Why I decided to have a DFTW

[Jilian]

I would very much like for both threads to be deleted by a mod as I feel they do not accurately portray any one or their weddings.

Does anyone know how to contact a MOD?

Sadly I don't think there is a mod assigned to this forum but you could try reporting the whole thread. I think it should be delted too, it serves no purpose other than to hurt feelings all around and that is not cool. I'm sorry that I even commented in the thread.

 

[Jilian]

Michelle, I'm really sorry that you feel offended. I agree with you that not every bride chooses DFTW for location. I think your wedding was absolutely beautiful! The problem with this thread is that people are making generalizations about others. None of us can say what is right for another, and when we do problems arise. All that matters is that we each get the Disney Wedding/VR of our dreams and who really cares what others think. What is and isn't Disney is in the eye of the beholder.

 

[One_Song]

Michelle, I'm really sorry that you feel offended. I agree with you that not every bride chooses DFTW for location. I think your wedding was absolutely beautiful! The problem with this thread is that people are making generalizations about others. None of us can say what is right for another, and when we do problems arise. All that matters is that we each get the Disney Wedding/VR of our dreams and who really cares what others think. What is and isn't Disney is in the eye of the beholder.

Totally, 100% agree Jillian. Very well said.

 

[MrsRomance]

I feel that as the OP of this thread I should step in too. When I started this, it was to give DFTW brides a chance to speak of the positives about their experience. What happened though was that people with little or no experience with DFTW began adding why they felt DFTW wasn't right for them.

While it's fine if you don't or didn't want a DFTW, if you didn't have one, then being honest--this really shouldn't have been the place for you to express those opinions. Equally the reasons why people have opted for a DFTW are GENUINE and VALID for THEM and shouldn't be attacked.

If I am honest, I wouldn't have any other Orlando based wedding, even if it were given to me for free, because I too am a Disney purist and for ME that is the only choice to be had. I, or anyone else with that opinion, do not deserve to be attacked or flamed.

This is the reason why I did not post in the thread about not choosing a Disney wedding, I didn't go that route, don't agree with it, so left it there. Unless you have had a DFTW then you really are not in any position to say if it is good/bad/indifferent because what you read on these boards are in reality a tiny fraction of the weddings that DFTW have each year. And in all honesty, I have yet to encounter a DFTW bride that was completely unhappy after it was all finished.

I think these threads highlight a bigger issue, which I don't see that deleting a few threads will ever resolve.

 

[princess_ariel_85]

And this continues my point. It is just wrong of you to say that I wanted "the ability to say" I was married at the Wedding Pavilion. I didn't want to TELL people I got married there, I WANTED TO DO IT. I didn't want a magical Disney wedding, I wanted MY SPECIFIC Disney wedding. That is why I made the decisions that I made.

This upset me too. I wanted to get married at the WP because it's beautiful. If I hadn't have fallen in love with the WP I'd have happily gone along with a S/D wedding. Just looking at Joanne's TR shows just how extraordinary a S/D ceremony can be. I also have the right to 'TELL' people I got married at the WP... I paid my money and I am proud that I got married there. It's not to show off or anything but I am geniunely happy because I married James in the place I most wanted to. Why should I not shout about it from the roof tops? It was the most amazing thing to happen to me to date. and I bet that whether your a DFTW or a S/D couple you feel the same way!

New brides: I hope you are not discouraged by the lack of civility that has come out in this thread. Again, I would encourage you to look through some Planning Journals and Trip Reports to see for yourself how lovely and joyous our weddings turn out to be. I (and many others) rate our vendors so you can see honest critiques of what we liked and didn't like. Let those be a source for your research, not someone who never had a DFTW telling you how awful the vendors and service are.

I agree. New brides the DIS is a very good place for people to get together and exchange stories, advice and ideas. Everyone has had different experiences whether they're good or bad. I myself had a questionable experience with our MK Shoot where as others have had wonderful experiences. Currents brides/grooms should remember what brought us all here in the first place - our love of Disney and the fact that we are marrying our loved ones in a wonderful place. Peace out xx

 

[Ember]

Since I was the one to speak out on the other thread, I just want to clarify. I think that thread started out harmless. Before I decided on a DFTW, I scoured the internet looking for negative reviews.

And my point is, this is all untrue. I think anyone will find dozens upon dozens of past brides that feel we were treated wonderfully. And we're not just saying that out of some "misplaced loyalty" or a fear to speak out. We received the famous Disney customer service and we loved it. I had two bumps in my planning, both were handled to my satisfaction. I wouldn't have picked DFTW if they had treated me like crap.

I don't know, I think it's much easier to find positive reviews of Disney than negative. (I mean actual reviews, not ignorant people who just don't like Disney putting others down.) I try to share my horrible encounter with Disney customer service, to give a balanced view that Disney can mess up and that they handle things very poorly when it happens. However, it's not something most people want to hear.

When I approached a popular Disney Wedding site about posting something to possibly warn other couples what can happen, and how Disney deals with it, I learned quickly that only positive things would be said about Disney for fear of upsetting them or other vendors.

Now, don't get me wrong, I was and still am thrilled with my actual wedding. It really was a fairytale come to life. My problems came later.

 

[One_Song]

I don't know, I think it's much easier to find positive reviews of Disney than negative. (I mean actual reviews, not ignorant people who just don't like Disney putting others down.) I try to share my horrible encounter with Disney customer service, to give a balanced view that Disney can mess up and that they handle things very poorly when it happens. However, it's not something most people want to hear.

When I approached a popular Disney Wedding site about posting something to possibly warn other couples what can happen, and how Disney deals with it, I learned quickly that only positive things would be said about Disney for fear of upsetting them or other vendors.

Now, don't get me wrong, I was and still am thrilled with my actual wedding. It really was a fairytale come to life. My problems came later.

Ember, I am aware of your situation, and I think it was absolutely inexcusable. From what I remember, people on this board were very supportive throughout your ordeal (or maybe after, when you were sympathizing with a bride in a similar situation).

I am not opposed to people offering negative reviews of DFTW. It's a business, people get to give their opinion. What I am not ok with is those people saying or implying that only idiots agree to have a DFTW-- or that we bend to policies we don't like because we just want a DFTW no matter what. It's fine if some people don't like DFTW's policies--- BUT--- that doesn't mean all of us feel that way. I didn't just accept a DFTW, I wanted it!

I am also not ok with people saying that we only speak highly of DFTW because we are afraid not to. That's insulting. It's saying our opinions are fake and invalid. Some of us genuinely, really, truly are happy with DFTW. No one else is more qualified than me to say how I feel about DFTW and my wedding. If you look at my vendor reviews, I did not give DFTW or all of my Disney vendors a perfect score. I am not wearing rose-colored lenses. But would I recommend them to a new bride, yes. Absolutely. And I feel my opinion is just as legitimate as someone who would not.

 

[belle2211]

This thread has once again devolved to calling DFTW brides and grooms stupid, ignorant spendthrifts. This is where I felt the other thread was headed when I felt the need to speak out.

Jillian, Faith, and Joanne, I understand why you felt attacked, and thank you for keeping your comments civilized and mature. I was happy to see Amanda start this thread so DFTW alums could speak to new brides, but I certainly didn’t foresee a DFTW vs. S/D fight. Joanne, your TR was one of the very first I read, and remains one of my favorites. I never would have encouraged anything that hurt your feelings.

But I DO feel the urge to speak, because once again, I feel attacked by some extremely rude and juvenile comments.



Wrong wrong wrong. I did not pick my wedding for location only. I also wanted Disney floral (who covers all decor aspects), the Grand Floridian kitchen, the Grand Floridian bakery, and the transportation options of Disney (Cinderella Coach). My decor was stunning, my food was delicious, and my cake was as tasty as it was beautiful. I do not consider you a quailified judge of my vendors because you have not experienced them, so how are you to say that they are any less capable than other vendors?

And now let's handle location. I didn't want any venue on Disney, I-don't-care-where. I would never go to Atlanta and say "I want my wedding reception in an Atlanta hotel, I don't care which one, as long as it's in Atlanta." I wanted MY venues. I wanted the Wedding Pavilion and the Grand Floridian ballrooms. I did not want other Disney venues. One of my first steps after initially contacting DFTW was to get a list of venues. I went through the list with my then-fiance, and we circled everything we were interested in. Then we looked through pictures and time slots, and eventually arrived at the ONLY venues we wanted for our wedding day.



And this continues my point. It is just wrong of you to say that I wanted "the ability to say" I was married at the Wedding Pavilion. I didn't want to TELL people I got married there, I WANTED TO DO IT. I didn't want a magical Disney wedding, I wanted MY SPECIFIC Disney wedding. That is why I made the decisions that I made.

_______________________________________

New brides: I hope you are not discouraged by the lack of civility that has come out in this thread. Again, I would encourage you to look through some Planning Journals and Trip Reports to see for yourself how lovely and joyous our weddings turn out to be. I (and many others) rate our vendors so you can see honest critiques of what we liked and didn't like. Let those be a source for your research, not someone who never had a DFTW telling you how awful the vendors and service are.

Ember, I am aware of your situation, and I think it was absolutely inexcusable. From what I remember, people on this board were very supportive throughout your ordeal (or maybe after, when you were sympathizing with a bride in a similar situation).

I am not opposed to people offering negative reviews of DFTW. It's a business, people get to give their opinion. What I am not ok with is those people saying or implying that only idiots agree to have a DFTW-- or that we bend to policies we don't like because we just want a DFTW no matter what. It's fine if some people don't like DFTW's policies--- BUT--- that doesn't mean all of us feel that way. I didn't just accept a DFTW, I wanted it!

I am also not ok with people saying that we only speak highly of DFTW because we are afraid not to. That's insulting. It's saying our opinions are fake and invalid. Some of us genuinely, really, truly are happy with DFTW. No one else is more qualified than me to say how I feel about DFTW and my wedding. If you look at my vendor reviews, I did not give DFTW or all of my Disney vendors a perfect score. I am not wearing rose-colored lenses. But would I recommend them to a new bride, yes. Absolutely. And I feel my opinion is just as legitimate as someone who would not.

Can I just like both of your posts? I too was very offended in the other thread because it was insinuated that just because we had a DFTW that we were stupid for putting up that kind of money and for putting up with crap from DFTW. Grr...so frustrating!

 

[belle2211]

I said it on the fb page and I'll say it here. I'm really disappointed by the person who started the other thread. I used to feel like the disboards was one big group of friends and a family. I NEVER thought that anyone who had a S/D wedding or an at home wedding was ever less than anyone who had a DFTW. If you had a love of Disney, then it was all the same to me. But this poster created a divide between the brides (and a couple grooms) and I think it just stinks. Now there is animosity going around and right now it doesn't feel very friendly. Which makes me sad.

 

[Jilian]

I said it on the fb page and I'll say it here. I'm really disappointed by the person who started the other thread. I used to feel like the disboards was one big group of friends and a family. I NEVER thought that anyone who had a S/D wedding or an at home wedding was ever less than anyone who had a DFTW. If you had a love of Disney, then it was all the same to me. But this poster created a divide between the brides (and a couple grooms) and I think it just stinks. Now there is animosity going around and right now it doesn't feel very friendly. Which makes me sad.

I feel like the animosity has been cleared (based on the FB thread anyway) and I hope there are no lingering hard feelings on either side. We are still a family. I hope that we can all look past this and get back to supporting one another. I'd be happy to delete my previous comments if they caused offense to anyone.

 

[tinkerbell 766]

Well my sweet girls and boys, I am so glad we have brought this to a conclusion!!!
For my part, if I said anything to offend anyone at all, I am truly sorry and please believe me when I say I meant to cause nobody any hurt.
Thank you to all my dear friends who said nice things about my VR. I am so honoured!!
I understand how the DFTW brides felt attacked over points in both threads because, as my sweet Michelle pointed out, so did the S/D brides. People saying we (or 'at home' Disney brides, or DL brides) are not 'real' Disney brides, is sure to get our gander up!!!
Let us all go back to being family - even the best of families have their little tiffs and we are certainly the best of families!!!!!

 

[MrsDuck]

I feel like the animosity has been cleared (based on the FB thread anyway) and I hope there are no lingering hard feelings on either side. We are still a family. I hope that we can all look past this and get back to supporting one another. I'd be happy to delete my previous comments if they caused offense to anyone.

Well my sweet girls and boys, I am so glad we have brought this to a conclusion!!!
For my part, if I said anything to offend anyone at all, I am truly sorry and please believe me when I say I meant to cause nobody any hurt.
Thank you to all my dear friends who said nice things about my VR. I am so honoured!!
I understand how the DFTW brides felt attacked over points in both threads because, as my sweet Michelle pointed out, so did the S/D brides. People saying we (or 'at home' Disney brides, or DL brides) are not 'real' Disney brides, is sure to get our gander up!!!
Let us all go back to being family - even the best of families have their little tiffs and we are certainly the best of families!!!!!

Agreed and agreed!

I think we're all good now.

I've also PM'd both the MODS to get these threads closed... I haven't heard anything back but I'm crossing my fingers.

 

[BethieTink]

Before this gets closed, I wanted to add my 2 cents.

I was so sad yesterday after reading all the nasty posts that seem to have come from this topic and it took my a while to formulate what I really wanted to say.

First off, I want to apologize to anyone if there was anything I said in my post about why we chose DFTW for our VR. It was never my intention to hurt anyone here, if I did. (I don't think I did, but just in case).

Just because Paul and I chose DFTW and feel that it is the only way to go for us does not mean that I feel that any of the other options available (S/D, SoG or at home) are in any way inferior to a DFTW. It would be truly hypocritical of me to consider any of the other options lesser than mine, when being one of the older brides on here at (almost) 42 and having just a vow renewal has never stopped me from partaking in all the conversations and making friends with so many here.

S/D weddings are fabulous in their affordable options and customization without all of the crazy DFTW restrictions. Plus, really, when it comes down to it, are most of the S/D guests going to know it's not "officially" a Disney wedding???? SoG weddings are special because of who is involved and a big thanks goes out to them for their sacrifices to serve our country. And again, are those guests going to nitpick that it is not "officially" a Disney wedding. At home weddings can be just as much Disney as any of the DFTW and even more so depending on the elements used. A Disney wedding is what you make of it, not where you have it.

I feel incredibly lucky to have found this board and the friends that I have made on it. The ladies and (a few gents) on here are amazing. Everyone is so helpful and so giving, which is not always the case in real life, especially when it comes to weddings. Most brides would rather hoard all their great ideas for themselves and never let anyone else take them. That is so not the case here.

My VR would not look remotely like it does without ALL OF YOU! I have items that Wendy and Amanda have done for me through their wonderful Etsy shops (and there will be more from both!). I have a bunch of ideas that I have taken directly from Danielle (some through Jackie). I have floral inspirations from so many here, especially Tricia who gave me my centerpieces. I have everyone's Epcot shoots to inspire me for when it is finally my turn. Joanne, Michelle and Jillian inspired me that even though it was a VR that it really could be everything of my dreams and be absolutely unique. I am so sorry, if I have missed naming everyone directly.

This group is very special. Whether we have our events at home, the Swan and Dolphin, DFTW itself or a SoG event, we all love Disney and all love sharing and talking about it. Who else is going to understand about finding the absolutely right instrumental version of Once Upon A Dream for the processional???

I hope that this unsettling period goes away quickly and we can all go back to the supportive community we always have been.

 

[Ember]

Ember, I am aware of your situation, and I think it was absolutely inexcusable. From what I remember, people on this board were very supportive throughout your ordeal (or maybe after, when you were sympathizing with a bride in a similar situation).

I am not opposed to people offering negative reviews of DFTW. It's a business, people get to give their opinion. What I am not ok with is those people saying or implying that only idiots agree to have a DFTW-- or that we bend to policies we don't like because we just want a DFTW no matter what. It's fine if some people don't like DFTW's policies--- BUT--- that doesn't mean all of us feel that way. I didn't just accept a DFTW, I wanted it!

I am also not ok with people saying that we only speak highly of DFTW because we are afraid not to. That's insulting. It's saying our opinions are fake and invalid. Some of us genuinely, really, truly are happy with DFTW. No one else is more qualified than me to say how I feel about DFTW and my wedding. If you look at my vendor reviews, I did not give DFTW or all of my Disney vendors a perfect score. I am not wearing rose-colored lenses. But would I recommend them to a new bride, yes. Absolutely. And I feel my opinion is just as legitimate as someone who would not.

You're right, people on here were very supportive. I never suggested otherwise! I was just trying to offer my thoughts on how hard it can be to have had a very negative experience, and getting the information out there when it seems only positive ones will be accepted in many cases. I mentioned it in relation to your having done research looking for both positive and negative reviews.

As for implying that someone who works with Disney and through their system is wrong or silly for doing so, that's a different matter. For me, it's the same as any other choice. People spend their money and time in way that's "worth it" for them. For most Disney couples, it was absolutely worth it. Disney weddings are among the most beautiful and unique I've ever seen. (And yours was particularly lovely!) But there are unique hassles to planning a DFTW that aren't worth it for people, and I think the reasons why someone might not choose a Disney wedding are a good balance all the reasons someone might want one, even if the way things were expressed wasn't the best. As a bride, it's good to know as much information as possible.

For my part the planning was actually pretty easy and I quite enjoyed it. My wedding also went off perfectly. If I had to do it all over again, I would. It was definitely worth it. (Though, in hindsight, I would have skipped the MK photo shoot... )