WWYD re:kids weight

[MamaBelle4]

Eh, the kids were really good friends. I knew if I told the mom they would get in trouble. That wasn't my goal. I think it's just sad that it had all been so forbidden to them that they would feel the need to do that.

Yeah, I wouldn't have said anything either. Maybe, kindly, to the child.

Unless there is an allergy concern or something, my house, my rules. If my kids are having a sleepover, I'm getting them goodies. We'll probably have pizza for dinner and popcorn for movies and maybe milkshakes. If my girls go somewhere and they're served GF food, vegetarian cuisine, I expect them to eat it and say thank you. Their house, their rules.

That isn't to say we eat that way regularly, but I don't see having special parties as an issue. Last night we had pan seared lemon pepper chicken and steamed broccoli with mini-muffin sized biscuits and water. DD4 was hollering for more broccoli because that is her favorite food.

My rambling point is, if you teach kids good balance, they'll naturally seek it out without thinking about it. Are pop tarts terrible for you? Of course. Do I buy them on occasion for my kids? Sure. ON OCCASION.

 

[luvsJack]

The Op has clearly stated that the doctor has not given her any advice on the the child's apparent "overweightness".

then its very possible the dr. doesn't see a problem or perhaps the dr. is waiting for her to ask. Some won't say anything until they see people wanting to make a change. Or maybe he knows the child is just at a stage where she seems pudgy.

 

[PollyannaMom]

There is a reason that so many people are overweight these days. I live in Canada, and it does seem to be even worse in the States. Not sure if it is perception or an actual fact. What I noticed more than anything, when I visit the US, is that in the US it does seem to start at a younger age. It's sad really...

It's regional even here. My DS always notices when we go to Florida that more people are heavy than where we live (near Boston).

...But again, it's not just about weight. It's more about health. And there aren't a darn thing healthy about pop tarts, slim jims or cheeze its.

Eh, not every moment has to be about health. I admit I've bought all those things before.

 

[Wishing on a star]

If I knew a child was living with and dealing with those kind of issues... I would not be angry/upset... I would be kind of sad and concerned.
I would explain to the child that I am happy that they enjoy yummy snacks at my house!!!! But, please, just ask... it really isn't okay to raid anyone's closiets/pantries.

Also, this is an excellent example of how strong control (not even that excessive) is known to result in eating disorders.

I am one of the ones who mentioned pop-tarts....
That doesn't mean that I am big on controlling and forbidden foods.
We do have some cookies/chips/etc. in the house at times!

I do, however, have some foods that I just will not buy and basically had told my son that he should not eat.
Diet drinks with toxic chemical sweeteners are one of those.
And, coincidentally, even my son's Scoutmaster (who we are not friends or affiliated with in any other way) happens to ban pop-tarts on overnight scout camps/hikes.

According to my DH and my son.... The first thing that happens on the way home from an event is a stop at a big convenience market for just tons of total junk.
Even the most well-meaning of us can have a hard time dealing with this in the current culture that our kids are living in!!!
You just can't dictate! You can preach... But 99.999%, nobody is listening unless one is preaching to the choir.

 

[qa4ever]

It's regional even here. My DS always notices when we go to Florida that more people are heavy than where we live (near Boston).



Eh, not every moment has to be about health. I admit I've bought all those things before.

No, not every moment should be about health, which is why I am ok with my children eating "treats" out of the house on occasion. But I don't feel the need to buy them for in my house, because they are exposed to it so many other places, scout camps, birthday parties, school parties, team treats, etc.

But sadly, when health isn't a priority, that is how we get to the place we are right now, as a society.

Most people who think they are eating a healthy diet these days are not.

 

[luvsJack]

Yeah, but taking stuff from your kitchen is pretty much theft, and I feel like I would have at least had a chat with the kid about appropriate guest behavior. A kid on a strict allowance could also feel the "need" to take a twenty from your purse. They didn't ask you; they knew it was wrong.

I have had kids that came over that did the same thing. I was never one to banish kids from my kitchen. If they were spending the night, they pretty much had my permission to get whatever they wanted. They never had to ask. And then two girls (sisters) went through two huge bags of chips, 24 cokes, and at least a couple of boxes of snack cakes. So the next time, instead of saying "you can have this, you can't have that", I just made sure that what they could have was accessible and what they couldn't was not. Dd told me then that they have cokes and snacks at their house but every time one of the sisters or a friend goes to get something, the Mom yells "that's for your Dad!" so while they have it in the house they can't eat it.

They weren't stealing really. They were just over doing it.

Perhaps it was similar at the pp's home?

 

[Westcoastwild]

I have had kids that came over that did the same thing. I was never one to banish kids from my kitchen. If they were spending the night, they pretty much had my permission to get whatever they wanted. They never had to ask. And then two girls (sisters) went through two huge bags of chips, 24 cokes, and at least a couple of boxes of snack cakes. So the next time, instead of saying "you can have this, you can't have that", I just made sure that what they could have was accessible and what they couldn't was not. Dd told me then that they have cokes and snacks at their house but every time one of the sisters or a friend goes to get something, the Mom yells "that's for your Dad!" so while they have it in the house they can't eat it.

They weren't stealing really. They were just over doing it.

Perhaps it was similar at the pp's home?

Sure maybe, but the PP makes it sound like the kids deliberately snuck the food.

I honestly don't think any kid thinks it's OK to eat a whole box of snack cakes though, especially if you're a guest in that house.

I don't know. I don't agree with strict control but kids know what they are and aren't allowed to eat. I wouldn't be all that happy if I had a kid who I was trying to improve their diet and all the while they were drinking 24 cokes at their friend's house. There could always be a specific reason they don't want the kid to be eating sugar- behavioral, health, etc. the dad is an adult and can presumably monitor his own health, but kids don't have that responsibility.

 

[Magpie]

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No, not every moment should be about health, which is why I am ok with my children eating "treats" out of the house on occasion. But I don't feel the need to buy them for in my house, because they are exposed to it so many other places, scout camps, birthday parties, school parties, team treats, etc.

But sadly, when health isn't a priority, that is how we get to the place we are right now, as a society.

Most people who think they are eating a healthy diet these days are not.

Yes, and there's a whole emotional/cultural component, as well.

I was once sitting in on a church youth group meeting. It was the "get to know you" parent/child meeting, the first one of the year. Among other activities, we do "covenanting" where we get the kids to establish fair rules of play. Ie, if someone's talking, others should listen. That sort of thing. One of the things the kids have to work out is snacks. These kids spontaneously suggested fruit, crackers and cheese. A few of them talked about the importance of healthy choices. Then one of the kids pointed out that one of the youth leaders was allergic to wheat, and despite the girl saying, "No, it's fine, you don't have to accommodate me!" the kids decided to swap in rice cakes for the crackers.

All the while, I'm hearing another one of the mothers huffing and grumbling under her breath (adults are supposed to stay out of it, when the kids are negotiating with each other). Finally, she can't stand it any longer and says, "But what about SWEETS! You've forgotten about the SWEETS! It's not a snack without SWEETS!" When a couple of the kids tried to say that it wasn't necessary, she announced, "I'll bring them in! I'll make cupcakes! Everyone loves cupcakes!"

At which point, the child who'd brought up the wheat allergy tried to say that the youth leader wouldn't be able to eat a cupcake. The woman just steamrolled over her, acting as if they were all brainwashed and deprived. They let it drop after that, but given that no cupcakes appeared next weekend, I strongly suspect someone from the church had a quiet word with her.

I've never seen someone so emotionally invested in their darn cupcakes. I'm reminded of the stories my mom would tell me about the "sugar riots" in Pakistan, while she was working there. Quote: “Without sugar, my children will be crying when I get home. It is all because of strong people, the big owners and traders who have a lot of influence,” said Syed Inayat, 40, a trash collector waiting for his sugar ration outside a government store. (http://www.heraldtribune.com/article/LK/20091129/news/605235989/SH/)

 

[Westcoastwild]

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Yes, and there's a whole emotional/cultural component, as well.

I was once sitting in on a church youth group meeting. It was the "get to know you" parent/child meeting, the first one of the year. Among other activities, we do "covenanting" where we get the kids to establish fair rules of play. Ie, if someone's talking, others should listen. That sort of thing. One of the things the kids have to work out is snacks. These kids spontaneously suggested fruit, crackers and cheese. A few of them talked about the importance of healthy choices. Then one of the kids pointed out that one of the youth leaders was allergic to wheat, and despite the girl saying, "No, it's fine, you don't have to accommodate me!" the kids decided to swap in rice cakes for the crackers.

All the while, I'm hearing another one of the mothers huffing and grumbling under her breath (adults are supposed to stay out of it, when the kids are negotiating with each other). Finally, she can't stand it any longer and says, "But what about SWEETS! You've forgotten about the SWEETS! It's not a snack without SWEETS!" When a couple of the kids tried to say that it wasn't necessary, she announced, "I'll bring them in! I'll make cupcakes! Everyone loves cupcakes!"

At which point, the child who'd brought up the wheat allergy tried to say that the youth leader wouldn't be able to eat a cupcake. The woman just steamrolled over her, acting as if they were all brainwashed and deprived. They let it drop after that, but given that no cupcakes appeared next weekend, I strongly suspect someone from the church had a quiet word with her.

I've never seen someone so emotionally invested in their darn cupcakes. I'm reminded of the stories my mom would tell me about the "sugar riots" in Pakistan, while she was working there. Quote: “Without sugar, my children will be crying when I get home. It is all because of strong people, the big owners and traders who have a lot of influence,” said Syed Inayat, 40, a trash collector waiting for his sugar ration outside a government store. (http://www.heraldtribune.com/article/LK/20091129/news/605235989/SH/)

You bring up an important point- comfort food.

One of the biggest issues I have with weight loss is that I have to watch whether I'm eating because I'm hungry because I often eat to make others feel better (they cook something) or I eat comfort foods to make me feel better (stuff I liked as a kid, like rice crispy treats). I don't keep snack food anymore, because if I'm eating right I'm not hungry between meals. I will still snack out of boredom.

And then there are a lot of adults who want to justify their own childhood or habits by feeding their kids stuff like cupcakes or poptarts or white bread pb&j. They see it as part of childhood. It's really weird. (this isn't any kind of jab towards other posters- y'all have been fairly reasonable and it's been a good, civil thread). Some people I've met have really weird ideas about what sugar is and how our bodies process it. I've had people insist that fruit juice and bread are "healthy foods". No, they aren't. Look at the sugar content and serving size listed on a fruit juice bottle. Pasta and bread are carbs- sugar in your blood, basically. I know people who count potatoes as their veg. Nope. I mean, a potato actually does contain nutrients, but you still need greens, and most people do NOT eat potatoes plain. Butter, sour cream, cheese, deep fried with salt- not good.

I get my sugar from 2 sources: my caramel lattes in the winter and pasta. I love pasta. I cut out most of the junk food and I still consume way too much sugar in the form of carbs. I drink whole milk in those lattes, and that's totally winter fat. And I still get smaller coffees than most people I know. The "tall" at Starbucks is a whopping 12 oz- at some European coffee shops that was the largest size. It was weirdly easy to follow my diet- which isn't a strict one in any sense of the word- in Europe. It's really freaking difficult in American suburbia. So I'm not bashing America at all, but we definitely have a unhealthy view of sweets and serving sizes as a culture.

 

[amberpi]

My rambling point is, if you teach kids good balance, they'll naturally seek it out without thinking about it. Are pop tarts terrible for you? Of course. Do I buy them on occasion for my kids? Sure. ON OCCASION.

You strive for balance? Crazy talk!

 

[cabanafrau]

AS a Registered Dietitian for over 20 years THIS x1000!!!! I would add do not fall into the "low fat" or fat free trap. Fat is a necessary part of our diet-and some vitamins/minerals are better absorbed with fat presence, and fat lends to long term satiety. Doesn't mean eat spoonfuls of coconut oil, but do not go out of way to avoid it.



OH how I DESPISE that phrase!!!!!!!!!!!!! What is "moderation"? how many times per day/week of what food for what activity level??
"Moderation" is a food company advertising slogan. period.

BEST ADVICE-seek out a pediatric Registered Dietitian (NOT a health store gimmicky "nutritionist") for SOUND nutrition advice.

I also recommend Ellen Satter
http://www.ellynsatterinstitute.org/dor/divisionofresponsibilityinfeeding.php

Sound advice for not starting feeding problems. This is initially VERY difficult for parents to do-realize only THEIR division of responsibility. And if she loves swimming - installing a love for a healthy activity now is the key to lifelong health - notice I didn't say "weight" or BMI (and do not get me started on the complete inappropriateness of using BMI for kids!!!)

Yes I have strong feelings about this-99% of weight/health issues as adults can be traced to childhood issues (clean plate club anyone? no, those starving kids in Africa aren't magically getting fed if you don't wipe plate clean). And Food company and "nutritionist" click-bait slogans and phrases exacerbate the issue.

How was she "diagnosed" as wheat (very serious), milk, soy allergy as a baby?? I would seriously reconsider this and seek out a qualified allergy MD who does the blood work (NOT a skin prick-good gravy people with sensitive skin are going to falsely react as a positive to nearly everything.) True wheat allergy (celiac) is relatively rare (unlike the gluten free fad that is going around now-yes I am sure some who have cut "wheat" feel better but that is mainly due to other changes at the time-like cutting processed carb). also most kids outgrow a mild milk intolerance.

You're a professional in the field and I'm certain you have a lot of very helpful information. However, the idea that moderation is simply a food company advertising slogan? In the first place, that's simply incorrect (Ben Franklin's Keys to a Virtuous Life anyone?). In the second place I think your stance on moderation can easily be misread as directions to another not very good place, one where people either never take the step to get control of their eating habits because they get scared off the idea they can simply never eat a croissant or a peanut butter cup or a slice of birthday cake ever again -- or they become so militant about their own or their family's eating habits that they wind up triggering a host of eating disorders. Ideally the idea behind moderation is meant to fit in with someone living a lifestyle where their everyday diet is a balanced, healthy one built with fresh foods in appropriate amounts, and can have a slice of cake at a birthday party or get that croissant when you're right next to that bakery that makes the perfect one when you take your mother to her eye specialist for her annual check. The treat is just that, something special outside of the norm. If you're eating a balanced and nutritious diet as your daily norm you won't be so easily drawn to lots of junk and sugar and fats, etc. because your body will feel fueled up and satisfied.

For someone who has such strong feelings about how nutritionists, parents and others send out the wrong messages, from what you've written here I can see how some people could easily take the good information you do have to give and go off with some mistaken ideas.

 

[Klayfish]

The only other comment I have is that we leave for WDW on Thursday, with our first park day being Friday. We will still pack almost all of our own food, and I still will eat a healthy basic diet. However, I told DW that I want to buy a birthday cake from the grocery store specifically because I just want to eat it. I can't remember the last time I ate some...but I promise you I will enjoy each and every last bite.... mmmmmmm........sugar coma......

 

[luvsJack]

Sure maybe, but the PP makes it sound like the kids deliberately snuck the food.

I honestly don't think any kid thinks it's OK to eat a whole box of snack cakes though, especially if you're a guest in that house.

I don't know. I don't agree with strict control but kids know what they are and aren't allowed to eat. I wouldn't be all that happy if I had a kid who I was trying to improve their diet and all the while they were drinking 24 cokes at their friend's house. There could always be a specific reason they don't want the kid to be eating sugar- behavioral, health, etc. the dad is an adult and can presumably monitor his own health, but kids don't have that responsibility.

If that had been the case, I would have made sure the snack cakes and cokes, etc were not accessible. That's not the case at all. Let's put it this way, I had to laugh at the "dad is an adult" part of your statement.

We have had other kids over the years that would over do it on soft drinks. I just learned to have only a certain number accessible when kids were in and out of the house.

Besides if you are trying to keep your kid from having any certain type of food, it would benefit greatly if you communicate that to the people who your child will be staying with.

 

[Westcoastwild]

If that had been the case, I would have made sure the snack cakes and cokes, etc were not accessible. That's not the case at all. Let's put it this way, I had to laugh at the "dad is an adult" part of your statement.

We have had other kids over the years that would over do it on soft drinks. I just learned to have only a certain number accessible when kids were in and out of the house.

Besides if you are trying to keep your kid from having any certain type of food, it would benefit greatly if you communicate that to the people who your child will be staying with.

Well, then, in your case, if the mother didn't say anything about food, no concerns. I still think that if a kid eats a whole box of snack cakes while the host is sleeping, there's something that should be addressed.

 

[CarolAnn856]

Well, then, in your case, if the mother didn't say anything about food, no concerns. I still think that if a kid eats a whole box of snack cakes while the host is sleeping, there's something that should be addressed.

You seem intent on making this much more willful than it probably was. I doubt that the guest snuck into the pantry, grabbed the box, sat down, opened each one, and ate them all in one sitting. More likely, the kids were hanging out, maybe playing video games or something, and the guest went and got a pack. Then a little later, another. And then another, etc. How many people polish off a bag of potato chips without realizing it? The same thing can happen to kids, too.

 

[Westcoastwild]

You seem intent on making this much more willful than it probably was. I doubt that the guest snuck into the pantry, grabbed the box, sat down, opened each one, and ate them all in one sitting. More likely, the kids were hanging out, maybe playing video games or something, and the guest went and got a pack. Then a little later, another. And then another, etc. How many people polish off a bag of potato chips without realizing it? The same thing can happen to kids, too.

I'm not intent on anything, and I did say I understood the poster's reasoning for not talking to the parents about it- but...

"Every time one of them came over came over we (honestly) had to hide any snack cakes and soda we had on hand. One of their kids polished an entire box of Little Debbies and about a dozen Doctor Peppers while we were asleep (until we started hiding stuff"

That doesn't sound like mindless snacking. That sounds like deliberately sneaking food. I think that's problematic because the kid knows they're doing something wrong. This isn't the kid in luvsjack's example who is probably drinking soda and snacking while playing. You shouldn't have to hide food from your kids' guests because they'll eat it while you're sleeping.

 

[CarolAnn856]

I'm not intent on anything, and I did say I understood the poster's reasoning for not talking to the parents about it- but...

"Every time one of them came over came over we (honestly) had to hide any snack cakes and soda we had on hand. One of their kids polished an entire box of Little Debbies and about a dozen Doctor Peppers while we were asleep (until we started hiding stuff"

That doesn't sound like mindless snacking. That sounds like deliberately sneaking food. I think that's problematic because the kid knows they're doing something wrong. This isn't the kid in luvsjack's example who is probably drinking soda and snacking while playing. You shouldn't have to hide food from your kids' guests because they'll eat it while you're sleeping.

Or they just have no self control. That doesn't make them a thief, just a kid who needs to learn how to deal with forbidden fruit. I'm not saying they don't need some direction, but your posts seem to somewhat villainize a kid. I'm happy to agree to disagree, though.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I don't know who it is that's buying all these Pop Tarts, Coca Cola and Cheeze Itz!

(Wait, it might be my DD who cornered the market on the Toasty Cheeze Itz! Lol)

 

[cabanafrau]

I don't know who it is that's buying all these Pop Tarts, Coca Cola and Cheeze Itz!

You can buy Cheez Itz at Costco in a very big red box too. It was right next to the case of organic Triscuits I bought to take to a get together this weekend to go with some things I'm bringing.

 

[BLAZEY]

Breakfast for my DD8 is usually yoghurt, whole grain toast with peanut butter, rice krispies, plain Cheerios, hard boiled egg, cheese, or fruit and a glass of milk. I try to make sure she has some protein besides the milk in her cereal so she stays full longer. DD is 122 cm and 23.6kg (48" and 52lbs). Lunch is pasta salad or other pasta casserole or WOW butter sandwich, veggies, cheese stick, fruit, maybe a cookie and water. DD only gets sugar cereal or pop tarts on vacation when we go to Disney.