Who is the financial expert in your family

Discussion in 'Budget Board' started by stemikger, Jul 12, 2006.

  1. stemikger

    stemikger DIS Veteran

    Mar 9, 2004
    I was just wondering if other people have this kind of marriage.

    Since I have been married 14 years, my wife always wrote the checks and balanced the check book. Other than that she has no interest in money. Grant it, she does not spend out of control and has always did a good job with the checkbook, but she never got involved with investing or building a nest egg for the future.

    This is fine because I send the max to my 401K and I send extra toward my mortgage. In the beginning it was always a struggle to get her to see my way of thinking when it came to this. She has always said that I should not put so much in my 401K because we could use more money in my pay check and she tries to haggle with me on how much extra I send toward the mortgage. We always end up fighting about it. We have never been in credit card debt and every year my net worth has gone up and the house is going to be paid off in 8 more years.

    Sometimes I enjoy talking about how great it is going to be after the mortgage is paid off. She just says that other things will replace it and it will not be as great as I think. I don't understand why she is so negative about my passion for this area of my life.

    Why can't she understand I'm doing this for her benefit also. O.K. There's my vent. Does anyone else ever go through this. I love my wife and other than this she is a lot of fun and has been a great wife, but I feel I can't share this personal finance stuff with her because she basically hates when I talk about it.

    By the way she forbids me of saying the names of Dave Ramsey and David Bach in front of her.
  2. DVC Sadie

    DVC Sadie <font color=royalblue>Those mashed taters are soun

    Jan 19, 2006
    We are lucky in the fact that we both are on the same page in regards to finances. I will admit that my dh would/could invest everything instead of enjoying vacations and what not. He doesn't care if he travels or not, while I love to travel. We have learned to compromise on investments versus travel.

    I guess that is what I am trying to say. Compromise. If your dw doesn't see the big financial picture now, don't worry and try not to fight about it.

    What about having her choose every other month where the extra income could go (whether its something you agree with or not) and then you choose on the next month?

    Good luck and best wishes in your endeavor. :thumbsup2
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  4. punkin

    punkin <font color=purple>Went through pain just to look

    Nov 28, 2001
    It took me 20 years, but DH is finally begining (just begining) to see things my way. This is the first job he has put the maximum in his 401(k). In years past, I've had to beg him to even open a 401(k). He is fairly savvy about investing though.
  5. dodukes

    dodukes DIS Veteran

    Jul 29, 2005
    Don't worry my dbf and I do not see eye to eye on this either, luckily we are not yet married and there can be room for improvement (or change..lol). i am trying to budget us and sutomate and think about future and he just doesnt eem to care to much and i too have a struggle mentioning the word budget to him, hed rather have his gast stition soda evryday and such, doestn care much for the "latte factor"..lol sorry had to throw that in as i just finished reading the automatic millionaire.
  6. paper1225

    paper1225 DIS Veteran

    Jan 20, 2006
    I am so glad to see a thread on the differences between husband and wife. DH works fulltime with 10%of his check immediately going to 401k-and his company matches part of that. We also have a good size savings balance and a few other investments. I stay home with our 3 children, and am going to nursing school. I also babysit 2 children part time(one 3 days/week, the other 4 days/week). My $$ is budgeted as groceries and misc. spending money. The only "debt" we have is our mortgage and one car payment. One of our many issues is how it has to be budgeted for my husband to not freak out about $$ being spent. Ok, we have been married 12 years-how long will it take him to realize not everything works out as planned? For instance, our 15 year old built in microwave has called it quits.......it has been 3 days-you can only imagine how many times I use the microwave everyday and now to be without one! I thought this is why we built out savings account up???? DH says we have to budget and save the $300 and not take it out of the savings because the savings is not yet as high as he wants it!!!! Meanwhile it is driving me crazy since I do all the cooking and am home all day with up to 5 kids. We really will eventually work out well together-he is the saver with our future in mind, and I live more for today, but not a big spender(he thinks I am-haha, keep telling him he is out of his mind). Anyway, if anyone has experience-any advice for compromise would be appreciated! I think time will help, as it has a lot. I deal with him much easier than I used to, but it still drives me crazy!!!!
  7. juligrl

    juligrl DIS Veteran

    May 25, 2006
    My husband handles our finances but he always includes me in making financial decisions. He is currently taking classes and working on his MBA as he would like to possibly transition from his current line of work into something in the financial or estate planning industry. He has a real aptitude for numbers and enjoys figuring out ways to max out our investments. We do agree with each other on long term investments, so it's never been an issue for us.

    I handle my business checking and both of my daughter's savings accounts. I am also the one who figures out the best ways to save $$$. I'm the shopper in the family because I have the patience to find the best values and the discipline to not make a spur of the moment purchase (I start Christmas shopping in February).
  8. dvcgirl

    dvcgirl DIS Veteran

    Nov 1, 2002
    We're both right on the same page here. Both of us read a lot on the topic, and we both sit down once a year and map out our saving/investing goals and what our larger expenditures will be (usually travel).

    As for bill paying and money moving into investment accounts, we're on automatic pilot and have been forever. I think I write out 3 checks a month. Everything else is automatically paid on-line. Money moves into 401Ks, taxable accounts and our money market mutual fund (with unlimited check-writing privileges which acts as our "save to spend" fund).

    Emergency fund is in a different money market mutual fund and a series of laddered CDs.

    The only two numbers we watch are groceries and spending money, and we keep a magnatized pad of paper on the frig to keep a running tally of that so we know what's up. And we make a really nice income and save a lot of it, and there's also a healthy cushion in our checking account. But we both have always been in the habit of writing down what we spend, and it keeps us on track. I have an aunt who makes a fraction of what we do and she has no idea where her money goes. The only way to know is to keep track....
  9. runwad

    runwad Dis Veteran

    Jan 18, 2006
    I'm the one who handles all the finances and all the investing, DH is clueless. Although I do try to include him where I can he just has no interest in it. I finally just made a log with all our investments, savings, account numbers, passwords and how much comes out of what to go where so he'll have some kind of guide should anything ever happen to me. I think he can do it but feels why should he when he's got me to handle it all for him. And honestly I don't mind I like to do it so it works out good for us.
  10. Laurajean1014

    Laurajean1014 <font color=blue>WISH Biggest Loser/Blue Team<br><

    Jun 28, 2001
    We do it separately, together. He has his bills that are paid (insurance, taxes, etc.) and I do the daily bills (Directv, cell phone, electricity, etc.). To do it all by one person, is too much for us.
  11. DVC Sadie

    DVC Sadie <font color=royalblue>Those mashed taters are soun

    Jan 19, 2006
    Amy just tell your dh that 300.00 should come out of the emergency fund because in your line of work (watching children) a microwave is a necessity and not a luxury. :thumbsup2
  12. Brooknwdw

    Brooknwdw DIS Veteran

    Mar 23, 2005
    We are still a young family..so still learning lots of good $$ tricks but I am definately the money person in our house. Dh is just not interested, and is clueless. He hands me his check every other week, and I give him some cash, he doesn't use an ATM card.
    He writes maybe one check a year and even that is wierd. (somehow manages to do SOMETHING wrong, date, record, etc in MY PERFECTLY balanced checkbook. ;) ).

    I pay all the bills, decisions on what to buy,etc. I DO TRY to include him, and every once in a while I give him a run through of what's what, just to keep him involved.

    Yet, get this, he is a hotel manager, and does EVERYTHING there..all the accounting, pays bills, is responsible for thousands of dollars of their money, etc. He does it flawlessly! Maybe thats why he wants nothing to do with it at home.

    I think in some people's case, they are not interested in finances, even their own, because they are fearful of money. Or were raised being uneducated about taking care of finances.
  13. SplshMtn99

    SplshMtn99 <font color=blue>She talks to me in pretty <font c

    Jun 11, 2000
    We've been married almost 18 yrs. I pay all the bills, handle all the accounts, look for better investments & how to lower expenses, pay everything early & pay extra, taxes, retirement.....everything. We have no debt other than just a 29K balance left on mortgage (which is really a HELOC)

    Sometimes I wish he was more involved or interested. I feel I lack knowledge in some areas (serious investments) OR lack the knowledge to learn it...and wish that someone else was there with knowledge or desire to learn.

    We've done very well after making debt mistakes at the beginning. But I feel we could do even better if 2 heads were involved.

    I've held jobs as an asst bank manager & insurance agent, so I guess its my natural tendency to handle everything financially. I quit my job in Feb (jerk boss), and I'm amazed how well we are still doing & we don't feel we've been going without anything.

    He's not totally excluded. I keep him filled in on things. Whether he's listening or not, I don't know. LOL We make major purchase decisions together. And mid-size purchases, I just run by him. He sits in on the "adjusting the budget" at the beginning of each year, but he really only cares how much his allowance is. lol

    I think alot of his disinterest is really the fact that he's military & not always around. So, its better that i handle everything. And between full time guards & part time guards & the states frequent use of ISISS team recently for emergencies, he really doesn't even have any time to himself, let alone house or friends.
  14. ceecee

    ceecee DIS Veteran

    Apr 6, 2001
    DH is a financial advisor, so he handles all the investments and does a wonderful job! I pay the bills or whoever sees it needs to be done. We have been married 18 years and our goal was to pay off our house in 15 which we did and actually it was kind of fun, seeing different ways to save $, it makes you feel good when you reach a goal like that.

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