coolshannie
DIS Veteran
- Joined
- Mar 18, 2006
- Messages
- 2,680
This is extremely long, but I think you need to know everything to be able to paint a picture of the situation.
I have two friends who are sisters, we will call them Kim and Jenny. Kim is a year younger than me, but she skipped a grade so we went to high school together and graduated together. Jenny is a few years younger than me and is still in high school. Kim and I are in our sophomore year of college.
I've known these girls and their family since I was four years old. When I was younger Kim and I were attached at the hip for quite a few years. I got tired of her attitude and slowly stopped playing with her. We reconciled our friendship in middle school when she was the only person I knew as I entered a new school. ( My mom is a teacher at an elementary school that I was not zoned for; I went to that elementary school and then went to the Junior High School I was zoned for, so I essentially had no friends entering the new school.) I became friends with the girls she was friends with, but I always felt like the outsider. She would always invite these girls and then offhandedly at the last minute invite me. She'd ask me to sit by her on the bus and get annoyed when I would talk to other kids that we grew up with in our neighborhood because she thought they were immature.
By the time we got to high school we were both in band and marching band. She would want to be my friend when it was convenient for her is the best way I can put it. In marching band she held me back from making friends in that group until she quit my sophomore year. I know I could have stepped away from her, but when people would be offended by her because she comes off as rude and judgmental, I always felt like I needed to defend her because I had known her for so long and they "just didn't get her." Of course there were times when she was nice and we talked and I think those have always been what I wanted her to be like all the time, but that's not who she was and it's not who she is. When I made symphonic band my sophomore year she told me if she would have stayed in band she would have made it too, it was to easy for her and she was bored with it and was glad she didn't stay in band. My senior year when I was band board president and we were going to the inaugural parade... "nobody really cares about the parade, they just want to hear President Obama speak."
She was in the IB program at our school ( all AP classes, rigorous course load, group 4 project...) while I chose to take AP classes in subjects I was strong in and enjoyed rather then struggling through math and science at an AP level. Because of that she excluded me for those three years at lunch whenever I would decide to sit with her. I chose to go off with other friends who were in band because by then I was truly seeing who she was.
My senior year of high school as I was trying to write my Valedictorian speech, something I had dreamed about doing since I was little, I asked for Kim's input on a sentence I was using, and she said something so nasty It will always be with me. She said, " Nobody listens to the Valedictorian speeches anyways, it doesn't really matter what it sounds like." She knew full well that accomplishing the goal of Valedictorian and getting to give that speech had been something I had wanted for so long. It hurt horribly. She told a girl we were both mutual friends with that she was stupid to stay at our state university rather then go to an out of state college just so that she didn't have to take out student loans. She said this right in front of me, when she's known that I was going to our state college as well. ( Not to mention that Kim was going to a state college just in another state...) Kim was downright nasty to this mutual friend after this point. But now two years later tries to talk to her and feels like everything should be just fine.
My senior year I was driving Kim's sister to school, Jenny, everyday. Jenny is so very nice and seems completely different then Kim. We became very close and because of that I've never been able to break off my friendship with Kim completely. I make an effort to stay friends with Kim because of Jenny, even now, but I feel as though I've had enough with both of them.
This winter break, ( we are now sophomores in college) Kim came home and wanted to make plans. I said would do something with her and Jenny as that is what they had both requested. I have been friendly but distant with Kim, so I thought it would be fine. I call Kim to see if we are hanging out, but there is no answer. I call again and the phone is off. The next day I get a text from her saying her phone died. She knows my home phone number by heart and they were home at some point, they couldn't have called me on their house phone? I drop it and a few days after christmas I start asking if I can drop off their christmas gifts. Both Kim and Jenny start avoiding my calls and texts. Kim will say that her gift isn't ready yet, or Jenny will say come over the next day. The whole thing keeps going on for about two weeks. I became fed up and just returned their gifts. I was so hurt that Jenny would avoid me all of this break as well. Jenny IS nice, but she can be like her sister, she'll judge people for the clothes they wear, she doesn't want to wear pacsun because she sees so many people wearing it, she'd rather wear nordstroms and namebrands and thats all you can wear type of thing. Honestly I don't care either way, I love name brands, but I also like things from target. I've always let it drop, because she is a very fun and lively person to be around.
A week ago Kim text messaged me asking me how to register for the summer at my state college because she wanted to take her science class there since she figured it would be easier.
I think I've just had enough. I tried once to tell Kim that she had hurt me in the past, and I got no apology, only a " I think we have both contributed to what happened." And maybe we had, but I wanted her to tell me she was sorry for all of the horrible things she's said to me. Truth is she isn't sorry, and feels like she can be friends with anybody she wants whenever she wants and what she says doesn't matter. I think I've come to the point where Jenny's friendship isn't worth having to put up with her sister any longer. I just don't know how to go about this. I would never say anything to Jenny about her sister because obviously her sister is her hero and her best friend. I think the fact that I've known them for so long makes this all the more painful. Any advice?
I have two friends who are sisters, we will call them Kim and Jenny. Kim is a year younger than me, but she skipped a grade so we went to high school together and graduated together. Jenny is a few years younger than me and is still in high school. Kim and I are in our sophomore year of college.
I've known these girls and their family since I was four years old. When I was younger Kim and I were attached at the hip for quite a few years. I got tired of her attitude and slowly stopped playing with her. We reconciled our friendship in middle school when she was the only person I knew as I entered a new school. ( My mom is a teacher at an elementary school that I was not zoned for; I went to that elementary school and then went to the Junior High School I was zoned for, so I essentially had no friends entering the new school.) I became friends with the girls she was friends with, but I always felt like the outsider. She would always invite these girls and then offhandedly at the last minute invite me. She'd ask me to sit by her on the bus and get annoyed when I would talk to other kids that we grew up with in our neighborhood because she thought they were immature.
By the time we got to high school we were both in band and marching band. She would want to be my friend when it was convenient for her is the best way I can put it. In marching band she held me back from making friends in that group until she quit my sophomore year. I know I could have stepped away from her, but when people would be offended by her because she comes off as rude and judgmental, I always felt like I needed to defend her because I had known her for so long and they "just didn't get her." Of course there were times when she was nice and we talked and I think those have always been what I wanted her to be like all the time, but that's not who she was and it's not who she is. When I made symphonic band my sophomore year she told me if she would have stayed in band she would have made it too, it was to easy for her and she was bored with it and was glad she didn't stay in band. My senior year when I was band board president and we were going to the inaugural parade... "nobody really cares about the parade, they just want to hear President Obama speak."
She was in the IB program at our school ( all AP classes, rigorous course load, group 4 project...) while I chose to take AP classes in subjects I was strong in and enjoyed rather then struggling through math and science at an AP level. Because of that she excluded me for those three years at lunch whenever I would decide to sit with her. I chose to go off with other friends who were in band because by then I was truly seeing who she was.
My senior year of high school as I was trying to write my Valedictorian speech, something I had dreamed about doing since I was little, I asked for Kim's input on a sentence I was using, and she said something so nasty It will always be with me. She said, " Nobody listens to the Valedictorian speeches anyways, it doesn't really matter what it sounds like." She knew full well that accomplishing the goal of Valedictorian and getting to give that speech had been something I had wanted for so long. It hurt horribly. She told a girl we were both mutual friends with that she was stupid to stay at our state university rather then go to an out of state college just so that she didn't have to take out student loans. She said this right in front of me, when she's known that I was going to our state college as well. ( Not to mention that Kim was going to a state college just in another state...) Kim was downright nasty to this mutual friend after this point. But now two years later tries to talk to her and feels like everything should be just fine.
My senior year I was driving Kim's sister to school, Jenny, everyday. Jenny is so very nice and seems completely different then Kim. We became very close and because of that I've never been able to break off my friendship with Kim completely. I make an effort to stay friends with Kim because of Jenny, even now, but I feel as though I've had enough with both of them.
This winter break, ( we are now sophomores in college) Kim came home and wanted to make plans. I said would do something with her and Jenny as that is what they had both requested. I have been friendly but distant with Kim, so I thought it would be fine. I call Kim to see if we are hanging out, but there is no answer. I call again and the phone is off. The next day I get a text from her saying her phone died. She knows my home phone number by heart and they were home at some point, they couldn't have called me on their house phone? I drop it and a few days after christmas I start asking if I can drop off their christmas gifts. Both Kim and Jenny start avoiding my calls and texts. Kim will say that her gift isn't ready yet, or Jenny will say come over the next day. The whole thing keeps going on for about two weeks. I became fed up and just returned their gifts. I was so hurt that Jenny would avoid me all of this break as well. Jenny IS nice, but she can be like her sister, she'll judge people for the clothes they wear, she doesn't want to wear pacsun because she sees so many people wearing it, she'd rather wear nordstroms and namebrands and thats all you can wear type of thing. Honestly I don't care either way, I love name brands, but I also like things from target. I've always let it drop, because she is a very fun and lively person to be around.
A week ago Kim text messaged me asking me how to register for the summer at my state college because she wanted to take her science class there since she figured it would be easier.
I think I've just had enough. I tried once to tell Kim that she had hurt me in the past, and I got no apology, only a " I think we have both contributed to what happened." And maybe we had, but I wanted her to tell me she was sorry for all of the horrible things she's said to me. Truth is she isn't sorry, and feels like she can be friends with anybody she wants whenever she wants and what she says doesn't matter. I think I've come to the point where Jenny's friendship isn't worth having to put up with her sister any longer. I just don't know how to go about this. I would never say anything to Jenny about her sister because obviously her sister is her hero and her best friend. I think the fact that I've known them for so long makes this all the more painful. Any advice?
You put up with a lot more than I would have. Kim is not your friend, and it doesn't sound like she ever was. She has used you over and over again like a doormat, and she is rude and mean to have said some of the things that she said to you. She seems like she was jealous of you to have hurt you like that over things that meant a lot to you. I would not answer her text message, and I would never speak to her again. It's not worth it.
Doing what is best for YOU is the most important thing here. They don't say "out of sight out of mind" for nothing you know, so you will be just fine without them and without this drama in your life.
