When your mom says "Well if you can

[SnowWitch]

afford it." Okay I have to vent. My parents are 2 of the most frugal people you could ever imagine meeting. Thats fine, I'm not. I grew up never going on family vacations unless you count the trip where we were going to the beach for 5 days. Which turned into 1 night because my father became annoyed because we wanted to play in the hotel pool instead of the ocean, the nerve of us. So we packed up so he could return home to work. As we grew a little older we were allowed to vacation with my aunt and uncle, alas the disney obsession began. We were fortunate to be allowed to travel with family on their trips. I married young and we had 2 boys in our very early 20's who we bagan taking to Disney as toddlers. Every trip I had to hear my parents commentary on what i could be doing with that money that I was wasting. Now in our later 30's and early 40's we are pretty settled, 4 bed/3 bath house, pool, 4 autos ....blah blah blah. We're by no means rolling in it but we're not hurting would be my point.

Now this is what set me off and if your still reading thank you for listening to this vent! I was watching the vacation planning video with my 22 month old dd while my 3 month old dd napped yesterday. My mom was on the phone and heard some of the video. She asked what we were watching I told her and I get "Ruining her on Disney already, huh?" I said, "YES!" And she responded with "Well if you can afford it." They just make me so MAD.

These are the kind of people that have more money than they know what to do with but swear they are broke. I have asked several times if we shall bury it with them.

Its fine if they want to be this way and on more than one occasion I have made comments about wanting my children to have fond vacation memories of our family. Then I bring up the 1 night trip to the beach.

 

[Ariel8676]

Big Hugs to you!!! You are doing the right thing by enjoying your family and making wonderful memories.
We also get the "well if you can afford it", or "again, dont you want to go somewhere else"? Well you know what if my DH and were sitting in a bar all night getting loaded wasting our money there, then i can see people making a fuss, or if i was wasting my money on a bunch of stupid things.
Disney obviously makes you and your family happy and therefore others should maybe just mind there own business. If you want to "ruin" all your kids with Disney then go for it (there is a lot worse you could be doing to them)...
See to me its all about my children, if they are happy than i am happy!!!

 

[MSSANDRA]

Kind of bittersweet but here goes. My parent were also very frugle. WE did take some trips but they made them as short as possible to cut down on nights needed in a hotel. They drove their cars till they were totaly worn out causing us embarassment with our friends whom parents changed every few years. We had to take our own popcorn to the few movies we went to. We however were loved and had every thing we need. Fast Wardard. Married DS who came from a family that had little money. My parents had it just did not spend it. We tend to spend pretty much what we want. The rule has always been, "do not tell papaw how much we spent at WDW!!
FF again to three years ago when my dad became quite ill right before one of our trips to WDW that my sisiters family was also going on. My dad asked how much it would cost to do one of those meals with mickey Mouse. The boys looked shocked when I told him. He handed me the money and said have fun. With in a short time he reqired first in home around the clock care and then out of home care which I was required to find. My mom was too sick at the time to help. When I asked about the money situation, she said to find the best place and do not worry about it. The place I found was absolutly the best I have ever seen but SO EXPENSIVE and the do not except any insurance or Medicare. They have been able to keep my dad there for over a year and will be able to for his short remaining time. I am so glad that they were a little bit more frugle than most families though I hated it at the time. We still do not save the way they do but this has made is look a little harder at the future and we at least stayed value instead of deluxe last trip. .

 

[wils]

Its your money and therefore your business!

I enjoy 'ruining' my kids on Disney - just wish we lived nearer

 

[Bibbidi]

My parents make comments a lot about things regarding Disney like, "How can people spend $3000 a year on trips to Disney every year, etc". Well my sister was good enough to remind them that most people don't own power boats and have to pay to have a boat stored all winter, gas to fill it up all summer, money for a dock at the marina, etc etc. My parents are by no means wealthy, but our "vacations" for the most part were weekends on "the boat". Not a super fancy boat or anything, but my dad's escape from the real world on weekends. If my parents added up all the expenses on hauling the boat, trailering it back and forth at the beginning and end of seasons, winterizing it, etc, they would easily have their $3000 and then some. They just didn't consider that other people would rather take that same money and spend a week at Disney.

 

[bnhasak]

My parents were much the same. We rarely went on vacations, and if we did it was for my Dad (though he claimed it was for us). How many 12 year old girls WANT to go to the football hall of fame for a vacation? LOL!

Well, we weren't wealthy as kids, so I sort of understand. Now that they are in their late 50's early 60's they make a great deal of money, but still insist they are poor. They also CAN NOT understand our love of Disney. I don't know how you could question taking the kids there when you see the look on their faces months after a trip still talking about the fun they had there.

Try hard to ignore your parents and their opionions. What matters is if you and your family are happy! Sounds like you are!

 

[addicted_to_WDW]

My MIL is loaded. The problem is that she sits on her pile of money thinking that it makes her somehow special. She guards it with her life, never doing anything although she can afford pretty much anything.

She makes comments to us all of the time. Our house isn't big enough, our savings isn't big enough, our car isn't nice enough...whatever. We stopped telling her when we go on vacation because we don't need to hear it. I'd rather have a more modest retirement and a full life now than save, save, and save some more and be a miserable biddy when I'm old.

 

[SnowWitch]

Glad to see I'm not alone.

"I don't know how you could question taking the kids there when you see the look on their faces months after a trip still talking about the fun they had there."

My thoughts exactly. I have offered time and time again to take my parents, all expense paid,with us. How can one criticize something they have never done or know nothing about. But no we shouldn't spend that money. Oh please, you live one time, your children are only children for a short while, enjoy it with them.

 

[Whosemom]

I have asked several times if we shall bury it with them.

Its fine if they want to be this way and on more than one occasion I have made comments about wanting my children to have fond vacation memories of our family. Then I bring up the 1 night trip to the beach.

It sounds like its an accepted family dynamic to tell each other what you think each other should do with their money. So its good to vent to us instead of being mad at her. I would refrain from slamming the lack of vacations when you were a kid, though. Even with my oldest just 11 there are things I wish I had done differently, but its not like I can go back in time. We all do the best we can, right?

Ours isn't so much comments about the money as it is the destination. "You're going THERE again!!! Is that the only place you can think of to go?" Yeah, whatever. Last year it was 4 days of a 3 week trip. The year before we went to mammouth cave, the year before that we went to niagra falls, this summer we are going to quebec city, but I know I'll hear that Disney is the only place we go from my mom and my brother if I can swing the trip I want in December. LOL

 

[addicted_to_WDW]

I'm going even more OT, but my rich MIL cracks me up. She won't go to Florida (let alone "tacky" WDW), because she developed a boil on her butt a few weeks after visiting family in Melbourne and Florida is now, "that disgusting, dirty place that gave me an infection." Bwah!

 

[jiminy]

I can understand your frustration, snowwitch. It's really nobody's business how others choose to spend their money. I will admit, that I tend to get a little judgemental when I see family members spending $$ on different things when they have tons of credit card debt or they don't have any $$ saved away for their kid's college education. Financial security, to me, comes first. But that doesn't sound like the case in the OP. So I can definitely see where you would be upset by your parents remarks.

 

[SnowWitch]

I can understand your frustration, snowwitch. It's really nobody's business how others choose to spend their money. I will admit, that I tend to get a little judgemental when I see family members spending $$ on different things when they have tons of credit card debt or they don't have any $$ saved away for their kid's college education. Financial security, to me, comes first. But that doesn't sound like the case in the OP. So I can definitely see where you would be upset by your parents remarks.

That is my point. We don't have a credit card to our name, not one!! Our oldest goes to college in 1 year, we're ready. So why not enjoy our time?

 

[SnowWitch]

It sounds like its an accepted family dynamic to tell each other what you think each other should do with their money. So its good to vent to us instead of being mad at her. I would refrain from slamming the lack of vacations when you were a kid, though. Even with my oldest just 11 there are things I wish I had done differently, but its not like I can go back in time. We all do the best we can, right?

Ours isn't so much comments about the money as it is the destination. "You're going THERE again!!! Is that the only place you can think of to go?" Yeah, whatever. Last year it was 4 days of a 3 week trip. The year before we went to mammouth cave, the year before that we went to niagra falls, this summer we are going to quebec city, but I know I'll hear that Disney is the only place we go from my mom and my brother if I can swing the trip I want in December. LOL

In my own defense, I only bring up the 1 night vacation for every 10th time I hear a remark about vacationing. And yes I'm afraid I come from a group that speaks their minds a little to much.

 

[CampbellScot]

No matter how grown up we get, we still feel like children when our parents "admonish" us about our spending habits!

That was SO MEAN of your father to cut vacation short. That is just the sort of thing MY dad would have done. If we didn't do what he wanted, that was it. Fun was over. I have promised myself to NEVER do that sort of thing to my own kids. It's awful. I would have been devastated.

We didn't go on vacation when I was little either. It was summer...we played in the sprinkler and if we were really lucky we got to go to the town pool once a week. I still remember my sister and I walking through town by ourselves...we were maybe 7 and 12...crossing the highway, at a pool with a public locker room...things that I would NEVER allow my kids to do. But times were different. My mom couldn't afford a babysitter for all of us. Just my little sister. I was coming home by myself from the time I was 9 years old on. Latch Key Kid!

But the very idea of going on vacation during breaks was totally alien to me. We did drive to Disneyland when I was in the 7th grade. It took FOREVER to get there but we had a GREAT time....but that was the only real vacation we ever took.

Anyhow...i'm glad you vented! It's good for you! I'm so glad you can enjoy Disney with your kids!! Keep on "ruining" them I say!! I've been playing Disney Music for my step kids 24/7. I want them to love it as much as I do...the funny thing is, these are kids who are used to pretty much getting everything they want. It's just the way their life is. So I find it very hard to impress them. *sigh* Different generation I suppose.

 

[dfarner]

I just got this from my father this past weekend. We have 2 dds, ages 5 and 10months. Where else are we going to go? We've thought about Hawaii, been there and loved it, but do not love the plane trip from Nashville w/ two small kids. Thought of Cancun, plane ride isn't bad, but I'm not sure of the safety with the 2 small kids. Vegas-what are the kids to do? We figure we have many years when our girls get older to travel more extensively, and we look forward to doing it, but right now Disney is our choice. And you know what really irks me-he's never been there!
We love going to Disney World-it is safe, obviously tons for the kids, the climate is great, and it is relatively easy to get to. Sure we plunk down about 3-4 grand every year to go, but whose business is that besides ours. If you can afford it...GO!

 

[leighe]

My MIL and FIL are almost insanely frugal - like to the point of being martyrs about it. I understand because they both grew up in tight circumstances (MIL in downright poverty) and were the only people in their families to go to college and better their lives, but they are so judgemental of us and how we spend our money. I'm not trying to be a snot but honestly, we can afford to go to Disney. We make good money, don't have any debt and we are saving for the kids college and our retirement so I really get tired of hearing it.

 

[wdwfamilyinIL]

I know what you mean. While I do think my mother has my best interest at heart, sometimes it's hard for me to tell her I can make my own decisions. If it says anything we are leaving in May, and she doesn't know we are going yet. I am just not prepared for two months of, why are you going back so soon, and how much are you spending this year. We can pay our bills, and that is about it. With me being a full time student things can get tight, so we have used our tax money for our annual big outing. I can see my mom's point to a little degree of you should save it so you can buy a house, but come on. Oh well, I am glad the op started this thread....I guess I needed a little vent.

 

[Mommy2tink&pan]

My parents think we should do something different with our $$ too. But I look at it this way. We spent $0 on our wedding (married at the court house) had no honeymoon. We've never gone anywhere or done anything. I have all most no vacation memmories from my childhood because we never took vacations. The one we did take was too WDW when I was 17 and it is the best memmory I have. Memmories are the only thing we get to keep and I want to give my DD and DS as many good ones as I can and I think WDW is a GREAT place to start!

 

[northriver]

My take on money is that everyone is allowed to set their own priorites. Problem is that there are WAY to many people without priorities! It is fine to spend 3K on a Disney vacation if you have the money. BUT if you are financing it all with credit cards at 30% interest? Probably not ok. Personally I am at tightwad about most things. I hate to waste money. I buy used stuff whenever possible. I'm a do it youself kind of gal and learn lots of new skills since I am too cheap to hire a professional. I pay cash whenever possible and keep a tight reign on my finances - I HATE paying late fees and interest, I need that money more than the bank! But a nice meal out, or a nice vacation - to me that is worth the $. It all depends on your priorites, see?

I am recently divorced. My ex-husband has a real money problem. His family never talked about money, not ever. They have a family business. The parents managed the money, the ex doesn't understand money, doesn't understand the business finances, doesn't understand government programs, doesn't understand taxes or estate planning. Ex made money but didn't manage it and it seemed to just disappear. Drove me crazy. I'm so relieved not to have to be responsible for that mess. Moral? Teach your kids about money! Especially compound interest. Too many young kids in serrious credit card debt these days.

 

[ilovejack02]

I hear you, my mother makes comments all the time about how we spend our money. One day i was out shopping getting some new clothes and she actually said " How does Chad (my DH) feel about you spending all this money on new clothes???" ( im a sahm) OH MY GOD i flipped out on her told her to mind her own buisness etc... and she was never ever ever allowed to mention how i spend our money to me again or i would set my dh on her. I had to do that with something else she was being nosy about lol. She adores my hubby and doesnt want him mad at her for anything so she backed off.
Now my dad never says anything to me. My parents are also pretty frugal but we did have family vacations etc.