Working Moms -- How do you handle it all?

[MushyMushy]

I haven't worked full-time in over 11 years. I do NOT remember being so exhausted and unable to function! I get up at 5:30 every morning, get to school by 7:30 and am home by 3:30. I do lesson plans and things like that at home, and that's about all I have energy for. There's still the house, errands to run, etc. DH works until 7 p.m. every night, and even when he is home, he's not much help because he has to do work from home.

Now we've added on piano lessons and tae kwon do for DD.

My house is a disaster, the dishes are piled up, and I can barely keep up with the laundry.

How do you people do it??? I absolutely love what I'm doing right now. I think a big difference between now and then is that, back when I worked, when the work day ended, it ended. Now, just because I leave the school, my day isn't necessarily done.

I sure could use any tips to try to adapt to my new schedule and get my house in order.

 

[paigevz]

Set a timer for 5 minutes and have everyone clean until it dings........you'd be amazed at how much gets done!

Split bigger chores. Dh and I split laundry and kitchen duty. He does one, I do the other. And stay on top of them! A little every now and then is far better than waiting until it's overwhelming.

Minimize the activities if you can. It's much nicer now that DS is in middle school and has his music and PE at school, but before, we had private music at school for him........see if you can find a teacher there who will give the lessons.........piano lessons can be done on a full-size keyboard. Then, if your child is in your school like mine was, the lessons are done after school while I graded papers and made plans. The sports were all we had to worry about after that. Also, I was well known for showing up with my son for sports practice with a bag full of papers and red pen.........I graded most of my papers during that time!

Set Sunday aside for cooking after any religious things you do. Make it a family affair, everyone washes, cuts, mixes and such. Cook up double and triple batches and freeze for during the week.

Some ideas, hope they help!

 

[MushyMushy]

Oh, I really like that 5 minute thing! I can see that working. I think part of the problem with cleaning is, I see this big mess and I know it'll take so much time and energy to clean. If I knew I only had to work for 5 minutes at a time, I could probably handle it so much better.

Thanks, Paige.

 

[paigevz]

No prob. Press those kids into service too, they're big enough to REALLY help..............

 

[lyzziesmom]

I am a working single mom of 2, and let me tell you, I think you have it easy! I am up at 6am, get myself and both kids up, dressed and ready, and out the door by 7am, off to my mom's house for a quick breakfast and she takes them to school after I leave for work. By the time I pick them up and get back home it is at least 6pm, and then there is homework, dinner, playtime, household chores, bathtime and bedtime all to be done by 8pm. It is very unusual that I am awake later than 10pm during the week. Without someone to trade chores, I am much saner by realizing that somethings gotta give. So what if we eat off paper plates most nights? Less dishes for me to do. Who cares if my toilet doesn't sparkle? Will anyone notice if the kids wear their jeans twice before washing them? As long as the house and kids are basically clean, even if cluttered & slightly rumpled, I just learn to let the little things slide and not bother me so much. We are all a very happy family with a sane mom!

 

[Liz]

I don't have any tips but I can sympathize. I went to work last year after being home for 16 years. It was awful, particulary being away from my children. Even though they were high school age I always enjoyed being with them after school instead of picking them up, being home for 20 min. and having to go back. I wouldn't work if I didn't have to but we had bills to pay off and college to pay for. It does get easier although I'd rather go back to being a SAHM. Good luck to you!!

 

[daisyduck123]

Hi! I'm a teacher too....one thing for you to look forward to is that once you've been teaching a while, you won't have to be bringing so much work home. I really don't bring anything home to do except on the weekends. (Of course, this also depends upon what grade you're teaching. I teach 1st grade...no papers to grade at home. When I do collect papers to grade, I can do it during the school day because their papers are VERY short).

 

[ktpool]

I also work full time and go to school full time. My husband does a lot, the kids have to clean the 2 days they are home after school (the other days are sports activities days). They are only 9 and 6, but they dust, sweep, mop, clean their rooms, empty the dryer, sort clothes and clean their own rooms. It works out well for us, they earn allowance that goes into the "Disney-mom's-not-buying-that-souvenier-for-me" bucket. I think they are happier when they have chores to do than the times I let it slide.

Is my house spotless? No! Does my husband sometimes give up and sort through the pile of school papers at the end of the week and through them out? Yes! Do we argue becuase he throws out the one note I was keep from the teacher about something important I had to send/buy/write/show up for? Yep!

You just have to set rules about cleaning and don't try to do it all yourself!

 

[barkley]

i don't do it anymore but when i did-

i cooked in bulk on sundays (did it in batches)-huge amounts of ground beef with onions in it-put them into freezer bags that can be pulled out for tacos/burritos (just add seasoning when you cook), spagetti (add seasoning to it and add sauce to it), manwich and hamburgar helper can be done with precooked meat...did multiple meat loafs (uncooked into a freezer bag-let thaw and toss in casserole to bake), lasagnas...and while i was doing this there would be a turkey or pot roast cooking to eat that night and have for lunches the following days.

i tried to do 2 big shoppings a month and kept a running list of stuff as i ran out of it-that way if i went to make something i could tell at a glance if i had the ingredients on hand.

trained everyone to separate laundry into 2 hampers-towel/sheet and clothing. that way i could tell at a glance if i had enough for a full load.

there is no shame in using paper plates-my kids still use them for snacks. i also got into the habit of putting stuff directly into the dishwasher as i used it (if you spray orange cleaner-the windex type on dishes, even if they sit in the sink or dishwasher a couple of days the stuff slides right off).

designate one day a week as the one you will use for md appts, dental appts, haircuts and things that can be planned in advance-that way you know in advance which day is off limits for anything else (our day was/still is friday afternoon because the kids get their minimum days on friday).

keep a master calendar out where everyone can see it that lists everyone's appts/obligations-then keep your own private calendar with you that lists the same. that way at home or away you know what's going on when you have to schedual something.

pick a pharmacy that either has an automated call in or internet system for re-fills (you can do them before they open so you can pick up on the way home)-if a dr. prescribes something ask them to call it in to the pharmacy, that way you can pick it up on the way home vs dropping off the perscription and waiting or making a second trip to pick it up.

my kids never did extracurriculars until recently (i did not have the time or energy to run them around, and then have to deal with homework, dinner and such). i know some parents who rideshare for group activities so that they only have to drive maybe twice a month.

the best advise i can give is to take care of YOU-if you let yourself get worn down and exhausted you will be much more likely to catch every virus your students bring into the classroom (and it will hit you much harder). so make sure you are getting enough rest (the world will not come crashing down if there are dishes in the sink and the family has to eat delivery pizza twice in one week ), eating healthy stuff (i had a backup supply of stuff in my desk drawer in case i did'nt have time to pack lunch-dinty moore stews, soup, tuna, anything that could be microwaved or fixed quickly-much better than grabbing junkfood or going without), and getting some down time. for me 'down time' was a hot bubble bath and a tabloid-even 30 minutes of alone, guiet time can make a huge difference.

 

[MushyMushy]

I am a working single mom of 2, and let me tell you, I think you have it easy! I am up at 6am, get myself and both kids up, dressed and ready, and out the door by 7am, off to my mom's house for a quick breakfast and she takes them to school after I leave for work. By the time I pick them up and get back home it is at least 6pm, and then there is homework, dinner, playtime, household chores, bathtime and bedtime all to be done by 8pm. It is very unusual that I am awake later than 10pm during the week. Without someone to trade chores, I am much saner by realizing that somethings gotta give. So what if we eat off paper plates most nights? Less dishes for me to do. Who cares if my toilet doesn't sparkle? Will anyone notice if the kids wear their jeans twice before washing them? As long as the house and kids are basically clean, even if cluttered & slightly rumpled, I just learn to let the little things slide and not bother me so much. We are all a very happy family with a sane mom!

Actually, I found things a whole lot easier when I was a single mom. There's so much compromise in a marriage and my husband not only doesn't help, he HINDERS. Moves my keys or purse, hogs the bathroom in the middle of my morning routine, or just generally gets in the way. I hate to make it sound like that, but that's the way it feels these days! Before I started student teaching, I facilitated everybody's mornings, but now it's just a big mess because now I have myself to get ready and moving too.

I'm doing it all right now, except I have gotten DH to concede to a couple of very "helpful" things every morning -- he lets the dog out, and "delegates" to one of the kids to feed the bird, dog, and cat.

DD has TKD on Mon. & Thurs. for an hour and a half. On Tues, I have my evening class. Wed., DD has piano. Friday is the only free weeknight for me and I'm too tired to do anything. At least during that hour & a half at TKD, I can read or grade papers.

I'm just not adapting very well! At least it's only until December, and then no more night classes for me.

 

[elismom]

I feel your pain
I am going throught the same thing myself.
I've been working outside of the house for 5 months now.
I ran a daycare for 10 years and I tell you it;s a lot harder going to a nine to five then staying home with 5 kids under five.(for me anyway)
Somethings are nicer I get a real lunch hour now,
And my job is great I do'nt leave till 8;15 I drop DS at the subway and he takes the bus to school.
I get off work at 5 and i'm home by 5;30
But I still really miss being home I don;t like not being here when DS gets home from school.
I always fel like there is too much to do and not enough time.

 

[MushyMushy]

i don't do it anymore but when i did-

i cooked in bulk on sundays (did it in batches)-huge amounts of ground beef with onions in it-put them into freezer bags that can be pulled out for tacos/burritos (just add seasoning when you cook), spagetti (add seasoning to it and add sauce to it), manwich and hamburgar helper can be done with precooked meat...did multiple meat loafs (uncooked into a freezer bag-let thaw and toss in casserole to bake), lasagnas...and while i was doing this there would be a turkey or pot roast cooking to eat that night and have for lunches the following days.

i tried to do 2 big shoppings a month and kept a running list of stuff as i ran out of it-that way if i went to make something i could tell at a glance if i had the ingredients on hand.

trained everyone to separate laundry into 2 hampers-towel/sheet and clothing. that way i could tell at a glance if i had enough for a full load.

there is no shame in using paper plates-my kids still use them for snacks. i also got into the habit of putting stuff directly into the dishwasher as i used it (if you spray orange cleaner-the windex type on dishes, even if they sit in the sink or dishwasher a couple of days the stuff slides right off).

designate one day a week as the one you will use for md appts, dental appts, haircuts and things that can be planned in advance-that way you know in advance which day is off limits for anything else (our day was/still is friday afternoon because the kids get their minimum days on friday).

keep a master calendar out where everyone can see it that lists everyone's appts/obligations-then keep your own private calendar with you that lists the same. that way at home or away you know what's going on when you have to schedual something.

pick a pharmacy that either has an automated call in or internet system for re-fills (you can do them before they open so you can pick up on the way home)-if a dr. prescribes something ask them to call it in to the pharmacy, that way you can pick it up on the way home vs dropping off the perscription and waiting or making a second trip to pick it up.

my kids never did extracurriculars until recently (i did not have the time or energy to run them around, and then have to deal with homework, dinner and such). i know some parents who rideshare for group activities so that they only have to drive maybe twice a month.

the best advise i can give is to take care of YOU-if you let yourself get worn down and exhausted you will be much more likely to catch every virus your students bring into the classroom (and it will hit you much harder). so make sure you are getting enough rest (the world will not come crashing down if there are dishes in the sink and the family has to eat delivery pizza twice in one week ), eating healthy stuff (i had a backup supply of stuff in my desk drawer in case i did'nt have time to pack lunch-dinty moore stews, soup, tuna, anything that could be microwaved or fixed quickly-much better than grabbing junkfood or going without), and getting some down time. for me 'down time' was a hot bubble bath and a tabloid-even 30 minutes of alone, guiet time can make a huge difference.

thank you!

This is exactly the kind of advice I need. I love the whole cooking ground beef in bulk. Such a simple concept, but I never would have thought of it. Does it freeze well? I think that would be a great way to get my DH involved in the cooking. He actually likes to cook, but it doesn't make sense for him to do it when he gets home so late.

I know I'm just venting at this point, but I really wish he were more available, and he just might have to change his activities to be there for us. He not only works 12 hour days, but he is also a choir director (huge time sucker there), and he volunteers with a couple of different organizations through his work. So, by default, everything else falls to me and it's not fair. It wasn't so bad when I stayed at home and had all the time in the world for it. But now, I have different priorities, and teaching IS a priority for me. I just want my health to hold up (knock on wood). If it goes downhill again, we're screwed.

We just have to adapt. We have to, because I'm not giving up on my career.

 

[MushyMushy]

I feel your pain
I am going throught the same thing myself.
I've been working outside of the house for 5 months now.
I ran a daycare for 10 years and I tell you it;s a lot harder going to a nine to five then staying home with 5 kids under five.(for me anyway)
Somethings are nicer I get a real lunch hour now,
And my job is great I do'nt leave till 8;15 I drop DS at the subway and he takes the bus to school.
I get off work at 5 and i'm home by 5;30
But I still really miss being home I don;t like not being here when DS gets home from school.
I always fel like there is too much to do and not enough time.

What kind of job do you have now? Sounds like quite a transition!

You're so right about there not being enough time. Don't the weekends just fly right by?

 

[elismom]

Mushy Mushy
I'm working in a travel agency.
It's a big adjustment
It the first time in my life I have ever had a office job
It took a long time to get used to it.
I have a big window in front of my desk and everytime this summer when I would see a mom with kids walking by I would want to run to the bathroom and cry.
My DS is 12 now and in grade 7
But I'm lucky to be were I am working now.
And the good side is the money I will be able save on my disney trips.

 

[Aidensmom]

Just something you do.

I get up at 6:30, get DS up after I shower, we leave the house by 7:15 for work/school. His is in a "choice" (meaning we have the ability to choose a school outside of our neighborhood) that is only about 4 blocks from where I work.

DH picks him up from school at 3:15.....does homework with him half the days (the days he has karate in the evenings), I do it the other days.

DH make dinner, I clean up.

DS has karate twice a week at 7 pm which I take him too.

We (DH and I) get other chores done throughout the week and on weekends.

 

[Aidensmom]

Just something you do.

I get up at 6:30, get DS up after I shower, we leave the house by 7:15 for work/school. His is in a "choice" school(meaning we have the ability to choose a school outside of our neighborhood) that is only about 4 blocks from where I work.

DH picks him up from school at 3:15.....does homework with him half the days (the days he has karate in the evenings), I do it the other days.

DH make dinner, I clean up.

DS has karate twice a week at 7 pm which I take him too.

We (DH and I) get other chores done throughout the week and on weekends.

Honestly, I don't find it that big of a deal.

 

[Planogirl]

I have an extremely stressful and tiring job right now, and I could not do it if I didn't have an older child. If he was still young, it just wouldn't work because I'm not even sure that it's working now!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I am applying for jobs now and will join you shortly. I hope soon!!!!

Put in 5 minutes...for sure. That is a great one.

Dishes are done right after dinner....no exceptions! Everyone pitches in and helps.

The kitchen rule was instituted awhile ago. My house might not be sparkling everywhere but I would go crazy with a sink full of dishes.

If my dh did not help me then I would hire someone to come and do heavy cleaning.

Also DECLUTTER! Decluttering will make your house more easy to manage.

Congratulations!

 

[aprilgail2]

I am a single full time working mom of one. I get up at 6am, hop in the shower, get dressed, throw a load of laundry in, make breakfast, get my daughter up and dressed, get her lunch packed and I am out the door at 730 and back home at 4. Take the laundry out and throw it into the dryer. Evenings are more hectic. She has karate Tues, Thurs, Fri and Sat at 5:00 she has step dancing on Wednesdays at 445, Girl scouts on Tuesdays before she goes to karate. We eat once we come home from that stuff, and we use paper plates often to cut down on the cleaning! Other than that I will load the dishwasher and let that take care of the dishes, give the kitchen a quick cleaning then onto homework. Then bath time, while she is in the tub I will clean the rest of the bathroom. Some nights I have PTA stuff to work on when she goes to bed around 10 in the evenings before that we hang out and play. The rest of the house gets cleaned when there is time, since we are not home much it doesn't get to bad.
If I had a husband and I worked full time and he did not help out with the cleaning I would hire a maid!!

 

[MushyMushy]

Just something you do.

I get up at 6:30, get DS up after I shower, we leave the house by 7:15 for work/school. His is in a "choice" school(meaning we have the ability to choose a school outside of our neighborhood) that is only about 4 blocks from where I work.

DH picks him up from school at 3:15.....does homework with him half the days (the days he has karate in the evenings), I do it the other days.

DH make dinner, I clean up.

DS has karate twice a week at 7 pm which I take him too.

We (DH and I) get other chores done throughout the week and on weekends.

Honestly, I don't find it that big of a deal.

But that's just it.

I didn't find it that big of a deal when I worked before. For some reason, it's so different now. I think a lot of it is that my health isn't the same as it was back then and I have this constant fatigue to deal with. If it was the least bit possible, I'd come home and go to bed and stay in bed until morning. Another thing is that my entire family has been so used to me being at their beck and call -- my DH, the kids, and even my parents (even though I grew up with a working mom). I feel as if I'm being pulled in a million different directions.

I'm a creature of habit, and I need to get into the groove of this for it to work. I'm just having a very hard time finding that groove.