Where to begin...Family of 4, 2 boys...opinions on waiting to try for 3rd...

[Mommy2TwoMickeys]

Alittle background....My husband and I have been dating since we were 15(currently 30 now). we got married at 24 and got pregnant right away and 9 months later had our first son at 27 we had our 2nd son making them 2 years and 10 months apart. Our youngest is now 3 and even though we said we would try at about this time, we both aren't sure we are "ready". We 100% definitely want a 3rd child( of course Im hoping for a little princess ;-) ) , but we are debating about waiting.... With that being said, if we wait, we would need to push it off until the end of next year to try(events, vacations, back to back weddings we are in, etc). That would put an age difference of approx. 4 1/2 years between my youngest and the new baby and 7-7 1/2 years between my oldest and the new baby. I am looking for opinions from parents who have an age difference of my "waiting" option. Were your kids involved/interested in the new baby? That's our biggest worry, that our two oldest kids will be super close and our 3rd won't be as much. Thanks in advance!

 

[heath92681]

Our families are almost the same! Husband and I started dating at 15, married at 22, and we have 2 boys 20 months apart. The little one just turned 3 and the older one will be 5 in November. We were on the fence for quite awhile about having a 3rd. However, they are such good buddies and in such good health, we are just counting our blessings and staying a family of 4. My brother and I are almost 7 years apart and are not close at all. I don't want to have a 3rd child feel left out. Good luck with your decision!

 

[Thing 1]

I think age difference is just one part of family dynamics. The relationship will be different with a wider age span but it will also be different with boy-girl. My boys are 15 years apart and VERY close. They have a unique and amazing relationship. My BFF's boy-girl kids are 20 months and at 18-20 they are not close at all. I say wait until the time is right for you and your spouse.

 

[mjkacmom]

My first 2 are 20 months apart (g/b) and my mom always felt sorry for #3, who came 35 months after #2. She totally jinxed me, because I then gave birth to b/g twins 22 months later. So, I have my bigs, and my littles. Dd12 and dd14 are by far the closest, but include ds12 a bit. Ds17 is now starting to get along with dd19 (they played when little, but the b/g thing got in the way). Ds17 and dd14 have always had a special bond (the other day ds17 said he'd never get a tattoo, except maybe I'd something happened to dd14 - morbid - but they are kindred spirits).

So, you just never know. I put off #3 due to my sisters destination wedding, and I'm so glad, because she's the best kd ever!

 

[PxyShan]

I've been with my husband since we were 16 and 17, got married at 23 and 24, but we waited to have our first and our son wasn't born until I was 28.

I think that family dynamics will impact the "closeness" of your children much more than numbered ages, and they will even change as they get older. I'm the youngest of my four siblings, and I have very different, but very close relationships with all of them, even the oldest, my brother, who is 10 years older than me.

That being said, my husband and I had our son, then wanted to wait until the right time to have another. When that "perfect" time came we went for it... then waited, and waited... and waited. 2 years later I'm overjoyed to finally be expecting our second, at not really "the best time". They'll be almost four years apart in age if all goes well. But my son couldn't be more excited to have a little brother or sister.

So I guess all that is to say (please take with a grain or pound of salt) that wait until the time seems right to you and your husband, but be prepared that it may take a little longer than anticipated. I'm one of those that think you will always find a reason to wait on another kid, and I wish that we had thrown more caution to the wind and started earlier, and just kept going.

Plus, Disney is a great place to vacation when you're pregnant!

 

[powellrj]

Dh and I waited 5 years until we had our first child. I now realize he had aspergers syndrome, but he was really a handful! We waited 8 years to have our next child. While he didn't have aspergers, he is also a handful. Because of that, we waited 5 years to try one last time for our DD.

Growing up, DD was always close to both of her brothers. She was really close to her oldest brother. He got married when he was 24 and she was 13 and her sister in law is her very best friend in the world. Because of the aspergers, he doesn't like to travel, so they have gone on vacations together, have lunch together, shop together and DDILs friends have accepted DD into their group.

Middle DS has had a difficult relationship with his brother and sister. Not sure if its middle child syndrome or just the fact that he has a difficult personality. Now that they are all grown, the 3 of them are all really close and get along great. They share many of the same friends and interests which because of the age difference your wouldn't think would be true.

I guess the point of my ramble is that no matter what the age difference is, everything will work out! I always found that the fact that we had a family of 5 (because if seems the world was made for a family of 4) was harder to work around than the age difference.

 

[Mousemommy1]

Wow? Are we twins?

DH and I have been together for almost 22 years, married for 13. We started dating at 15 and 16, married at 23 and 24, had our 1st child at 25 and 26 and our second one 30 months later....Our girls are 2.5 years apart and so super close. They are best friends most of the time, but like all siblings...they have their moments. They are now 11 and 8.5.

Back in 2011, I posted this thread on the Dis: http://www.disboards.com/threads/an...d-w-disney-as-a-factor.2627779/#post-39433661

We were really struggling with whether to have a 3rd, and concerned about the age difference as they were a little bit older. Also, we had been diagnosed with "unexplained infertility" when our youngest was 2, so we were considering whether to undergo fertility treatments to have a 3rd as well. We decided to just be happy with our 2 healthy, happy kiddos.

Then, Mother's Day 2014 happened, and we got a blazing bright positive pregnancy test totally unexpected and out of the blue!!! I was terrified!! Our oldest had literally turned 10 a few weeks prior and our youngest was 7.5!!! After we got over the shock, we realized what a blessing we had and embraced it. And now our bouncing baby boy, and the light of our lives is almost 7 months old!!

Yes, I have kids that are 11, 8.5, and almost 7 months old. It is AWESOME!!!! Our girls love their brother sooooooo much, and he absolutely adores them. And with them being older, we have the time to really enjoy this baby (who is definitely our last). Our family is absolutely complete now!!! And he has already been to Disney twice (once in the womb and once when he was 3 months old)

I'd say, if you feel that there is that piece missing - fill it with all the babies!!! LOL.

 

[katyjeka]

We have four dd's ages 20, 15, 12, and 4. We love the age difference and our girls are all very close. I wish my sister and I had the relationship our daughters do. I do feel as if I'm a "better" mom now than when I was younger. I'm more relaxed and seem to enjoy the little things. With our oldest I refused to leave the house if her socks didn't match her outfit, hair perfect, etc... Now I let our youngest pick her own clothes and do her own hair and am so much more relaxed. I guess I'm not much help, but will tell you that it can work or at least it works GREAT for our family.

 

[aretha30]

We have two boys 12 and 7; we didn't intend to wait 5 years between them it just happened. I wasn't sure how their relationship would be but as they grow so does their relationship. Our 12 yr old has always been interested in his brother but as he has gotten older (the youngest) he loves to play with him and they have a genuine love and respect for one another. They do fight (like all siblings) but they get along more often. Now my sister and I are only 2 years apart and growing up we were never close. We now have a better relationship but I don't necessarily think it has to do it age but more to do with personalities.

 

[tinkerbesh]

Sounds like fertility is not an issue for you, but I just wanted to say not to fret too much about specific age differences, because there's no guarantee which month you would conceive the next one anyway. Fertility gets different in the 30s compared to 20s.
I struggled for years with fertility issues and it took us years to have our DS. For a long time I wished I had gotten started trying at a younger age. (Now that we have DS those wishes have disappeared, because I am so glad that we have him & wouldn't want anything to have affected that.) Anyway, I guess that's my way of trying to gently say that if you really want that next child, your odds are best the sooner you try. If you want to have as much info as possible, ask your OB to check your ovarian reserve, hormone levels, etc. and see where you are.

 

[crayon3448]

Every family is different. I have an 11 year age difference between me and my sister and we are very close. We haveone DD now who will turn 3 later this year. We don't plan on anymore until she is close to/in kindergarten, if at all. Age difference doesn't concern me. It's more of- will we want to go back to the baby phase as DD gets more independent?

 

[theyoungs07]

Every family is different and I agree that gender and gap can make a difference. My brother and I were four years apart and while we got along ok, we weren't close due to the gap. He had his friends and I was the little brother who bugged them...my interpretation at least. My wife and I met when she was 15, I was 16, married at 23 and started having kids...and haven't stopped. We now have 8 kids in 15 years of marriage and wouldn't trade it for the world! Most of our kids are 18-30 months apart and I can say that closeness in age didn't necessarily set who they are closest to socially. My oldest son (14) is pals with his brother that is 18mo younger, but he also ADORES his younger brother who is 5...but not as much with his younger brother who is 7. It has more to do with personality than anything. Our older daughters are around 20 months apart and they are buddies, but that doesn't mean that they don't love their other siblings. I think the gap is easier when there are kids in between to keep them young...does that make sense? If my 14 year old hadn't had siblings between him and our 5 year old, he would have been fully divested in little kid culture so he probably would have seen him as more of a bother than anything. We are a family of love and aren't afraid to share it and explain it...so I think that helps as well.

Good luck with your decision.

 

[Monykalyn]

Another one with larger gaps between kids. Totally agree it's more personality of the kids than age difference. My oldest and youngest are pretty close- he would love to hang more with the middle girl but she is much more into her friends and just different personality wise. I loved having the kids further apart- I have to work so having only one in daycare at a time helped financially as well. I also agree with the PP who said she's a better/different mom from first to third. Good luck with however it works out for you!
Oh and I had my last baby at 36- if you wait too long then they will call you "advanced maternal age"

 

[luvmy2babies]

Ah, the best laid plans. There likely won't be a perfect time. If you are sure you want a 3rd child; plan as best you can; but be ready for the unexpected.

I remember I wanted 2 children about 4 years apart. I had grown up wanting 3 children; but I fell in love with a man who was already the father of 2 (pre-teens at the time) and settled on two. I have siblings; but we had different moms and while we are very close now, we didn’t grow up together. It was really lonely for me personally so knowing how far away my stepchildren lived and given the age difference plus there not being cousins around, we agreed on two.

We had some obstacles due to some health challenges with dh; but had dd after being married 3 years. I was 30. He then told me he felt we should stop at her. I was heartbroken; but not long after his health really declined and I accepted it was best. My daughter on the other hand prayed every day for a little brother.

When she was 6, we went away for her spring break and surprise! We brought back a souvenir. I was 36. Like the previous poster I was advanced maternal age. It’s amazing how much different they treat you. I remember thinking “Hello, I popped out a kid 6 years ago.” Probably double the number of checkups with the 2nd pregnancy. I would be 37 when he was born. We lost dh soon after.

Kids are now 12 and 5.5. They are typical siblings. They love each other and they irritate each other. But they are great friends. Their school is K-8 and he’s so excited to be going to the same school with her this fall.

I have on occasion brought dd's best friend along on outings but that is just as much for her benefit as my daughter's. Her mom had her at 40 and is over 50 now so not really into going places like the zoo, aquarium, museums and such like we are. Dd's friend also loves ds and ds loves her.

I have a cousin with 3 girls and there are 5 years between each. They are 17, 12 and 7 and they are all very close.

 

[laughinplace199]

My first two kids (girl and boy) are exactly 2 years apart and they're very close. Baby #3 came along when they were 7 and 5.

The timing in some ways was good because they were old enough to not be jealous and they both adore him.

However, it was hard when he was a newborn. Late afternoon/early evening was his witching hour, and trying to feed/sooth the baby, help the big kids with homework, and make dinner was stressful. Thankfully that phase didn't last long.

I also had to drag that baby everywhere - softball, T ball, ballet class, soccer, etc. On the plus side, I think that's why he's a very easy going kid. He just goes with the flow whatever the situation.

I really love the age gap between my older two and my third. When they were little, it was nice to see how they liked to take care of him, play with him, etc. My DH even says he's the best thing that ever happened to our middle child, who was a bit difficult in his toddler years but turned into the best big brother ever!

Now they are 16, 14, and 8 and they're all very close. The bonus is that I have two built in babysitters! I can't even remember the last time I had to hire a non-sibling sitter.

 

[Anesthesia Fine]

Our oldest was a handful (ADHD, anxiety) and then we had some problems conceiving, so there are almost eight years between our oldest (a girl) and our middle...and three years between our middle and our youngest (both boys). Heh. The main difference for me was my age; lack of sleep at 26 was a lot different than lack of sleep at ages 34 and 37.

Unexpected bonus, as laughinplace199 says: built-in babysitting. My oldest makes a ton of money watching her little brothers, and I get to see a lot more movies than I used to!

 

[disneypolybride2008]

it seems like everyone around where we live has kids that are very close in age, like 1-2 years apart. My DD was 3 years and 2 months old when me had our baby girl. I think that was perfect, because i was not ready a second sooner. She was such a handful in every way. I thought how on earth could mom's be pregnant, have a baby, etc... as DD was toddling around. Then we tried and got pregnant with our second. It was wonderful that they were not so close in age, because the best part was DD was able to understand and see the process of growing her sister. We read on babycenter.com about what new thing was happening week by week. She went to the doctor appointments, watched the ultrasounds, and was such a great helper. It was priceless memories of having her at that age. Once we had our baby, she was so sweet and gentle. She likes teaching her, playing with her, and really loves her role as the big sister. We would like a 3rd child. This baby is so easy, that i can imagine having another right away. However, i wouldn't want her miss out on the experience of me being pregnant if she is too young to understand any of it. I am hoping to do the same spacing as before. Then i would have a DD6, DD3, and new baby. Six years or in your case 7, apart is not that big. My DH is close with his brother and they're 6 years apart. Good luck in whatever you decide!

 

[SarahKumba]

I have been with DH since I was 14. I married him at 19 and we had DS1 when I was 22. 2 years and 3 months later came his little brother. We decided that we wanted a third but never figured out quite when. DS3 surprised me on my 29th birthday. ( Was hoping for a princess too, but i wouldn't trade him for the whole world). 4.5 years between the second and 3rd. They all love each other like crazy. ( yes they still fight and bicker, but hey they are siblings). They may not be as close in age, but they always find things to do together, requardless of age.

 

[jerseygirl82]

I'm due (today!) with DD2 and DD1 just turned 5. DD1 is thrilled to be getting a baby sister and many of my friends who have 2 kids closer in age have commented how lucky we are bc DD1 will be a big helper, etc, etc. I think this also has to do with DD1's personality and temperament and probably wouldn't apply to every kid. I have a sister who is 10 (dad's second marriage) and the age difference between her and DD1 is the same as it will be between DD1 and DD2. My sister is awesome with DD1 and they play wonderfully together so that gives me peace of mind for my own girls

 

[AJ1983]

I've been with my husband since we were 16 and 17, got married at 23 and 24, but we waited to have our first and our son wasn't born until I was 28.

I think that family dynamics will impact the "closeness" of your children much more than numbered ages, and they will even change as they get older. I'm the youngest of my four siblings, and I have very different, but very close relationships with all of them, even the oldest, my brother, who is 10 years older than me.

That being said, my husband and I had our son, then wanted to wait until the right time to have another. When that "perfect" time came we went for it... then waited, and waited... and waited. 2 years later I'm overjoyed to finally be expecting our second, at not really "the best time". They'll be almost four years apart in age if all goes well. But my son couldn't be more excited to have a little brother or sister.

So I guess all that is to say (please take with a grain or pound of salt) that wait until the time seems right to you and your husband, but be prepared that it may take a little longer than anticipated. I'm one of those that think you will always find a reason to wait on another kid, and I wish that we had thrown more caution to the wind and started earlier, and just kept going.

Plus, Disney is a great place to vacation when you're pregnant!

Really? Lol i have the opposite viewpoint..i got in one last trip to disney before i got pregnant because it would kill me not to do the rides.