Why am I ashamed?

[Narnian_Princess]

I found out today that I am very embarrassed to tell my friends what I got for Christmas. I'm 18 years old, and here's what I got:

a wooden Mancala game (I collect game sets)
some sophisticated travel cases (I needed those)
a Disney pin and beautiful lanyard
[from my parents]

an Epcot Holidays Around the World pin
[from my twin brother]

POTC: CotBP DVD (2-disk collector's edition!)
[from my little brother]

And that's it. I get very embarrassed when my friends show off their iPod Nanos, brand new guitars, DS Lites, and Wiis, then ask me, "What did you get?"

I have stumbled around and said, "Well, I didn't get much, ya know. Just stuff, really." Or, "Hmm, not much, but what I got was cool!"

What I don't get is why. I loved my gifts. I shouldn't be ashamed of them, but when all my friends/acquaintances got multiple very expensive gifts, it makes me feel a bit inadequate.

And it's not like we're poor either. I've been raised not to follow the trends, but Lord forgive me, I want an iPod. But the parents can't see paying $300 for some little electronic device, and I really was fine with not having one. Until now. What can I do? How can I stop feeling ashamed and just get over it?

Have any of you experienced anything similar?

 

[RNMOM]

If you were my daughter, I would be very proud of you. I think you understand there is a difference in wanting and having. Most of us can have just about anything we want but if you really imagine that item in your life, it isn't something that would make you very happy.

I would try telling your friend you got some DVD's, games and stuff then add, "Just what I wanted". Be matter of fact and you might be surprised. We have had giftless holidays the past two years and it is so nice not to have any of that "who got what" stuff. Gift giving for Christmas is blown way out of proportion in my opinion.

 

[flying_babyb]

Have any of you experienced anything similar?[/QUOTE]
Yes!! My best freind got a dang CAR for chirstmas. I hate to say im jelous but I am, Me all I got was a photo album, a pair of earings, and cup, with a monkey in it. My family spent almost 200 on a camera for my b-day but it still irks me. She gets it all and I have to struggle. I need a car to move out but its not happening

 

[Tinker74]

You sound like a lovely and very sensible 18 yr old.
Its only natrual for you to want an ipod though...don't beat yourself up for desiring something expensive.
Iam a grown woman of 33! and I still get embarrased about my presents with one particular friend who is VERY big on presents at christmas and birthdays.
Dh and I just buy each other token gifts but my friend and her dh go way over board.
We are all different I suppose. Although I have to say I think you deserve an ipod for having such a great attitude.

 

[shortbun]

It'll be ok. You can go to college, get a job and buy those things for yourself. That's what I did. In the big picture of things, IPODS are not that important.You are learning one of the big lessons of life, need versus want and how that all pans out economically. If your outgo exceeds your income, then your upkeep becomes your downfall. Your parents are very smart. Watch and learn.

 

[NMAmy]

It'll be ok. You can go to college, get a job and buy those things for yourself. That's what I did. In the big picture of things, IPODS are not that important.You are learning one of the big lessons of life, need versus want and how that all pans out economically. If your outgo exceeds your income, then your upkeep becomes your downfall. Your parents are very smart. Watch and learn.

This is so true. Your parents are actually giving you a great gift right now--they're teaching you how to be financially secure for your whole life. And having a lifestyle that matches your income without being in debt is the easiest way to live.

With that said--there are some MP3 players that cost less than an iPod. They don't have as many bells and whistles or hold as many songs but they play music--which is the main reason most people want one. Perhaps you could save for one and buy it yourself?

 

[SetzKitten]

Your parents are actually giving you a great gift right now--they're teaching you how to be financially secure for your whole life. And having a lifestyle that matches your income without being in debt is the easiest way to live.

This is exactly what I was going to say. Somehow, living beneath your means and securing your future have become things to be ashamed of. It is really sad. Be glad you don't run with the crowd, you'll be much more independent and happy.

 

[Melissa M]

Don't be embarassed. No matter what you got, there will always be someone out there who got more. DD got just two things this year...a Zune player and a blanket from IKEA. This was our first Christmas since the divorce and the budget was tight. Anyway, she was so proud of her Zune. However, she has gotten a lot of "that's it?" from her friends. Or "yeah, well I got a laptop computer". Lots of one-upmanship. Don't sweat it.

 

[WDW Poly Princess]

That was every year for me as a kid!

My best friend's family had quite a bit more money than we did, so every year when we'd call each other on Christmas to discuss what we got, she had a long detailed list of the newest cds (Apparently buying for kids was way cheaper then!), tons of clothes, money, etc etc etc. I always liked what I got, but the list was pale in comparison!

The important thing is that you're happy with the things you got- a lot of people are handed everything they ever want, but they're never happy with it. Think of that Sweet 16 show on MTV- the parents spend a quarter of a million dollars on the kid's birthday party, but they don't get the band they want to play, so they're unhappy. I'd much rather get happy about the little things!

 

[Disney Doll]

If you love what you got, then tell folks what yo got, and add that they are things you collect and love, so it was a perfect Christmas for you.

If you want an iPod, start saving so you can buy yourself one. They are not necessarily a bad thing...if you like music they are a way to play music you like, which can enrich your life. Plus, you'll appreciate it more if you have earned it.

Learn this lesson well now, while you are young. What you have pales in comparison to who you are. There will always be someone who is younger, prettier, richer, more "whatever" than you...don't try and keep up with people. Be happy with yourself, what you accomplish. Decide what is important to you. And don't make it money or material things.

He who dies with the most toys has not necessarily won.

 

[Disneyland1084]

It sounds to me like you're insecure about yourself, and you shouldn't be. I'm 27 now and I remember I had insecurities when I was a teenager. I think you're afraid of what your friends might think of you if they happen to NOT like the same things you do, or what you got for Christmas. The important thing to remember is that you're an individual and it does NOT matter what others think of you. Just because some of your friends got some gifts that were more expensive than yours does NOT make them better than you. Whats important is that you're happy with yourself. When I was your age I remember being afraid of what others thought of me. I imagine you're in high school, right? I remember being a senior and being SOOO afraid to graduate from high school and leaving all the people I went to school with for so many years. Little did I know that was going to be the best thing for me. I was so afraid to enter the real world. But I did and now I'm more happier than ever. Now that I look back at my younger years in high school I realize those years meant absolutely NOTHING. Please don't be hard on yourself.

 

[mudnuri]

This is so true. Your parents are actually giving you a great gift right now--they're teaching you how to be financially secure for your whole life. And having a lifestyle that matches your income without being in debt is the easiest way to live.

With that said--there are some MP3 players that cost less than an iPod. They don't have as many bells and whistles or hold as many songs but they play music--which is the main reason most people want one. Perhaps you could save for one and buy it yourself?

I agree with it all, except- I have Creative mp3 players in this house, and my Creative Nomad does everything an IPOD could want to do...and it's 40gig, so it holds way more music than I could ever dream of putting on it!

Brandy

 

[NMAmy]

I agree with it all, except- I have Creative mp3 players in this house, and my Creative Nomad does everything an IPOD could want to do...and it's 40gig, so it holds way more music than I could ever dream of putting on it!

Brandy

Thanks, Brandy. Can you tell I have no idea what the difference is between an iPod and other brands? DD and DH each have some kind of mp3 player--I've never even looked at the features but just assumed since the iPod was more expensive, that it did more.

 

[I'mNoPrince]

well I'm 41 and I got some socks,t-shirts,from mom.PotC DVD from our Disney trip,a small flashlight.

i was tickled pink as they were things i needed but just didn't seem to want to buy myself.

DW got a pair of earrings from my DM and I did get her a Zune as she always wants to show some pictures to her friends and always does not have a computer to do so.

Growing up we were always the ones not getting as much as our friends but we neber cared as we knew we were always going on cheap family trips and had many a great memory to go with them.

 

[Toby'sFriend]

I think that what you are describing is a very human emotion.

I think we all get feelings of jealousy sometimes when it seems like everybody else is getting all the cool stuff.

Too bad you don't live around here. I have enough babysitting and household projects that I need help with that you could earn that iPOD in one weekend.

 

[Tiggerlover91]

Yes!! My best freind got a dang CAR for chirstmas. I hate to say im jelous but I am, Me all I got was a photo album, a pair of earings, and cup, with a monkey in it. My family spent almost 200 on a camera for my b-day but it still irks me. She gets it all and I have to struggle. I need a car to move out but its not happening

This is NOT a flame...if you want it bad enough, then YOU make it happen! I had those friends that got anything they wanted too. Plenty who had cars before I even had my license...didn't get that til I was 18 and my parents were wealthy, but MADE me work for what I wanted. At 37 years old now, I'm VERY glad they did!! My friend told me of her husband who is 26 and his father still buys him whatever he wants and bails him out financially whenever. Now how does that help him as head of the household when HE needs to provide for the family?? What's gonna happen when daddy dies? I'll leave my comment to myself, but I told my friend last night and she agreed. So as for you, jealousy is an emotion we all have. I've felt it SEVERAL times at 37, but have learned to GET OVER IT! You must have a birthday close to Christmas, my sister does, but it never bothered her, because she got double the Christmas presents! She still got stuff on her birthday, but Christmas was just it for her. Doesn't happen now that she's an adult.
Sometimes struggle is good love. I hate it as much as you, but when I'm above it, I'm a better person financially, emotionally, physically, and spiritually because of it!

 

[leafette]

Wow, I remember this awkward teenage period and wouldn't go through it again for anything! Specifically, I recall that exact moment where I began to feel self-conscious about my family's money (or lack thereof!). I was 14, about to move into a new house and a classmate said something like, "That's great, since you live in such a small house now." I felt ashamed. I knew there was no reason to feel like that--I never went without--but I did. I became hyper-aware of who had what and who didn't.

Some people never recover from this, and they become the materialistic, shallow, narcissistic adults that we see all the time. I had an epiphany, though, that who I am is not defined by the STUFF I OWN, the JOB I HAVE or how much MONEY I MAKE. This attitude takes a lot of counterprogramming, as it goes against much of what is beaten into us daily by our culture. But you seem to have a fighting chance, as you are more self-aware than I was at that age!

Now, at 34 with 2 kids, I cannot tell you one Christmas present I received as a kid (well, I did get an Atari once!), but I can tell you that my father always worked two jobs so my mother could stay home with us. He was enlisted in the Air Force and worked as a security guard at a mall or a cashier at a convenience store in his "off hours." He sacrificed so much and worked so hard. I'm now ashamed of having been ashamed! However, the values that I learned (and with which I am trying to raise my own children) are permanently etched and are the most valuable "things" I received from my parents.

By the way, I'm sure that some of your friends would gladly trade their iPods for the love that your parents so obviously have for you, the time that they spend with you. Just the fact that they spend time to find gifts so unique to you as a person shows they care for you and know you.

 

[mudnuri]

Guess I should add........

i've been with DBF for over a year...and didn't get anything....yup you read that correctly- NADA not a card, NADA nuthing!

He's been out on workmans comp since Sept, and while I agree that the truck payment is more important- a card would have been nice...

try explaining that to your friends who got diamond earrings!

Brandy

 

[WonderfulDreamer2]

Because society as a whole has become so materialistic and so much value is placed on "things". There is nothing wrong with what you got, it sounds like a lovely Christmas with people getting you gifts they know you would love and appreciate and not just "things" because its the latest fashion trend.

 

[Narnian_Princess]

I tried the "I got ___, ___, and ___, which I love! It was really a wonderful Christmas!", and guess what? Those Nanos didn't seem to mock me quite so much! I'm just happy with what I got, and what my friends got... well, it's great for them. What I got was great for me. Thanks for helping me put this in perspective, all.

I realize now that not having everything I want handed to me has actually been very good. I won't be the spoiled (and broke!) kind of person a lot of my friends are fast becoming. I would rather work for what I get, because I enjoy it much better when I've earned it!