WWYD - ? for those who volunteer(kinda long)

[ferrytale]

Ok, so I have discussed this thoroughly with my co-volunteer, but am interested in other opinions. I volunteer for a youth organization, and this past weekend we took 12 teenage girls on a weekend excursion. The girls shared 2 cabins and the adults had a separate cabin.
We came home Sunday around noon, pretty regular uneventful weekend with nothing but a few little tiffs which happens regularly with teenage girls. But for the most part everyone was good, just tired.
Today we got an email from someone not on the trip, stating that a few of the girls did "something" on this trip that they should not have. She gave little details and did not name names but said we should be able to figure out who. I spoke to the other adult on the trip and we agreed that we would bring it up to the group in a non-accusing way talking about responsibility and trust in hopes to get one or a few of them to come forward.
My hopes is that this will work and someone will feel guilty enough to come to us, but I just don't know. We have NO proof of any wrong doing, only the word of this girl, so I don't think this is enough "proof" of anything to even say anything to parents. My concern is that the one girl who "organized" it, her parents aren't as involved with her as much as they could be and I think she could potentially be headed down a rough road.
Has anyone ever experienced this before, that could offer some advice?

 

[MickeyMomOfThree]

I'm not sure I know what you are asking, but I am a Girl Scout leader, I have been for 10 years and have had 3 different troops for my 3 girls. Anyone who does this sort of thing knows you often put in your own money. We do more than I'd like to admit.

Several years ago with my DD14 troop, we were going on a sleepover a good distance from here. I would often have girls come, unfed and whiney, so we had pizza at my house before we left. It was a nice day so we ate outside. I sent the girls in one at a time (my mistake) to use the bathroom before the long car ride (we only have one bathroom). After that we piled in the cars and off we went. When we arrived home the next morning my DH informed me that his wallet (he had set on the kitchen counter after picking up the pizza for me) was emptied out (he knew how much money he had because he had just picked up the pizza after going to the ATM). It was heartbreaking for me. We had been a troop for 5 or 6 years at the point and more than that my DH would often add the difference when the troop came up short, it was not only a violation but it bothered me that they took from a guy who gave them so much. At our next meeting I talked to them, very calmly, about why it hurt me, and that despite the fact that we are on a budget and we needed that money, but it was more of a disrespect for people who give much of our time and often money to run such a successful troop. I didn't ask to know who did it, at the time I wasn't looking to find out, but it became very apparent to me. I had 9 girls looking sad, apologizing, and genuinely showing concern. I had one girl looking around, acting goofy, and asking if we were going to be doing anything that night. Basically, she was acting so much differently that it seemed obvious she felt guilty.

I bet if you sit them down and talk you too will see something that stands out and find out who was involved.

Good Luck!!!

 

[ferrytale]

Sounds similar - I have known these girls for years and it bothers me that they would try to sneak something behind our back. Especially when we were working on TEAM building and trust issues over the weekend. I know that "kids will be kids" and they will try to get away with stuff whenever possible, but I don't want them doing it on "my watch".
I hope that they come forward, and then we can at least address the situation and then figure out the consequence and how to move forward. The "offense" is enough for me to ask them not to return in my mind, however, I also don't want to turn my back on a girl who may need some serious help down the road.

 

[roscoepc1]

This is jmho, but as a mom....

1) The adults chaperones should not have been in a separate cabin. That's not chaperoning, imo. I would not have sent my girls on such a trip under those circumstances, and if it wasn't known beforehand, I'd be very upset afterwards to find out that was the arrangement.

2) This is someone NOT on the trip making these accusations? Then I'd demand proof, not innuendo. And names. Sounds like a bit of a troublemaker....

3) If it needs to be brought up for some reason, without actual proof, I would simply tell the group that this is a rumour that you have heard, that if someone needs to tell you something you're trusting that they're all mature enough to do so, and otherwise, you'll be ignoring the information. There's NOTHING worse than being falsely accused by a troublemaker or gossip, especially for a kid who's got it rough. I know, I've btdt.

 

[allison443]

This is jmho, but as a mom....

1) The adults chaperones should not have been in a separate cabin. That's not chaperoning, imo. I would not have sent my girls on such a trip under those circumstances, and if it wasn't known beforehand, I'd be very upset afterwards to find out that was the arrangement.

OP did not mention which organization she volunteers with, however, as a former GS leader, adult chaperones are not permitted to share sleeping quarters with the girls.
I believe the rationale is for the girls' protection.

 

[allison443]

Ok, so I have discussed this thoroughly with my co-volunteer, but am interested in other opinions. I volunteer for a youth organization, and this past weekend we took 12 teenage girls on a weekend excursion. The girls shared 2 cabins and the adults had a separate cabin.
We came home Sunday around noon, pretty regular uneventful weekend with nothing but a few little tiffs which happens regularly with teenage girls. But for the most part everyone was good, just tired.
Today we got an email from someone not on the trip, stating that a few of the girls did "something" on this trip that they should not have. She gave little details and did not name names but said we should be able to figure out who. I spoke to the other adult on the trip and we agreed that we would bring it up to the group in a non-accusing way talking about responsibility and trust in hopes to get one or a few of them to come forward.
My hopes is that this will work and someone will feel guilty enough to come to us, but I just don't know. We have NO proof of any wrong doing, only the word of this girl, so I don't think this is enough "proof" of anything to even say anything to parents. My concern is that the one girl who "organized" it, her parents aren't as involved with her as much as they could be and I think she could potentially be headed down a rough road.
Has anyone ever experienced this before, that could offer some advice?

OP I am a former gs leader of three different troops (for each of my 3 girls). Two of the troops continued into the teenage years. How I would handle this, depends on what the allegations are. Was it something illegal or something more along the lines of a prank on one of the girls, or bullying. Were all the girls involved or just one cabin?


The other thing I would be concerned with, is if either you or your coleader have a daughter in the group. If so just be prepared that your daughter might be accused of being the "tattletale".

Maybe you could speak to the group and remind them of the behavior that is expected, and they can come to you to tell you any problems. Without a direct complaint from someone that was there I don't know if you can really take this very far, based on the hearsay allegations. Unless you want to ask that person how she heard of it? At this point you don't really know if those claims are true.

 

[SharkyGoddess]

I've been a chaperone myself and we are not allowed to room in with the kids unless they are our own or the kids of friend's and we have permission. Otherwise, they are all usually just on the same floor as us. That being said, I would contact the person comaplaining back, if you can and respectfully ask for more details. Talking to the group is a good idea as well, but it could very well be a matter of Girl A doesn't really like Girl B so GA is making something up and has taken steps to cover her tracks. They're 12, it's possible. Especially since you are describing one of the girls as having "problems". Just be careful. Things may not always be what they seem, and just because Susie's parents appear to be doting, doesn't mean she has the best upbringing.

Good Luck!!!

 

[ferrytale]

I am taking everything with a "grain of salt", just to be on the safe side. We can't go on accusing with no proof, so I am just hoping our talk works. OY! They're great but sometimes I wish I could pull my hair out!

Just FYI - As far as the sleeping arrangements go, this is a typical set-up. You cannot fit everyone into one cabin, and we regularly pop in and out of the cabins at will. These are not LITTLE girls, they are all in high school - so they do need a little extra "privacy". We have also gone to hotels and in tents, and adults do not share sleeping quarters with kids - however, they are quite supervised. Our parents know this, and it has never been an issue.

Thanks for your words!

 

[roscoepc1]

I am taking everything with a "grain of salt", just to be on the safe side. We can't go on accusing with no proof, so I am just hoping our talk works. OY! They're great but sometimes I wish I could pull my hair out!

Just FYI - As far as the sleeping arrangements go, this is a typical set-up. You cannot fit everyone into one cabin, and we regularly pop in and out of the cabins at will. These are not LITTLE girls, they are all in high school - so they do need a little extra "privacy". We have also gone to hotels and in tents, and adults do not share sleeping quarters with kids - however, they are quite supervised. Our parents know this, and it has never been an issue.

Thanks for your words!

Thanks for explaining further....sounds like a better set-up than I imagined. I'm in rural Canada, so things are done a bit differently here....old-fashioned, I guess.

I guess I'm of the mind-set that while teen girls need a bit more privacy, they also need more supervision, as they're the ones who can run-off, or conspire to do something dangerous rather than just silly, kwim?

I like how level-headed you are being about this....not flying off the handle etc. Kudos to you on that!

I don't know how to multi-quote, but ITA with the pp who said just b/c the one girl's parents seem to dote, doesn't mean they do....I grew up in a house with "pillar of the community" parents...and while that was true of my Dad, my mom was VERY abusive whenever he was away....ad no one believed me when I asked for help, so it continued my entire life.

Best wishes!

 

[ferrytale]

TI guess I'm of the mind-set that while teen girls need a bit more privacy, they also need more supervision, as they're the ones who can run-off, or conspire to do something dangerous rather than just silly, kwim?

I like how level-headed you are being about this....not flying off the handle etc. Kudos to you on that!

I have been doing this for 10 years and we have NEVER had an issue(or if there was they just hid it better!). I am trying SO hard to be level-headed about it, but it's hard! I would really love to go in and rant and rave, but since there is technically no "proof", there is a strange gray area. We decided that we are going to call them all on it next week - say something like "well, this is what we heard" and regardless of whether it is true or not our trust with you has been broken and will take a long time to earn back.

Wish me luck.

 

[amylevan]

I'm very involved with a summer camp (and have been for years) as well as coach hs cheerleading.

1) Without names and details there isn't a whole lot you can do in my opinion. You can have a general discussion about trust with the group but that's about it. If more details surface you can address it better, but I'm not sure what you can do about "something" that "someone" did that they weren't supposed to.

2) From my experience with summer camps and all of the training I've been involved with, I would strongly suggest that those of you who are volunteering but not allowed to stay with the group reconsider your willingness to volunteer. Things happen without direct supervision and you will be responsible. I think GS is playing with fire by having that as their rule. Best case scenario is to have more than 1 chaperone in a cabin so that the adults are covered and the girls are chaperoned. (And yes that includes high school girls.)

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

I have been doing this for 10 years and we have NEVER had an issue(or if there was they just hid it better!). I am trying SO hard to be level-headed about it, but it's hard! I would really love to go in and rant and rave, but since there is technically no "proof", there is a strange gray area. We decided that we are going to call them all on it next week - say something like "well, this is what we heard" and regardless of whether it is true or not our trust with you has been broken and will take a long time to earn back.

Wish me luck.

One word of advice, instead of beginning with, "This is what we heard", I would try, "There is evidence that indicates". First of all, they will have no idea what "evidence" you might have - here, their imaginations are you friend. Second, teens will brush off an "I heard" accusation. They get them all too often.

I have no idea what they might have done, but only ask if you want the truth and are prepared to deal with it. To ask and get an answer, then fail to deal with it adequately would be worse than not asking at all, IMO...

 

[roscoepc1]

I'm very involved with a summer camp (and have been for years) as well as coach hs cheerleading.


2) From my experience with summer camps and all of the training I've been involved with, I would strongly suggest that those of you who are volunteering but not allowed to stay with the group reconsider your willingness to volunteer. Things happen without direct supervision and you will be responsible. I think GS is playing with fire by having that as their rule. Best case scenario is to have more than 1 chaperone in a cabin so that the adults are covered and the girls are chaperoned. (And yes that includes high school girls.)

ITA.....it would curl your hair to find out what we "hid" and got away with in my teen years, all b/c the chaperones were in a different room, or thought they could just "check in" once in a while. My caution is hard-earned, I'm afraid.

I keep telling my 10 yr old dd, "There is NOTHING you can dream up to do that Mommy didn't think of first!", lol....

 

[ferrytale]

ITA.....it would curl your hair to find out what we "hid" and got away with in my teen years, all b/c the chaperones were in a different room, or thought they could just "check in" once in a while. My caution is hard-earned, I'm afraid.

I keep telling my 10 yr old dd, "There is NOTHING you can dream up to do that Mommy didn't think of first!", lol....

Lol...I know! I was always the good one, but my sister & friends would sneak stuff all the time. Oh, to be in high school again...

 

[sk!mom]

Since she gave you so little info in her complaint, I would not take any action but I would supervise much more closely in the future- possibly an adult sponsor is needed in the cabin. I would especially keep a close eye on the one girl you're nervous about. I wouldn't do anything further as the complainer could be the problem.