What would you do?

[2angelsinheaven]

Some of you may have read this post Child Custody , regarding the hectic situation thats been going on in my home for the past year. Well during all of this I had to "turn" against my friend of many years as I felt it was only right as I had made a promise to her that I would always make sure her girls were taken care of, and safe, etc after both their births. And when she wrote me a letter 6 months ago telling me she was insanse and unsafe and thanked me for giving them such a good/safe/caring/loving/etc home... She has done some pretty terrible things during their short lifes, neglected them, "stood them up" on scheduled visits, used drugs, left them to be with boyfriend, excessive drinking infront of them, in and out of their lifes, no Dr Appts for 2 years, etc... I could go on and on... there is so much more...overall bad! Anyhow so when her x and the girls moved in with us when she left them I felt the friendship part ended and the "look after my kids always" part kicked in. I helped him file for custody, protection, etc. I stayed out of it (their problems, divorce, etc) however for the most part, other than being there for the girls, taking care of them, etc...
I have been honest with her, telling her YES your husband is going to court, etc... but then reffering her to him to talk about that.
I've also overheard and been told she has said some terrible things about me including... (I wanted to take her kids away from her because I had miscarriages, etc.. I was jealous of her) far from it and the only WANT I had was to make sure the girls were taken care of. And then told me I'm lazy because I don't "work", excuse me I take care of YOUR children... and she's only been working for the past 2 weeks.
So when she stepped out of their lifes, I as "aunt" Darlene, stepped in and took them places, made sure they had clothes, took them to the Dr, got them physical therapy they needed, etc. I love these girls and care for them so very much. I wanted to sheild them from as much of this as I could, being a child of divorce myself.
Tuesday I took my roomate, their dad to court, she called 1/2 hour before the court time and asked where I was/if he was in court, etc. I told her I didn't know, no I wasn't in court, etc. In fear of her showing up and causing a fight (she is very vengeful). As I've seen her "warth" before on much less serious issues. Well she found out I was there, x told her, which is fine... however then she proceeded to tell him to tell me not to be rude to her, etc when she called.
I've been nothing but nice to her, even through all of this, I've been there for her, driven the girls to see her, watched them when she never showed, bought them things when she couldn't, fed and took care of both girls when she was too drunk too before they moved in, etc! I even put them up in my home 2 years ago when they moved out of their apartment. I've bent over backwards for her and now this... I could go on and on about all I've done for her and her children while she parties and has a good time. We suffer and go into debt because I can't work because I stay home with them. Lent her money, sorry just venting. DFiance is furious with her as well.
Not only that but she also told the girls dad, that she will visit the girls ONLY when I am not home because she hates me now and never wants to see me again....
I need to address this, I want to tell her how hurt I am, not only that she thinks such things about me when I was only looking out for her children like she asked. I know I will never be friends with her again, nor do I want to be that ended when she hurt her children like this... but I do not want this tension. I will always be in these girls lifes and she will too... URGH!
God I could go on all night, this is just the tip of the ice berg... what would you do? A letter, a call, ignore it, a meeting?? Help! I'm so stressed and depressed tonight.
It is so typical do something good and get the shaft right??
I would be so happy if I was having a hard time in my life and I had someone to stand up and love my children and make sure they were ok, until I was... geesh!

 

[Serena]

I think I would write her a letter. Maybe she'll read it, maybe she won't, but at least you tried.

I'm sorry about all this. It's a shame she can't see what's in front of her face.

 

[huey duey & luey]

I just wanted to say that I think you are an angel for these girls.
Tara

 

[luvdisney81]

2angelsinheaven,

i see the pain you are in right now and I only wish I could wrap a warm hug around you in comfort because you seem to be one of those rare creatures here on earth. I believe in angels, God and compassion. I think we as humans this day in age tend to forget about anyone around us and think only of ourselves. You have put aside any opinions of others, specifically your friend and opened your arms in the most generous way possible. By honoring your promise you are making a difference in these girls lives which I believe will be returned to you in ways only God may know. Times are tough and a heavy burden lays on your shoulders. It is not easy to care for another persons child in the best of circumstances. You are a true angel here on earth and I hope you know even when the darkest of clouds gather that you can see the light guiding you on the journey. You and those around you are in my prayers tonight, these girls will know you as a true mother to them. Giving birth is not a requirment to be a mother I believe. You love them and that love, and your protective arms will ensure a happy life for them.

 

[2angelsinheaven]

Thanks all your thoughts have made me feel a little better about all of this. Everyone keeps saying I'm a angel, but I only feel that I am doing what any person would/should do in the same situation. I feel bad for "betraying her" or so she calls it (not really, just fulfiling a promise) but I did lie the other day to her, but only to protect the girls best interests. Oh I don't know why I should worry... I feel what I have done is right and I only hope one day she too will think the same. I'm scared for the future I don't want to see the girls hurt, or upset, as I'm sitting her also tonight with the sadness of a whole other situation..over me of my father telling me last month he never wanted to talk to or see me again, with no explaination and tomorrow being Father's day, My Dad Thread , that I vented on here... DFiance is working all day/night tomorrow and the girls will be gone to Universal to celebrate Father's day, so I'm sure there will be lots of tears here tomorrow. Maybe a good time to write her a letter, just don't know where to start. I guess the Dis is my outlet and I thank the owners, mods and fellow Diser's for their shoulders tonight.

 

[NC Belle]

I am sending you PD, prayers, and hugs. You are a warm, strong caring person with a big heart that some people cannot always understand. Your "friend" and "father" are missing out on a lot---I see you with a bright future. I wish you all the best and hope all your dreams and heart desires (I love that from different Disney movies) come true.

You are welcome on Tagliarchy Island anytime if you want to chat more.

 

[Disney Doll]

I think you are doing the right hting by trying to make these little girls' lives as mnormal as possible, and by trying to be a stabilizing influence for them. Their mother doesn't sound too together right now, and they need someone.

As for their mother, I think you have to tell yourself that she's not herself these days. Not an excuse for the bad behavior, but an explanation (and there is a difference!). Sometimes the people in our lives disappoint us, sometimes they go through things that we have no way to handle, except to say "this is life". This may be one of those times. You may just need to let the friendship go, perhaps for a period of time, or perhaps forever, for the greater good of the well-being of those little girls.

I have a friend who went through a very painful, hard time several years ago, and for whatever reason, did not want to trust that our friendship would be able to handle it. It was hurtful, it was dispapointing, it definitely changed the friendship, but it is human nature, and I have accepte the situation as such.

Sometimes people come around, realize the error of their ways, and try to mend things. Sometimes they don't.