WWYD??? Parenting related...

[Dee77]

What would you do if you were at a public place and saw an adult screaming at a child, with their face in the child's face. Keep in mind, we are not talking about a quick correction that takes two seconds, we are talking about something that went on for several minutes.

 

[LuvLDM]

I would mind my own business.

 

[Mermaid02]

What would you do if you were at a public place and saw an adult screaming at a child, with their face in the child's face. Keep in mind, we are not talking about a quick correction that takes two seconds, we are talking about something that went on for several minutes.

If you were my Aunt and it was about 1980 you'd walk up to the woman and girl and say to the child, "She wouldn't be so mean to you if her pants weren't so g-d *bleep* tight."

I'd probably stare, maybe say something loudly to whomever I was with about the situation and hope she stopped. I don't think I'd have the guts to speak to her directly though, and I'm pretty gutsy. I would get mall security if I felt the child was in danger.

 

[scottishduffy]

Unless I saw actual physical abuse I would mind my own business. I would presume the child was being scolded, perhaps getting a stern lecture, over inappropriate behavior. We all have our bad moments and perhaps the kid had been performing annoying behaviors all day or purposely antagonizing Mom. Mom had a bad moment, and you witnessed it. It isn't a judge of someones total character. Is it pretty to see? No. Does everyone have terrible moments on occassion? Yes.

I suppose I would rather see someone disciplining their kid than have a kid runnign rampant inside a restaurant or screaming the whole meal. This is assuming it is a stern lecture with a raised voice, without swear words involved.

Getting involved is a fight you can't win. The other parent feels offended and the child still gets disciplined, only now Mommy is even more annoyed because of the busy-body who got involved.

 

[Angelhalo]

It depends on whether it was a stern scolding, or an all out verbal assault. It irritates me to no end when I see a parent out in a public place totally lambasting a child in front of everyone. It's even worse when there is swearing involved.

 

[Hillbeans]

I did recently see a dad screaming at his three kids in Wegmans, obviously they were running all over but what do you expect with three young kids at a supermarket? They were crying and he was just going off. I followed him around for a few minutes, just to let him know I was watching him. If he hit his kids I would have said something for sure, I think some people talk so badly to their children out in public I can't imagine what they are like at home behind closed doors.

 

[Hannathy]

as long as they weren't physically abusing the child and I don't mean just a swat or two on the behind, I mean really damaging the child. I would probably just stay around to make sure they didn't start beating the child but otherwise mind my business, Everyone has the right to discipline as they choose short of physically harming the child. (and spanking doesn't fall into that category)

 

[onelilspark]

I would mind my own business and just be glad that they were disciplining their child. Not my concern.

 

[Binnie]

As someone who has had to get in their kid's face and yell, I would ask that you mind your own business.

DD is very strong-willed. It takes a great deal to get her attention and it's hard to keep her attention. But I would much rather take the time to yell at her (and keep her safe, too) and look like a mean mom than allow my kid to run around like a crazy child.

And besides, if DD did run around like a crazy child, someone would be on this board or something like it to complain about how I didn't manage my crazy child.

 

[HelenePA]

As someone who has had to get in their kid's face and yell, I would ask that you mind your own business.

DD is very strong-willed. It takes a great deal to get her attention and it's hard to keep her attention. But I would much rather take the time to yell at her (and keep her safe, too) and look like a mean mom than allow my kid to run around like a crazy child.

And besides, if DD did run around like a crazy child, someone would be on this board or something like it to complain about how I didn't manage my crazy child.

One of my dd's was having hearing issues at the end of last school year (fixed with tubes) but for her to hear I had to yell into her ear.. yes Yell into her ear. It was the only way she could hear me.. I got a few looks at the mall/playground but nothing was said to me. I'm sure people were thinking it though! I do not judge any parent anymore.. unless we are talking serious abuse.

 

[Dee77]

OP here:

There was a lot of swearing and screaming, all in the child's face while another adult stood there with the woman and child. The man just kept saying, "you better listen to her"

Then the woman screamed to the child "you will NEVER f-ing come to my house again, you hear me, you WILL NEVER come to my house again"

This of course made me think that neither of the adults were this child's parents..

Needless to say, I approached and asked them if everything was OK? I repeated this twice but they couldn't hear me because she was screaming too loud. I asked again, and when they finally did hear me, both of the adults just turned their attention and verbal mud-slinging towards me. Apparently the man is the 5 year olds father and the woman is the child's Aunt (sister of the father)

There were several other adults at the football game/playground that were with this family and none of them said anything while she was screaming at the child but they did jump in to yell at me for getting involved. The woman threatened me and could not believe that I was actually just concerned for the child. She was arrested because of the way she handled herself when the local officers showed up, she screamed, cursed and threatened them too.

This brings me back to the thought that if this is what goes on in public then..... what the heck goes on behind closed doors.

 

[DebbieB]

OP here:

There was a lot of swearing and screaming, all in the child's face while another adult stood there with the woman and child. The man just kept saying, "you better listen to her"

Then the woman screamed to the child "you will NEVER f-ing come to my house again, you hear me, you WILL NEVER come to my house again"

This of course made me think that neither of the adults were this child's parents..

Needless to say, I approached and asked them if everything was OK? I repeated this twice but they couldn't hear me because she was screaming too loud. I asked again, and when they finally did hear me, both of the adults just turned their attention and verbal mud-slinging towards me. Apparently the man is the 5 year olds father and the woman is the child's Aunt (sister of the father)

There were several other adults at the football game/playground that were with this family and none of them said anything while she was screaming at the child but they did jump in to yell at me for getting involved. The woman threatened me and could not believe that I was actually just concerned for the child. She was arrested because of the way she handled herself when the local officers showed up, she screamed, cursed and threatened them too.

This brings me back to the thought that if this is what goes on in public then..... what the heck goes on behind closed doors.

If she treated the police that way, it sounds like she really has a problem. Was she drunk?

 

[SusanWasHere]

I did recently see a dad screaming at his three kids in Wegmans, obviously they were running all over but what do you expect with three young kids at a supermarket?

I would expect them to listen to their parents, be respectful of others, and act like children - not animals. Too many people have way-too-low expectations of their children. My mother took 4 of us to the store and we DID NOT run around screaming like maniacs. It was not acceptable then and it shouldn't be now. The way they act in a store should be the way they should act at school, in church, at the movies, at someone's home, etc. They weren't on a playground!

 

[shortbun]

I saw a man screaming like that at a young girl once. I stopped him. He threatened me, saying he'd kick my bottom(not his words). My 6'5", 220 lb. husband stepped up behind me. The guy was about 5'8" and skinny. My husband didn't say a word. I told the guy I was taking his license plate and calling children's services. I did that. He was verbally violent; his 'daughter' was about 7. Later, I heard a woman(assuming she was the mother) telling the little girl she should be a better little girl so 'daddy' wouldn't scream. The woman had clearly been beaten - obvious broken noses and cheek bones shattered. I told her I was calling children's services OR she could take her daughter to a shelter. She looked at me, smiled and I walked away. 'What goes on behind closed doors' indeed.

 

[Dee77]

If she treated the police that way, it sounds like she really has a problem. Was she drunk?

I have no clue if she was drunk, I don't think so though. She attended a football game that is near the playgound where I was with my DD and DNiece. I did not even witness what happened with the child to cause the screaming, we had gone over to the other side of the playground to throw something out and the group was by the playground benches when we came back.

It was tough to explain to my daughter and niece what was going on when they heard all the yelling and cursing and they could see that the little boy was hysterically crying. Even though I had the two of them with me, I could not just walk away when I concerned for this boy.

 

[JoiseyMom]

I did recently see a dad screaming at his three kids in Wegmans, obviously they were running all over but what do you expect with three young kids at a supermarket? They were crying and he was just going off. I followed him around for a few minutes, just to let him know I was watching him. If he hit his kids I would have said something for sure, I think some people talk so badly to their children out in public I can't imagine what they are like at home behind closed doors.

That's sad considering it is the easiest store to shop with kids. They have a play place where you sign your kids into and they call your cell phone if there are issues! My DS used to LOVE LOVE going shopping with me there!

 

[pyrxtc]

I think some people talk so badly to their children out in public I can't imagine what they are like at home behind closed doors.

Everyone says this on these threads every time. Can you imagine that they are the exact same way behind closed doors. If I'm going to discipline my kid in my home for something, I'm going to do the same thing if I were out and about. Except I can't do a time out thing for obvious reasons but yelling... yup, A swat on the behind.... yup, a smack in the mouth if hey talk back... yup.

they know the rules and the consequences are the same no matter where they are. I don['t care who is "watching" me or following me around. It's not your child, MYOB !

And to answer..... I would mind my own business. If it is not extreme physical then it is not my business. I don't consider a swat or smack to be abuse. It is a lesson learned in discipline for some. And it works for my kids.

 

[pyrxtc]

I did recently see a dad screaming at his three kids in Wegmans, obviously they were running all over but what do you expect with three young kids at a supermarket? They were crying and he was just going off. I followed him around for a few minutes, just to let him know I was watching him. If he hit his kids I would have said something for sure, I think some people talk so badly to their children out in public I can't imagine what they are like at home behind closed doors.

If he had 3 children running around then it is to be assumed that they are all old enough to know better and needed to be disciplined. I expect my children to behave at the supermarket no matter their age.

he probably went home and told his wife about the creepy person that was following him around the supermarket.

 

[chloelovesdisney]

Screaming and cursing at a young child is not appropriate at all and since the police ended up arresting the woman, it must have been pretty darn bad. OP you were very brave to say something, hopefully the child won't have to spend much time with his lousy excuse for an aunt in the future. His dad should not have allowed the aunt to scream and curse at his child, he's a pretty sad excuse for a father.

 

[NHdisneylover]

It really depends on the age of the child and the situation (are threats of violence happening? Does the child look like a child who is in big (but normal) trouble tends to look or does the child look truly terrified? Does the parent seem to have just hit a breaking point and need some help? Who all is there? Etc?). Sometimes I can intervene with a parent who seems to have just lost it for a moment without being judgmental. For example, a parent is screaming at a child and I see the parent has dropped a sippy cup from the diaper bag. I can pick up the cup and say "excuse, does this belong to you?" Just breaking the cycle will generally be enough for the parent to calm down some and everything goes on better after returning the item without me having to criticize anyone's parenting.
Most of the time I worry more about the parents who make silent threats than the ones who scream. Screaming works for some kids and some parents and everyone has days that are really hard. It is not my style but lots of other parenting things are not my style either and it is rarely my business.
If I truly felt the child were in danger I would so SOMETHING (possibly say something, possibly call authorities) but most of the time that is not the case. I have no right to do something just because I think someone is a lousy parent.

I did recently see a dad screaming at his three kids in Wegmans, obviously they were running all over but what do you expect with three young kids at a supermarket? They were crying and he was just going off. I followed him around for a few minutes, just to let him know I was watching him. If he hit his kids I would have said something for sure, I think some people talk so badly to their children out in public I can't imagine what they are like at home behind closed doors.

It is not obvious that kids would run all over a supermarket. I expect that the children will remain at/near the cart and behave themselves (speak in quiet tones, not pull items off of shelves except to put into cart, etc.). There is no reason that a (developmentally normal) child old enough to "run around" cannot behave in a store (and if a child has not been taught how to and the parent is not willing to be tracing it right then on the trip even if it means discipling in public or taking the child home mid trip then the child should not be brought to the store in the first place).

As someone who has had to get in their kid's face and yell, I would ask that you mind your own business.

DD is very strong-willed. It takes a great deal to get her attention and it's hard to keep her attention. But I would much rather take the time to yell at her (and keep her safe, too) and look like a mean mom than allow my kid to run around like a crazy child.

And besides, if DD did run around like a crazy child, someone would be on this board or something like it to complain about how I didn't manage my crazy child.

I would be likely think you were a mom with a difficult kid--rather than jumping to thinking you were a mean mom.

OP here:

There was a lot of swearing and screaming, all in the child's face while another adult stood there with the woman and child. The man just kept saying, "you better listen to her"

Then the woman screamed to the child "you will NEVER f-ing come to my house again, you hear me, you WILL NEVER come to my house again"

This of course made me think that neither of the adults were this child's parents..

Needless to say, I approached and asked them if everything was OK? I repeated this twice but they couldn't hear me because she was screaming too loud. I asked again, and when they finally did hear me, both of the adults just turned their attention and verbal mud-slinging towards me. Apparently the man is the 5 year olds father and the woman is the child's Aunt (sister of the father)

There were several other adults at the football game/playground that were with this family and none of them said anything while she was screaming at the child but they did jump in to yell at me for getting involved. The woman threatened me and could not believe that I was actually just concerned for the child. She was arrested because of the way she handled herself when the local officers showed up, she screamed, cursed and threatened them too.

This brings me back to the thought that if this is what goes on in public then..... what the heck goes on behind closed doors.

If she failed to get under control when the police arrived then it does sound like the aunt was not acting appropriately. However, the father was left with his child so I am guessing the police did not feel the child was in any immediate danger.
Who called the police? You say others there were angry with you for getting involved so I am surprised someone else felt it was worth a calling authorities if the prevailing opinion was it was nobody else's business. I am having a hard time thinking police need to be called because of yelled threats of not getting to go back over to an aunt's house. It is not like he was being threatened with not eating for a week, or physical violence. The obscenities would bother me--but again that is just lousy parenting but not the kind that is against the law. This may have been a good thing to comment on though "Excuse me, excuse me. I am sorry to interrupt you. I can tell you are obviously very upset and likely with good reason, but can you please be mindful of the other children in this area and watch your language and tone around them? Thanks." She probably still would have begun yelling at you, but I think it is REASONABLE to ask someone to stop conduct that is harming you or your party (yelling obscenities at a park, or letting their kids run wild in a store being two examples in this thread) but not reasonable to intervene in a discipline situation (unless you truly believe the child is in danger).

I would expect them to listen to their parents, be respectful of others, and act like children - not animals. Too many people have way-too-low expectations of their children. My mother took 4 of us to the store and we DID NOT run around screaming like maniacs. It was not acceptable then and it shouldn't be now. The way they act in a store should be the way they should act at school, in church, at the movies, at someone's home, etc. They weren't on a playground!

If he had 3 children running around then it is to be assumed that they are all old enough to know better and needed to be disciplined. I expect my children to behave at the supermarket no matter their age.

he probably went home and told his wife about the creepy person that was following him around the supermarket.

and very likely true