Maybe they hate shows? Maybe they were super busy that week and didn't want to feel obligated to go but didn't know what to say? Unless they ignore you 24/7, a simple convo should be all that is needed.

 

[sam_gordon]

Anyone else think we've been ghosted by the OP? Absolutely no response. No "thank you", no nothing. I'm going to shop for coal.

 

[barkley]

My ex-in-laws thought it was very strange that first Christmas when I sent Thank You notes. I guess it is just not something they do. After that I stopped. Just say Thank You when you get the gift and done.

i never understood it but my mom (who would have turned 96 this year) and was a big stickler on thank you notes (when we were kids monies we received as gifts were withheld by her until we completed the thank-you note and she put it in the mail) felt it was very rude and off putting if a 'close family member' (spouse/child/sibling/dil/sil/grandkid) received in a gift from you, opened it in front of you, personalty thanked you for it-and then sent a written thank you note.

no idea why, it just got her bent out of shape. the only exception would have been a gift given/opened/thanked for at a bridal or baby shower-she still believed a written thank you was called for.

 

[kimblebee]

This is always how we've done it amongst family and close friends, but then again the gifts are also usually exchanged in person, so that makes a bit of a difference. The exception to this would be shower or wedding gifts, where I think there's at least some small expectation of a written Thank You, regardless of how the gift is delivered. I must say I haven't received a Thank You card for years though although I've certainly given my share of shower and wedding gifts.

I promise to send you a beautiful thank you card after you send me your mixer

 

[ronandannette]

I promise to send you a beautiful thank you card after you send me your mixer

You won't have to - you're coming to get it, remember? As I mentioned up-thread, I'm fine with a simple thank you at the time when gifts are received in person.