wwyd: teen burned at a sleepover

[Wishing on a star]

#2--I think this is way over-the-top. Kids do all sorts of stupid things that have nothing to do with emotional or psychological problems. I'm not saying its "okay"...but its not abnormal for kids to "dare" eachother to stick their hand in a flame or whatever. Kids in my middle school used to cut their bf or gf's initials onto their arm--- it was a weird, stupid trend....

Sorry, but I very strongly disagree... Burning or Cutting, inflicting injury and pain to that level, are very clearly signs of an emotionally/psychologically troubled child.

I stand by my post.

OP: I hope all goes well with your DD and the doctors appointment later!

 

[Disney Doll]

Well, I can remember doing some pretty stupid things as a kid, someof which caused minor injury, and I don't have any major psychological issues now...didn't then either.

OP, sounds like your DD needs to be removed from this group. This was a "stupid teenthing"...next time you all might not be so lucky. As far as coed sleepovers...well, folks have different opinions about those, but I think that they are pretty much nothing but trouble....you're putting kids into situations that they may not have the maturity to handle.

Your DD made several judgement errors that you know about:

~Not calling when she realized there would be boys sleeping over
~Not calling when she got burned
~Not letting you know about the burn for a couple of days

There is also the very likely possibility that she was engaged in underage drinking.

She needs some guidance here, some talknig and yes, some punishment so that all the guidance and talking really sticks.

 

[Wishing on a star]

While I disagree about the purposefully inflicted injury thing...

I totally agree with DisneyDoll about the daughter's errors and lack of judgement.

Your DD made several judgement errors that you know about:

~Not calling when she realized there would be boys sleeping over
~Not calling when she got burned
~Not letting you know about the burn for a couple of days

There is also the very likely possibility that she was engaged in underage drinking.

She needs some guidance here...

Very clearly, as a parent, my understanding of her lack of judgement would have a huge impact on my parenting and the freedoms and opportunities that I allowed. Big Time.

 

[Liberty Belle]

I'd definitely call the parents. I feel for your daughter.

A similar thing happened to my son at school. He was hanging out at school after a club meeting. My son and a couple of his friends were sitting on a table talking and a boy came up behind him and basically branded his arm with a lighter. We called the principal and he said the kid was a "good kid" (which we question. At that point he'd been suspended twice and as of now, has been sent to alternative school for behavior problems) and just kind of poo-pooed it, but said he'd talk to the kid.

The next day my son was called into the office and the school's police officer was there. He told my son he could press charges if he wanted. My son considered it, but thought it was best not to. Nothing really came of it that we know of, but the principal is not allowed to tell us what, if any, punishment the boy got.

That was last year. My son has a scar on his arm and he hates it.

 

[Cool-Beans]

I'd know my kid was lying. I'd attend to the burn and tell her that someday I'd like to know what really happened.

There are several things my doofus kids have done that I still haven't gotten the whole truth on. But I'm still waiting. One day, they'll tell me.

I wouldn't call the other family to whine or tattle because that isn't me. I've never been called by anyone who wanted to whine or tattle, but I'd think they were odd if they did call.

However, there are many different ways to live and PLENTY of DISers would have been on the phone (or doorstep) the next day as well as filing police reports and will be wondering why you waited. They'd also very much want other parents calling them up.

Let us know what you decide.

 

[DutchsMommy]

I have been reading these posts and agree for the most part, but then I started thinking about my teenage years and wondering what calling the parents and making a big deal over this would actually accomplish. I happen to have 2 (ugly) scars on my left forearm from burning myself with a cigarette when I was about 14 yo. I also attended 'sleepovers' (which is what I would tell my parents) which were actually co-ed parties, generally when parents were out of town. We truly did some bad stuff, and in retrospect it is lucky nooone got seriously hurt. But....I am not sure anything my parents would have done would have changed me - likely the opposite it would have made me angry, embarrased and more apt to try and keep it a better secret the next time. If this is totally out of character for your daughter then perhaps intervention would help, but if she has had some similar situations recently then I would say she is going to be a handful of a teenager and I don't think there is much you can do. For me, the only thing that likely would have changed my (very bad) teenage years would have been for me to be removed from my circle of friends and placed in with a 'good' group.

Re: the burn - I personally think they were likely playing a game (aided by a few drinks) of chicken. She is probably trying to fit into the 'cool' crowd by proving how tough she is - I am guessing she is with the 'in' crowd, but not of the upper tier - likely semi-cool but wishes she could be the 'super cool' girl that everyone wants to be like. Obviously just a psychoanalysis guess~!!!!

 

[terri01p]

My kids are now grown, thank GOD but one thing I found out about my dd the hard way was that she would always lie when it came to her friends.
We had a great relationship and I really alway thought she told me everything, she would give me bits and pieces of every story...
Even if you have a great communication with her, kid still tend to lie, I wish a parent would have called me back then and let me know what was going on, but no one ever did. I say call the parent of the house that held the party parents have the right to know what's going on, you don't have to start anything just let them know what was going on that night...I would have loved for a parent to respect me enough to do that.

 

[wendy46001]

Not a mom but was a stupid teen…i see a few flags
first she knew it was stupid because she hid it from you so, I don’t buy the I was asleep …second its a weekly thing but only learned boys would be there that night...very hard to believe...third kids where drinking but she slept through it, doubtful


Sounds like she’s really blurring over the evening
I’d use the opportunity to really talk to her….let her know shes not in trouble
her only punishment for the night i'd say is an ugly scar...

is this the in group?...is she looking to impress these teens (idiots) if yes why???

Would i call...best bet if this is happening weekly the parents know what’s going on
if you have never talked to these parents i'd leave it between your child and you
if your friends with these parents...that’s different and you should know their values

 

[diznygirl]

Things I've learned:

1. Teens lie.
2. Teens are stupid.
3. Teens tell stupid lies.



Disclaimer: I know it's not all teens

Mom, I'd be forbidding my child from hanging out with this group. Let her know you are just trying to "protect" her from the people who injured her. I'm sure you don't have the whole story, but you have enough to be concerned about her safety.

If this were my house, I would like to know about what was going on. I would appreciate you calling to rat them out. And then I would forbid the sleepovers.

Yes, teens will be teens - but nobody says you have to be an enabler. Good luck.

 

[Nancyg56]

I wouldn't call the other family to whine or tattle because that isn't me. I've never been called by anyone who wanted to whine or tattle, but I'd think they were odd if they did call.

It really is a tough call. It sounds like this family is allowing weekly co-ed drinking parties in their home. I would call but not to tattle or whine. As I said before, I always held my kids accountable for their own actions. I think now that the OP has clarified the weekly thing I would want this family to know that I know. There may come a day when a tragedy occurs after or during one of these sleepovers, and I would feel that I needed to at least make the call. I don't understand when parents insist that they don't know what is happening under their roof but I heard that all the time my kids were growing up. I figure that if I knew what was happening they know. If they don't they should. What they do is up to them.

 

[lilybrooke14]

If someone burned me with a lighter while I was asleep, I wouldn't care what crowd they were in, I'd have been furious! I'd have called home right away and demanded a pick up. I'd be completely unpopular, because I'd have called all the cool kids names they weren't used to being called, and possibly taken a chunk out of someone. I don't lose my temper often, but that would have done it! I've struck exactly two people in my life, and one was at a sleepover.

If I'd been doing something stupid and was burned with a lighter in the process, I'd have hidden it. I might have even lied about it to my mom. She wouldn't have believed me either, but I'd probably have tried. (At that age, I was unaware that my parents had been wild teenagers, and were in fact, smarter than me. Who knew?)

I'd also be highly suspicious that she didn't know the boys would be there if this is something that happens often. Teenagers stupidity is directly proportionate to the number of members of the opposite sex they're trying to impress.

 

[kangareaux]

`bump~




update?

 

[tasha99]

Like a previous poster, I think she played a game of chicken with the lighter. It just seems more likely than getting burned while sleeping (though if she was sleeping, I think she had too much to drink. A burn would wake you up quickly, otherwise!)

 

[Stacerita]

Not a mom but was a stupid teen…i see a few flags
first she knew it was stupid because she hid it from you so, I don’t buy the I was asleep …second its a weekly thing but only learned boys would be there that night...very hard to believe...third kids where drinking but she slept through it, doubtful


Sounds like she’s really blurring over the evening
I’d use the opportunity to really talk to her….let her know shes not in trouble
her only punishment for the night i'd say is an ugly scar...

is this the in group?...is she looking to impress these teens (idiots) if yes why???

Would i call...best bet if this is happening weekly the parents know what’s going on
if you have never talked to these parents i'd leave it between your child and you
if your friends with these parents...that’s different and you should know their values

 

[tamlav]

Hopefully, they were just being stupid and not being mean to her. I've heard of teens doing things to people that fall asleep. When I was a teen some people drew on my face that weren't my friends when I asleep and it still bugs me today. My advice would be just make sure she isn't afraid of them or covering up for "mean girls " and hiding how she feels about it. Just because it was an accident doesn't mean she may be as ok with it as she seems.