What Would You Think If You Were Attending This Wedding...?

[WeirdEyes]

I think what you're doing sounds perfect. Congratulations!

 

[Principessa Alba]

The OP has already stated they are buying the buffet - which I'm sure includes soft drinks, etc. They are also buying one round of alcoholic drinks.

People are saying that what they are providing is not enough. Yes, people are saying the host needs to pay for all liquor. Are we reading the same thread?

I don't know what I'm saying exactly, but to fly to Las Vegas and get a hotel room for a short service, a buffet dinner, one drink, and maybe an hour with the couple? I'd do it for a close relative but only because they are a relative. Not because I thought it was a great idea.

We went to a wedding in New England when a cousin decided to be married in his college chapel. It was a truly lovely weekend. We paid for our transportation and hotel, but the bride, groom and their parents really made a wonderful weekend for all of us (and practlcally everyone was from out of town). They got us a block of rooms at the hotel, treated us to brunch (so we were together a lot ), and a little party for us around the pool the day before the wedding. The reception was an all out party. We all spent lots of time together and it was a great reunion for the family. It was expensive for us still, but the families spent lots of money and time too to make our weekend nice.

 

[tw1nsmom]

The OP has already stated they are buying the buffet - which I'm sure includes soft drinks, etc. They are also buying one round of alcoholic drinks.

People are saying that what they are providing is not enough. Yes, people are saying the host needs to pay for all liquor. Are we reading the same thread?

I'm sorry, it wasn't specified, and I've been to several buffets (particularly more upscale ones) where all beverages except water were extra. While some have said pick up the bar tab, most have said to provide soft drinks, coffee, and some wine.

 

[Heidict]

What cracks me up about some of these responses is the entitelment attitude. "Well, if you are going to make me go to Vegas for your wedding the I expect
1-for you to pay for the meal
2-for you to pay for my drinks
3- for you to provide entertainment for everyone
4- for you to hang around all of your guests and forget about time to for yourself and you new DH.

It's your wedding, and unlike some people, you don't have a large bank account that can cover what some people expect you to cover. You need to work within your budget and provide the most enjoyable experience you can for what you can afford.

The point of a wedding is to have those that you love and care about around you. So that they may be able to celebrate and be happy at the union of 2 people that they love.

It's not so that they can see how much they can suck out of you. Expecting to have a "nice and expensive meal", entertainment and liquor is wrong. If a person can't deal with what is being offered to them and they come away with an attitude that the bride and groom didn't provide enough or what they expected then you should not worry about it. They are the ones with the issues. A wedding is not about getting a free meal and liquor, just as it's not about seeing how expensive of a gift you can get out of your guest.

You and your DF know your budget. If you are only able to pay for the meal and a couple of bottles of bubbly for the toast then that is fine. If people want to have a glass of wine with dinner or get drunk then they can purchase their own drinks. However, if you are able, then having a few nice bottles of wine on the table for your guests to enjoy or prearranging a tab with the bar for beer and wine would be nice. But only if you can afford it.

In regards to how much time you spend with your guests.....most buffets allow 2 hours. So, why not relax and spend the 2 hours with them before heading out to a night club. Let them know what you are doing ahead of time and tell them that they are welcome to join you (as I believe you already have).

Most people are going to take the opportunity to enjoy Vegas and will not expect you to entertain them while everyone is there. Anyway, you will be spending the meal with them. You said it would only be about 30 people max. Most weddings total over 100 people these days. Realistically speaking, if you go to a reception with over 100 people just how much time do you actually get to spend with the bride and groom? With a total of only 30 you will probably be able to spend more quality time with them in the 1-2 hours you do the buffet then you would if you had a large regular reception.

Good lunk in the planning and congradulations!!!

 

[Principessa Alba]

and unlike some people, you don't have a large bank account that can cover what some people expect you to cover.

Shouldn't that go both ways?

Like I said, for a close relative I'd do everything I had to to go, but that doesn't mean it wouldn't be a financial burden for me.

If you are that strapped for cash and still want wedding guests I think the local VFW hall would be a dandy alternative!

 

[MOMTOMOOTOO]

After the ceremony and dinner I would think that the wedding were over and I could do what ever I wanted. My issue is having guests pay for their own drinks. If they are my guest, I pay. No flames please, just my opinion.

I agree. Also being it's a destination wedding I would probably proved breakfast the next day.

 

[Heidict]

Shouldn't that go both ways?

Like I said, for a close relative I'd do everything I had to to go, but that doesn't mean it wouldn't be a financial burden for me.

If you are that strapped for cash and still want wedding guests I think the local VFW hall would be a dandy alternative!

I'm sure that the bride and groom would understand if someone wasn't able to go due to financial issues. I hope that if that came up that they would deal with it graciously and not hold a grudge. It's one of the downsides to having a destination wedding. Not alot of people can make it.

 

[tw1nsmom]

What cracks me up about some of these responses is the entitelment attitude. "Well, if you are going to make me go to Vegas for your wedding the I expect
1-for you to pay for the meal
2-for you to pay for my drinks
3- for you to provide entertainment for everyone
4- for you to hang around all of your guests and forget about time to for yourself and you new DH.

It's your wedding, and unlike some people, you don't have a large bank account that can cover what some people expect you to cover. You need to work within your budget and provide the most enjoyable experience you can for what you can afford.

The point of a wedding is to have those that you love and care about around you. So that they may be able to celebrate and be happy at the union of 2 people that they love.

It's not so that they can see how much they can suck out of you. Expecting to have a "nice and expensive meal", entertainment and liquor is wrong. If a person can't deal with what is being offered to them and they come away with an attitude that the bride and groom didn't provide enough or what they expected then you should not worry about it. They are the ones with the issues. A wedding is not about getting a free meal and liquor, just as it's not about seeing how expensive of a gift you can get out of your guest.

You and your DF know your budget. If you are only able to pay for the meal and a couple of bottles of bubbly for the toast then that is fine. If people want to have a glass of wine with dinner or get drunk then they can purchase their own drinks. However, if you are able, then having a few nice bottles of wine on the table for your guests to enjoy or prearranging a tab with the bar for beer and wine would be nice. But only if you can afford it.

In regards to how much time you spend with your guests.....most buffets allow 2 hours. So, why not relax and spend the 2 hours with them before heading out to a night club. Let them know what you are doing ahead of time and tell them that they are welcome to join you (as I believe you already have).

Most people are going to take the opportunity to enjoy Vegas and will not expect you to entertain them while everyone is there. Anyway, you will be spending the meal with them. You said it would only be about 30 people max. Most weddings total over 100 people these days. Realistically speaking, if you go to a reception with over 100 people just how much time do you actually get to spend with the bride and groom? With a total of only 30 you will probably be able to spend more quality time with them in the 1-2 hours you do the buffet then you would if you had a large regular reception.

Good lunk in the planning and congradulations!!!

This is not about people trying to see about how much they can suck out of a bride and groom. That's fairly insulting to those who posted their opinions. If a bride and groom can't afford a dinner and beverages for their guests (not open bar and not an elaborate expensive meal), then they shouldn't invite them. That's what elopement is for. The other alternative is to hold a more modest reception at home. When you invite someone to a meal, you pay for the meal. Period.

 

[Principessa Alba]

I'm sure that the bride and groom would understand if someone wasn't able to go due to financial issues. I hope that if that came up that they would deal with it graciously and not hold a grudge. It's one of the downsides to having a destination wedding. Not alot of people can make it.

So, the OP is inviting parents, grandparents, only very close relatives.

Sorry Grandma! You can't afford to come! We'll miss you!!

Really? Gee, I must be getting old. Weddings have really changed.

 

[froglady]

I think people are responding according to their expectations based on ALL factors surrounding the wedding.

Destination wedding- guests are going to more trouble and expense to attend, so a little more pampering might be expected. I would be disappointed if I spent more time on the plane getting there than with the happy couple.

Evening wedding in a hotel or country Club- most guests would expect alcohol of some sort to be served. It doesn't have to be cocktails; beer and wine would be perfectly acceptable. Most guests would have no problem with walking over to the bar and buying anything more elaborate/specific.

Morning or Early afternoon, even in a hotel or Country Club- Guests would probably only be expecting a champagne toast or cocktail, such as a mimosa.

Church Hall or outdoor reception in a city/state park- no alcohol would be expected at all

Reception at home- it would be up to the hosts, and most guests would not have specific expectations


So another option would be to have a brunch or luncheon, rather than an evening meal.

I have gone to very few receptions that have lasted for less than 3 hours...unless I chose to leave sooner. Those that have been out of town included invitations to the rehearsal dinner, and breakfast the following morning.

 

[Heidict]

This is not about people trying to see about how much they can suck out of a bride and groom. That's fairly insulting to those who posted their opinions. If a bride and groom can't afford a dinner and beverages for their guests (not open bar and not an elaborate expensive meal), then they shouldn't invite them. That's what elopement is for. The other alternative is to hold a more modest reception at home. When you invite someone to a meal, you pay for the meal. Period.

When someone says that if they are going to a wedding they EXPECT to be served a meal and alcohol and entertainment then they have an entitlement attitude and it is insulting to the bride and groom if they can't afford it.

There is no rule, that I'm aware of, that says what has to be served to the guests when they attend a wedding. Everyone has a different budget to work with. Just because someone can't afford to live up to the expectations of some guests they shouldn't be made to feel bad about it. It's one thing to say "it would be nice if you could afford to pay for alcohol", not that it's expected and that if they can't afford it then they shouldn't invite people. Talk about insulting. This is the bride and grooms special day. They shouldn't have to spend the day worrying that someone may look down on them because they didn't get a drink or entertainment.

 

[Principessa Alba]

This is the bride and grooms special day. They shouldn't have to spend the day worrying that someone may look down on them because they didn't get a drink or entertainment.

Again, this is a special circustance, since they have asked the guests to travel and spend money at a hotel. No, they don't have to do anything. We're just talking about good manners for your invited guests on whom you have placed a financial burden.

 

[Heidict]

So, the OP is inviting parents, grandparents, only very close relatives.

Sorry Grandma! You can't afford to come! We'll miss you!!

Really? Gee, I must be getting old. Weddings have really changed.

A destination wedding incurs a large expense for the guest, there is no question about it. I certainly don't know the particulars of their families financial standing, but I'm sure something like that was addressed before they made their plans. I'm also sure that they were prepared for the chance that some people would not be able to attend due to the expense of it.

 

[mickeyfan2]

A destination wedding incurs a large expense for the guest, there is no question about it. I certainly don't know the particulars of their families financial standing, but I'm sure something like that was addressed before they made their plans. I'm also sure that they were prepared for the chance that some people would not be able to attend due to the expense of it.

I have been to two family destination wedding and it was never discussed. In one case the Bride and Groom were disappointed at how few actually attended.

One was held in CA. If I am flying 3000 miles I expect to be feed and served drinks at the dinner. BTW this couple had a party at a friend's home on Thursday, paid for the rehearsal dinner for all, breatkfast before the wedding, had the wedding at a Church and then a full reception after. I was glad to attend. Then DH, my sister and I headed to DL for vacation. We would not have got to CA or DL for our vacation that year, but decided to so we could attend the wedding. Some only flew out for the weekend. DH and I as well as my sister had to take off work without pay to attend. If I was not going to spend more than 1 hours with them I would have not attended.

The second one was about two hours away. We stayed at a B&B. The Bride and Groom stayed there too. We had the wedding in a beautiful old buidling that looked like a chapel and then a full reception after. Then the B&G stayed with us until the wee hours. We all had breakfast the following morning and then all went their separate ways.

This is how I expect, yes expect, to be treated if I go out of my way to attend. It maybe the B&G's day but the B&G need to treat their guests with respect too. IMHO a wedding is for the B&G and all the family who attend.

 

[LoraJ]

OP,
I think I've mentioned to you before, but I am getting married at Mandalay Bay next week.

Ceremony is at 5pm. We're providing a shuttle to take our guests to dinner at a restaurant. They'll have cocktail hour at 6pm and then dinner is at 7pm. During the cocktail hour, DFi and I will go around with a photographer and take pics at the Vegas sign and wherever else we can go in that time.

We're doing a consumption bar and will pay for the drinks.


I figure, with a group of around 25 of us, dinner will take 2 hours at least. After dinner, whomever is still awake is welcome to join us in the lounge. We'll probably start a new tab then.

I think if you buy a couple of bottles of wine for your table, they should be fine. But it may be awkward when you tell them they can only have one drink.

FYI to those being dismissive of the buffet, Mandalay is not your typical buffet. They have very fresh food, tons of variety, etc. Just saw it featured on some show on the travel channel. It's not cheap either.


ETA:
We went to a destination wedding in Puerto Rico. They served only beer and sangria. There was a bar outside the room wwe were in so when anyone wanted something else, we went out and got some. Only minor rumbles, but no one was really miffed.

 

[princess pooh]

If it were me, I would at least pay for wine, soft drinks, and coffee. Maybe even a signature drink like your favourite martini. It would cost much less than having an open bar and I think it would be nice to do for your guests.

I would also have a brunch for everyone the next day.

 

[Beth76]

When someone says that if they are going to a wedding they EXPECT to be served a meal and alcohol and entertainment then they have an entitlement attitude and it is insulting to the bride and groom if they can't afford it.

There is no rule, that I'm aware of, that says what has to be served to the guests when they attend a wedding.

You're right. I don't expect to receive a meal or drinks at a wedding. But at a reception (or any party) I expect there to be food, drinks and entertainment.

 

[Snoopymom]

I think what you have planned sounds perfect and fun! One of the best times at a wedding I can remember is when we all met at a nice pub near the hotel after the dinner/reception. Everyone treated the bride and groom to drinks. We made up funny toasts, and just had a blast talking and laughing. Some stayed for a few minutes, some chanaged first, etc. I thought it was a great idea for a small wedding.

 

[froglady]

When someone says that if they are going to a wedding they EXPECT to be served a meal and alcohol and entertainment then they have an entitlement attitude and it is insulting to the bride and groom if they can't afford it.

There is no rule, that I'm aware of, that says what has to be served to the guests when they attend a wedding. Everyone has a different budget to work with. Just because someone can't afford to live up to the expectations of some guests they shouldn't be made to feel bad about it. It's one thing to say "it would be nice if you could afford to pay for alcohol", not that it's expected and that if they can't afford it then they shouldn't invite people. Talk about insulting. This is the bride and grooms special day. They shouldn't have to spend the day worrying that someone may look down on them because they didn't get a drink or entertainment.

Many of us have suggested ways that the bride and groom could handle their guests expectations in a more economical manner.

If they do NOT want to provide their guests with anything more than one drink for a toast (heaven forbid if a guest doesn't realize that there will be no refills and drinks it too soon) then they should schedule it at a different time or place, so their guests would have different expectations.

And guess what, guests do HAVE expectations which the bride and groom should take into consideration, just as the bride and groom have expectations which the guests should take into consideration.

And you are absolutely right that there is no rule as to what should be served...there is no rule that there should even BE a reception! But if there IS one, guests will have different expectations based on place and time. So, if a bride and groom want to have a memorable event ( for all of the right reasons) they should take this into consideration.

If you schedule your reception in a place that serves food and alcohol, at a time when most people would consume them, then it is not unreasonable for your guests to expect to be given both. It is only unreasonable if they expect to CHOOSE what food or alcoholic beverage is served.

 

[budbeerlady]

Hey Congrats! I am on the west side of our lovely state here and I think there is no problem with your cash bar idea after the first drink round. I also have found that it is a location/ norm thing.

I have never been to an open bar wedding in MI, it just doesnt happen around here. My own wedding (Wait, while I get my flame suit on for this!) was a cash bar. I gave the guests a very nice dinner, it was an expensive wedding and reception. And after the cake was served we had a cash bar and dancing. We had a great time and we do at other weddings that are just like ours. It must be a MI thing.

But I would go with your plan for dinner and then whatever afterwards! Then people can come or go as they wish. I dont think it is asking too much for people to pay for their own booze, either at dinner or afterwards.

Congrats and have a great wedding, it sounds like fun!