Would you allow your daughters to be watched by a man?

[Papa Deuce]

In my "I stole candy from a baby" thread, I mentioned something about a parent trusting my judgement or not. My neighbor does trust my judgement.

Anyway, it got me to thinking, that I have on occasion watched these two girls, ages 9 and 12, in my home with no women around. Now I know that I am a safe, non perverted guy, but having them in my home makes me uneasy. If something ever went wrong, who knows what they might say?

And I have a lady who wants me to watch her child for very short periods in case of an emergency and I won't do it if it means bringing the girl into my home without a woman at my home too. I don't trust the child or the parent to not accuse me of something I would never do. I will allow her to play on my front yard while I keep an eye on her.

I guess the obvious answer is that it would depend on the man, but I don't think that I would allow a man by himself to watch my kids except in dire emergency.

EDIT, BTW, while at Knoebel's I saw a girl who was frantically looking for her mother. She was almost hysterical. I went over to help her by bringing her to a park staff member, when a woman walked up to me and took her to the staff member. The lady said "It's much better if a woman does this". I have to say, I agreed whole heartedly. ( I did watch to make sure the woman took the girl to the park staff ).

 

[SherryNC]

Yes, it would depend on the man and how well I knew him. I think you make a wise choice with your neighbor not to put yourself in that situation. It's unfortunate that we have to be so suspicious of others, but that's the reality of this sometimes crazy world we live in.

 

[snoopy]

Sure would.

One of the best caretakers my kids ever had was their former daycare provider's husband, who often filled in for her when she had appointments and such. He was retired, but she continued to do daycare, so he was around the kids all the time anyway. Interestingly enough, my kids are over there today....we love this couple and think of them as surrogate Grandparents for my kids. The husband taught my boys so much -- he is a collector and collects model trains, baseball cars, and old coins, so the boys absolutely love being around him.

We also had a great experience with my oldest son's 2nd grade teacher. I sure hope my youngest son, who is in 1st grade this year, gets this teacher next year.

 

[Marseeya]

I don't think I would and I would definitely encourage my husband to not be left alone with any female -- child or adult (he's been falsely accused in the workplace and was fortunate enough to come out unscathed other than having his eyes opened very wide).

When my son was three, someone asked him about a blister-looking scar on his foot and he told them that his daycare sitter burned his foot with a cigarette. So not true! For one, the babysitter didn't smoke, nor did anyone else in the house. For another, I know for a fact that he got the scar from a bee sting when he was a tot. You just never know what's going to come out of a kid's mouth and you can't always believe it. That could have been potentially ruinous for the sitter if I hadn't intervened right away.

Anyway, I think you're smart for being careful with your reputation.

 

[crs7568]

I leave my four year old daughter with my uncle who is her daycare provider. She loves him and I have absolutely no worries about her safety. He has watched her since she was two. I must say that some people have expressed surprise that I leave my daughter with a "Manny" instead of a nanny but it works for my family.

 

[binny]

When Cam was little his babysitter WAS a guy He was a High School student who went to our church and they just had this special bond. It was amazing!

I had no qualms about leaving Cam with him or letting this guy taking him somewhere. HOWEVER when the girls were born I felt a little different about it.
Did I trust him any less? Not at all. I would trust this boy ( now a college graduate, married man) with my life and my childrens life. It was a little different though thinking about him changing diapers and such. I also dont think he was comfortable with it.


I think you did the right thing though with your neighbours. One just never knows. I can see if its an emergency and she has no where to go but on a regular basis I would be leary.

 

[KelNottAt]

I have a daughter and a son. We employed a 60-ish man as our nanny for about 8 months. He did before-school care when DS and DD were in 3rd and 1st grades.

We had about 6 applicants, but he was really the best candidate. Not only did he pass his background check with flying colors (he used to reside with a daycare provider, so it was surprisingly easy to get his records), but he was a Viet Nam silver star, and had grandkids the same age as DS and DD. We also found that his punctuality and reliability were far better than the college girls we had used previously.

We would have kept him much longer than 8 months, but cancer struck. We were quite sad when he died 8 weeks after resigning.

 

[lillygator]

I highly doubt I would. Leaves open too many windows of opportunity.

 

[Microcell]

My SIL runs a company that has a daycare and one of the dads is being accused of being inappropriate with a girl there, apparently he tickles the kids, and another dad thought it was more than just tickling. I wouldn't want my DH to be accused, so it is better not to put him in that situation.

 

[DVC-Don]

Back during my 7 years as a SAHD I noticed my kids were welcome to play at the other SAHM's homes, but other kids were never allowed to play at our house unless my wife was home.

 

[WDWHound]

Everytime I read a thread like this, I get both sad and more than a little bit angry. 99.999% of us men would never ever consider abusing a child, and yet we must worry about being falsely accused and many women would never trust a man alone with their child, especially a female child. Many Mothers teach their children to seek out a woman if the child is lost, because they feel it is safer. Of course what they are really teaching their children is that men should be feared and not trusted.

The world is no less safe than it ever was, but our culture has become paranoid and men have had to pay the price. Its discrimination, pure and simple, but its politically acceptable discrimination, so its not going to change.

 

[jrydberg]

Considering that my daughter is watched by a man every day, why not?

 

[palmtreegirl]

 

[Tjaleks]

Unfortuanetly, I work in a field that I have to think about this problem on a daily basis. I always follow my gut and are times that I will step in for a male colleague to be proactive to avoid such situations. However, there are other students, both male and female, that I would never be alone with. All of our students have an ICMP(Individual Crisis Management Plan) that we are fimiliar with and abide by to keep the children safe and staff as well from unfounded accusations. Nothing can hurt a career faster than a DCFS investigation. Even if the investigation conclusion states the accusations are unfounded there is still a stigma. One can never be to careful.

 

[Auggietina]

I usually don't reply to threads like this, but OMG, if I knew this man... Why the heck wouldn't I?


I'm sorry, but I honestly don't think every man is out to molest my daughter.

I can't imagine my poor daughter's life if I did. The opportunities to get to know some wonderful human beings would be missed.

 

[oogieboogie]

Yes I would, depending on how good I know the man. DH is a SAHD and he's watched several kids in our home before. One year he watched a little girl for the entire school year.

 

[dianeschlicht]

Everytime I read a thread like this, I get both sad and more than a little bit angry. 99.999% of us men would never ever consider abusing a child, and yet we must worry about being falsely accused and many women would never trust a man alone with their child, especially a female child. Many Mothers teach their children to seek out a woman if the child is lost, because they feel it is safer. Of course what they are really teaching their children is that men should be feared and not trusted.

The world is no less safe than it ever was, but our culture has become paranoid and men have had to pay the price. Its discrimination, pure and simple, but its politically acceptable discrimination, so its not going to change.

Thank you for stating EXACTLY what my thoughts were reading this thread. I have never expected all men to be perverts anymore than I would expect other woment to be perverts. It would definitely depend on the man though, and I probably would not leave my child with ANYONE, man or woman, I did not know well. I totally agree this is a mental descrimination about males.

 

[FreshTressa]

Tough thing. If I were a man, I would not watch the girls just to protect myself.

I was watched a lot by men when I was young and was never touched.

Currently, no one really watches my kids except my parents and their teachers at school.

It is just terrrible that we even have to discuss this.

 

[septbride2002]

What a sad thread
My answer would be yes - if I know the man. However I would have the same answer for a woman. I wouldn't leave my children w/just anyone off the street regardless of gender. But I would have no problem with the men in my life watching my children.

~Amanda

 

[Geezer]

Believe it or not, most of us guys are normal dads and grandpas. We wouldn't ever think of molesting a child. I agree with WDWHound and dianeschlicht.