When a family member or spouse ruins a trip to Disney????

[sajetto]

Well when it is your spouse and he buys the family 300 DVC points and always seems to be on board with going and yet makes you mad on most trips...yeah....it does tend to bother me. So I thought I might post and see if anyone else feels that way. I would think that 10 Disney trips under your belt might warrant LOVING DISNEY.....

Again, you ALLOW it to bother you and no 10 trips under someone's belt doesn't warrant loving disney especially if each trip was planned for them. My husband's money paid for all 5 of my DVC contracts, but I accept that he isn't as in love with it as I am. I can tell you he has his less than pleasant moments at WDW, especially when he gets tired or hungry. He paid for DVC because he knew that I loved it. I also respect what HE loves. If he wants to watch T.V. in the room he can have at it. I'll be in the parks and if he makes a trip unpleasant I'll go without him and have no regrets. I love him dearly, but I won't let anyone determine the enjoyment I get out of a vacation.

It sounds to me like you husband is like mine and does what he can to please you.

 

[edk35]

Again, you ALLOW it to bother you and no 10 trips under someone's belt doesn't warrant loving disney especially if each trip was planned for them. My husband's money paid for all 5 of my DVC contracts, but I accept that he isn't as in love with it as I am. I can tell you he has his less than pleasant moments at WDW, especially when he gets tired or hungry. He paid for DVC because he knew that I loved it. I also respect what HE loves. If he wants to watch T.V. in the room he can have at it. I'll be in the parks and if he makes a trip unpleasant I'll go without him and have no regrets. I love him dearly, but I won't let anyone determine the enjoyment I get out of a vacation.

It sounds to me like you husband is like mine and does what he can to please you.

Well my dh has never said he wanted to NOT BE WITH US IN THE PARKS...he goes with the flow....but it seems to me...by his behavior that he is miserable at times because of his moodiness while there. So.....he needs to speak up. I am fine with going and doing stuff with the kids. We are going without him in Jan. so that will be a first for us. He will be out of the country for 3 1/2 months. He said tonight he was NOT miserable on this trip......interesting comment to me.....his body language and moods did not portray that.

 

[dolcezena]

My deepest sympathies OP!

My DH is also one of those guys who projects absolute misery when he's not doing EXACTLY what he wants. I then start feeling guilty, & not enjoying myself, because I'm worrying that HE'S not having a good time!

Recently we went to my cousin's pre-wedding party, much to his dismay. (My extended family drives him bonkers, & they drive me mildly crazy as well), & he looked MISERABLE. I got fed up & ignored him.

Turns out he ended up enjoying himself, because he felt like he didn't need to have a good time so I could have a good time! (Did that make sense?)

In a twisted sort of way, it's sweet. He subjects himself to things he'd rather not do, in an attempt to please me, while I plan stuff for "us" to enjoy & then feel rotten becuase he's not enjoying it!

I say, both of you need to go with what will make each of you happy! Introverts do need time alone to mentally re-charge (no, "introvert" does not mean "shy"), so give him that time, while you commando away! You'll probably both be happier!

 

[Goofyzgurl]

There's only been one time that it's happened and that was the first time and last! Our first trip, dh complained the whole time about how much walking it was, how hot it was, blah blah blah....when we got back home, I started planning the next trip. I told dh that he was not going with us b/c it was way too expensive a trip to have to listen to him compain the whole time. So, he could stay home for free and be miserable. We had a talk about it and he thought disney was ONE big park and felt that I was doing it commando style. I agreed to slow down and he agreed not to complain.....12 trips later we're planning our 13th trip.....

 

[rie'smom]

Try a trip with my 13 yo DD and 14 yo DNiece . We just returned from our worst WDW trip ever.

The girls acted like brats and fussed about everything from the lines to the restaurants-however, they didn't want to be restricted by a plan. They barely listened to me. To top it off, they had drama fights at least once a day. This wasn't a vacation-it was work and stress for me about 90% of the time. Umm, did i hear a thank-you for anything-NO.

I had planned to take DD, Dniece, and a couple of DD's friends on a trip at the end of May. That's not happening...I'm cancelling my BWV reservation on Monday and then booking a reservation for just DH and I in the Spring.

 

[edk35]

My deepest sympathies OP!

My DH is also one of those guys who projects absolute misery when he's not doing EXACTLY what he wants. I then start feeling guilty, & not enjoying myself, because I'm worrying that HE'S not having a good time!

Recently we went to my cousin's pre-wedding party, much to his dismay. (My extended family drives him bonkers, & they drive me mildly crazy as well), & he looked MISERABLE. I got fed up & ignored him.

Turns out he ended up enjoying himself, because he felt like he didn't need to have a good time so I could have a good time! (Did that make sense?)

In a twisted sort of way, it's sweet. He subjects himself to things he'd rather not do, in an attempt to please me, while I plan stuff for "us" to enjoy & then feel rotten becuase he's not enjoying it!

I say, both of you need to go with what will make each of you happy! Introverts do need time alone to mentally re-charge (no, "introvert" does not mean "shy"), so give him that time, while you commando away! You'll probably both be happier!

That is interesting that you said introvert. My good friend told me a year or so ago that my dh is like her too....more of an introvert where I am the polar opposite.

 

[Charade]

The only trip that was ruined was done so by my ex (not at the time). She had told me just a little prior to that she wasn't in love with me any more. AND to top that off, she had invited (I didn't know until we were already down there) him (and his daughter) to stay with us for a couple of nights.
We didn't cancel the trip because we were taking our (her) niece and her sister with us. I felt like a fool.

 

[edk35]

The only trip that was ruined was done so by my ex (not at the time). She had told me just a little prior to that she wasn't in love with me any more. AND to top that off, she had invited (I didn't know until we were already down there) him (and his daughter) to stay with us for a couple of nights.
We didn't cancel the trip because we were taking our (her) niece and her sister with us. I felt like a fool.

Oh that is horrible. Well my frustrations seem trivial when I read this. How sad for you to go through that.

 

[darlak]

The only trip that was ruined was done so by my ex (not at the time). She had told me just a little prior to that she wasn't in love with me any more. AND to top that off, she had invited (I didn't know until we were already down there) him (and his daughter) to stay with us for a couple of nights.
We didn't cancel the trip because we were taking our (her) niece and her sister with us. I felt like a fool.

Bless your heart. No amount of pixie dust could have made that situation better.

 

[texaslover]

I, too, have a DH that is not good on vacations. He is fairly selfish (just the truth!) and doesn't like doing anything where he doesn't completely set the agenda. So, several of our trips (DH, DS, and I) were made uncomfortable by his pouting or walking steely faced through the attractions.

He will run ahead of DS and I, sighing heavily at our slowness as he looks back. He says "What next?" after every single thing whether it be a ride, show, shop, etc. He doesn't understand that the most magical things happen when you stroll and see things on a whim (while waiting for your Fastpass to become available of course! ). If I don't have an immediate answer or plan he'll say, "Then we must be done if you can't think of anything else to do." He says he has fun but seems put out and slightly peeved with us at all times.

So, we go alone. DS and I had a great Spring Break trip last year and are going back Dec 30 for another week alone. We booked a house on the beach with friends this summer and told DH that we were riding down with them and he could come when or if he felt like it. We are planning a ski trip for Spring Break with the same friends and I've already told him he can choose whether to come. I have also told him that I will go along happily with any vacation that he thinks he would enjoy better than the ones I plan, he just needs to get the ball rolling. But, seeing as he doesn't like the beach, cold, group activities, kid's stuff, or getting up early, he has found himself limited in his choices!

Ultimately I feel bad for DS that his dad chooses not to participate in some of our adventures but I refuse to sit home and not experience things because of his attitude.

 

[Buckalew11]

Well my dh has never said he wanted to NOT BE WITH US IN THE PARKS...he goes with the flow....but it seems to me...by his behavior that he is miserable at times because of his moodiness while there. So.....he needs to speak up. I am fine with going and doing stuff with the kids. We are going without him in Jan. so that will be a first for us. He will be out of the country for 3 1/2 months. He said tonight he was NOT miserable on this trip......interesting comment to me.....his body language and moods did not portray that.

Sorry to but my DH has been like that! To look at him or talk to him he may sound like he is not having fun and yet, when I have asked, he is having a great time! I know I worry too much about everyone having fun on our trips. Everyone needs to be responsible for their own fun. Last trip, we all split up on the last day--DD and I went to MGM, mom went to AK and DH stayed and napped by the pool. Of course, I was still *worrying* whether everyone was OK with everything.

 

[bettyann29]

Personally... if it were me.. Id leave him home..

My DH was not the biggest Disney fan.. he would grumble about how he didnt understand why I loved it so much, etc etc.. so guess what I did the next time??

Me and DD went by ourselves..

I think Ive since converted him though because he enjoys going with me now and I dont have to listen to his whining..

we even went to Six Flags last month for my employers annual picnic and as we were getting off a ride he mentioned how if we had been at WDW they would have a better system for loading and unloading that ride..

I told him though that I am still determined to go on a solo trip..

 

[miss missy]

My DH has no interest in Disney anything. We go without him and we have a blast. He doesn't even get why we need to go again and again LOL. He wouldn't go if you paid him to. We have such a great time with me and DD alone! We do them as mother/daughter trips and we can't get enough.

Try it without him, I am sure you will love it!

 

[krismom]

My DH didn't need his TV time- but he was thumbing his Blackberry every minute of our last trip. I was ready to throw that thing into Bay Lake! I tried everything I could do to have him be there- to really experience the fun our kids were having... but no, he just kept checking in at work where his comfort zone really lies. Next trip is just me and the kids- he can just work and earn us some $$ for another trip!

 

[LVSWL]

I can completely understand your frustration. In my experience, I have found that it seems that our with each trip to WDW our family dynamics change just a little. No longer are we the DH,DW and two young kids that can go from ride to ride and show to show. We are now on trip #17 and the two young kids are teenagers and we all have our favorites, and NOT so favorites. I think that as parents sometimes we forget that our trips aren't always going to be the same as they were when the kids were small. My DH can get very frustrated when we say "what do ya'll want to do today" and the kids say"doesn't matter" or "nothing". I do find that if there are already "issues" between us that are a problem, they can be more intense at WDW. Sometimes my DH takes it personal if we do want to go off and do something separate. As far as other family causing the problem, we have traveled twice with friends and that went ok. Our biggest issue has been with "friends" who have included themselves in our trip without it being a mutual decision. THAT was very uncomfortable!! Good luck to the OP. I agree, a heart to heart, but only after you have had a little time to really think about what you want to say.

 

[Buckalew11]

My DH didn't need his TV time- but he was thumbing his Blackberry every minute of our last trip. I was ready to throw that thing into Bay Lake! I tried everything I could do to have him be there- to really experience the fun our kids were having... but no, he just kept checking in at work where his comfort zone really lies. Next trip is just me and the kids- he can just work and earn us some $$ for another trip!

Well, I am thankful this is not my problem! My DH can leave work at work and that is definitely not his comfort zone, LOL. I see some people who work as they are going through the parks--been in line with people who are doing business as they wait in line. I'm always hoping it is just a quick call to the office that can't wait and not an "I'm addicted to my work" kind of thing.

My DH is a runner (he is participated in all three WDW runs this January during marathon weekend 5K, 1/2 and whole). He runs or swims every day at WDW (runs, bikes or swims everyday at home too) even though we walk a lot during the day. That is time he seems to need also.

I think sometimes we forget that when we are at home we are not together 24/7 so to spend a week together and nothing but together in one hotel room etc. it is just asking a lot of our entire families. We all need our space.

 

[imsorry]

Yes! I only enjoy going alone with my DH. We have gone with some of my family on 3 occasions; my brother-in-law is totally NOT a Disney person. It is really stressful "dragging" him along. Then my sister complains about everything; on the last trip we actually switched rooms with her halfway thru because we had a better view and she drove us crazy. She is one of those people who complain the water is too wet, the sun is too hot, etc, etc, etc, etc!

We just went on two trips since September and didn't tell anyone we were going. When she found out I think she was upset; she does love Disney, but I really don't want to go with them again. Now my niece wants to plan a family vacation in the spring; which means DH and I plan everything and everyone else gets to complain about it!

 

[Mamu]

I am the Disney Nut in my family who never tires, get bored or gets Disney fatigue. My DH likes Disney but becomes tired of it after a few days.

Solution: We almost always stay at a Disney Resort. This way when he becomes tired and cranky he can return for a nap while the Grandchildren and I stay in the park. It's amazing what a nap, a good book and being away from the crowds for a hour or two will do for a overstressed Grandpa.

I'm an always on the go person, even at home, I rarely sit and do nothing and hardly ever watch TV. I always have many projects going. My DH is the kind of person who works hard all week, when week-ends come he's out at yard-sales and flea markets then likes to sit in his recliner, watch TV, take naps, read and think of all the things that need to be done. Most of those things never get done unless I do them. I'm not complaining though because he's a wonderful Husband, Father and Grandfather, who's always worked hard, always provided for his family and has never deprived any of us anything within reason.

There are always solution we sometimes just need to search for them.

It's not uncommon for one spouse or an older child to become bored or overstressed. I've always found a little R&R and some talking as to what they would like to do, will usually solve the problem.

 

[edk35]

Thanks so very much for all that have replied. I do feel much better knowing that I AM NOT THE ONLY ONE....and it also really made me realize things about our trips. I did talk with DH and he laughed when I told him some of the things suggested on this board because he thought I would NEVER let him hang back at the resort or meet us later. LOL I have really realized a lot reading this thread. I now realize that we can vacation differently and still have a great trip, that vacations do change as we go more often, kids get older and we as adults get older. I never really thought about some of these. I know we have ventured outside the parks more the past two trips and since joining DVC we have changed our COMMANDO style to adding more resort time in...because it is so nice to stay there. So I will keep reading. Thanks.

 

[alldiz]

Maybe go without him....We went 5x in 15 months....way to much for
DH....He only went 2x...

He said he only wants to go 1x...a year....fine by me....
easier on me....he can stay home and feed the cats
Kerri