WWYD about a friend of your dd

[luvmyfam444]

I'll try to make it easy to understand. (this is my gf's (Michelle) issue she's trying to deal with)

ok - dd is 8 (sam) - has a friend (Ally) that she's gotten along with well for the year - class together, lunch, p.e. everything. They have done the spend the night b'day thing (@ both houses) as well.

Ally has an older sister (maybe 13?) who encourages younger sis to have boyfriends (not sure if there is any inappropriate talk involved or not) Michelle (the mom) doesn't like the fact that her dd has been exposed to boytalk @ such an early age - but has dealt with that ok - & they are still friends. The reason I mention that is Michelle is nervous that Ally is too grownup for her age & may be hearing sexual talk from her sis

Just recently the step-father of Ally has been arrested on 3 accounts - I don't know all the tecnical terms - they were all sexual related - indecent exposure was one & I think one was using force - don't remember the 3rd. All 3 accusations are from the same 31 yo woman. He has not gone to court yet.

As a mom what would you do? Would you still encourage the friendship? If not how would you terminate it (reasoning). Would you just allow it to be a school friendship where they are not allowed to see each other any other time? (how do you explain that to Sam when they have previously done things outside of school?)
Would you just not worry about it & be hopeful that the step-father will be found innocent?

 

[Disney Doll]

I wouldn't blame Ally for the sins of her stepfather but I'd certainly not allow my daughter to go to the house to play or to go anywhere with the Ally's family...too many negatives there between the sexually overzealous older sister and the stepfather arrested for sexually related crimes.

Any playing would be done at my house, any other stuff (ie-bowling, movies) would be me picking up Ally and taking her with us. My DD would not be allowed to go anywhere Ally's family in addition to not going over to Ally's house.

 

[dakcp2001]

I would let them be friends, but I would not let my daughter go to their house. I would also try to keep a close watch to oversee what they do and what they talk about.

 

[sparklynails23]

The stepfather's actions are not the child's fault, but the family probably is very busy and has a lot going right now. I would allow the school friendship, but be a little too busy for sleepovers and such until everything calms down with the legal stuff. Maybe they'll naturally grow apart.

 

[disykat]

I agree - friends who do things at school or at dd's house only.

 

[agnes!]

I wouldn't blame the child for the sins of her stepfather but I'd certainly not allow my daughter to go to the house to play or to go anywhere with the other child's family...too many negatives there.

Any playing would be done at my house, any other stuff (ie-bowling, movies) would be me picking up the other kid and taking her with us. My DD would not be allowed to go anywhere with the other family.

Agreed. No more overnights at Ally's house, no time AT Ally's house, no situations where Ally's parents are picking up, no situations where Ally's sister is responsible for both girls. If sam & Ally want to be friends, if Ally seems like a nice girl, then sam's parents should be supervising at ALL times when Ally is visiting.

The possibly-inappropriate talk of the older sister is worrisome to me.

agnes!

 

[Rora]

I wouldn't blame Ally for the sins of her stepfather but I'd certainly not allow my daughter to go to the house to play or to go anywhere with the Ally's family...too many negatives there between the sexually overzealous older sister and the stepfather arrested for sexually related crimes.

Any playing would be done at my house, any other stuff (ie-bowling, movies) would be me picking up Ally and taking her with us. My DD would not be allowed to go anywhere Ally's family in addition to not going over to Ally's house.

I agree 100%.

 

[shortbun]

Ally is not the only 8yo with an older, more experienced sister. My concern would be the judgement of the parents at this time as they are under tremendous stress. All activity would be at my house and supervised by me until things calm down at Ally's house.

I grew up with two girls who had older sisters. Those older girls told us everything but it didn't damage us in any way. That was 45 years ago, they are older women now still telling we younger gals what to expect and their little sisters are still my best friends.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I'll try to make it easy to understand. (this is my gf's (Michelle) issue she's trying to deal with)

ok - dd is 8 (sam) - has a friend (Ally) that she's gotten along with well for the year - class together, lunch, p.e. everything. They have done the spend the night b'day thing (@ both houses) as well.

Ally has an older sister (maybe 13?) who encourages younger sis to have boyfriends (not sure if there is any inappropriate talk involved or not) Michelle (the mom) doesn't like the fact that her dd has been exposed to boytalk @ such an early age - but has dealt with that ok - & they are still friends. The reason I mention that is Michelle is nervous that Ally is too grownup for her age & may be hearing sexual talk from her sis

Just recently the step-father of Ally has been arrested on 3 accounts - I don't know all the tecnical terms - they were all sexual related - indecent exposure was one & I think one was using force - don't remember the 3rd. All 3 accusations are from the same 31 yo woman. He has not gone to court yet.

As a mom what would you do? Would you still encourage the friendship? If not how would you terminate it (reasoning). Would you just allow it to be a school friendship where they are not allowed to see each other any other time? (how do you explain that to Sam when they have previously done things outside of school?)
Would you just not worry about it & be hopeful that the step-father will be found innocent?

They would become "school friends" and I would not allow my dd to be over at their house, nor would I allow my dd to be unsupervised with this girl for the time being.

As far as what to say to my dd.....well.....since you know about it, I suppose others will and then rumors are going to fly so as much as it pains me to say, I would have a sitdown with my dd and go over the charges with her.

 

[klacey1]

I wouldn't blame Ally for the sins of her stepfather but I'd certainly not allow my daughter to go to the house to play or to go anywhere with the Ally's family...too many negatives there between the sexually overzealous older sister and the stepfather arrested for sexually related crimes.

Any playing would be done at my house, any other stuff (ie-bowling, movies) would be me picking up Ally and taking her with us. My DD would not be allowed to go anywhere Ally's family in addition to not going over to Ally's house.

 

[JerseyJanice]

Ally is not the only 8yo with an older, more experienced sister. My concern would be the judgement of the parents at this time as they are under tremendous stress. All activity would be at my house and supervised by me until things calm down at Ally's house.

I grew up with two girls who had older sisters. Those older girls told us everything but it didn't damage us in any way. That was 45 years ago, they are older women now still telling we younger gals what to expect and their little sisters are still my best friends.

Nice post. It's true that women have been learning things from older women--however they know them--since the beginning of womankind.

I agree with DD's post and the general consensus here--no need to terminate the friendship, but keep it on Michelle's turf.

 

[luvmyfam444]

thanks for your opinions - I will read them to Michelle tomorrow - she'll like to hear everyone pretty much agreeing