Who else has parents or ILs that ...

[scubamouse]

worry out loud that your child will be fat?

DD is 3.5 and perfectly proportioned but a bit tall/big? for her age. She's 41.5 inches and 38 lbs. but she loves to eat! last nite w/my ILs she was making sure she got every drop of ice cream and my step-MIL says 'look at the way she eats - she's going to get so fat'. my cousin-IL pointed out she's fine but my SMIL kept on about DD's eating. I tried to point out that DD never gets ice cream so it's a total treat for her.

on the drive home DD asks 'why did granny talk about my ice cream?' it broke my heart

then today with my family my dad keeps saying 'would you look at her eat - she better be getting a lot of exercise with all that food she's putting away!' since she was born my dad has been obsessed w/DD's weight

I really worry about the message she's picking up even at 3 and while my MIL and dad are right that DD loves her food, what is the problem with that if she's healthy?

ok - Christmas vent over!

 

[DawnCt1]

Wow, I would tell them that you have discussed her weight with the pediatrician and he said that you don't have a thing to worry about and furthermore, no one should be discussing her weight in front of her. Or, you can just take the bull by the horns and ask them not to mention her weight.

 

[WatchinCaptKangaroo]

Children do pick up on comments (as you can see by her asking you in the car). Those comments are setting her up for a life of weight battles and posibally eating disorders. Tell them in no uncertain terms to stop or you'll have to protect your daughter and not allow her around them until they understand how they are harming your dd.

 

[Skylarr29]

Yeah I agree that she will pick up on what they are saying and it can cause problems. I would tell thme your concerns and to please not say anything like that in front of her. And I would also mentioned that she asked you in the car why they were saying those things about her. They may just think they are joking and that it is funny but you need to explain to them that it is not a joke.

 

[julia & nicks mom]

My DD is in the 90th percentile height and weight and my MIL has made comments -

I usually say - I don't think I need to worry about my daughter's weight at 4 and if you make comments in front of her - you are more likely to make weight a struggle for her and she will be more likely to have an eating disorder

that usually works

 

[poohandwendy]

I feel your pain. My mother has a body image issue and for a long time made comments that made me very uncomfortable. Her comments were always aimed at my DDs, things like "Don't eat too much candy, you will get fat". It made me furious because I stress health rather than image. She would try to curb the comments for for a while, then the comments would start up again. None of my children have ever had weight issues, they have all been within the normal range (on the tall end), if not thin.

The last comment came about a year ago when she said to my youngest DD "Wow, you're getting skinny Hayley" in a 'you go girl!' complementary manner. The reason my DD is 'thin' was because she has grown so much lately. She was a thin, leggy 11 year old girl. Totally normal for a girl who is growing so fast.

I finally decided instead of just reacting and causing friction, to sit down and calmly tell her exactly why I was so concerned by her comments.

I reminded her of the classmate of mine who died over Christmas break in the 7th grade. She was 12 years old, she died of heart failure due to anorexia. I asked her why she felt the need to compliment an 11 year old on her weight? I mean, her weight wasn't and shouldn't be an accomplishment unless she was combatting an overeating problem and had weight issues, which she has not. I asked her why she never mentioned my sons weight. Why only the girls? And if you have to comment, why not say "Don't eat to much candy, because growing bodies need healthy foods"?

I really, really tried to stress, in a non-combative way, how important HEALTHY living should be the focus. Rather than image, especially with a young adolescent girl. I told her that she may not realize the imact of her words and that it was really making me uncomfortable because I don't want my DDs to feel self conscious or overly concerned with body shape. Because they are growing and their shape is bound to change many times before they become grown women.

She finally 'got it' and has not mentioned weight with them since.

I would definitely try to get the message across before your DD is older and more likely to really be impacted by the comments. I think some people form the older generation just do not understand the danger in focusing on weight when kids are growing. Even if there is a problem, that is up to the doctors to determine.

I hope you can find a way to get the message across. It's an important one.

 

[MamaLema]

That is unacceptable!

And you're right, even at 3, she will pick up on it. This is the time to put your foot down and tell them that subject is off-limits in front of your DD.

 

[Twinkles6892]

Stop them now. It's bad enough when you get to be my age (my cousin told me to do anything but sit on him when I got mad at him yesterday), let alone when they're still babies!

 

[Kaycee]

Stop them now. It's bad enough when you get to be my age (my cousin told me to do anything but sit on him when I got mad at him yesterday), let alone when they're still babies!

I'm sorry your cousin made a comment like that to you, no matter what your age!

 

[Snowysmom]

Some people have real issues with weight even when there isn't a problem. They need to stop making comments that will affect your DD and her perception of herself. My father had a girlfriend who had a real problem with me being heavy. One year she got me a bathrobe for Christmas that was about 5 sizes too big for me. I could fit the entire family in it with me! It is easy for me to ignore it being an adult but a child takes things literally and has questions just like your DD. Maybe you could have a talk with your relatives and basically tell them to stop with the comments, that your DD is fine according to you and the pediatrician.

 

[simba928]

I'm sorry your family makes comments like that. I know what its like to be on the receiving end of those comments.

My grandmother says things about me "getting a little stomach" all the time. One example was when we were at my cousin's football game. I was standing there and she said something like "You haven't been watching lately, you're getting a little stomach." Now I know that I am not as thin as my cousin (she is like a stick), but you don't have to point that out.

 

[aprilgail2]

I would tell them all to stop commenting on her weight it is certainly not healthy for hte child.. I recently told a few people to stop commenting on my daughters weight. She is 6 years old and 37 pounds. She looks line, she is not thin, she is just right but people keep saying "feed that child, she should be 50 pounds by 6 years old." I would like to know exactly WHO made that rule up??

 

[delilah]

My MIL is the worst for things like that. Interesting because most of the people in her generation in her family were morbidly obese (think about 5'2" and at least 250-300 lbs). Her nephew has been morbidly obese since a teen, has never made any visible effort to lose any wt, and his children are close, if not there, as well. When I was dating DH, she was constantly making comments about my eating or not eating, and I was about 5'3" and about 90-95lbs. The last time I had anything to do with the woman, she made some comment about my butt. This was shortly after my son was born. She is lucky to still have any of her natural teeth. She was in rare form that day, insulted her great-niece (the one noted above, who is about 5'7" and probably at least 300lbs) and me in the same sentence about "butts", which is a nicer term than the one she used. The niece left the place we were staying, and my husband brought MIL back home. She is now in a NH, but, I refuse to see her since.

 

[BuzznBelle'smom]

OMG, my MIL is like this and it drives me crazy!!! She's here right now, and she just made a comment to my DD10. DD was looking for something (don't knwo what), and MIL says, "Are you looking for candy? Watch out, you might get fat!" Now mind you, DD is a size 8 slim, the smallest girl in her class, does dance, gymnastics, soccer, karate, and skis all winter. Not to mention--SHE WAN'T EVEN LOOKING FOR FOOD! It just drives me nuts, because MIL does this with all her granddaughters. She just obsesses about their weight, even though not one of them is even chubby. I don't get it--I mean, I recognize that this is MIL's unresolved issue, but shouldn't she just be sending up a silent prayer thatnone of the grandkids has a problem and leave it at that? I've had to explain to DH numerous times why this isn't healthy, especially for girls--I guess it's time for that discussion again!

P.S. My DS8, OTOH, eats every meal like it's his last. Again, very active, he wears 8 slims, too, but just LOVES to eat. I don't think MIL has ever said a word to him about his eating habits.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Any comment at all about eating/food is completely inappropriate!

Why do people not realize that this is a golden rule. It is a topic that is off limits, like religion and politics.

A person should simply never make comment about what or how much somebody else is eating!

This is definatley not just about the food. It is weighted with issues.

My FIL is one to make derogatory comments about what, or how, a person eats. I can barely sit through a meal with him. It thoroughly angers and disgusts me. It is his way of being a controlling abusive son-of-a-gun. The day he made a comment to put my little DS on the spot at the dinner table, was the last straw, and the day that I told my husband that it was over. That I and DS would not see his parents again unless he took steps to solve the situation.

 

[luvthatduke]

...Tell them in no uncertain terms to stop or you'll have to protect your daughter and not allow her around them until they understand how they are harming your dd.

Yep, what they said. I've already had to do this with
a family member, and I kept my promise.

 

[stm61]

we have the opposite problem. My neice is 8 yrs old and weighs about 125 lbs. She is tall for her age but definately overweight. Her pediatrician, who has been concerned for some time, finally flat out told her mother she needed to loose some weight. Her father hit the roof! He claims the child is "just fine" the way she is, she's not fat, and nobody can tell him how to raise his daughter! The girl is so heavy she just can't handle summer heat and humidity, can't participate in activities that require running, jumping, etc, since she gets out-of-breath very easily, and is tormented by the other kids at school. But she's "just fine"?

 

[scubamouse]

Why do people not realize that this is a golden rule. It is a topic that is off limits, like religion and politics.

Oh we talked about religion and politics too (with an even split of dems and reps)

My sister was bulimic as a kid and laid into my dad yesterday. It was a pile on and I think he got the message

Not sure about my step-MIL - she was going on about our fat tree too (maybe she's projecting) I'm well armed for the next comment - thanks all!