Would you let your teenager do this? (Another Parenting Thing)

[fan1080]

i don't want any flames. I rememeber being that age(20 now). I was abit older when i started but my bro was 16 when he started going camping with friends. we did have parents free nights. (we would always camp within an hour away from my parents house, and they knew where we were. and always told us that they migth be checking in) it might be were we grew up because all our friends our parents are friends with them too. and we always got along if a parent came and chilled with us.. usually my aunt and uncle would be there. and their daughter would be there. (same age as bro.)

so the big question is do u know the kids. i know that one of my parents things, almost everone had cars so if something happen. we were all responsible and took care of each other if anything happen.

I just wanted to put the other view. and like another post said if they want to do it they will..

I remeber those as one of my best memorise of high school, and it wasn't the drink (cause i'm 99% a DD), it was the bonds and connection we made with each other. Now that we are not in the same town, it was great to have those time..

hopefully you see the other side.

I'm sorry, I disagree. Drinking under-age is illegal. Most responsible parents will not allow their children to participate in illegal activities. There is no "other side" to doing something illegal.

There is no way any of my children would be permitted to participate in such a weekend away without parental supervision. It is my responsibility as a parent to teach my children what is right and wrong.

You are essentially saying: "Hey, drinking underage is illegal, but go ahead and drink all you want and have a good time". Whether our kids get access to it on their own or not is not the question here. We as parents have an obligation to direct them down the road in the proper direction. If they decide that they want to take a different route, that is their decision and they will pay for the consequences and hopefully learn from their mistakes. But for a parent to give them the misguided directions to begin with would be very irresponsible.

ETA: No flame intended by the way, just my opinion as a parent.

 

[sampson]

well i was not of age in onatrio, but where parents live is about 1/2 hour away from the quebec, where i was of age and all the rest of us were..

I beleived it help me cause i rid of that party stage of my life.. i'm currently finishing up college..(graduating) and going back in the new year. this is my second year and i've only been partying (bar) with my friends 3 times.

i do understand where you coming from too.. Cause parents would not allows us to going to a plce where she did not know anymore.. it was because a good group of friends my parents allows us to do some thing..

on another note.. this seem to be the only thing we could do. i'm town about 500 people. we use to ride out atv and dirt bikes on our property. We used to get the cops phoned on us weekly. it wasn't cause we were doing something wrong. it was just they didn't like the noise. so camping was one of the only think we could do that the cops would not be phoned on us..

sorry for going off topic.. i just wanted to show something esle. and happy you son understands.

 

[xipetotec]

The facts: my DS16 has his very first girlfriend. She is the same age, in the same grade ect. and in my opinion, a very nice girl. If my son is going to have a girlfriend at this age, I definately approve of this girl.

Now, my son asked me the other day if in August he can go to the cottage of a co-worker who has invited a group of people up the cottage for a long weekend. I said sure, as long as I'm able to talk to the parents to make sure all is ok. Last night my son said "so you will let me go to the cottage?". Again I said as long as I can talk to a parent so that I know an adult is in charge, then YES. He got sullen then and sulky. I asked him why this was an issue for him. He said, there was no parents going it was just a group from work. I told him that if there was no adult going, then he could NOT go.
This morning, he said "So you won't let me go to the cottage?" I said if there is an adult blah blah blah. (I started to think I'm sounding like a broken record)!
He said, "well there is no adult, it's just a bunch of us from work wanting a parent free weekend at a cottage we will all chip in to rent, Why won't you let me go.
This is how the rest went:
Me: Because there is no adult in charge
DS: Why won't you let me go just because there is no adult there?
Me: Because I'm a responsible parent.
DS: You aren't being fair.

I never said anything after that, as far as I'm concerned, the case is closed. As much as I trust him and his girlfriend, I KNOW what Teenagers, espcecially those who THINK they are in love, can be like. I used to be ONE!
I can't imagine there are any parents out there that would think these plans are ok. (ok, at least not responsible ones). I know for him, this is not the end of the conversation, so from now on I'll say you have my answer, now go bug your dad.

By the time my younger two are teenagers, I'm sure I'll be a pro at these things, but WOW, I'm starting to realize how hard it is to parent a teenager (he's my first teenage BOY).

that's amazing, it's like you've been listening to our conversations with OUR DS16. It's funny because over the past year and a half, we've "loosened the reigns" so much, and it's never enough. Good for you for standing your ground, when it comes to stuff like this, we don't give in either. There's only so much independance we're going to give a 16 year old, I'm sorry.

He's tried to pull the "What you don't trust me?!" ... to which DW had a good response: "I trust that you are a good person, but being a young teenager, I don't trust that you'll always make the best decisions"

 

[SherylWrites]

I totally agree with your decision and your reasoning. And kudos to your son for coming to you and asking to go. He could have made up all kinds of lies to be away for a weekend with friends to cover him but he didn't. Says a lot about his character and your parenting skills. Obviously, he still wants and needs your guidance whether he wants to admit it or not. Good for you!

 

[nat1234]

As the parent of a DD-26, DD-21, a DS-18 and a soon to be teenager DD-12, I can so relate. There is no way that any of my kids would be going to a cottage without any adult supervision at the age of 16. Even if I knew the kids really well, I would still have problems with it. By the age of 18, I realized that they were technically adults and that I would have to trust that whatever I had taught them would guide them in the decisions that they would make. That's when they were able to go camping without us. And boy did I worry while they were gone.