What would you have thought?

[Magpie]

My 13yo son arranged to sleep over at a classmate's house. Well... he was a friend at the moment, but this is a kid my son runs hot and cold on. Sometimes they're friends, sometimes they're not. I was honestly surprised that they'd arranged to get together at all.

My son took the bus out to his buddy's house, and about 15 minutes after he left, his friend calls me, asking where he is. I explained to him that my son just left. "When??" "About 15 minutes ago, so it'll probably take him another half hour at least." "Oh... okay."

How nice, I thought. His friend is eager to see him. This should go well.

Well, several hours later, we're settling down for a nice evening of TV, when the phone rings. It's my son. "Can you come and pick me up? Because I'm gonna punch this kid, if I have to stay here any longer." My husband said my son was calm, and he could hear the other kid laughing in the background. But - the boy asked for a ride home, and that's not something we'll ever refuse him. So we stopped our show and drove out to pick up our son. 20 minutes later I'm at their door.

While my son is putting his boots on, his friend's dad comes downstairs in his pyjamas, looking confused. "You are picking him up?" he asks. "You did not want him to stay?"

I had no idea what to say. So I kind of just smiled and said, "Um... yeah."

Meanwhile his boy is sweet as can be, smiling, saying, "Bye! Don't forget, we've got homework due on Monday!"

Back in the car my son didn't seem upset or anything. All he said about it was, "Some friends you shouldn't spend too much time with." So who knows what went down?

Me, I just can't get over how confused the poor dad looked. I mean, I can see it from his point of view. You've got this guest in your house, and you've fed them dinner and set up a place for them to sleep. You go to bed thinking everything's fine, and suddenly your guest is packing up and leaving. What would you think, if you were him? Does he think I'm a complete flake?

I guess I can be glad he didn't sleep through the doorbell, and wake up in the morning wondering where my son had disappeared to.

 

[Mermaid02]

My 13yo son arranged to sleep over at a classmate's house. Well... he was a friend at the moment, but this is a kid my son runs hot and cold on. Sometimes they're friends, sometimes they're not. I was honestly surprised that they'd arranged to get together at all.

My son took the bus out to his buddy's house, and about 15 minutes after he left, his friend calls me, asking where he is. I explained to him that my son just left. "When??" "About 15 minutes ago, so it'll probably take him another half hour at least." "Oh... okay."

How nice, I thought. His friend is eager to see him. This should go well.

Well, several hours later, we're settling down for a nice evening of TV, when the phone rings. It's my son. "Can you come and pick me up? Because I'm gonna punch this kid, if I have to stay here any longer." My husband said my son was calm, and he could hear the other kid laughing in the background. But - the boy asked for a ride home, and that's not something we'll ever refuse him. So we stopped our show and drove out to pick up our son. 20 minutes later I'm at their door.

While my son is putting his boots on, his friend's dad comes downstairs in his pyjamas, looking confused. "You are picking him up?" he asks. "You did not want him to stay?"

I had no idea what to say. So I kind of just smiled and said, "Um... yeah."

Meanwhile his boy is sweet as can be, smiling, saying, "Bye! Don't forget, we've got homework due on Monday!"

Back in the car my son didn't seem upset or anything. All he said about it was, "Some friends you shouldn't spend too much time with." So who knows what went down?

Me, I just can't get over how confused the poor dad looked. I mean, I can see it from his point of view. You've got this guest in your house, and you've fed them dinner and set up a place for them to sleep. You go to bed thinking everything's fine, and suddenly your guest is packing up and leaving. What would you think, if you were him? Does he think I'm a complete flake?

I guess I can be glad he didn't sleep through the doorbell, and wake up in the morning wondering where my son had disappeared to.

What would I think? I would think there is more to the story- a lot more.

 

[BeckyKay]

I agree. I would have done some fact finding while the father was there. I might feel the urge to apologies for pulling my son from the situation so abruptly. Seems bizarre.

 

[Magpie]

I agree. I would have done some fact finding while the father was there. I might feel the urge to apologies for pulling my son from the situation so abruptly. Seems bizarre.

Well... I wondered about that. But I didn't want to embarrass my son.

Also, getting any kind of information out of my son can be difficult at the best of times. I did question my son, but I still don't know what happened. All he says is that the kid gets under his skin. Oh, and he recited a detailed list of everything he ate, which was apparently delicious.

AND the dad speaks English as a second (or possibly 3rd) language.

 

[Malibustyle23]

Id think my son and his son better tell me what's going on. Seems very odd to me unless it's just normal for your DS to threaten to punch a kid in the face especially when in such a calm state

 

[mdsoccermom]

My 13yo son arranged to sleep over at a classmate's house. Well... he was a friend at the moment, but this is a kid my son runs hot and cold on. Sometimes they're friends, sometimes they're not. I was honestly surprised that they'd arranged to get together at all.

My son took the bus out to his buddy's house, and about 15 minutes after he left, his friend calls me, asking where he is. I explained to him that my son just left. "When??" "About 15 minutes ago, so it'll probably take him another half hour at least." "Oh... okay."

How nice, I thought. His friend is eager to see him. This should go well.

Well, several hours later, we're settling down for a nice evening of TV, when the phone rings. It's my son. "Can you come and pick me up? Because I'm gonna punch this kid, if I have to stay here any longer." My husband said my son was calm, and he could hear the other kid laughing in the background. But - the boy asked for a ride home, and that's not something we'll ever refuse him. So we stopped our show and drove out to pick up our son. 20 minutes later I'm at their door.

While my son is putting his boots on, his friend's dad comes downstairs in his pyjamas, looking confused. "You are picking him up?" he asks. "You did not want him to stay?"

I had no idea what to say. So I kind of just smiled and said, "Um... yeah."

Meanwhile his boy is sweet as can be, smiling, saying, "Bye! Don't forget, we've got homework due on Monday!"

Back in the car my son didn't seem upset or anything. All he said about it was, "Some friends you shouldn't spend too much time with." So who knows what went down?

Me, I just can't get over how confused the poor dad looked. I mean, I can see it from his point of view. You've got this guest in your house, and you've fed them dinner and set up a place for them to sleep. You go to bed thinking everything's fine, and suddenly your guest is packing up and leaving. What would you think, if you were him? Does he think I'm a complete flake?

I guess I can be glad he didn't sleep through the doorbell, and wake up in the morning wondering where my son had disappeared to.

Well, first, when I got there, I would have asked the kids what went on. Then when the father asked "you're picking him up?" and "you don't want him to stay?", I would have actually answered with a real answer, such as "well, my son called and asked to be picked up". That would have opened up a dialogue with everyone there as to what really happened.

I don't understand why you didn't know how to respond to the father.

 

[tlbwriter]

Well, first, when I got there, I would have asked the kids what went on. Then when the father asked "you're picking him up?" and "you don't want him to stay?", I would have actually answered with a real answer, such as "well, my son called and asked to be picked up". That would have opened up a dialogue with everyone there as to what really happened.

I don't understand why you didn't know how to respond to the father.

This.

 

[aaarcher86]

I honestly wouldn't think much of it. Kids get annoyed with each other. I have countless memories of one friend in particular who I had a similar hot/cold relationship with. We'd get annoyed at each other over something stupid and someone would go home and we'd cool off for a little while.

I don't think it's unusual really. If they've never spent this much time together in this fashion, you're son may have just realized that he doesn't mesh with this kid... especially if he is hyper and your son is mellow which it kind made me think of with him laughing in the background and being overly perky.

Just ask your son what happened, but I really don't think it's much to worry about, but I probably would have said something to father about it. It didn't have to be uncomfortable.

 

[johnsontrio]

If I were the host parent and had only the information that you provided above, the visiting child would probably not be invited over again, especially for an overnighter. The host parent probably has assumed your child has some sort of issue. I know I would expect a child staying overnight to tell me that their parent is coming to get them.

On your end, you might want to counsel your son not to make plans with this child for anything but a quick get together. I completely understand your child not wanting to stay and he should be free to call and come home at any time. A little more open dialogue might have helped the situation here.

 

[OceanAnnie]

Well, first, when I got there, I would have asked the kids what went on. Then when the father asked "you're picking him up?" and "you don't want him to stay?", I would have actually answered with a real answer, such as "well, my son called and asked to be picked up". That would have opened up a dialogue with everyone there as to what really happened.

I don't understand why you didn't know how to respond to the father.

That was my first thought too. But on the other hand, I'm sure it was awkward as could be and the OP probably didn't have a chance to think it through. I'm sure on one hand she wanted to talk to her son to get to the bottom of it in private.

What do you mean by, "hot and cold"? That could mean a wide range of things. Is it little annoyances or does your DS get so mad he's thinking violent thoughts about this guy like this time? If he's getting that steamed, he probably should cool off the friendship for a long while. It looks like the "friend" knows all of his buttons and how far to push them to get a reaction.
It isn't friendly to treat a person like that for sport. I'd get to the bottom of it and if that's the case, I would encourage him to cool the friendship.

ETA- I'd probably call the "friend's" parents and make a brief explanation.

 

[Magpie]

If I were the host parent and had only the information that you provided above, the visiting child would probably not be invited over again, especially for an overnighter. The host parent probably has assumed your child has some sort of issue. I know I would expect a child staying overnight to tell me that their parent is coming to get them.

On your end, you might want to counsel your son not to make plans with this child for anything but a quick get together. I completely understand your child not wanting to stay and he should be free to call and come home at any time. A little more open dialogue might have helped the situation here.

Well... I don't think my son will want to stay over again. And I did counsel him to limit his get togethers with the other child. He seems to have decided that already for himself.

As for the other folks wondering why I didn't say anything at the time - 1. I was on the spot and didn't know what to say. 2. I don't know the dad, and have never had a conversation with him before. And 3. English isn't the dad's first language.

Oh... and 4. I didn't want to embarrass either of the boys.

In retrospect, I'd probably say something in the future, now that I've thought about it. I'm still not sure exactly what, though...

 

[amid chaos]

When your child is 15, 16, 17 years old you want them to know that you will pick them up anywhere, anytime with no questions asked if they find themselves in a situation they have no control over, or one they are uncomfortable with. This may keep him out of a car with a drunk teen someday.
This situation is the perfect time to tell him this.

 

[mdsoccermom]

Well... I don't think my son will want to stay over again. And I did counsel him to limit his get togethers with the other child. He seems to have decided that already for himself.

As for the other folks wondering why I didn't say anything at the time - 1. I was on the spot and didn't know what to say. 2. I don't know the dad, and have never had a conversation with him before. And 3. English isn't the dad's first language.

Oh... and 4. I didn't want to embarrass either of the boys.

In retrospect, I'd probably say something in the future, now that I've thought about it. I'm still not sure exactly what, though...

Sorry, this doesn't fly with me. The father knew enough English that he could ask you a question and you could understand him. Surely, he would have understood an answer. Second, you are an adult. By now, you should know how to answer people with whom you have never conversed before. And third, you didn't think the parents would wonder why the kid was going home and want to talk to you?

I wouldn't have cared about embarrassing the boys. I would have wanted to know why I hauled my rear end out to pick my kid up, when everyone else in the house seemed oblivious to the situation.

 

[happygirl]

I would have answered the dad, He called me to come and get him. Get to the bottom of the story. He asked you a fairly lengthy question in English he would have understood.

 

[Sadie22]

I would have done exactly as you did. My boys always knew that they could call Mom and Dad for a ride home from anywhere for any reason.

I would have been asking my son on the way home what he needed to tell me. I would not have questioned him in front of the other child. If my son was upset and seemed really tired I would have have played it by ear and possibly waited until the next day but we would have talked about what happened. Or he could have talked to his dad if it was something he didn't want to share with a woman.

My sons knew they could tell me anything, from the tale of camp counselor who told my son not to tell that the counselor was going to the beach rather than working the next day (even though this meant there were not enough drivers for a field trip) to the older neighbor kid who thought it was funny to lock my young son in their dark garage, to the formerly trusted sitter who invited her boyfriend over and the boyfriend threatened my son if he told, to some things that happened while camping with a youth group. We were able to discuss that my sons had acted appropriately, what the other person did wrong, and whether we needed to take any further action.

Depending on what you find out in further discussions, you may need to have a talk with the other parent about his son's behavoir. What the other parent thought of your actions is the least of your concerns.

 

[mjkacmom]

Sorry, this doesn't fly with me. The father knew enough English that he could ask you a question and you could understand him. Surely, he would have understood an answer. Second, you are an adult. By now, you should know how to answer people with whom you have never conversed before. And third, you didn't think the parents would wonder why the kid was going home and want to talk to you?

I wouldn't have cared about embarrassing the boys. I would have wanted to know why I hauled my rear end out to pick my kid up, when everyone else in the house seemed oblivious to the situation.

Dd14 has her friends hang out in her room (third floor) when they come over. If they're having a spat, I have no clue, and honestly, they're teens - I'm not getting involved. I don't know why the dad would have a clue. I can't imagine a teen coming downstairs and letting the dad know a ride was coming - having 2 of my ownthem, the lack of communication skills they have is unbelievable! I'm sure the dad asked his ds what happened, the boy shrugged and said his friend wanted to go home, he has no idea why (but he probably does), and that's that.

 

[mdsoccermom]

Dd14 has her friends hang out in her room (third floor) when they come over. If they're having a spat, I have no clue, and honestly, they're teens - I'm not getting involved. I don't know why the dad would have a clue. I can't imagine a teen coming downstairs and letting the dad know a ride was coming - having 2 of my ownthem, the lack of communication skills they have is unbelievable! I'm sure the dad asked his ds what happened, the boy shrugged and said his friend wanted to go home, he has no idea why (but he probably does), and that's that.

Well, when I am entrusted with a kid overnight in my house, someone better darn well tell me if they are leaving. I do not care if they are teens.

And if the father didn't get an answer from the kids and asked the mother, he deserved the respect of a real answer. He deserved to at least be told that the kid called home for a ride.

 

[happygirl]

Well, when I am entrusted with a kid overnight in my house, someone better darn well tell me if they are leaving. I do not care if they are teens.

And if the father didn't get an answer from the kids and asked the mother, he deserved the respect of a real answer. He deserved to at least be told that the kid called home for a ride.

I agree with your post

 

[mickeyboat]

I think you probably should have told the dad that your son called for a ride home, and then talked to your son on the way home about what happened.

If I was the father I would have wanted to know why your son was leaving (at least in general terms) so that I could address my son in case he was being rude to a guest in our home.

 

[allison443]

I think you probably should have told the dad that your son called for a ride home, and then talked to your son on the way home about what happened.

If I was the father I would have wanted to know why your son was leaving (at least in general terms) so that I could address my son in case he was being rude to a guest in our home.

I agree with this post!